Friday, August 30, 2013

The Other Morning, a.k.a. "I don't know what gets into me."

So the other day, it was time to wake up Jason. I was exhausted! One of my children had an issue, and I'd gotten almost no sleep the night before. 

We've also talked about the pms fairies, and how they are particularly cruel to me as of late...well, let's just say it's been one helluva week.

Our routine is that I get up way earlier than Jason, so I bring him his coffee. Then we chat about our days and do our "check in." Sometimes he'll talk about the day and give me specific instructions. If I got a little close to the edge on something, he may give me a reminder spanking, or stress relief, or role affirmation. He spanks me often, and this is usually when it happens.

So I was so irritated and exhausted and wound up, I practically threw his coffee at him and spun on my heel and left the room. He said something like, "What? No check in?" and I snapped "Whatever!"  and stormed downstairs. 

One might think I was asking for it at this point. I really didn't feel like I wanted him to spank me. I was just in an awful mood!

In my head I'm thinking, "Just shut UP! You're going to get in trouble!" So he called me in and was still all sweet and said, "I think it's time for your check-in." 

I said, "I don't need a spanking every single day, you know. I mean, maybe it would be nice to talk to me or something once in a while!"  (Yes, I was very far gone. He doesn't spank me every day, though close to it, and he does talk to me!)

He just smiled his patient smile and said, "I want you over my lap." 

Well, I didn't want to go over his lap! But I knew there was no point in resisting so I threw myself over his lap and "hmmmphd" and "grrrrd" a bit. So then. Then! I was so angry and wound up, I had a fit.  ON HIS LAP. I think I might have even pounded the bed with my hands. In my head I'm thinking, "He is a foot away from the implement drawer. You are getting out of control! He's going to punish you if you don't stop!" but I couldn't stop. I knew a punishment spanking would end up being a lot harder, and very unpleasant, and neither one of us would be very happy. I didn't want that. I really really didn't! I practically kicked my feet and all, just there, over his lap. I thought I was a goner. I wanted to stop so badly but was just out of control.

At this point, Jason could tell I was pretty much nuts. And, believe it or not, he stopped spanking me and said, "Alright. Enough of this. Get up off my lap and come and kneel in front of me." 

I did. I'm pretty sure I was scowling at him. I wasn't angry at him. I was just...crazy

He made me hold his hands and look in his eyes, and said something like, "What is going on with you?" and to my shock and amazement, I literally burst into tears. 

"I'm soooo tired," I said, and I told him all about why I was so tired, and why I had things that were bothering me. I cried and cried. I told him how I didn't want to burden him with everything, how I get so overwhelmed and needy, and it bothers me that I put so much pressure on him, so I'd been trying to hold it all in and do everything on my own and not bother him so much. 

He let go of my hands and did one of the sweetest things ever. He took his thumbs and brushed the tears away from my cheeks and said, "Hey. I want you to come to me about these things. Ok? Listen. I'm your husband. This is my job. I'm supposed to help you with these things. You're not burdening me."

I felt understood. I felt important to him. 

He smiled and said, "Ok, so do you want a good girl spanking now?" 

Usually a good girl spanking refers to an erotic spanking, but Jason uses it to mean "any spanking that isn't a punishment." Funny, a few minutes ago one would say I probably needed a spanking, but didn't want one! Now I was at the point where I thought yes, it really would help. 

He laid me over the bed, and got his belt, and gave me a good, thorough stress relief spanking, and when he was done I felt so much better than I did before. And I didn't have to be punished to get there!

Some days, I really really just don't know what gets into me. Sometimes I think, "This guy puts up with so much!" But then when things like this happen, it reminds me that really, he's got me, in more ways than I think. It's not always easy...we argue, we misunderstand each other. Life gets in the way! This isn't a fairy tale. It's hard work. Neither of us is perfect, and both of us can be selfish. 

But I just wanted to share this as a little anecdote, an example of how a real DS relationship can work and bring about peace. 

Monday, August 26, 2013

Submission Exercises

Before I get into too many details here, I just want to explain that this blog really isn't just about Domestic Discipline, as regular readers are aware. Domestic Discipline is part of our relationship, yes, but thankfully a small part (because I really seek to please Jason and dislike being punished). I would say that Dominance and Submission (d/s) is a better fit for us. Today, I want to discuss something commonly used in d/s relationships that I think also benefit d/d relationships: Submission exercises.

What, exactly, is a submission exercise? Simply put, it's something a Dom does to help his Sub reach her submissive place.

The most commonly accepted way of doing this is, of course, spanking. But lately, Jason has been experimenting with a few other things, and it's very effective. As much as I like to be spanked, it's nice not to always have that as the one and only way I am brought to my submissive place. Sometimes spanking takes energy he simply does not have. Sometimes we do not have the privacy for spanking. Sometimes a simpler method works better.

