Monday, August 26, 2013

Submission Exercises

Before I get into too many details here, I just want to explain that this blog really isn't just about Domestic Discipline, as regular readers are aware. Domestic Discipline is part of our relationship, yes, but thankfully a small part (because I really seek to please Jason and dislike being punished). I would say that Dominance and Submission (d/s) is a better fit for us. Today, I want to discuss something commonly used in d/s relationships that I think also benefit d/d relationships: Submission exercises.

What, exactly, is a submission exercise? Simply put, it's something a Dom does to help his Sub reach her submissive place.

The most commonly accepted way of doing this is, of course, spanking. But lately, Jason has been experimenting with a few other things, and it's very effective. As much as I like to be spanked, it's nice not to always have that as the one and only way I am brought to my submissive place. Sometimes spanking takes energy he simply does not have. Sometimes we do not have the privacy for spanking. Sometimes a simpler method works better.

So he uses the power to command me to get me into my submissive place. Honestly? I love this, even if initially I resist.

Some of the things he does to bring about my submission are very, very subtle. In public, he may hold my hand more firmly, or grasp an elbow, or gently reach out and squeeze my thigh. Sometimes a simple holding my gaze with a slight narrow of the eyes and small shake of the head. Sometimes a hug becomes a bit harder and says, "This is enough. Do what I say."

Often he will call my name, and he expects me to come to him.

But then sometimes I push. I try not to. I really do, but it happens sometimes. I get hormonal, or overwhelmed, or irritable. That's when he starts pushing things.

I am often instructed to kneel, and oftentimes the instruction is silent. I'll get a narrow-eyed look, clench of the jaw, and he will point to the floor where he is sitting. I know I'm expected to kneel by him. The act of kneeling by him is incredibly submissive, and it almost always works to help get me in that submissive place as effectively as a firm swat or being brought over his knee does.

There have been times he's instructed me to get in the position for a punishment, but hasn't actually punished me. Having to lie over his lap, or helplessly over the bed, with the knowledge that he could, at any time, spank me, is very humbling.

Sometimes he just has me fetch an implement. He may subtly point to his belt, or remove his belt and put it on the dresser while giving me a deliberate look, or instruct me to put the brush on the bedside table.

He's even looked at me across the table and rolled up his sleeves. No one else knows what that means. I do.

These are all little things he does that remind me he's in charge, that he's got me.

Jason will frequently take my chin in his hand and make me look at him. Sometimes even a finger under the chin works, too.

The other day, I was in the mood for a fight. I was incredibly hormonal and irritable. I didn't want him to spank me. I really, really didn't want to push that envelope. In my head, I kept saying "Don't do it. Behave! You don't want to make him spank you."

He called my name sharply. I paused. I didn't want to obey him. I wanted a fight! I came, and everything in me said, "No."

He pointed to the floor. I obeyed. He held my chin in his hand and made me look at him. Then he held not one of my hands but both of my hands. I could not get away, kneeling in front of him with both hands being held.

"Look in my eyes," he instructed. I didn't want to. So the little brat in me closed my eyes and turned away.

"If you don't look in my eyes," he whispered, "We go upstairs." We all know what that means. I had a choice: look him in the eyes or get spanked. I opened my eyes.

While holding both hands, me on my knees, looking into his eyes, he talked to me. Told me to stop my attitude. Told me he knew how I felt and how he was going to help. And I felt everything in me that resisted just fall away. Within minutes, I was in my submissive place.

Riley has a great post on this, explaining how Cael used a gentle way of having her let go of her anger.

It's the reminder...of who's in charge...that can help bring about submission.

Sometimes we crave that dominance. Sometimes we need that reassurance. Grace gave a beautiful illustration of a deliberate submissive exercise her husband used while he was away: Submission Exercise In Action. 

I'm curious. What do all of you think about this? Does it serve a place in DD? What other submission exercises are effective?


  1. I really love your blog Jasons girl. It sounds like you and your TOH are very happy together. I hope someday I can find a guy like him.


    1. Thank you. I am a lucky girl indeed. I hope you find what you are looking for as well!

  2. I totally agree with you JG there is a time and a place to do some of the things to calm one down and spanking doesn't have to be administered all the time, sometimes a touch of the elbow or a stern look can do the same as a spanking. Great post


    1. Thanks, Bob. Good thing a spanking doesn't always have to be administered...I get enough as it is!! ;)

  3. that was great JG. I will have to have my hoh read this one. One to read Riley. Lol this kinda stuff is what I need. By the way this is Danasty.

  4. It's been very beneficial for us to have submission exercises. We don't necessarily call them that, but it helps to have a way to connect and deal with things, one that doesn't always take so much energy. DD or Ds it can be helpful. There are many ways to carry out these little exercises, depending on what suits the couple's dynamic.

    1. Funny, we've never called them that either! I'd read about them online and didn't know what else to call them, so it seemed to fit. If I said "submission exercises" to Jason, I think he wouldn't know what I was talking about! (Unless he's already read this post).

      I can see that depending on the dynamic, there are a variety of different things a couple can do...

  5. I think this is great. I really do think that submission exercises have a place. When we're being good, it helps to have them so that we keep our submission without constantly trying to do it ourselves. It helps keep the balance in the relationship without having to bring in spanking every time. If we only ever use one tool, after a while, that over worked tool might become ineffective, a chore, or we might become resentful to it. It helps to have many tools so that we are kept on our toes and things stay fresh. :)

    1. I agree, Es May. I think spanking can lose it's effectiveness if used too frequently (though, for me, 'too frequently' would have to be a LOT!). Different tools gives the Hoh an ability to lead more effectively, I think.

  6. I love your ideas on submission exercises. I think I'm going to talk to my Jason about these. Or maybe subtle suggestions? :) Perhaps some of these exercises will save me from days like yesterday when I felt like I lost my submission. My calm place. Where I wound up driving a wedge between us. As always JasonGirl Thank You for sharing your beautiful stories. <3


    1. It's now always easy, Hanne. I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Do share! Jason and I discussed this again last night as our need for privacy has does work.

  7. my husband hasn't put this as a rule. but when he tells me to do something, I always answer with "yes, sir". he has tld metha he does enjoy that I do that because it's a two-fold thing. it reaffirms to me that his place is as the head of our household and it helps him build confidence in his position so that he can fully step into that role without feeling like he's overstepping said role :p

    1. Yes! It is amazing how a simple "yes, sir," can change the mindset. I find it humbling! And hot sometimes. ;)


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