Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Perfect Punishment

I have something to tell him. 

I was asked to do something, given permission with certain guidelines. I pushed past the guidelines. 

A little voice in my mind said, "you're disobeying him." 

I ignored the little voice. I made excuses. It all made perfect sense to me, at the time. 

But as the day dragged on, the little voice told me I hadn't done what I was supposed to do, and it would be wise to tell him that. And as I went over it all in my head, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

He gave you guidelines. 

He told you what he wanted you to do. 

You disobeyed him.

I go to him. I open the door, and he's lying in bed, reading. I don't fear Jason. I do fear punishment. And I hate having to fess up. 

"I have something to tell you," I say in a little voice. 

He raises his eyebrows to me silently. 

"I disobeyed you," I blurt out. 


He exhales, and frowns. He doesn't like punishing me. This is the part I hate the worst. Letting him down. Seeing the disappointment on his face. He gets over it quickly, but I notice all of it, and it hurts. I hate letting him down. 

A muscle twitches in his jaw. "What did you do?"

I plant myself face down on the bed. I tell him I know what he told me to do. And I tell him what I did. 

"You disobeyed me," he states flatly. 

"I didn't mean to...I...just pushed past what I was supposed to do and kinda got caught up and didn't pay attention to what I was doing...and...well...."

"I have one question for you." 

Heart pounding, I lift my face and look up at him. "Yes?" 

"At any point in the day did you think 'I shouldn't be doing this' and ignore that and choose to do it anyway?" 

My heart sinks further. I sigh and look at the bed, and whisper, "yes."

"Then it's very simple. You chose to disobey me." 

This is when I start backtracking, trying to make it easier. I dislike punishment spankings. I'm only human. 

"Well...I did come to you and tell you!" 

That does count for something...right?

He raises his eyes to mine. "There's no merit in that. You are supposed to come and tell me. That's like telling me you woke up in the morning." 

So much for that angle. I sigh. 

"Maybe a warning?" I whisper. 

"No," he states emphatically. "You know what happens when you disobey me."

The wait is mercifully short. The kids are asleep. 

He lays out his belt, then opens the drawer and takes out the paddle. As I go to brush my teeth, he lays the paddle on top of the belt and when I come back in and see it out, my heart pounds. There is something seriously intimidating about seeing the implements laid out.

I wait for his instruction. Will he place me over the bed? Sit on the edge of the bed and have me bend over his knee? 

He is lying on the bed and pats his lap. "Come here and lie across my lap." This is my favorite position to be spanked, if a "favorite" one is possible. It's the position I get stress relief in and I'm rarely punished with him lying on the bed and me laying over his lap. I obey him, and get into position. 

"Why are you getting a spanking?" he asks sternly. He always asks this.

"I disobeyed you," I say quietly. 

"And what happens when you disobey me?"

"I get a spanking," I whisper.

He wraps his belt around his hand into a strap, and begins spanking me, slowly but very firmly, and within the first few swats I'm squirming. He moves me so he can swing harder, away from him but still over his lap. It hurts so badly and my head is buried on my arms. He lectures as he spanks, reminding me how important it is I listen to him, and why we have the rules we have, and how he wants me making the right decisions. 

Swat after swat after swat lands. I'm holding my breath, trying to stay still but it's difficult. His arm lays flat across my back and holds me in position as he drops the belt and picks up the paddle. 

It hurts and in the moment I can feel how serious he is, just by how firmly and deliberately he's spanking me. Sometimes I get a reminder spanking...a lighter one that tells me to be good and not get in trouble. But there is nothing but punishment now in the strokes of that paddle. He's making an impression. I feel the paddle hit my sit spot and my feet kick up. He almost hits my feet by accident. 

"Put those feet down and lie still!" he reprimands sharply. I gasp, and quickly cross my ankles so that I can stay in position. It's easier to stay in position that way, and somehow I manage to...another round of the belt, some sharp, stinging swats with his hand, followed by another sound paddling. 

He drops the paddle. This is when my emotions surface. 

During the spanking, I try to take it. I think of what I've done and what I will do to make sure it doesn't happen again. But when he's done, and his hand is on my sore bottom, my emotions take over.

He soothes and caresses and I breathe easier now. It's over. 

"I love you," he says, "you're my baby girl." 

The tears begin, as he massages me tenderly. 

"But I have had it with this." His voice takes on a stern edge. He promises that if this happens again, I will get a spanking that will make the one I just got look like a love pat. I cringe. I can't imagine what that would be like. The spanking I just got was awful. 

Then he's soothing again, soft, calming words, and he's lifting me up and into his arms. His hands comb through my hair and he kisses my forehead as I cry onto his chest. He brushes my tears away with his thumb and rocks me. 

"This is what we do," he whispers. "I spank you. You cry. And then we're done." 

He rocks me in his arms as he says, "Get it all out now, baby girl." 

I know what he means. He wants to know I've forgiven myself. He wants me moving on, and trying harder next time. He wants to put this behind us now. 

"I'm sorry," I whisper. 

"I know you are, baby," he soothes. 

"Will you read to me now?" I ask. He's been reading to me before bed, and I love it. 

"Not tonight," he says quietly. "You were a naughty girl, and naughty girls don't get bedtime stories." 

I accept what he says without question. I'm getting what I need, right here in his arms, and I know now that when he reads to me I will enjoy it even more, because it will be my reward for behaving. 

After a long time, he says "Go to sleep now." I roll over, and he puts the blanket on me and tucks it in all around me. He brushes my hair back and nestles his hand on my hip. I sigh contentedly. 

I don't like being punished. But when it has to be done, I'm thankful he knows what I need. 


The acknowledgment of what I've done wrong. That calm sternness that makes me take him seriously. The lecture that affirms his role, and his love for me. The firm and thorough spanking. The attentive aftercare, how he takes care of me when all is said and done. 

I love the closure it brings. 

I love the way we are brought back together, intimately. 

Even though I dislike being punished, and he dislikes punishing me, this is why we do what we do. 

And why it was, in so many ways, perfect.



