Friday, July 12, 2013

Maintenance Spanking: Yay or Nay?

Today Bob and I are each taking a different side of a somewhat controversial subject in the DD community: maintenance spanking. 

Bob from "Thoughts on TTWD" is taking the "pros" and I'm taking the "cons." 

First, what exactly is "maintenance spanking?"  MrBBSpanker over at A Domestic Discipline Society has a good article on it here. A maintenance spanking isn't a punishment. It isn't a sexy, or "good girl" spanking. It isn't a stress-relief spanking. 

Simply put, maintenance is a tool many DD couples use to keep their DD relationship in good working order.

Before I give my personal opinion on the "cons" of a maintenance spanking, I wanted to re-iterate a few points. First, there is no "right" way to do Domestic Discipline. Each couple practices DD differently. Not only are no two DD couples the same, even the same DD couple doesn't necessarily practice DD the same from one point to the next. It's evolving, a journey, two people figuring out what works for them and how to grow together. 




Secondly, as I mentioned above, maintenance is a tool. A good mechanic chooses the correct tool to use at the correct time, and some tools, he will never use. There are many tools a couple has at their disposal -- DD journals, spanking, corner time, essay writing, even blogging can be a tool. Maintenance is just one of those tools. 

My husband put his foot down and said "no maintenance." His number one reason was that he saw no need to punish me when I'd done nothing wrong and frankly, I appreciate that! So here, in our relationship, we don't do the "traditional" maintenance.

We do have a few tools we use that I would call "maintenance-type" spanking -- namely my "spank tank" fill-ups and my trips to see Mr. Ben Dover when I'm spiraling out of control. Frankly, Jason reserves the right to spank me when he thinks "I need it." Sometimes I need a reminder. Sometimes I need a little bit of assistance in staying on track, or motivation. Sometimes (often) I need to know "he's got me," some good ol' role affirmation. This totally works for us. 

But traditional maintenance is a time-based tool, so it is set up ahead of time (say, Sunday afternoons, Wednesday mornings). The purpose is primarily to re-establish roles, and to keep the Tih "on track." 

I can definitely see the purpose of maintenance spanking, because I do need reminders, role-affirmation,  and motivation sometimes, and I do think those kind of spankings keep our relationship in good working order. I mean no disrespect to those who use maintenance. If it is a tool that works for a couple, then by all means, they should use it. 

But the purpose of this blog post, in the interest of looking at both sides of the story, is to explain the possible "cons" of maintenance. It doesn't work for every couple.

When might maintenance not work? 


The first "con," as I see it, is the possibility of actually weakening the relationship instead of strengthening it. Instead of looking at spanking as something that will help, some Tih's I know dread maintenance. Things are going along smoothly, and they are working hard at staying on track, only to know there's still a spanking coming no matter what. And they find this disheartening. Even though maintenance is is supposed to be lesser intensity than a punishment spanking, many Tih's still find they get that unpleasant, nervous feeling when they know maintenance is coming. 




Another possible "con" is that one can get used to it, so the Tih just grins and bears it, like a trip to the dentist, or taking one's vitamins. They go along with it because they're expected to, so essentially there is little to no positive effect. If a Tih is thinking along these lines, it is possible that spanking, in general, can become less of a deterrent. It loses its effectiveness over time.




A third possibility is the idea "I'm getting a spanking anyway, so why behave?" Yes, this is a rather immature approach to things, but sometimes a Tih's willpower might be at a low. Maybe she's tired, or grumpy. She figures there's already a spanking at the end of the road, so there's no point in doing what she should. 

In general, maintenance is a tool served to strengthen a DD relationship. If a couple finds it's having the opposite effect, maybe it's time to re-visit the purpose of maintenance. Maybe, like us, maintenance isn't something that will work for them. Maybe some tweaking needs to be done. If maintenance isn't strengthening and improving the relationship, maybe it's time to put that tool back in the toolbox, and take out another. 



6 comments:

  1. I love your post and it really made me stop and think. We used to do maintenance that was scheduled. It no longer is scheduled but just when he thinks I need it. Having it scheduled wasn't working for us. Pretty much for the same reasons you stated.
    Kim

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    1. I'm glad you could relate. This is partly why I blog...it helps me think! This is not an easy way of life sometimes but so worth it. And thanks for stopping by!

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    1. He is indeed. I am a very lucky girl!

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  3. your blog entry made so much sense. I can honestly say that maintenance spankings might have to be the rare ones in mine and my husband's relationship because yes, I can see myself thinking "might as well not behave anyway" and that is completely detrimental. you're so right

    thanks again for your great advice :p

    ~shadowplay~

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    1. Well everyone approaches DD differently but im glad you found something useful in my post!

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