So he uses the power to command me to get me into my submissive place. Honestly? I love this, even if initially I resist.

Some of the things he does to bring about my submission are very, very subtle. In public, he may hold my hand more firmly, or grasp an elbow, or gently reach out and squeeze my thigh. Sometimes a simple holding my gaze with a slight narrow of the eyes and small shake of the head. Sometimes a hug becomes a bit harder and says, "This is enough. Do what I say."

Often he will call my name, and he expects me to come to him.

But then sometimes I push. I try not to. I really do, but it happens sometimes. I get hormonal, or overwhelmed, or irritable. That's when he starts pushing things.

I am often instructed to kneel, and oftentimes the instruction is silent. I'll get a narrow-eyed look, clench of the jaw, and he will point to the floor where he is sitting. I know I'm expected to kneel by him. The act of kneeling by him is incredibly submissive, and it almost always works to help get me in that submissive place as effectively as a firm swat or being brought over his knee does.

There have been times he's instructed me to get in the position for a punishment, but hasn't actually punished me. Having to lie over his lap, or helplessly over the bed, with the knowledge that he could, at any time, spank me, is very humbling.

Sometimes he just has me fetch an implement. He may subtly point to his belt, or remove his belt and put it on the dresser while giving me a deliberate look, or instruct me to put the brush on the bedside table.

He's even looked at me across the table and rolled up his sleeves. No one else knows what that means. I do.

These are all little things he does that remind me he's in charge, that he's got me.

Jason will frequently take my chin in his hand and make me look at him. Sometimes even a finger under the chin works, too.

The other day, I was in the mood for a fight. I was incredibly hormonal and irritable. I didn't want him to spank me. I really, really didn't want to push that envelope. In my head, I kept saying "Don't do it. Behave! You don't want to make him spank you."

He called my name sharply. I paused. I didn't want to obey him. I wanted a fight! I came, and everything in me said, "No."

He pointed to the floor. I obeyed. He held my chin in his hand and made me look at him. Then he held not one of my hands but both of my hands. I could not get away, kneeling in front of him with both hands being held.

"Look in my eyes," he instructed. I didn't want to. So the little brat in me closed my eyes and turned away.

"If you don't look in my eyes," he whispered, "We go upstairs." We all know what that means. I had a choice: look him in the eyes or get spanked. I opened my eyes.

While holding both hands, me on my knees, looking into his eyes, he talked to me. Told me to stop my attitude. Told me he knew how I felt and how he was going to help. And I felt everything in me that resisted just fall away. Within minutes, I was in my submissive place.

Riley has a great post on this, explaining how Cael used a gentle way of having her let go of her anger.

It's the reminder...of who's in charge...that can help bring about submission.

Sometimes we crave that dominance. Sometimes we need that reassurance. Grace gave a beautiful illustration of a deliberate submissive exercise her husband used while he was away: Submission Exercise In Action. 

I'm curious. What do all of you think about this? Does it serve a place in DD? What other submission exercises are effective?

Friday, August 23, 2013

Lessons learned, an awful dream, and do I ever love my husband!

This week I've learned some hard lessons. I don't have the time to get into it all now, and I'm still processing some of it, but will update with a post soon. They were lessons I had to learn. 

The bad news is, I was firmly taken in hand quite a few times, and it was not at all enjoyable. 

The good news is, there is no doubt my Jason has found his Hoh groove, and if ever you heard this girl complain about a lack of consistency or desiring a firmer leadership role from her husband, you will never hear those complaints again. I've said before that Jason is the Hoh of my dreams and I still believe that. 

I told him last night he could write the Hoh handbook. 

The reality is, I fought the discipline I got this week (and I'm not just talking about spanking). It was serious. It was humbling. It brought up a wide range of emotions I never anticipated feeling. But as he reminded me last night, the mistakes I made will not happen again.

I had a sweet, attentive aftercare session last night that I really needed. I went to sleep with the words "I love you" in my ear, and his hand lifted the blanket and tucked it over my shoulder, then nestled against my hip in a way that made me feel safe, loved, and protected. I was exhausted, and he told me to get some sleep and he'd stay by my side until I fell asleep, because he knew I needed him. 

I told him the other day I go to sleep every night content and loved, and it's all because of him. 

But still...part of me questions at times. Is this right? Is this really what I need? What if my friends knew how deeply I desire his leadership and how stern the funny, witty, sweet guy they all know can really be with me? It bothers me sometimes...

And then I had a dream. I've never dreamed about DD before! But I think I had some things to work out. 