Friday, December 27, 2013

Craving Discipline, part two: The Problem of Being Good

This is part two in a three-part series I'm working on, on craving discipline. Part one is here. I hope to have part three (The Erotic Appeal) up next week. There are many who benefit from this lifestyle who really could take or leave the discipline aspect. Some find it beneficial to have a DD dynamic, but don't really crave it. Some like spanking but don't like discipline. But there are some of us who really and truly crave being taken in hand. They find it deeply satisfying, emotionally and psychologically. So this is an attempt at digging deep into this desire and exploring it a bit.

Those of us who crave discipline oftentimes find that a funny thing happens. We don't like being punished. Really, it is hard to take. We prefer not being punished, of course, and try hard to make sure this doesn't happen. But when a bit of time lapses between punishment sessions, we begin to feel a bit off. Unsettled. Antsy. Even sad. This is confusing. We know we don't want to be punished. So today I wanted to discuss this. Why do we feel this way? And what can we do about it?

When I am disciplined, I feel loved. I feel important to Jason. 

The week before Christmas, I could hardly go two days without ending up tipped over his knee. One time, I decided I was going to skip taking my supplements (that helps me sleep) because it was a calcium supplement and I'd had many calcium-rich foods that day. The reality is, I hate taking that supplement because it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The reality is, it's one of my rules. The reality is, I tossed and turned all night, not having taken it. So when I told him the next day, I got a spanking for it (and guess who put a huge bottle of swallowable tabs in my stocking?!). It seems like a trivial thing...to be disciplined for not taking one teeny supplement. But when he spanked me for it, I knew that he takes even the little things seriously. That I'm important to him. That he wants me rested, and healthy, because he loves me. So even though I didn't want to be disciplined, it brought security to me that he would care enough to spank me. 

Before that, I got a serious spanking for losing my temper and yelling at him in front of my kids. It was no walk in the park...it was honestly one of the hardest spankings I've ever gotten. But in the end, I knew I'd been wrong. I knew I deserved a spanking, and it's because he values peace in our family that he made a big deal of it. The lecture beforehand, the serious spanking, and the aftercare that followed, brought us closer together, when all was said and done.

So being disciplined is difficult. Certainly, I'd prefer a stress relief role affirmation, or sexy spanking any day. 

Here's the catch: the discipline is the part about our dynamic I like the least, but the part I need the most. 

Why? 

There is so much good that comes from being disciplined. There is a clean slate. I feel like nothing is between us, nothing left unsaid, no more hurt or anger. I feel cherished, and important to him. I feel motivated, and encouraged to do what I need to, and the list goes on. 

But I do try hard to avoid being disciplined, and when time elapses, I start to feel off. Niggling doubt starts creeping in. In the beginning, I used to wonder things like Does he still care? Does he really want to still do this for me? Does it matter to him? But over time, that doubt has dwindled and I rarely struggle with that anymore, as he's proven himself time and time again. 

Now it's more like an itch I can't scratch. A desire to be dominated. I want to feel that loving protection of his strength. 

I want to know he's got me. I want to know I'm important to him. I want that feeling of being loved, and protected, and cared for. 



The problem of being good...

So what do we do when we feel this way? 

Many find (and I've found myself) that consciously or without even meaning to, they push. Maybe they'll break a rule. I've found myself "poking the bear." A little attitude will creep into my voice. I might "jokingly" (or not so jokingly?) disobey him. But as I've thought about this, I think it's dishonest. I don't like playing games like that, so I try to avoid doing it. I think "bratting" to get a spanking isn't really the most honest way to approach my need to be put in my "happy submissive place." 

A few months ago, I decided I was going to do what worked better than anything else: brutal honesty. So I came to him and told him. 

I like how I feel after you discipline me. 

When time goes by and I haven't been disciplined, I feel the need to push you. 

I just want to know you've got me. I want to feel your strength. I need to know you still care. 

And after I've explained this all to him...and we've had several conversations about it...it's become easier. Now I go to him and tell him where I am. He doesn't like me hiding my emotions or feelings and wants it all out on the table. So I tell him. 

I feel the need to push right now. 

And because we've talked about this, and we know why and how this happens, he always knows what to do. He reminds me that he loves me. Sometimes he will say something simple like, "Be a good girl and go to bed. You're tired." And that's all I need. 

Sometimes he will say things like he did last week. "You're mine. You know that, don't you?" 

Sometimes he will sternly remind me to follow his lead. "If you even think about being a brat, I will put you over my knee and paddle you soundly." 

And that all helps. 

But sometimes, he knows I need more. He will order me upstairs, have me stand against the wall, and he will spank me firmly, reminding me who's in charge, going over his expectations, telling me he loves me and will take care of me. 

And this all helps. This satisfies that desire I have, to be taken care of by him, that emotional need I have to be taken in hand. 

I'd love to hear from you, readers. Do you feel this way? What do you find helps when you are feeling the need to push? 





Saturday, December 21, 2013

Stress Relief Spanking

 Phew. It's been busy. I have many, many posts written in my head. Many even drafted. But it's been a roller coaster of a week, and I couldn't settle down on what to write. Then, I couldn't find the time to write. I have the next two "craving discipline" posts that are coming, but I decided with the holidays around the corner, maybe it was a good time to talk about good ol' stress relief spanking. 

We all get stressed. Money, jobs, family, obligations. It comes at all of us, sometimes more than others. We all have different methods of stress relief. 



But I have a method I like much more than anything. I know, I know, I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about, right?



Believe you me, have I needed some stress relief lately. And fortunately, Jason gets this. 

Jason was spanking me for stress relief long before he every disciplined me. I came across a blog post on stress relief spanking. The wife was packing for a trip, and her husband decided she needed a stress relief spanking. He described how he did it, and how she felt after, and I thought I want that.

So, I asked Jason. He was game. I remember the first time he gave me stress relief. He was lying in bed and just said, "Why don't you crawl over my lap." I did, feeling a bit eager but also a bit apprehensive. Until that point I'd only ever been spanked for foreplay, so it was a new experience. I was really wound up, and irritable, and curious what this would feel like. He put me in position over his lap, and spanked me with his hand, slowly and deliberately, over and over again. He was a natural at it. It was a long time I was over his lap, and as he spanked me and talked to me, I felt all my worries and stress leave, until I was lying over his lap at peace and content. 

