Thursday, September 12, 2013

A Memorable Spanking

Of the many. many. many spankings I've gotten, there are a select few that absolutely made an impression on me. 

There were a few I got that were so memorable, I never, ever did what I was punished for again. 

One day I deliberately chose to disobey Jason and do something dangerous. At the time, I didn't think it was that big a deal, really, but felt a bit guilty about it, so I fessed up. I will never forget the look on his face. It stopped my heart, so much so that I remember saying, "Okay, I can tell this is clearly something very important to you. I promise I won't do it again! I get the point!" Well, he made his point loud and clear. It was the first time ever he used two implements. He used the paddle, and then his belt, and when he put his belt down he went back for the paddle and used that again, then back to the belt and used that again. It was the first time I remember asking him to stop, and telling him I'd never do it again, and he ignored me as he soundly finished delivering the spanking of my life. Holy crap. I never, ever, ever did that again, not even once. The mere thought of doing it again had me quaking in my boots. 

There was the time I went behind his back and did something dangerous, disobedient, and disrespectful all at once. He pulled me over his lap and paddled me harder than he'd ever paddled me before. It was awful. He was so upset with me, he couldn't even give me aftercare at first, and had to leave the room. When he was finally calm again, I buried my head in his lap and cried, and he held me until I fell asleep. I never did anything like that again. 

Last night, I was punished for speeding. Dear reader, I can say with some confidence that I think this habit has been broken. 

I don't get spanked just for going over the speed limit. No, that happens, and when I catch myself going too fast, I slow down and then make a conscious effort to not speed again. And I have some leeway, of course. I'm allowed to drive at a reasonable speed. But deliberately choosing to drive far beyond the speed limit is something that has very recently been added to "the list" (what I refer to as "the theoretical list of spankable offenses.") 

Last week was the first time I was spanked for speeding. It was a good spanking, but on the smaller side. I felt badly and cried, and he held me and promised me that if it happened again, it would be a far worse spanking. 

Well, I'm ashamed to admit...it happened again. Not accidental speeding. Not speeding by just a little. Not losing focus and not realizing what I was doing. Deliberately choosing to drive far faster than was safe. 

Why do I do this? It's a habit. I'm a very busy person. I am impatient. 

I didn't want to tell him. I hate telling him I've done something wrong, and there was no question I'd get a spanking. If you've read my blog lately, you'll know that I've been in trouble quite a bit lately (though I sure as hell hope that is a trend I can put behind me). I couldn't bear to see the look on his face. But I was also mad at myself. 

Long story short, he could tell by the way I was, that I had something to tell him and flat out asked, "What rule did you break?" It wasn't stern. It wasn't angry. It was just a calm conversation. So I told him. He helped me by talking about my reaction and told me, "This is going to happen. It's a habit you have. But it's a habit you need to break, and you need my help with this." 

You and I know what kind of help he's talking about. 

I knew he'd promised a serious spanking, and I knew I deserved it, but part of me still hoped it wouldn't be that bad. Sometimes he says he'll give me a serious spanking but when the time comes, he can tell I'm really repentant, and he lightens up on me or occasionally will even decide I don't deserve a spanking. 

Yeah, well, let's just say that didn't happen last night. 

He got the paddle. I was hoping against all hope that he would put me over his lap as it's so much easier to bear that way. I feel rejected when punished on the bed, like I'm not worthy of his holding me when he spanks me. It hurts so badly and I hate it. So I always feel when he puts me over his lap he is being more merciful. 

He had me remove all my clothing, and asked me to go over his lap. Before he spanked me, he gave me a long lecture. 

"Why are you over my lap for a spanking?" 

"Because I was speeding again." 

"Yes. And what happens when you speed?"

"I get a spanking." 


"Has this been the first time I've spanked you for this?" 

Me, in a small voice, and tears coming to my eyes. "No." 

"I'm going to make it good and clear how serious I am about this, and I never want to do this again. Is that clear?"

I could barely speak.

"Yes, sir." 

He paddled me, and it was awful. I did my very best to lie still and take it. I crossed my ankles and held onto the end of the bed, but it was hard to do. He swung hard, and that paddle is serious stuff. It stings, and lingers, and covers one hell of a lot of surface area. It makes me catch my breath and I can't help but whimper and squirm a bit. I reached my arms down and held onto his leg for comfort, and that helped, just holding onto him. After a very, very long time, he said, "Stand up." 