In my dream, I was going to be punished. I have no idea why, but I know Jason had the kids situated and brought me to our bedroom and had me prepare to be disciplined. And then in the dream, he pulled away and said something like, "Nah. Not now," and left me on the bed waiting for him. I felt angry and hurt and followed him. He said something about, "See, I hate this about our relationship" and I said something like, "I can't do this. I don't think this is working out for us," and he laughed and said, "Good. I was hoping I'd make you say that." 

And then I woke up. And I rolled over next to my husband. And immediately, a rush of memories of the past few days came over me, and interestingly enough they were of the times he was harshest with me. 

The text I got last night after I stormed upstairs from him  that said, "You're going the right way for another spanking, young lady, and you'd better get yourself together ASAP." The text that humbled me and stopped me in my tracks because holy hell, I know he isn't bluffing.

How he came up to me in the kitchen, wrapped his arm around me after I resisted a punishment he declared and whispered into my ear, "You need to stop this now. You are very, very close to getting in trouble, and you'll end up with another belt whipping." 

Crap. Yeah, he didn't say the more polite "spanking" he actually said "belt whipping." Is there a Tih out there who wouldn't be meek and humble after that? Gah!

The memory of me over the bed, on my knees, chest flat down, head buried under my hair and hands, as he lectured me on never, ever defying him again, how important it was to obey him, as he firmly and deliberately strapped me. 

Moments that were humbling and hard to take, but in the aftermath of my dream, brought me comfort and, if you can believe it, joy

Because it was only a dream. Because what I fought and resisted this week is what I need. Because he knows what I need and he gives me what I need. Because it's not all about being punished. 

It's about resting in his care. It's about the sweet way he watches out for me. It's how he balances the firmness with the most tender loving care I've had in over a decade of marriage. 

How he asked me if it was okay that he call me, from now on, his "sweet baby girl." 

How he told me, "I never knew we could have a marriage like this and I wish I knew years ago what I know now about giving you what you need." 

How he held me so tightly it almost hurt and told me, "I don't ever want to have to punish you like that again. I want you to be my good girl but please, trust me and obey me." 

Funny how a brief, vivid dream could make me more grateful than ever for what I have. I haven't told Jason about the dream, but I know he will read this post. 

I just want to say, out here in as most public a place as one can get as a Tih -- Jason, I love you, I love you, I love you, and I am so thankful for you. Thank you for being everything to me.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Sent to the corner.

This is another punishment post I've been instructed to post, per my husband's request.

I made a mistake. It was a dangerous one. Not intentional but it was the same thing I got an awful spanking for last month. Ok I got the worse spanking of my life for this last month. Did I learn my lesson? No.

 I didn't get a spanking this time cuz guess what? I'm still sore from a serious meeting with my husband's belt last night. Yes, not my week. :(

It was a dangerous thing, yes. He told me as punishment I would have twenty minutes corner time on my knees and would have to post about what I did on my blog. He also said I had to tell all of you that if I do it again he will, and I quote, "spank your ass purple." Gulp.

It will not happen again. That was the longest twenty minutes of my life I don't care to ever repeat. After doing that, I'd have preferred a spanking, sore butt and all.

That's it. Good night. I hope the next post will be a happier one.

Monday, August 19, 2013

I need a spanking. No I don't! Yes, I do. No I don't!

"It's okay," he says with a smile. He reaches his hand out to the back of my neck and draws me toward him. "You need a spanking," he says, as he kisses me. "Tonight."

Yes, I do. I know I do. I've been good! Really, I have. It's not a punishment I need, but more...stress relief? Role affirmation? All of the above?

I want to be in my submissive place. 

So I start thinking. I'm glad he knows I need a spanking and I'm glad he's going to follow through. I really need a spanking?

Can't I do what other people do? Take a bubble bath perhaps? Read a book? Maybe even snuggle up to him and watch a movie? 

Well, I do those kinds of things, too. But not tonight. Tonight, I need a spanking. 

No I don't! 

Yes, I do. 

No I don't!

I have this constant battle in my head. Why do I want a spanking? Spankings hurt! Am I crazy? He's a really good spanker! I'm not a masochist. Am I? No, I just like to be spanked. I just need to be spanked. 

And he gets this, thank God. 

Later, I kneel in front of him. I'm nervous. 

"Hey," I whisper. "I'm kinda nervous. I mean, I need a long, hard spanking," I say. "I really really do. But it will hurt!" 

He smiles softly at me and tips my face up to his, then kisses my cheek. "It'll be okay," he whispers back. "I'll just make sure to warm you up good." 

I smile and put my head in his lap. Of course I can trust him. He knows me. He knows how to do this. God do I love him. 

Finally it's time. The kids are asleep and he's done working. He comes up to me and gestures for me to go upstairs. "It's time," he says. "Let's go." 