We've done this so many times, and so often now, that he knows when I need it and I rarely have to ask. It's the most amazing feeling in the world. Just draping myself over his lap, the worries begin to leave. My belly up against his knees, his hand on my bottom, I literally feel the tension leave my body. Sometimes he doesn't spank me, but just puts me over his lap. The submissive position, the time and attention he gives me, and the vulnerability, make me relax and at peace. 

After he'd been spanking me for stress relief for a while, one day a funny thing happened. He put me over his lap, and began spanking me, deliberately, as he does for stress relief. And after a few swats, I felt tears well up, and I began to cry. I had no idea I was going to cry. I didn't feel like it before he began. But as the pain of the spanking brought all my emotions to the surface, the tears began to flow. 

"Honey! What's the matter? I'm not punishing you!" he began. I often cry when I'm punished. 


"No, no, I know," I said as I cried. "Please don't stop. I need this. They're good tears." 

So he continued to spank me until I was all cried out, and then he held me. 

I posted to a message board I go to, confused as to why I'd cried, and one poster said, "That is a classic stress relief spanking." Oh! I had never been spanked to tears for stress relief. But it was true. I needed to cry, and the emotional release was incredibly cathartic for me. 

It doesn't happen every time, that I cry. I don't always need to. 

Last night, I needed to. 

We've had some family issues come up that were stressful. Jason has been under the weather. So I've been dealing with the normal day-to-day stuff...and holiday preparation stuff...and taking on the responsibilities that he does, as well. I had to do things like...take out the trash, shovel snow, and put the kids to bed (poor me!). Things Jason always does. 

Well, it all got to be too much. I snapped at the kids, and cried a little a few times. I knelt by him and told him how I was feeling. He told me he was going to spank me before bed. 

When the time came, I didn't want to push him. He hadn't felt good, and was tired. So I said, "It's okay if you don't want to do this. Really, I'll be okay." He insisted. When he tells me I'm getting a spanking -- any kind of spanking -- I'm expected to take it.  So I got out of bed, and went over to him. I laid myself over his knee, my head on the pillow on the bed. And it began. The relaxation. As soon as my body is draped over his lap, my head on the pillow, it begins. 

Sigh.

He began with the paddle, over my pajama bottoms, for a while. Down came the pants, and he spanked over my panties for a good long while. It hurt. Each stinging swat had me cringing and making little "ow" noises into the pillow. Then, down came the panties. 

When the pain of the spanking begins, there's nothing else on my mind. I'm in the moment. And putting myself in his hands like that brings such relief. 

He spanked slowly and firmly, and talked to me while he spanked me. He usually says things like, "Let it go, baby," or "Just relax," or "I've got you and I need you to trust me." But he didn't last night. He started talking about silly things, and asking me questions. I was having a hard time getting in "the zone." So finally I said, "Please stop asking me questions! I can't talk while you're spanking me!" He understood. He kept spanking, and I felt the stress leave me. After a while, I began sniffling a bit.

I felt on the verge of tears but I couldn't get there. Not yet. He put the paddle down, and I was a bit disappointed, but prepared to take what he decided I needed. I said, "Please don't let my tears stop you. I'm not crying because it hurts too much." He said, "Oh, I'm not done." He picked up his belt from the bed. I sighed again, because at that point I knew he'd spank me until I got to where I needed to be. 

Down came the belt. It hurt, badly, but I needed it to. He snapped the tail end of his belt on my bare bottom, and I yelped and squirmed, and the tears were there, just there, on the surface, but I still couldn't really cry. He put his belt down, and began to rub the sting away. Sometimes I don't cry during stress relief. Sometimes the first two or three swats has me bawling. Sometimes it takes a long, hard spanking to get me there. Last night, I couldn't really cry until he stopped spanking me. 

His hand on my bare skin, he talked softly to me, and I felt the tears come. Cleansing tears. Tears of relief. "Let it all out," he said quietly, as his hand rubbed the sting out, so soothingly, so perfectly, and I cried. Then he held me and kissed me, and I went to bed happy, content, and at peace. 


It's really my favorite kinda spanking.


Saturday, December 14, 2013

Craving Discipline: part one

Last night, I got a spanking. Not a fun one. Not a sexy, or stress relief spanking. A real "over my knee, young lady," kinda spanking.

What I did, and why I did it, are really irrelevant. The bottom line is, I failed to do what I'd promised him I'd do. I lost my patience and yelled at my kids. And both of those are spankable offenses here. 

Before he spanked me, I lost my temper again and said some things I shouldn't have, and I very quickly landed myself in a boatload of trouble. He locked the door, ordered me over his lap, and spanked me soundly. I was wound up, feeling guilty, emotional. But as he spanked me, the negative feelings I had began to dissipate. At one point I resisted, and while firmly lecturing me on the importance of obeying him and trusting him  (he's a master at lecturing), he locked my legs down with his, as he continued to spank me. 





Finally, the resistance I felt inside melted, and instead of thinking things like, "He's not being fair," and "I don't want a spanking!" I began to think "He's right," and "What the hell got into me?" and.... truth be told.... "I deserve this." 

As reality dawned on me, a new feeling took over. 

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. 

And the spanking ended. 

"That's what I was waiting to hear," he said softly. 

Sometimes I'm saying "I'm sorry" way before he even begins. Sometimes in the middle of a sound spanking I'm saying "I'm sorry." But he can always tell by my demeanor and my tone of voice when I'm really, truly sorry. And when I said "I'm sorry," last night, I truly was repentant. 

He stood up, and gently pushed me off his lap. I slithered from the bed onto my knees, buried my face in my arms, and wept. I don't always cry like that. But I did last night. I wasn't crying because the big ol' meanie spanked me. I was crying because I deserved the spanking and I'd behaved poorly. I was crying because the entire experience was charged, emotional, and intense. I was crying because I needed to.

"Come here," he said softly. "Come on the bed with me so I can hold you." He laid down and I crept up onto the bed, sniffling my way into his arms, where he held me and I wept. 

