Monday, August 19, 2013

I need a spanking. No I don't! Yes, I do. No I don't!

"It's okay," he says with a smile. He reaches his hand out to the back of my neck and draws me toward him. "You need a spanking," he says, as he kisses me. "Tonight."

Yes, I do. I know I do. I've been good! Really, I have. It's not a punishment I need, but more...stress relief? Role affirmation? All of the above?

I want to be in my submissive place. 

So I start thinking. I'm glad he knows I need a spanking and I'm glad he's going to follow through. But...do I really need a spanking?

Can't I do what other people do? Take a bubble bath perhaps? Read a book? Maybe even snuggle up to him and watch a movie? 

Well, I do those kinds of things, too. But not tonight. Tonight, I need a spanking. 

No I don't! 

Yes, I do. 

No I don't!


I have this constant battle in my head. Why do I want a spanking? Spankings hurt! Am I crazy? He's a really good spanker! I'm not a masochist. Am I? No, I just like to be spanked. I just need to be spanked. 

And he gets this, thank God. 

Later, I kneel in front of him. I'm nervous. 

"Hey," I whisper. "I'm kinda nervous. I mean, I need a long, hard spanking," I say. "I really really do. But it will hurt!" 

He smiles softly at me and tips my face up to his, then kisses my cheek. "It'll be okay," he whispers back. "I'll just make sure to warm you up good." 

I smile and put my head in his lap. Of course I can trust him. He knows me. He knows how to do this. God do I love him. 

Finally it's time. The kids are asleep and he's done working. He comes up to me and gestures for me to go upstairs. "It's time," he says. "Let's go." 

I walk upstairs to where he's waiting. As I mount the stairs I have an odd mixture of anticipation and fear, but mostly, at this point, I'm eager. I know very soon I will be so much happier, so much more content, and I know I'll be over his lap, where I long to be.

I wonder what he will use. He uses the brush often but he has a belt he also favors, and he knows I like the belt. I rarely get just the belt, but tonight, that's what he picks up.
Will he undress me or have me do it? Will he put my over his lap or ask me to? It's all up to him. He calls the shots. I wait for his instruction. 

"Off with your pants and over my lap," he says calmly, almost sweetly. It's not the hard, stern tone he uses sometimes, like when I'm in trouble. I obey him. 



He talks gently and begins spanking me with his hand for a long, long time. I know by the length of the warm up that I am going to get the good, long spanking I need. I sigh into the mattress and grip the bedspread with my hands. He picks up the belt, and wraps it around his hand so there's a tail left. It's the way he uses the belt when I'm over the knee, so he has more control. He starts spanking me.

Over, and over, and over again, the stinging bite of the belt snaps against my bare skin. He pauses, and rubs, and talks to me, then back to the belt, over and over again, maybe a hundred or so swats. It's a long, hard, spanking and it hurts like hell but I'm not there yet.

I want to be done. Can I be done? No, I'm not done!

He pulls me so that he's holding me in his arms. 

"All better?" he whispers. 

"No," I respond honestly. "No, please more." I need more. But I'm not allowed to dictate any kind of spanking, so I add on, "But if you think I'm done, I'll take that, thank you."

"You need more," he says, and he lays me on the bed, then stands. I cringe, knowing he's doing this so he can swing harder, spank me more severely, rear back with that belt. And he's back at it, over and over and over again. I can take it long and hard but a few times I even cry out, it's so hard to take but I need it. I hold onto the bedspread and will myself to lie still. He pauses and rubs, then up with the belt again and it swishes through the air as it comes down again and again and again. 

Finally, finally, I'm there. All of the tension I've had is gone. I'm finally there, completely submitted, completely dominated and completely content

"We're done," he says, "I'm not giving you any more than that. I don't want to harm you."

I nod into the bedspread. "No, no, it's okay," I murmur. "It's what I needed." 

He sits down beside me and gently rubs my back, then my bottom, softly and tenderly. 

"Babe, that's one hell of a spanking you just took," he whispers. "Are you ok?"

I nod into the bed. Hell, I might fly away I'm so happy and content. 

"Yes," I whisper. "I'm fine. God, I needed that. I really, really needed that. Thank you." 

He's lying on his back now and pulling me onto his chest, stroking my hair, holding me close. I feel complete and utter bliss. 

The sting of the spanking lingers, and I know I'll feel it for a couple of days, but it's what I needed. 

"Do you understand why I need that sometimes?" I whisper, half asleep.

"No," he says on a chuckle. "I really don't, but I'm glad you feel better now." 

"I don't get it either sometimes," I say, intoxicated with my owns submission, unable to even keep my eyes open. I could lie like this forever. "But thank you." 

"Of course, baby girl," he whispers, and I drift off to sleep, thoroughly spanked, completely safe, and in my happy place.


12 comments:

  1. Jg,
    I sure wish I was comfortable enough to ask like you do, I just can't, maybe one day or maybe one day he will just "know". I hope for the latter honestly. LOL
    Honey

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  2. But the catch is, often you won't get the latter until you've done the former! You need to make yourself ask him. Once you take that first step, it becomes much easier. I think it's necessary to take your relationship up to that next level. Just do it! ;)

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  3. JG This is beautiful. You're helping to give me courage to ask as well.

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    1. Thank you! It is not easy to have that courage, but you can do it!

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  4. I can't ask. I admire you...and him!
    I do know that yes I do, no I don't feeling well though. I just don't understand myself at times.

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    1. I'm getting more peace from just accepting instead of having to know the "why!" It works. So why question it?

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  5. This is a great post. It's awesome that you two are able to communicate this way, and I totally get what you mean about the whole not wanting to admit it and trying to decide that you can be okay without it.

    I really enjoyed reading this post.

    Bekah

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it, Bekah. Yes, I do love being able to communicate this way...it's amazing how d/s has opened up the doors of communication.

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  6. I had to chuckle when he said he really couldn't understand. It is an interesting want but so many of us share the same one! I think it's that need to feel protected and loved and secure and a little "session" can demonstrate just that. Sounds like he knows what he's doing! :)

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    1. And this is the difference between real life and fiction, because in fiction he would've known the answer! LOL! Yes, I think you're right about the reasons. Things just "fall into place" being dominated sometimes...and the emotional release that comes after a "session" is all tied into it.

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  7. hey girl
    great post. I reading your post they are almost like reading book or being in a fairytale story. I am so happy you get to live this life. I know it is not all good and it took a lot of hard work to get there. your post show the true meaning of our lifestyle. It also give girls like me hope to keep moving forward after a rough time. thank you and keep it up. This is Danasty

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    1. Thank you, Danasty! I'm glad you find my posts encouraging. Yes, it is not always perfect...we do struggle, like anyone else, sometimes...but the joy we both reap from this lifestyle really makes it worth it.

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