Friday, August 2, 2013

Sex and Discipline...Should They Be Separated?

This is one of those age-old questions people throw around in DD circles. 

Is it okay to make love after discipline? Will it confuse things? A punishment shouldn't be erotic, so isn't it best to separate the two? 

Bob from Thoughts on TTWD and I are taking opposite sides of this question today. 

I guess I can see the reasoning behind separating the two, but after a long time of living out our DD relationship, frankly, I really don't buy it. Not for a minute. 

Now that doesn't mean we always make love after I've been disciplined. After a very serious spanking sometimes I just want to curl up in his arms and go to sleep, and I do. Sometimes a quick hug is all that happens, and off I go. 

Where aftercare takes us is completely my husband's call.

And it certainly doesn't mean that a punishment spanking turns me on. It does not. I think this is where the fear of confusing the two lies.

There is a very, very different feel between a punishment spanking and an erotic spanking. Trust me on this. I've been (fortunate? unfortunate enough?) to have lots and lots of both. When I'm in trouble, the mental mindset of being punished makes being aroused almost impossible. 

But that doesn't mean that after being disciplined we don't want to make love sometimes. In many ways, I see making love after a discipline session as merely an extension of aftercare.

If it's okay -- actually, extremely important -- to hug, kiss, or hold the Tih after a punishment, why can't making love be an extension of that aftercare? 

My husband doesn't like punishing me. Sometimes he wants nothing more than to give that to me, to love me beyond a kiss or a hug. Sometimes he needs it.

Frankly, nothing brings us closer than a spanking, a stern lecture, a sweet kiss, then restitution where we both end up in each other's arms as one.

Picture credit: Jacob Lesher 

It's not that being disciplined is arousing. It isn't. But sometimes we can't help but want to be closer, to put it all behind us. 

When a discipline session is done, it's
over. It would be wrong to withhold forgiveness. 

So why shouldn't a couple come closer together? Why not embrace the gift of intimacy together? 

It merely says "I love you" at a time when that needs to be said.


  1. Well put and I totally agree with you. My blog

    1. Thank you! And I'll check out your blog. :)

  2. Agreed. The spanking is supposed to be the end of it so what happens afterward is not related to whatever incident the spanking resolved.

  3. I completely agree with you. After all, this whole relationship style is designed to bring you and your spouse closer together. There is no greater way to share your soul than immersing yourself into each other, what a perfect way to repair broken bonds.

  4. My spankings are invariably discipline spankings or, occasionally, admonitory or maintenance ones but I always know I'm loved, feel loved and sometimes make love afterwards! Thank you for this Jason Girl. xx

    1. Yes...there is a difference between a spanking turning someone on (punishment spankings aren't sexy!) and wanting to be closer when all is said and done.

  5. You already know that my views on this tally precisely with yours.

    For me it's always been the case that the "over" when it comes to punishment means finished and done with. Therefore any conditions that he placed on the aftermath would effectively mean that it wasn't really finished and that he was *extending* the punishment. This would more or less negate one of the chief benefits of DD as a tool that enables us to deal with something, find mutual closure and move on forward. Since in my last relationship, which was not DD, I had my fill of the 'vanilla' situation in which the same old things were dragged up again and again to create and a maintain barriers between us, this is a tool I value very greatly.

    We don't ever 'schedule' what will happen when punishment is over and we 'reconnect' by whatever means feel natural and right at the time, (this is non sexual just as often as it is sexual), so I don't really understand the view your chosen method of reconnection can create some kind of pleasant and/or erotic association with a punishment which is already in the past.

    As to whether there is erotic association overall and, if so, whether that is inappropriate or causes confusion, I can only say that, for me, the actual punishment is unmistakeably just that and nothing else and I really can't imagine how anyone could possibly mistake punishment for erotic play. However, once the punishment is over, there are entirely different feelings involved. It is then that I begin to appreciate the care and love of his dominance/leadership and his involvement in taking care of me. I'm not at all ashamed to admit that these things, combined with the physical aftermath of heat and sting are factors that I find sexually pleasing and which for me are 'hot'.

  6. The spanking is supposed to be the end. For me sex or just kissing or holding while we fall asleep signifies the forgiveness. Not having this is cold and lonely.

  7. A lot of this depends on the couple and the situation. Here are some examples.

    A straitlaced couple links sex with either procreation or sin. One day, the husband decides his wife needs a spanking. He tells his wife to go to the bedroom and get herself ready for a paddling. The wife goes to the bedroom, undresses, gets the paddle and lays it on the bed and lays over the edge of the bed beside it, and waits for her husband. The husband comes in several minutes later, administers the paddling, and leaves. The wife dresses, returns the paddle to it's designated place, and rejoins her husband. The next evening, however, the husband is on top of his wife in bed, pumping away.

    A couple is working at cross purposes in dealing with their difficult child. The husband tells the wife they need to have "a talk." The two go out to the couple's RV parked in their spacious yard. The wife apologizes for contradicting her husband in front of their child, drops her pants, and bends over. The husband takes off his belt, and gives his wife's bottom a few sharp licks. The wife pulls up her pants and hugs her husband. The two got back into the house to deal with the original problem.

    A wife uses profanity in from of the couple's children. After the children are in bed, the couple has a long talk in their living room. Then he takes his wife to the bedroom while he goes out in the yard and cuts a switch. When husband returns, the wife is already naked. Her husband taker her by the arm and gives her bottom and the back of her thighs and good whipping. Afterwards, still craving her husbands dominance and knowing he gets an erection while spanking her, the wife crawls into bed and assumes a doggy position so her husband can examine his handiwork while he undresses.

    A husband comes home from work only to find his wife i a foul mood. She takes out her frustrations on him. Unable to calm her down any other way, he pulls down, sits down on the couch, puts his wife over his knee, and spanks her until she cries out her frustrations. Afterwards, he cuddles her. His fingers begin exploring. Before long, with their clothes strewn about, they're like a two horny and unchaperoned teenagers going at it on the couch.

  8. There are many scenarios with a man spanking his woman good
    and hard, and she not liking it - but accepting that she needs
    this attention occasionally.

    When my wife gets it, it is usually because of bitching and tantrums, and I must confess that when she has annoyed me like that for some time, I like to hear her crying and promising to be a good girl, if only I'll stop spanking her bare bottom with her own hairbrush.

    After the spanking we cuddle and I comfort her as best I can, and invariably we end up having wonderful sex and sleeping close together.

    When we wake up my wife complains that her bottom is red and sore, and I tell her that she had it coming - and usually she
    agrees. But then she sometimes asks how I can go on spanking
    her so long and hard, when I hear her crying and sobbing and asking to be let off. And I tell her that 1) I actually enjoy her crying and promises and the sight of her beautiful behind
    turning red - especially when I'm angry and frustrated with her because of her behaviour, and 2) I have already deceided before how long and hard the spanking is going to be, because I know that a woman can turn on tears and sobbing and promises very easily in order to escape from a punishment spanking.

    And she agrees that it is so - and confesses that usually when
    she's been bitching and scolding, it is a good cure to get spanked - and she feels much better and at peace with the world afterwards. So spanking my wife's bare bottom is actually a win-win situation for both of us.


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