"Get it all out," he whispered. "It's okay, baby girl." 

And I cried because I'm special to him, his baby girl, and things like me getting overwhelmed are important to him. I cried because I'm important to him. I cried because I was wrong, and I'd treated him badly.

I didn't cry long. The feelings that came over me were intense, powerful, as they swept over me and I couldn't control my need to cry. But soon, while he held me and kissed my tears away, I felt nothing but deep contentment and peace. 

He doesn't like spanking me. He was exhausted last night. He'd much rather be watching a movie with me, or reading a book, or taking me out on a date. Taking his belt to my naughty backside as punishment is pretty damn low on his list of favorite things to do. 

But he does it because he loves me. He says he knows I need it. 

And he's right. 

This post is for all of you out there who crave discipline

Sexy spankings are incredibly hot. Those of us who enjoy being spanked find nothing more arousing than a strong, stern man administering a firm spanking. I get my fair share of sexy spankings, and I love them. 

Stress relief, role affirmation, and maintenance spankings are, for many of us, deeply emotionally satisfying, in a way that sexy spankings aren't and punishment spankings don't fulfill. In fact, those are my favorite kinds of spankings. They are serious enough to satisfy the emotional need of being taken in hand. They go beyond the erotic. But they are without the negative feelings associated with punishment. 

But for many of us, there is something deeply, undeniably appealing about serious punishment spankings. In fact, the thought of serious punishment is darkly erotic to me in a way that other spankings aren't. This doesn't mean punishment spankings are arousing. To me, they are not. But the fact that my husband consistently and firmly takes me in hand when I need it is deeply erotic. 




Why?

Above all, I can't help but admire my strong, authoritative husband who doesn't let me get away with my attitude. Last night, before he spanked me, I said something pushy, and he stopped me mid-sentence with a firm, "That's enough." Before he spanked me, as he locked the door and picked up his belt, he said "you think long and hard about whether or not you want to give me an attitude before I spank you." 

He is dominant. But he balances that dominance and authority with so much kindness, gentleness, and attention, I can't help but feel deeply loved. 

I feel important to him. He didn't spank me because I didn't shine his shoes, or because he was irritated. He spanked me because I didn't do what I said I would, and because I didn't, my day unraveled. He doesn't want me be overwhelmed. He values honesty in our relationship. In the end, he spanked me because I fought him, and I was being bratty. It wasn't because he was on a power trip. It's because he values peace and harmony in our relationship. 

The irony is...he spanks me because my happiness is important to him. He spanks me because our relationship is important to him. 

Being firmly, consistently, and lovingly disciplined by the man who loves me and leads me, satisfies the need I have deep, deep within me...

...to be treasured. 

...to be taken care of. 

...to be lovingly instructed, and taught. 

...to be coached into being a better person. 

Many who enjoy spanking don't desire discipline and of course that's understandable. But for those of us who do, I want to delve deep into this desire for discipline. It's complex, widely misunderstood, and multi-faceted. 

It can be confusing, and troubling, and difficult to reconcile. And maybe we never will truly get to the bottom of it, but I'd like to try to at least shed a bit of light on the subject. Over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be exploring the desire for discipline. This is part-one in a three part series, because I think it's worth discussing. 

So I ask you, readers, to tell me how you feel. Do you crave discipline? Even if you find it difficult to endure, does it satisfy an emotional, physical, or psychological need for you? 

Friday, December 13, 2013

Spanking Round Table Discussion: Domestic Discipline



 

This morning, I'm participating in my first-ever Round Table Discussion. Please click the link above to see what it's all about! My apologies to other participants if I haven't done this correctly. It's my first time, and I'm still learning the ropes here. 

Corinne Alexander  is hosting today's discussion, and she suggested the following questions as a jumping-off point. 

What appeals to you about DD? 

This is, surprisingly, a somewhat difficult question to answer. It seems odd that I would be attracted to discipline, especially in that it is often viewed as punishment. Why would I want my husband to punish me? I think maybe it's best to make a distinction between the two. Punishment is merely the act of administering a consequence for wrong behavior. Discipline uses punishment as a tool to help teach someone. 

I love that my husband will help teach me to be a better person. I love that he will help me tame these character flaws of mine, hold me accountable, and make sure I take care of myself and our relationship. 

Our DD dynamic is a means of conflict resolution that, although unorthodox, certainly does help us both. 

When all is said and done, the rules I have in place, and the dynamic we have, makes me feel important to him. I feel like he cares enough about me to make sure I'm safe. I feel like he values our relationship enough that he won't allow discord to push us apart. This is all just the tip of the iceburg. At the heart of it all is that DD makes me feel loved. 


What does not appeal to you about DD?

Mostly, what doesn't appeal to me is the stigma attached. 

Thankfully, there is a large, vibrant, supportive community of people just like us, and that has made a tremendous difference. However, what we do flies in the face of all things modern and progressive! I let him make the decisions. I follow his lead. I let my husband spank me. Even among DD folks, sometimes I share things that cause others to pull back, so sometimes it's hard being the wife that is taken in hand. 


Do you practice any form of DD? 

Yes. We are Dominant/Submissive couple and DD is part of our dynamic. 

What do you think are some common misconceptions of DD? 

When I first heard of DD, I thought it was awful. Archaic! What a domineering, awful thing to do to a wife! I really didn't know how comforting my husband's discipline could be. I had no idea how much closer we would be brought together. So I would say the most common misconception of DD is that it is a harmful dynamic to have in a relationship. Some say that it is like a parent-child relationship. Some say it is abuse. It is neither. 


If you practice any form of DD, what have been the greatest joys it has brought to you?

I have never been happier. My husband Jason and I are deeply, intimately connected to one another in a way that is much more intense that it was before. We communicate so much more effectively. We are about as close to one another as a couple can get. The intimate connection, the eroticism, the necessity of communication, the raw honesty of it all, has brought us closer together than I ever would've thought possible. 

What are the greatest challenges? 

DD is hard work. There is a constant give and take and it takes enormous emotional energy, from both of us. When we have had our challenges, the times have been low. The highs are high, and the lows are low, and riding that emotional roller coaster can be difficult. 

