So the other day, it was time to wake up Jason. I was exhausted! One of my children had an issue, and I'd gotten almost no sleep the night before.
We've also talked about the pms fairies, and how they are particularly cruel to me as of late...well, let's just say it's been one helluva week.
Our routine is that I get up way earlier than Jason, so I bring him his coffee. Then we chat about our days and do our "check in." Sometimes he'll talk about the day and give me specific instructions. If I got a little close to the edge on something, he may give me a reminder spanking, or stress relief, or role affirmation. He spanks me often, and this is usually when it happens.
So I was so irritated and exhausted and wound up, I practically threw his coffee at him and spun on my heel and left the room. He said something like, "What? No check in?" and I snapped "Whatever!" and stormed downstairs.
One might think I was asking for it at this point. I really didn't feel like I wanted him to spank me. I was just in an awful mood!
In my head I'm thinking, "Just shut UP! You're going to get in trouble!" So he called me in and was still all sweet and said, "I think it's time for your check-in."
I said, "I don't need a spanking every single day, you know. I mean, maybe it would be nice to talk to me or something once in a while!" (Yes, I was very far gone. He doesn't spank me every day, though close to it, and he does talk to me!)
He just smiled his patient smile and said, "I want you over my lap."
Well, I didn't want to go over his lap! But I knew there was no point in resisting so I threw myself over his lap and "hmmmphd" and "grrrrd" a bit. So then. Then! I was so angry and wound up, I had a fit. ON HIS LAP. I think I might have even pounded the bed with my hands. In my head I'm thinking, "He is a foot away from the implement drawer. You are getting out of control! He's going to punish you if you don't stop!" but I couldn't stop. I knew a punishment spanking would end up being a lot harder, and very unpleasant, and neither one of us would be very happy. I didn't want that. I really really didn't! I practically kicked my feet and all, just there, over his lap. I thought I was a goner. I wanted to stop so badly but was just out of control.
At this point, Jason could tell I was pretty much nuts. And, believe it or not, he stopped spanking me and said, "Alright. Enough of this. Get up off my lap and come and kneel in front of me."
I did. I'm pretty sure I was scowling at him. I wasn't angry at him. I was just...crazy.
He made me hold his hands and look in his eyes, and said something like, "What is going on with you?" and to my shock and amazement, I literally burst into tears.
"I'm soooo tired," I said, and I told him all about why I was so tired, and why I had things that were bothering me. I cried and cried. I told him how I didn't want to burden him with everything, how I get so overwhelmed and needy, and it bothers me that I put so much pressure on him, so I'd been trying to hold it all in and do everything on my own and not bother him so much.
He let go of my hands and did one of the sweetest things ever. He took his thumbs and brushed the tears away from my cheeks and said, "Hey. I want you to come to me about these things. Ok? Listen. I'm your husband. This is my job. I'm supposed to help you with these things. You're not burdening me."
I felt understood. I felt important to him.
He smiled and said, "Ok, so do you want a good girl spanking now?"
Usually a good girl spanking refers to an erotic spanking, but Jason uses it to mean "any spanking that isn't a punishment." Funny, a few minutes ago one would say I probably needed a spanking, but didn't want one! Now I was at the point where I thought yes, it really would help.
He laid me over the bed, and got his belt, and gave me a good, thorough stress relief spanking, and when he was done I felt so much better than I did before. And I didn't have to be punished to get there!
Some days, I really really just don't know what gets into me. Sometimes I think, "This guy puts up with so much!" But then when things like this happen, it reminds me that really, he's got me, in more ways than I think. It's not always easy...we argue, we misunderstand each other. Life gets in the way! This isn't a fairy tale. It's hard work. Neither of us is perfect, and both of us can be selfish.
But I just wanted to share this as a little anecdote, an example of how a real DS relationship can work and bring about peace.