I walk upstairs to where he's waiting. As I mount the stairs I have an odd mixture of anticipation and fear, but mostly, at this point, I'm eager. I know very soon I will be so much happier, so much more content, and I know I'll be over his lap, where I long to be.

I wonder what he will use. He uses the brush often but he has a belt he also favors, and he knows I like the belt. I rarely get just the belt, but tonight, that's what he picks up.
Will he undress me or have me do it? Will he put my over his lap or ask me to? It's all up to him. He calls the shots. I wait for his instruction. 

"Off with your pants and over my lap," he says calmly, almost sweetly. It's not the hard, stern tone he uses sometimes, like when I'm in trouble. I obey him. 

He talks gently and begins spanking me with his hand for a long, long time. I know by the length of the warm up that I am going to get the good, long spanking I need. I sigh into the mattress and grip the bedspread with my hands. He picks up the belt, and wraps it around his hand so there's a tail left. It's the way he uses the belt when I'm over the knee, so he has more control. He starts spanking me.

Over, and over, and over again, the stinging bite of the belt snaps against my bare skin. He pauses, and rubs, and talks to me, then back to the belt, over and over again, maybe a hundred or so swats. It's a long, hard, spanking and it hurts like hell but I'm not there yet.

I want to be done. Can I be done? No, I'm not done!

He pulls me so that he's holding me in his arms. 

"All better?" he whispers. 

"No," I respond honestly. "No, please more." I need more. But I'm not allowed to dictate any kind of spanking, so I add on, "But if you think I'm done, I'll take that, thank you."

"You need more," he says, and he lays me on the bed, then stands. I cringe, knowing he's doing this so he can swing harder, spank me more severely, rear back with that belt. And he's back at it, over and over and over again. I can take it long and hard but a few times I even cry out, it's so hard to take but I need it. I hold onto the bedspread and will myself to lie still. He pauses and rubs, then up with the belt again and it swishes through the air as it comes down again and again and again. 

Finally, finally, I'm there. All of the tension I've had is gone. I'm finally there, completely submitted, completely dominated and completely content

"We're done," he says, "I'm not giving you any more than that. I don't want to harm you."

I nod into the bedspread. "No, no, it's okay," I murmur. "It's what I needed." 

He sits down beside me and gently rubs my back, then my bottom, softly and tenderly. 

"Babe, that's one hell of a spanking you just took," he whispers. "Are you ok?"

I nod into the bed. Hell, I might fly away I'm so happy and content. 

"Yes," I whisper. "I'm fine. God, I needed that. I really, really needed that. Thank you." 

He's lying on his back now and pulling me onto his chest, stroking my hair, holding me close. I feel complete and utter bliss. 

The sting of the spanking lingers, and I know I'll feel it for a couple of days, but it's what I needed. 

"Do you understand why I need that sometimes?" I whisper, half asleep.

"No," he says on a chuckle. "I really don't, but I'm glad you feel better now." 

"I don't get it either sometimes," I say, intoxicated with my owns submission, unable to even keep my eyes open. I could lie like this forever. "But thank you." 

"Of course, baby girl," he whispers, and I drift off to sleep, thoroughly spanked, completely safe, and in my happy place.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Meeting Riley!

This week for the first time ever, I had an opportunity to meet a ttwd friend face-to-face!  I live pretty close to Riley from Vanilla Extract and Kenzie from Red Bottoms and TTWD, so when I found out I was going to be nearby, we made plans. Sadly, Kenzie couldn't make it (next time Kenzie!) but Riley and I were able to meet.

I was a bit nervous, but mostly excited. I think Riley is awesome and is a dear friend of mine. I feel we relate well, and have a lot in common. So I was really eager to spend some time with her.

I was surprised my husband even let it happen! He'd initially agreed because I knew Riley and Kenzie had met before, but I assured him I'd be in a public place and be careful. He hesitated a bit when he found out Kenzie couldn't make it, but he said I could still see her. He was nervous, as we are on vacation in the boonies. He must've said a hundred times, "Be careful. I know you get distracted and lost easily. I don't want you hurt or stranded!" I promised I'd be careful. I showed him I knew my way around. I had directions neatly printed, and a charged cell phone. His didn't get coverage where we were vacationing, so he said to text his Ipad throughout the night.

Cael had told Riley to make sure she wore pants in case she had to run. I got a good chuckle out if this because I'm really the least dangerous person you could imagine! But I thought it was sweet he was concerned. I told Jason what Cael had said, and instead of laughing as I thought he would, he said "good idea" and instructed me to ditch the skirt I'd planned on wearing and made me wear capris too! Riley and I giggled about how protective our guys were!

I made it there without a problem, though it was further than I'd anticipated and I had to call Riley to tell her I would be late. We hadn't even spoken on the phone yet. What would she sound like? She was sweet and understanding and told me to take my time (and she has a lovely voice!)