At the end of the day, our DD dynamic has changed our lives. It has led us into a deeper D/S dynamic I never knew possible that is deeply erotic and immensely satisfying, and honestly? We've never been happier. 

Thanks for hosting, Corinne. I look forward to reading along with everyone else!

If any reader would like to respond to any of the above questions in the comment section below, please do. I'd love to hear from you!

Please have a look at the other discussion participants!





Thursday, December 12, 2013

DD and Family Life: Finding the Balance

Some questions I've been asked time and time again revolve around DD and family life. 

How do you balance DD with family life? 

More specifically...what do the children know? How are you able to maintain a DD dynamic when others are around? 

I don't see this topic discussed frequently, but because so many of us have  children at home while still trying to balance this dynamic, I think it's worth discussing. 

Jason and I have a large family by most standards. We've also had extended family living with us during certain times, and we do now. 
How we approach things is certainly a personal decision. In no way am I implying how we do things is how anyone else should do things. But this is what works for us. 

Jason and I have been married over a decade. From the very beginning, he has been the dominant partner. So we don't have the experience of having to radically change our dynamic. Everyone we know...our friends, our family, and our children...know that he is the one who calls the shots. They also know this works for us, because we respect each other and we have harmony in our relationship. My friends will ask me if I can go out and it's not uncommon for someone to say, "I know you will run it by Jason first, so just let me know after you talk to him." It's not like I have no say. They know I do. But I will not make plans, or spend a good deal of money, or make a major decision unless I've asked him. It's just how things go here. If anyone we know thinks this is weird, they haven't told us. 

Every once in a while someone will give me a little bit of flack. "Well, you should be able to do things without having to ask your husband," they'll say. I usually just smile and say, "I do many things without asking my husband. But I respect his opinion and will ask it before I make my decision." 'Nuff said. 

My children have never known anything but Daddy has the final say. It's just the way it goes and always has gone long before we were a DD couple. 


So if you're in the position of making a dynamic shift...I'd urge you not to worry what others think. Just go with it. In time, people will accept that this is how things are with you two.




Do my children know I answer to my husband? Yep. He has removed privileges (like taken my phone) or had me go upstairs to my room to calm down. He does it in such a way that he doesn't undermine me in front of them, but again, they know he's in charge. He's also verbally corrected me, though he mostly does it discreetly. 

We also have a hand signal system. When we are around other people, including our kids, he has a signal that warns me I'm getting close to trouble, and one that tells me I'm getting a spanking. It's very effective. 

Now. The tricky part: spanking. 




I get spanked a lot. Not a day goes by that I don't get some kind of spanking in one way, shape or form, be it a "role affirmation/stress relief" spanking (similar to maintenance), a sexy spanking, a few swats before bed, or a discipline spanking. Discipline has become much more rare. I would say it happens a few times a month now, and I suspect it will become more rare with time. But other kinds of spanking take place routinely. 

Do my children know I get spanked. No. In fact, we make great efforts to make sure we hide this from them, much like we would hide our intimacy. There are things little eyes and ears don't need to see or hear, and we believe this is certainly one of them. In many ways, the analogy can be drawn between sex and getting spanked. Just as couples have to find ways to be intimate quietly and privately, it is entirely possible for spanking to take place quietly and privately.

When I am spanked, a few different scenarios may take place. 

A discipline spanking is frequently administered when everyone has gone to bed for the night and the kids are sound asleep. We shut our door, a fan goes on, and he spanks me. 

However, sometimes Jason has decided a prompt discipline spanking is in order. This is rarer, but definitely happens. We have a family room that is on the other side of our house. The kids are settled into the family room with a tv show. The family room is downstairs and several rooms over from ours, and not a sound from my bedroom can be heard in the family room. The older kids are instructed to occupy the younger ones, and we simply tell our kids we need some privacy for a while. This has always worked, and this is what happens nearly every single time I get a morning "check in" spanking. 

The final option is the dreaded silent implements. We have a loopy johnny and a wooden dowel. They are nearly completely silent. They both make a whoosh sound, but are very quiet. When we've had company staying with us, or kids that might overhear, Jason has chosen the silent (very stingy!) implements. 

Again, how we do things here isn't necessarily how I'd expect others to do things, but it works for us. Our children see two very happy, very content parents who love each other deeply. And my personal take is, that can only be a good thing. 



How do others find the balance? What are things you do to keep your dynamic going, even when you don't always have privacy? 

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Chocolate, Flowers, and a Spanking

Sometimes, the most serious spankings are the ones that become my favorite memories. 

I've been trying to process through this. It seems it should be contradictory. It seems I'd want to banish those memories. But no. Those are the ones I bring up, back in my mind, and they give me comfort in solace. They are the ones that become deeply erotic memories. Although at the time they are awful to endure, they are the ones I hold onto. 

Why is it that the serious times are the ones I hold onto the most? As one friend said, "It's because they fix what is broken." 

That is definitely part of it. 

I think it's also that there is complete trust, and complete surrender in being seriously punished. And the forgiveness and reconnection after is always amazing.

At the time, it's difficult to endure. It hurts being spanked, and the emotional hurt of knowing I've done something deserving of serious punishment is also hard to bear. 


I've written about some of the serious spankings I've gotten, processing through my thoughts and feelings at the time like A Memorable Spanking  and How Can a Spanking Make Me Feel Loved? But some of them have been too raw, too difficult to write about, too personal. And still, they are what I remember. 

Yesterday, I got a serious punishment spanking. Honestly, it was a rough DD day for me. There are times when I think, "This is it. I'm going to frustrate him and push him away." I think, "No one would put up with me, and all the ways I fail." I think, "How can he still be here to catch me when I keep falling over, and over, and over again?" 

It's not that I don't try hard to obey him. I really do. In fact, just this week he said, "You really do behave so well, the majority of the time. Just sometimes you slip up. Sometimes you need me to spank that brat out of you. Sometimes you need me to help you get back on track." 

I am so thankful he feels that way. 

