I have said before I have "high needs" when it comes to being dominated. I didn't understand these needs for a long time...sometimes I still don't.
But as time went on, and overcame some habits, I was spanked less frequently.
A funny thing happened. If it had been some time when I hadn't gotten in trouble, I started feeling weird. Although I didn't really want to be punished, I felt "off." Something just wasn't right...I'd get antsy, irritable, and fight the urge to brat out.
I talked to my husband about this. "You give me so little reason to punish you," he said.
I felt insecure still. What to do? I didn't want to give him a reason to punish me...but I still felt the need to know he was in charge.
He still spanked me frequently for sexy good girl spankings. But although they were hot, they didn't really satisfy this emotional need I have...that security that says "I'm here." That security of knowing he's still in charge.
Maybe maintenance would work? I asked Jason.
"No maintenance," he said. "I'm not comfortable punishing you for no reason."
I submitted to his answer. I didn't really quite get why people would spank for no reason anyway. That's how I saw it anyway. I now see maintenance as something that could totally work for a DD couple, but Jason says no, so we don't do the traditional "maintenance."
Time passed. I felt the same. Finally one day he said, "Look hon, if you need a spanking every day, just tell me."
Just tell him? Hmmm. I had asked for stress relief before. But both he and I prefer it when he calls the shots. So we talked...a few times I would tell him how I felt and I'd feel better when he'd give me a role affirmation or stress relief spanking.
Jason has always referred to my need to be close physically as my tank, and hugging me or cuddling would be like "filling up my tank."
What if I could communicate my needs by code?
Maybe I should call it my spank tank?
I told him the idea and he thought it would work. No more temptation for me to brat out. No more wondering if he'd ever spank me. He no longer had to worry about trying to read my mind. I could communicate my needs effectively and he could ultimately decide what to give me.
So every day -- sometimes multiple times a day -- we have a spank tank check in.
"How's that spank tank?" he'll ask. Some days I'll tell him I'm all filled up! I am happy and secure. Maybe things are just going my way. I have a constant need to be reassured and Dommed by him, and he's becoming fantastic at intuitively understanding where I am and what I need. For example, last week a few things suddenly happened all at once, and I felt myself losing my grip. He reached out, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Babe, I've got you." I love that.
I've got you.
My tank is usually plenty full after I've gotten in trouble, as the man knows how to spank. Period. It's rare a spanking isn't felt for at least a day or two.
But sometimes...sometimes I am running on empty. Sometimes I need to feel him.
"My spank tank is depleting," I'll say, and he will spank me. It might be a few swats, a kiss, and a reminder to stay on track and do what I need to.
But sometimes I'm empty. Completely and utterly spent. Desiring to be at his feet and fully submitted to him.
Then I will tell him, "My spank tank is empty."
And he knows I need a good, hard spanking. He will deliver. He will lecture. He will remind me what I need to do, and who's in charge.
Now that we have these daily check-in's, I rarely, if ever, feel the need to act out. I rarely feel the temptation to do something I shouldn't to make sure he's still in charge.
Sometimes I want his attention, and I feel the need to "poke the bear," so to speak. I felt this need recently and some friends talked me off the ledge. Then when I felt the need last night, I went to him and told him flat out what I was feeling. He immediately put down what he was doing, and we talked it through. No need to test.
Even though I tell him where my reading is on my tank, he is the one who decides if he will spank me, how long and how hard. He calls the shots, ultimately.
Which is exactly the way it should be.