I recognized her right away when I arrived, and immediately felt like I could be myself around her.

Riley is sweet, and beautiful, easy to talk to, mild-mannered and kind. She's just a sweetie! It really was such a nice time. I felt as if I've known her for ages! We talked about our families and our guys, things that interest us and, of course, ttwd. I had wondered if that would come up -- would it seem forced? Awkward to discuss? Would it be embarrassing face-to-face? But it was totally natural, and we were very discreet. Really, only another Tih or Hoh would've been able to figure out what we were talking about! ;)

It is amazing to have ttwd makes me feel understood. It's so nice to be able to relate, and to get advice, and share our victories and struggles. It's hard sometimes, feeling like our needs and desires are so different from what mainstream society expects of us. I dislike that this part of me, in some ways, needs to be hidden. It was so nice to be able to sit drinking tea with Riley, talking about things like our families, and the deep-seated desire for D/S as if it is the most natural thing in the world. It was freeing to me, in a sense. Because you know what? It is natural.  And I think this is why those of us who tap into the depth of emotion and closeness ttwd can bring a couple really do understand each other.

We talked and talked and I could've gone on talking to her for hours! The mall closed so we went outside, and she excused when the phone rang. She was standing right next to me when she said, "I didn't hear it ring" and my heart went out to her! I shot her a quick smile to show her I understood and discreetly ducked away so she could talk privately. When she got off the phone she explained that she hadn't heard his call. Oh boy could I relate to how she felt. I could tell by the look on her face that she had that nervous feeling and do I ever know that feeling. I did my best to tell her that I understood all of it -- the realization you've made your Hoh worried and could face consequences because of it. The curiosity of wondering, will he understand it was a mistake, or decide he will need to make a point because of the safety factor? Soon afterward she got a message that said he wasn't upset and I think we both breathed easier!

But now I started getting worried. It was later than I'd planned on leaving, and I'd been instructed to text Jason the whole time. I had texted him but hadn't heard back. Had I sent them correctly? Was he worried, too?

So we said our good-bye's. I reluctantly left my visit with Riley, and hoped that we would be able to meet again some day!

 The first part of my journey back went off without a hitch. But then. Then! I did exactly what Jason told me not to. I flaked out at an important turn (saw the sign but didn't slow down to read it carefully and went east instead of west), so I went the wrong way. For a long time. On a dark, deserted road, far away from civilization. And now it was my turn to panic. I hadn't heard from him. I'd made a wrong turn right where he told me to pay attention! I was late. He would be worried! All I could think was, "Grrrrreat! My first meeting with a ttwd friend and I'm gonna come home and get paddled!"

I finally made it back (quite late at this point) and my heart just pounded as I pulled up. He was waiting for me on the porch. Oh dear. I was so nervous I couldn't even make eye contact with him! But when I came up to him all he did was smile and hug me and tell me how happy he was that I made it home safely. 

So there ya have it. All in all it was a wonderful time, and Riley and I both arrived home safe and sound (and without getting in trouble! Phew!)

I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet sweet Riley!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Paddles and Straps and Canes -- oh my!

I figured it was time for a bit of a run-down on implements, and I promised a friend I would give my personal opinion. So, here ya go. 

Basically, there's the stingy and there's the thuddy. Some like stingy. Some like thuddy. Some hate both (but if you hate both, I'm not sure why you're here.)

I dislike thuddy very much, but need it sometimes for stress relief. If I have my preference, I'd just take stingy, but really, to be honest, okay the only thing I ever really want is the belt. Yes, please. No, not a severe spanking with the belt, but there really is just nothing that feels like leather. Nothing. I'm hoping some day maybe we can expand our leather collection, but for now I'll be content with his belt. I love his belt. I love that it's on him and it's his and that it was the first thing he ever spanked me with "for real," all on his own, taking me in hand. I love the clink of it and the way he wraps it in his hand and puts me over his lap, not for a punishment of course, but for other trips over his knee...  But, I digress.

So you've got your run-of-the mill belts that can go from moderate to severe with a mere swing of the arm. It's all in the swing. The harder you swing, the bigger the sting.

Although I have no experience with a strap or tawse, I hear the strap is very similar to the belt, but a tawse kicks it up a notch. You can also get leather paddles, which I hear can be quite nice...or hell on earth, depending on who you ask and what the mood of the spanking is.

And then there is the hand, which also falls under the "stingy" category. The hand is perhaps the most widely used tool to administer a spanking. Depending on how hard, and how long, a hand spanking can sometimes really get the job done. It can also be very sexy...if you want some tips on sexy spanking, here's my post on Good Girl Spanking.