I started the day off being pretty grumpy. It was one of those mornings -- no one could find their shoes, it was cold, there was stuff out of place everywhere I turned, little ones were pulling on my legs and whining, and it went on and on. I finally got the little ones dressed and occupied before I went to have a private morning check-in with Jason. But before I did, I managed to grump at him and mutter a "fine" under my breath. Long story short, my morning check-in spanking ended up being harder than it would've been, and I had my texting privileges removed for the morning so I could focus on what needed to be done. I did what I had to do, and when Jason left for the day I felt focused, and on my game, and thankful he'd set me straight. 

But things unraveled as the day went on. 

I have a few health rules. I have some goals I'm trying to achieve, and Jason has promised me he will help me achieve those goals by holding me accountable. One of the agreements we have is that I am to stick to my diet -- I'm not allowed to have any sweets without permission, except on the weekends. I've agreed to this rule. I suggested this rule. It honestly helps me, having my health rules in place, to stay on track.

Well, I was stressed. I was done. And in a fit of temper and irritability, I went to the cabinet and got out the chocolate. Just a little the voice in the back of my mind began. He'll understand, it continued. When you tell him how stressed you were, he'll let you off the hook. 


So what did I do? I intentionally and deliberately disobeyed the rule. I felt guilty but even in the moment, I pushed all thoughts of guilt aside. 

But as the afternoon wore on, the other little voice began. 

You told him before he went to work today you would obey all your health rules, said the little voice. I started feeling a little nervous. I'd also slipped up on a few other fairly small things, and I wondered how he would react. Sometimes he is strict with me, but sometimes he knows I need mercy. 

When I picked him up, I told him I had some things to tell him. I told him...everything...and when I got to the chocolate, his voice dropped. 

"Oh. So you chose to disobey a rule. And you did it on purpose." 

Crap. 

"Yes," in a little voice. "But it was only a little...and I ate it with trail mix...and I thought maybe you'd let it go." 

"Let it go? How can I let it go? You told me you wouldn't disobey your health rules today. But you chose to disobey. It doesn't matter if it was only a little. The bottom line is, you disobeyed me and you didn't do what you said you would." 

My stomach dropped to my feet. He was right, and I knew it. But then, the little voice pushed me to tell the truth, all the truth, and nothing but the truth. 

"Well...I have to tell you something else then." 

"What's that?"

"It wasn't the first time I've done this." 

"You mean to tell me you've broken this rule before and not told me?" 

Tears came to my eyes as I whispered, "Yes." 

He reached over and gave me the hand signal that tells me I'm getting a spanking.

And I knew then. It wasn't the chocolate. It's not about chocolate. He's not rigid about my rules and when I've tried hard, it's not uncommon for him to surprise me with a bar of chocolate, or a treat. In fact, I had nearly a whole week off near Thanksgiving. 

It's about honesty. And obedience. And trust. 

I'd blown it. 

But he didn't lecture me. He didn't get angry. He reached for my hand, and squeezed it. 

"I love you," he said. "And being honest is important in our marriage. I want you to know I forgive you. Later on, you'll have your consequence for your disobedience. But then we will let it go." 

I cried a bit. I felt so awful. He's so good to me. 

We had errands to run. He went into the store and to my surprise, when he came back, he handed me a bouquet of flowers, a beautiful holiday bouquet. 




"Notice the color of this bouquet, baby girl?" he asked. 

I smiled shyly. "Red." 

"You know why they're red, don't you?" 

I nodded. Because I knew the flowers weren't going to be the only red thing he'd give me that evening.

As we drove home, I said "Thanks for helping me with this. I know I messed up, but you're helping me face it." 

He reached out and put his hand on my neck and squeezed. "I look at it this way. I love you. You made a mistake. But I want you to know, it's still going to be okay." 

We got home, and I began preparing dinner. To my surprise, he came into the kitchen. 

"The kids are situated and in the other room. Let's get this over with." 

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, but I obeyed him and followed him to the stairs. He took me by the arm, pointed to the stairs, and his gentle demeanor fled. He grew stern, as he led me to our bedroom. 

"Sit on the bed," he instructed. I hung my head like a naughty girl, knowing it wasn't going to be easy. 

He locked the door, then turned, rolled up his sleeves, and off came the belt. 

I didn't see him remove it, because at this point I'd covered my face with my hands. But I heard the clink of the buckle. Somehow I knew I was going to get the belt. The past few serious spankings have all been the belt. 

"Stand up. Off with the pants and bend over the bed." 

I obeyed him as quickly as possible, before my courage fled. 




"Why are you getting a spanking?" he asked in a hard voice before the first stroke landed. 

"Because I disobeyed you and I was dishonest," I said quickly, squeezing my eyes shut and holding onto the bedspread. 

"And do naughty girls who don't obey get put over the lap?" 

"No," I whispered. 

He strapped me long and hard, while lecturing me on the importance of trusting him, and obeying him. It was a hard lecture to endure, as he asked me questions while the belt fell, and I struggled to answer. I find it so hard to answer him when I'm being spanked so firmly, but I did my best. 

"Do you know how important it is that you tell me the truth?" 

"Yes, sir," I responded, as he spanked me. 

"I trust you to be honest with me about our rules. These rules are here to help you. And I can't help you if you're not honest with me." 

Swat. Swat. Swat

At one point he paused, leaned over and rubbed me, and talked to me. I don't remember what he said, something about being a good girl who does as she's told. I knew instinctively he wasn't done, and I was right. He stood back up, and continued to strap me. 

"I expect you to obey me. Are you going to obey me?" 

"Yes, sir. I will. I'm so sorry!" I said. 

And then he was done. He leaned over and rubbed me, for a long time, talking quietly to me. 

"Would you like some lotion now?" he asked softly, and I nodded. I love when he puts lotion on me after a spanking. It doesn't always happen. He went to the bathroom, came back with the lotion, and rubbed it all over. 

I felt...content. At peace. Deeply loved, and taken care of. 

"Come here, now," he said softly, and I knelt in front of him and put my head in his lap. 

Usually after a serious punishment spanking, I cry. Usually, I feel terrible, sometimes for days even. But I didn't. I felt nothing but completely secure and loved. I felt so happy in his arms, my head on his lap. 

