Before I get into too many details here, I just want to explain that this blog really isn't just about Domestic Discipline, as regular readers are aware. Domestic Discipline is part of our relationship, yes, but thankfully a small part (because I really seek to please Jason and dislike being punished). I would say that Dominance and Submission (d/s) is a better fit for us. Today, I want to discuss something commonly used in d/s relationships that I think also benefit d/d relationships: Submission exercises.
What, exactly, is a submission exercise? Simply put, it's something a Dom does to help his Sub reach her submissive place.
The most commonly accepted way of doing this is, of course, spanking. But lately, Jason has been experimenting with a few other things, and it's very effective. As much as I like to be spanked, it's nice not to always have that as the one and only way I am brought to my submissive place. Sometimes spanking takes energy he simply does not have. Sometimes we do not have the privacy for spanking. Sometimes a simpler method works better.
So he uses the power to command me to get me into my submissive place. Honestly? I love this, even if initially I resist.
Some of the things he does to bring about my submission are very, very subtle. In public, he may hold my hand more firmly, or grasp an elbow, or gently reach out and squeeze my thigh. Sometimes a simple holding my gaze with a slight narrow of the eyes and small shake of the head. Sometimes a hug becomes a bit harder and says, "This is enough. Do what I say."
Often he will call my name, and he expects me to come to him.
But then sometimes I push. I try not to. I really do, but it happens sometimes. I get hormonal, or overwhelmed, or irritable. That's when he starts pushing things.
I am often instructed to kneel, and oftentimes the instruction is silent. I'll get a narrow-eyed look, clench of the jaw, and he will point to the floor where he is sitting. I know I'm expected to kneel by him. The act of kneeling by him is incredibly submissive, and it almost always works to help get me in that submissive place as effectively as a firm swat or being brought over his knee does.
There have been times he's instructed me to get in the position for a punishment, but hasn't actually punished me. Having to lie over his lap, or helplessly over the bed, with the knowledge that he could, at any time, spank me, is very humbling.
Sometimes he just has me fetch an implement. He may subtly point to his belt, or remove his belt and put it on the dresser while giving me a deliberate look, or instruct me to put the brush on the bedside table.
He's even looked at me across the table and rolled up his sleeves. No one else knows what that means. I do.
These are all little things he does that remind me he's in charge, that he's got me.
Jason will frequently take my chin in his hand and make me look at him. Sometimes even a finger under the chin works, too.
The other day, I was in the mood for a fight. I was incredibly hormonal and irritable. I didn't want him to spank me. I really, really didn't want to push that envelope. In my head, I kept saying "Don't do it. Behave! You don't want to make him spank you."
He called my name sharply. I paused. I didn't want to obey him. I wanted a fight! I came, and everything in me said, "No."
He pointed to the floor. I obeyed. He held my chin in his hand and made me look at him. Then he held not one of my hands but both of my hands. I could not get away, kneeling in front of him with both hands being held.
"Look in my eyes," he instructed. I didn't want to. So the little brat in me closed my eyes and turned away.
"If you don't look in my eyes," he whispered, "We go upstairs." We all know what that means. I had a choice: look him in the eyes or get spanked. I opened my eyes.
While holding both hands, me on my knees, looking into his eyes, he talked to me. Told me to stop my attitude. Told me he knew how I felt and how he was going to help. And I felt everything in me that resisted just fall away. Within minutes, I was in my submissive place.
Riley has a great post on this, explaining how Cael used a gentle way of having her let go of her anger.
It's the reminder...of who's in charge...that can help bring about submission.
Sometimes we crave that dominance. Sometimes we need that reassurance. Grace gave a beautiful illustration of a deliberate submissive exercise her husband used while he was away: Submission Exercise In Action.
I'm curious. What do all of you think about this? Does it serve a place in DD? What other submission exercises are effective?