And then you've got your thuddy stuff...and wooden implements.

My opinion? They all suck, big time. Spoons will sting and cause more bruising than other implements. Paddles can range from moderate to severe, depending on how hard they're swung, how big they are, and what they're made of. We have a lightweight stingy one that hasn't seen my bottom in ages. Good riddance.

Hairbrushes are from hell, period. Wooden rulers...ouch! Bamboo bathbrushes and back scratchers...shudder.

Burn them. Burn them all!

Then you have your silent implements. The rule of thumb about silent implements...the quieter they are, the more they sting, and the commonly accepted belief is that the quieter the implement, the louder the Sub. These evil little things would include things like tilt wands, switches,the loopy johnny, and canes. They are widely accepted as the most severe of the lot of tools an Hoh can use to spank his little Tih. I've gotten a swat with a switch once. A. Swat. That stung for hours. Yikes! Although, we are going camping, and Jason told me "there will be switches aplenty" so....I will keep you posted. I've gotten the loopy johnny and that thing stings like a mother. These are considered severe implements because it's easy to overdo -- there is little impact but a high level of pain.

If you really feel the need to expand, mosey on over to Caneiac or Leatherhorn.

But now I'd like to get to the real deal. I've mentioned other implements that are pretty common. Do your homework. Play safe. Remember SSC: safe, sane, consensual.

And I'm going to tell you what no one else will tell you.

Are you ready?

Drum roll, please.

If you really, really want to be serious about all this, these are the implements I'd recommend. Be warned, though. These are hardcore, only to be used by those who are very, very serious about spanking.

First, a good wet noodle.

You may have heard reference made to a spanking with a wet noodle. Be careful with this implement, spankers. It can leave marks that will last for days, but really, if your Tih has done something extremely naughty -- like, say, poked you in the belly and called you the Pillsbury Doughboy (who, me??) -- it very well may be necessary to take her over your lap for a good spanking with a wet noodle. It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.

Another rather severe implement is a silk scarf. These can be found in just about any closet or drawer. Silk scarves are handy because they're so quiet. And they look so tame! But let me tell you, a good spanking with one of those babies will leave you thinking twice about mixing stripes and plaids again. Really.

And finally, I will close this post with a reference to a little-known implement you hard-core spankers may find quite handy. This is no laughing matter, people. Given the environmental hazard of styrofoam, my sources tell me it very well may be going the way of the dinosaur, so if you favor the styrofoam paddle, stock up while you can. This is a particularly useful implement, because it is so quiet and lightweight, but let me tell you, this little baby feels like nothing else. Use caution, though, as they break easily.

And there you have it. The implements you can choose from are many and varied! The selection is enormous -- a tool for every budget, every need, and every bottom. 

Happy spanking, dear readers.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

"Hey babe," Jason says nonchalantly. "I think it would be useful to have a non-verbal way of communicating." 

I'm driving. It's a sunny day and we're both in good spirits. 

"Oh? Okay hon."

He's started squeezing my hand three times in succession to say "I love you." He's been doing this for a while, and it's sweet. I love it. Sometimes even in the middle of the night, while my hand is stuffed under my head, he'll curl his hand around mine and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. 

"Yeah. Let's say we're with your sister and she gets this great idea to do something like karaoke and rock climbing with the kids and it costs a million dollars and will take us all day to get to and I don't think it's such a hot idea. I can just reach over and squeeze your hand twice." He reaches over and demonstrates. "And that means, 'no.'" 

I nod and smile. "Okay, hon. I can do that." 

Now he's warming up to the idea. 

"So once will mean 'yes.' Two will mean 'no.' And you already know 'three.'" 

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.


"But I think we need another one," he says. 

He reaches out and puts his hand on my thigh. 

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

"Four means 'Do as you're told.'" 

I giggle. "Okay. Got it!"

But no, he isn't done yet. A little while later he decides he may as well take full advantage of being able to communicate his alpha-male, Hoh-needs at a moment's notice. No time like the present, eh? 

"One final one, babe."

I nod. Again, a hand to my thigh and a gentle series of squeezes. 

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

"Five means 'I'm gonna smack your ass.'"

Alrighty then. Something told me he'd find a way to get that in.

I'd better be good.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013


I am floundering, questioning, uncertain and scared.

I need him.

I need to know he's got me.

We've had an awful couple of days. Words have been said, words that never should have been said, words that wounded. I have so much I need to do I don't even know where to begin. I fight the urge to crawl back in bed and pull the covers over my head.

I am craving his dominance.

I am walking around in a haze, trying to do what's right, trying to do what needs to be done, but so uncertain.

I'm saddened.

I'm overwhelmed.

I turn away from him, off to go do something, anything, to keep me moving.

His voice stops me. 