I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. 

"Chocolate, flowers, and a spanking," he said with a chuckle. "Sounds like the title of a blog post." 

I smiled. "I think it does," I responded. "I think I will use that." 

So that's what I got yesterday...

Stolen chocolate...

Red "you're in trouble" flowers...

And a spanking that somehow made everything better.





Friday, December 6, 2013

Friday Fun Day. "Hey Girl"


While over the knee yesterday, Jason began with a "Hey, Girl...is this a loopy johnny in my hand?" (It was indeed. Eep!)

But it got me thinking...wouldn't it be fun to have some of those "Hey Girl" pics, spanko style? 

Hope you enjoy. ;)














Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The DD Community. Come on in, the Water's Fine!

When Jason and I first began this dynamic, I looked around a bit online, and imagine my surprise to find that there was a community of people just like us. 

I learned a lot. I'm still learning.

The different dynamics ranged from mild, "taken in hand," traditional relationships, to more formal Domestic Discipline arrangements, to heavier bdsm. Some scared me. Some surprised me. But as I grew to get to know more people in the community -- in the forums, in blogland, in chat rooms -- I've come to make some amazing friends. 

There are many many forums here online with different "flavors." There is Fetlife, The Experience Project, various Yahoo groups, CDD groups, Learning Domestic Discipline. But the one group I've found that is mostly closely aligned to how Jason and I practice DS is the Discipline and Love Message Board. If want to meet some people just like you, come on over. I'd love to "see" you there. 

I've also, for the first time in my thirty-five years of life, discovered chat rooms. I've always been scared of chat rooms. It made me feel vulnerable! But one day, I stepped into the chat room over at D & L, and I also stepped into the chat room over at A Domestic Discipline Society. And here, I met some friends. I don't have a lot of time to chat these days, but I will always be grateful to the friends I met in the community. 

Maybe you're looking for someone to talk to. Maybe you have questions or concerns. Maybe you just want to know you're not alone. Take the plunge. Reach out. Join a forum. Pop into a chat room. Send the owner of the blog's you read an e-mail. It's hard taking those first steps, but many of you will find, as I have, how very nice it is to make new friends. 

So I wanted to take a minute to give a big shout out to those of you in the DD Community. 

Thank you

Monday, December 2, 2013

For Big Mistakes -- an unorthodox implement


A few months ago, I went shopping and came across some school supplies, heavily discounted. So I picked up a bunch of things, and brought them home. 

Among my spoils were a few huge, oversized erasers that look like this. They're seven inches long and two inches wide, made of very hard rubber.


Now, I will readily confess that I have a spanko mind. When I see bath brushes at the store, I think "that looks painful." I see displays of leather belts and wonder how that would feel against my bare bottom. I can't help it. It's how I'm wired. But the truth is, I saw these and all I thought was, "the kids will think these are fun." And they were ten for a dollar. 

I brought them home, and Jason pulled one out of the bag. He got a gleam in his eye. "For big mistakes, huh?" he said and I instantly knew what he was thinking.

I ran. 

He chased me down, cornered me and said, "Bend over!" 

I had no choice. I obediently leaned over and swat! he spanked me right through my skirt and panties. I couldn't believe how badly it hurt, and I was fully clad! I yelped and grabbed at my bottom. 

"Take one of those upstairs and put it in the implement drawer," he instructed. 

"Are you serious?" 

"Dead serious."

So I did. And holy moly, I've gotten that think a few times now and it hurts like hell. It's like a rubber paddle, not that I know anything about rubber paddles, but it's what I would imagine a rubber paddle would feel like (they do make rubber paddles, right?).

So to date, I do believe the eraser is our most frugal, and unorthodox implement we own. 

Very recently I got "the brat spanked outta me" with The Eraser. 

Let me tell you, I'll be trying very hard not to make any "Big Mistakes." 



Sunday, December 1, 2013

And so it begins...a Spanko Advent!

What better way to celebrate the coming holidays and getting ready to ring in a new year, than with a little spanko fun? Sounds perfect! 


Head on over to Kenzie's blog and take a peak at her 



Dear Jason....can't wait to start, babe. Let's take a look at day one. "A nice, old-fashioned hand spanking tonight." Nothing like that skin-to-skin contact. Mmmmm...sounds like a date. See you there... 

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Spanking in Anger

I've been batting around this topic in my head for a while now, and I wanted to process my thoughts a bit with a blog post. 

Should a Dom/Hoh ever spank when he or she is angry? 

Many will say no. However, I disagree. I think there is a time and a place for a righteous, angry spanking. In fact, in our experience here, there have been times an "angry husband" spanking has been actually quite welcome.

Please bear with me.

Jason is not a man given to temper. He is not a volatile person, and really keeps his temper in check. But there have been times I've pushed him over the edge. 



There have been a few times I've completely lost my temper, and without saying much of anything, he took me by the arm, placed me firmly over his knee or over the bed, and spanked me soundly. There's nothing like a good, hard spanking to stop my temper. When he was done, my irritability was calmed (funny how that works). I knew in the moment that I deserved a good spanking, and it was honestly a relief to be taken over his knee. When he was done, he was no longer angry. We spoke calmly to one another. He comforted me while I cried. And what could've been a long, drawn-out argument ended up having quite a peaceful resolution. 



There was one time I lost my temper at one of my children, shouted some things I never should've said, and Jason overheard me. He flew around the corner, took me by the arm, and led me to where our children couldn't see. Without a word, he bent me over his knee and spanked me hard. Then he said,  "Don't you ever let me hear you say that again," and marched off. Thoroughly chastened, I apologized to my child. Later that night, Jason said he'd been so angry when he heard me. We both knew I deserved a spanking and somehow, being caught off guard, bent over his knee, and firmly disciplined was more effective than a more formal spanking would've been. 

These are times when being spanked by an angry husband has been effective. 

But I've always deserved it. He's always been in control. And afterward, we had peace. In my own experience, I think those are key factors. 

There have been a few times an angry spanking has not brought about an immediate peace and resolution. 

