It wasn't until a few months later, when he decided to initiate a punishment spanking (you can read about that here), that I started learning more about DD. So when I first started poking around in the DD community, I assumed everyone knew about erotic spanking. Some do, but many don't.
In the line of work I do, I've spent quite a bit of time researching relationships. I like to know the how and the why.
And this is the conclusion I've come up with.
Many, many woman enjoy being spanked.
But many men aren't quite sure how to give a Good Girl Spanking.
So I figured I'd spend a bit of time writing a blog post on it.
My post will be directed to the spankers out there. But, girls, if this sounds fun, go ahead, print it up, and give it to your man! E-mail him! Plop your laptop in front of him while he's watching tv!
Since the majority of spankers are men, and the majority of spankees are women, I'm going to assume the spanker is a man and the spankee is a woman for the sake of this post. I know not all Submissives are women, though, so please understand I'm making this assumption for the sake of simplicity, but not to discriminate. The same principles apply no matter who is getting spanked.
Two things you must keep in mind before we get down to the nitty gritty.
First, this is not a "one size fits all" kind of thing. What one girl likes, another one won't. Take it slow and watch your woman. You know the signs of her pleasure -- she will moan, her eyes may go half-lidded, and then there are the more obvious physical signs she is aroused. Watch them. If she widens her eyes in fear, proceed with caution. A bit of fear actually enhances the experience, so don't let that be a benchmark for what she enjoys. But you don't want her seriously afraid. Choose a safe word. Many like "red" as a sign to stop. When she says this word, stop.
Second, and this is very, very important, keep in mind this very basic tenet: women are emotional creatures. Yes, we are aroused physically, but emotions are absolutely crucial.
One of the reasons we love being spanked so much is that it helps us let go. When you put your girl over your knee, and you're arousing her and spanking her bottom, she is not thinking of her cellulite, or the bank account, or her grocery shopping. She is able to be in the moment.
To make the most of the Good Girl Spanking experience, you're going to have to get into her mental space. It's not all about your hand slapping her ass. She wants that sexy dominance.
Do it. Dominate her, and you very well may bring your lovemaking to a whole new level.
So let's do this.
1) Remember the power of the spoken or written word.
This is important. Very important. Most of us want to hear what you say. This is going to start her mind going, start planting the seeds of thought in her mind. Remember, the purpose of this spanking is to arouse, so use a low, sexy voice. Here are some ways you can do this.
Come up behind her, put a hand on her waist, and pull her close.
Then whisper in her ear, "Tonight, I'm putting you over my knee and showing you who's boss."
"I warned you not to be naughty. Tonight, you're getting a spanking."
"I can't wait to pull those sexy panties down and spank that little ass of yours."
You get the idea. Tell her you're spanking her first. Do it a few times. Get her mind going. Maybe send her an e-mail on your coffee break.
"You've been a very good girl, and tonight, you're going over my knee."
Send her a text. "Somebody needs a good girl spanking."
Maybe send her a pic on her cell. Like...this.
Or even better, this.
Okay, so that's number one. Tell her. Build it up, talk about it, tease her, whisper in her ear. Push her up against a wall, kiss her neck, and whisper in her ear, "Does somebody need a spanking?" Watch her reaction.
2). Remember that dominance is hot.
Your demeanor is crucial. You want to be stern, but playful. A silly "Hey, baby, wanna spanking?" really is not going to cut it, guys. By all means, tease and play. But when you get down to it, and you're ready to dole out a Good Girl Spanking, remember that dominance is hot. When you're in charge, it turns her on. It's mostly because she feels your strength, your manliness, and it makes her feel protected. Remember the emotional component.
This is the kind of look you're going for. Not goofy, not furious, but something in between -- stern and sexy.
There's a reason why so many women fell for that billionaire guy, m'kay?
Sexy, stern. Practice. Do it. Command her. This build up is very, very important.
"Come here and stand in front of me."
"Enough of this, young lady. Time for your spanking."
"Go upstairs and wait for me. I'm going to spank you."
3) Take your time. Work on the anticipation.
Now the time has come. You're ready to get down to business. How this plays out is going to depend entirely up to you and your Submissive. There are many, many approaches you can take. Some like role playing. Some classic roles are the disgruntled husband, stern headmaster or police officer. Some women aren't really into the role play, but many are. Play around with this.
Many women love, love, love the business man look...keep that button-down shirt and slacks on. Roll up those shirt sleeves and slowly take your belt off.
Keep commanding. Keep building.
Command her to go get the strap.
Tell her to sit on the bed and instruct her to remain silent while you take your time getting her hair brush and laying it down next to her.
Some women prefer the hand for erotic spanking. In fact, it seems most do, as there is something more intimate about that skin to skin contact. Find out what your woman likes.
4) Put her into position.
There are many different positions you can have her assume for her Good Girl Spanking. Many women prefer over the bed, over a chair, or something similar. Many women prefer over the knee. If you're just starting out, do both. Begin with her over your knee, then switch to over the bed, and find out later what she prefers.
Some women, especially those who innately desire deep submission, will love it if you make them get on all fours in bed or on the floor. Some women will hate this. Only one way to find out.
One compromise position that is very popular does a bit of both. You sit on the bed. You have her straddle one of your knees, and lay her upper body on the bed. Straddling your knee gives her extra stimulation that does wonders for building her to that earth-shattering orgasm.
Make the most of this, too.
Command her to get into position.
"Lay over my lap."
"Get on your knees and hold onto the headboard."
"Belly down on the bed."
Either instruct her to remove her clothing, or remove it yourself. Slowly stripping her down to nothing will heighten the experience. I love it when my husband is the one to remove my panties. It's just more intimate, and I know the Good Girl Spanking is about to begin.
5) Let the Spanking Commence
Now it's time to get started. Keep in mind a few things. First, and this is crucial! An erotic spanking should be just below her tolerance level. The purpose is to arouse, not punish. Second, it should hurt. The actual act of slapping her bottom is going to arouse her because it stimulates. But if it hurts too much, she won't enjoy it. But some women want it hard. This is where "one size fits all" doesn't work. Go slowly.
Whatever you're using to spank her, tease her a bit. Build up the anticipation. She's waiting for her spanking. Make her wait just a little bit longer. Trail your belt over her thighs. Run your hand over her bottom and massage, squeeze, tease. Take her brush and brush it over her bare skin.
Warm her up, with your hand or a fairly tame implement. Slowly give her about a dozen or so pretty light swats to get the blood flowing. This will make the actual sexy spanking more enjoyable, allow you to carry on for a while, and prevent bruising.
Then begin spanking. Take your time and don't just spank her. Kiss her. Put your mouth to her breasts. Touch her in all those delightful places that will arouse her.
Swat! Rub where you just spanked her, massaging her. Then touch her somewhere else...
As you're spanking her, do a bit of a lecture.
"Do not climax until I give you permission, or I get my belt."
"You'd better keep in mind who's in charge here."
"You're my good girl."
Keep it up. Slow, steady, spank her, massage her, kiss her. Take your time. Do a thorough job. Vary your swats. Do your very, very best to bring your girl to the point of climax.
And then, my friends, take her to a whole new dimension. Happy spanking.