"Come here," he says.

I obey. I walk to the top of the stairs and raise my eyes to his.

"Go to our room and sit on the bed," he instructs calmly. I wordlessly obey.

He comes in and is getting ready for the day. I see something on the floor that needs to be put away. I rise to get it, and he turns to me, skewering me with his eyes. I freeze.

"Did I tell you to get up?" he asks. I shake my head. "Go back to the bed," he instructs with an index finger pointing back to the bed.

I feel the beginning of my safety net returning. A concrete instruction. My husband, in charge. My husband, who is to be obeyed. 

My husband, who knows I need him right now.

I sit meekly and wait for him. He walks to the dresser and gets the brush. He sits on the edge of the bed and lays the brush down next to him. He opens his arms out to me.

"Come and kneel in front of me," he says softly, and I do, fighting the urge to fall at his feet. I kneel and rest my arms on his knees.

He puts a finger under my chin.

"Tell me what you need to do today," he says in a low, even voice.

And it all spills out. The pile of things I have to do that has overwhelmed me so badly I'm almost paralyzed. 

"No," he says, with a gentle shake of his head. "No. These are the two things that you need to do." He plucks the two most pressing tasks out of my list and instructs me to do those things and nothing else.

His hands on either side of my face, my eyes are looking directly into his, and I feel a myriad of emotions sweeping over me. Trust. Compassion. Calm.

The uncertainty, the frustration, it begins to melt away. He's got me. He's helping me. He knows what I need.

His blue eyes look steadily at me. "And I want you to focus on the kids. They come first."

I nod.

Yes, yes of course. That's what I need to do. 

His hand on my chin now, he holds my gaze.

"Tell me what I expect of you."

I do. I repeat what he's asked of me.

"That's right," he smiles. Then, calmly, "Now over my lap."

I obey him, willingly yet reluctantly, wanting a spanking that will cleanse and heal, and put me in my submissive place. It hurts, badly, but I need it. Swat after swat after swat he gives me, with a lecture on obeying, and doing as I'm told, and my attitude. He talks, and holds, and pauses, and caresses. 

This isn't a punishment. He's reaffirming his role -- my leader, my protector, my Dominant. He's reaffirming mine -- his girl, his lover, his Submissive.

His voice washes over me as the slow, steady, but bearable pain pushes all my worries away and I can do nothing but let myself go. I let it all go and I'm his.

I'm here now. Fully submitted. Over his lap, nothing between us anymore, no worries or fears. In his hands, where I want to be.

When he is done, he holds me tightly, close to him.

"I love you," he says, his voice soft and thick with emotion. "I needed to show you I'm in charge."

"I love you," I whisper. "I needed to be shown."

I'm in his arms.




Saturday, August 3, 2013

Hills and Valleys

 I try to be honest. I really don't like to paint an unrealistic picture of anything...of marriage, of life, of DD. It's not all perfect. I'm not perfect, and my husband isn't perfect. We make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes hurt.

There are hills and valleys.

Last week, frankly, sucked. 

I was super cranky, awfully hormonal. Last month we planned this ahead of time and Jason helped me through it. This month, it snuck up on us, and let me just say it wasn't pretty. I cried. I ranted, I raved. I pushed my amazing, sweet husband away, not once, not twice, but over and over and over again.

He tried. He really, really did. He talked me through it. A few times he spanked me. A few mornings ago, he gave me the sweetest, firmest lecture that set my world to rights again and I was his good girl, taken care of and protected.

We laughed, we teased, we flirted, and it was wonderful.

But it all spiraled out of control again. It all started when I asked him for something and he said no. I pouted. And because Jason loves me, he gave me my way. What a little brat I am. :(

Later, something similar happened. We had every intention of spending the night together. Again, I asked him for something, and he said no. But this time I was embarrassed and I pulled away. I acted like a spoiled two-year-old and had a fit. And because he was exhausted, and this was the ninetieth time this week I've bratted out, he'd finally had it. He said he no longer felt the desire to spend the night with me, and asked me to go to bed. 

Ouch, ouch, ouch. 

It had become all about me wants...and I pushed my husband away. 

Asking for forgiveness and crying did little to change his mind. "I love you and I forgive you," said he. "But I'm going to bed now. Go to bed. Goodnight."

My heart was broken. But it was what I deserved. How much, really, can one man put up with?

After I cried a bit, I made myself reflect. 

What got me here? What could I have done to avoid this? 

Maybe when I was embarrassed, I could've just told him instead of acting like a baby about it. I should've trusted him with the truth instead of pulling back inside myself. Maybe.

What I really need to do is take the focus off myself. My husband is very very good to me. And yet I crave more. I'm not satisfied. 

Focus off myself, and focus on him. Focus on my family. I will work on allowing him to have his own space. 