There was one time I did something awful to betray his trust. I fessed up to him. He pulled me over his lap, and gave me the spanking of my life. He spanked me harder than I'd ever been spanked at that point. I could feel his anger with every single swat he gave me. I deserved it, and I took it, but what happened after was the worst part of all. He pushed me onto the bed, stood, and told me he couldn't talk to me. No aftercare. He left me in the room alone. 

I was heartbroken. A good friend urged me to give him his space, and I did. I went to him after some time, peering around the corner at him to see if I was welcome to go to him. He opened his arms to me. I ran to him, put my head in his lap, and cried. He held me until I fell asleep, and all was set to rights. 


Another time, he was angry with me, and I had a spanking coming. We only had a short time frame to be alone, so even though he was still furious, he spanked me. He was in complete control. It wasn't a terrible spanking. In fact, I think he likely took it easy on me because he knew he could hurt me. He offered me a hug after he spanked me, but I wouldn't go to him. I couldn't. There was still fire in his eyes, and it felt insincere. I left the room, shaking my head at him and crying, and he went to bed. The next morning, he was calm again. We talked it over, and that's when he made the decision that he would never again would he spank me when he was too angry to make it right again. 

He told me later, "I will never forget that look in your eyes." 

So now, if he's angry with me, he takes time and space to cool off. 

Just this past Monday, I infuriated him. The story of what happened is likely a post for a different time, and a different day as honestly I'm still processing. But I royally screwed up. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit I managed to break all four D's (dishonesty, danger, disrespect, and disobedience) all in one evening. I was almost immediately repentant. I showed him by being docile and quiet how sorry I was, and I asked his forgiveness.  He said at one point "this is not the time to push me," so I backed off and gave him his space.  But he waited five hours to spank me. He waited until he was calm and in the mental place to spank me and put all to rights again.

So, my personal opinion is that it's not always very feasible to say "don't spank in anger." It happens, and very likely will happen. And sometimes (as in the times when I've lost my temper and he gave me an on-the-spot spanking), it seems an angry spanking has its use.

But these are times when we are vulnerable, and easily hurt. When anger isn't checked, adrenaline surges and emotions run high. So in our experience, we found it best to prepare for those times by having a system in place. He has agreed to withdraw and calm down, and I have agreed to give him that space. 

I'd love to see how others feel about this. What are your thoughts on anger in DD? Do you think there's a time and a place? What kinds of things do others do to prevent further hurt during times when there is anger? 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

My Safe Place

Last week, a terrible thing happened. 

I was at the gym. I took my bag with my wallet, stuffed it under my seat, and locked it in my van. I took my keys, put them in the pocket of my coat, and hung them with my gym bag in the locker room. 

When I finished working out, I couldn't find my keys in my coat. I looked and looked. I was confused. I knew I'd put them there. So I went to the desk and asked if anyone had turned them in. The woman at the desk asked me where I'd put them, and when I told her she said, "Go check your car." Now I was starting to get nervous. 


As soon as I got to my van I realized it was opened (I'd left it locked) and it was clear someone had been in there. The contents of my wallet had been emptied. I was shaken. I was afraid someone was still in there, but no one was. I found my keys on the passenger seat. 

I called Jason. He was upset (not with me) but thankful no one was hurt, and instructed me to come straight home. I did. It had already been a pretty rough day, in many ways. I made dinner, served dinner, and told him after dinner I was going to cancel my credit cards. He cleared the table but didn't do the dishes, so when I was done with my many phone calls, I went to the kitchen and the dishes were still there. 

I lost it. 

In all fairness, we'd eaten off of paper plates, and he was bathing the kids. But I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. Looking back on it now, I think I was just looking for a reason to blow.

I went upstairs, ready to pick a fight. 

"I have something to say," I said, my arms across his chest. 

"Kneel," he said. 

Kneel? Just like that? 

"But I --" 

"Kneel." 

So, I did. I didn't kneel in front of him as I usually do but a short distance away from him. And I went off, all about how no one helped me around here and the least he could've done was done the dishes while I took care of business after a terrible day, and why did I have to do everything... 

He leaned over, said in that very deadly calm voice with his hand making a little pinching motion, thumb and index finger like a centimeter apart, "You are this close to a wicked spanking. Is that where you want this to go?"

I stopped. Took a deep breath. And continued, but this time peppering my tirade with some very choice words. 

"Try that again. Watch your mouth," he said. 

So again I continued, this time with no foul language, and he said, "No. Back again from the beginning. I want you to repeat all of what you said, this time the right way." 

Now the wind was being taken out of my sails. I was well aware of the fact that any disobedience at this point would earn me a very serious spanking. 

"Come here and lie your head on my chest," he directed. 

I did not want to

But, I knew I had two choices. Obey, or be punished. I obeyed. 

I scooted over to him even though everything in me resisted. He pulled me into him, hard, and wrapped his arms around me. 

And the flood gates opened. 

I sobbed. Cried my heart out. Told him how scared I was, that I was afraid someone was still in the van. That I felt violated and hurt, and how terrible it was knowing someone went into my locker and took my keys and into my car and then went into my wallet and stole from me.

He held me and spoke soothingly as I cried. 

"Baby, I didn't know you were so scared," he said softly, as I sniffled into his chest. "This is why you were so upset. You've been holding it all in." 




I had been. 

"Listen," he said quietly. "This is why I tell you to be careful. This is why I don't want you leaving things unlocked, or where people can get into your personal things. I need you to be safe. I don't want you hurt." 

I nodded and sniffed. 

"Go downstairs and finish what you need to, then bring your book and come spend the night up here with me. I want you to feel safe, and cared for." 

I already did. 

Then he leaned over and gave me a good, hard swat. 

"That was not for punishment," he said. "But it was a reminder." 

A reminder that he loves me. 

A reminder that even though I get overwhelmed and irritable and overwrought, that I can come to him, but I don't need to yell or be mean to say what I need to say. 

A reminder that our relationship is important, so I need to not lash out in my hurt.

That even when I feel violated, and the worries of the world have assaulted me, I can come to him. 

Because he is my leader. 

He is my rock. 

He is my safe place.