Sometimes, in my own focus on myself...navel gazing, Jason calls it...I forget that he, too, has needs. He, too, has feelings and emotions. Yes, as a man, he doesn't express them the way I do. But that doesn't mean they aren't there. He is every bit as human as I am. And I need to respect that. 

Why am I writing this all here? First, because my husband reads my blog and I want him to know how sorry I am. I love you. You are so very good to me. I've done it again. I've put my needs before yours, and I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.

Please know I will work hard at showing you how very much I love you. How much you mean to me. I am so grateful for you, and I don't ever want to take you for granted again.

I'm also writing because maybe some of my readers are also at a low in their relationship. Maybe something just isn't working. Maybe tremendous pressure has put a strain on your relationship. Whatever the case may be, I want you to know you're not alone.

When things are going well, they are amazing. When two people love each other there is challenge, vulnerability, honesty, commitment, and love. When you leave yourself open, you allow yourself to experience some of the best high points you can imagine. When things are going well with me and Jason, I feel loved to the tip of my toes, and he does, too. He may not say it, but I can see it in his eyes, the way he looks at me, like I am so precious to him. He knows how much I trust and appreciate him. 

But the lows...the valleys. Dear readers, they are devastating. I've never felt so hurt, so alone, so crushed as I do during the low times. And he hurts, too. Monday night, after I angered Jason, I was sent to bed alone. It was one of the most painful nights of my life. I cried myself to sleep. When I pushed him away again, and he turned from me, It was awful. I saw the hurt in his eyes and was asked to leave, knowing I was the cause of that hurt and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. 

I wanted to fix things and couldn't. The only thing I could do was let it go and give him space.

This week alone, we've had incredible highs and lows. We are in the valley a low that frankly hurts like hell. But I know we will get through. We can't stay in the valley forever. Why? Because we love each other. 

I can't take back the hurt. I can't change what's gone on. I can't wave a magic wand and make all the things said in anger disappear. 

And I cannot lie and say these things don't happen. They do. 

I can look at what I've done wrong, and ask myself what I could've done differently. And next time, I can make a better choice.

Dear readers, if there's anything I want to say, it is this. So many of you want this. So many of you live this. It is not all sunshine and roses. There are challenges. There are hurts. 

Just keep going.

The challenges in our relationship are what bring us together. It is painful. It is not easy to walk through fire. It is not easy to be tested, and pushed, and stretched. 

But without the stretches and pulls and tests, there is no growth. 

So where am I now? I am at a low that I will push through. He needs space. I need to focus off myself and focus on him. Focus, focus, focus. Off self. 

It's not about me, it's not about me, it's not about me. 

I will let my own will go. I will seek to put my family first. And I will trust my lead us, and brings us out of the valley and back to where we need to be.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Sex and Discipline...Should They Be Separated?

This is one of those age-old questions people throw around in DD circles. 

Is it okay to make love after discipline? Will it confuse things? A punishment shouldn't be erotic, so isn't it best to separate the two? 

Bob from Thoughts on TTWD and I are taking opposite sides of this question today. 

I guess I can see the reasoning behind separating the two, but after a long time of living out our DD relationship, frankly, I really don't buy it. Not for a minute. 

Now that doesn't mean we always make love after I've been disciplined. After a very serious spanking sometimes I just want to curl up in his arms and go to sleep, and I do. Sometimes a quick hug is all that happens, and off I go. 

Where aftercare takes us is completely my husband's call.

And it certainly doesn't mean that a punishment spanking turns me on. It does not. I think this is where the fear of confusing the two lies.

There is a very, very different feel between a punishment spanking and an erotic spanking. Trust me on this. I've been (fortunate? unfortunate enough?) to have lots and lots of both. When I'm in trouble, the mental mindset of being punished makes being aroused almost impossible. 

But that doesn't mean that after being disciplined we don't want to make love sometimes. In many ways, I see making love after a discipline session as merely an extension of aftercare.

If it's okay -- actually, extremely important -- to hug, kiss, or hold the Tih after a punishment, why can't making love be an extension of that aftercare? 

My husband doesn't like punishing me. Sometimes he wants nothing more than to give that to me, to love me beyond a kiss or a hug. Sometimes he needs it.

Frankly, nothing brings us closer than a spanking, a stern lecture, a sweet kiss, then restitution where we both end up in each other's arms as one.

Picture credit: Jacob Lesher 

It's not that being disciplined is arousing. It isn't. But sometimes we can't help but want to be closer, to put it all behind us. 

When a discipline session is done, it's
over. It would be wrong to withhold forgiveness. 

So why shouldn't a couple come closer together? Why not embrace the gift of intimacy together? 

It merely says "I love you" at a time when that needs to be said.