I obeyed. 

"Now go get my belt." 

I did, and it already hurt to walk just to go get it. I handed it to him, but deep in my bones at that moment I knew he was serious. I was already crying quietly at this point. I knew I would not forget this for a long time. I wondered if he'd put me back over his lap. When I'm punished with his belt, he usually puts me over the bed. 

Not this time. 

"On your knees, on the floor. Chest down, ass in the air." 

Holy shit. 

That was scary. I obeyed. He strapped me, hard. I cried out a few times but held position, even though it was so hard to do. The sting of the belt hit home, and I wondered how long this would go on. He didn't strap me long, but it was awfully hard. 

"Stand up again, and back over my lap," he said. At this point, I was resigned to the fact that I was going to endure the worst spanking I'd ever gotten. 

He began to lecture again. "I don't ever, ever want to do this again," he said, as he cracked that paddle against my bare bottom again and again and again.


Finally, just at the end, he said, "I hate doing this to you," and that's when I really lost it. 

He put the paddle down and said quietly , "It's over now. Come here." 

I did. I knelt in front of him and put my head in his lap and I sobbed. I felt just awful. It wasn't just that the spanking hurt and believe you me, it hurt like hell. It was the knowledge that he would only ever spank me so severely if he really, really wanted to teach me a lesson. It was the knowledge that I'd let down the man I love more than life itself. It was the knowledge that I'd "made" him do something he hates doing. He likes spanking me. But he doesn't like punishing me. And he hates when he has to spank me so harshly.

I cried and I cried, deep wracking sobs that I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. He held me and said, "Shhh," rubbing my back as I cried. He said at one point, "It's okay. Let it all out, honey," and I did. It was very cleansing, actually, even though I don't like crying like that. 

I asked him to please get the lotion, and he did, laid me on my belly and rubbed the aloe lotion all over. Then he got me some tissues and a glass of water, and held me. He said, "You stay here with me as long as you need, honey. As much as you need until you feel better again." It was so sweet, really. But I so needed it. 

He talked quietly to me about how terrible it would be if he ever got a call that I'd been hurt, or in an accident, or hurt someone else. He told me he knew it was hard for me not to speed, but he knew I could do it, and he knew I would try so hard not to do it again. 




And then he said, "Babe, I hate spanking you like this, but if this ever happens again, believe me when I tell you, you won't sit for a week." 

I believe it. 

But it won't happen again. Not ever. 

I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt I've learned my lesson. 

It's not worth it. It's not worth the risk of hurting someone. Yes, this spanking was awful to take. But you know what would be worse? Losing control of my car. One of my children being harmed, or worse, because of my impatience. Someone else being harmed, or worse, because I didn't take the time to slow down and be safe. 

When he was done holding me, he made it up to me with some other really nice things, and I went to bed happy, calm, and at peace. 

But I slept on my belly all night long.

26 comments:

  1. Awful and Amazing all at once. I think so many of us get to the point where we feel the impatient busy rush of life. It's good you have someone so wonderful to help you keep yourself in that patient, calm and peaceful place. To keep things safe. <3

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    1. Thank you, CZ. That's exactly how I feel -- it was absolutely awful to endure, the whole thing, but it was one of those times that definitely showed how deeply he loves me. And for that, I am so grateful.

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  2. Hi. I'm new around here. I've read your entire blog in the last week - every single post. It's been awesome to see the progression you and your HOH have made as a couple. It's amazing how the depth of his care for you shows through your blog and in addition to that your adoration of him. This might be a weird spot to put all of this seeing that you are recovering from such a rough punishment and I truly hope your soreness subsides sooner rather than later. I set up a blogger account just for DD stuff so that I can start to post on many of the wonderful blogs I've read. I came to your blog first because it's just amazing. You are uplifting and inspirational and despite your recent mistake, I hope that knowledge lifts your spirits. As someone who was initially repulsed by DD (I hope that doesn't offend you - I'm just being very honest), your blog was instrumental in bringing me around. So while soothing your sore behind is for you and hubby, hopefully I can provide some soothing balm to your spirit by letting you know how you've touched my life in a positive way. Hubby and I are beginning our own DD journey and I'm even going to blog about it because I'm so inspired by you and some others that I've found. Thank you for being amazing!

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    1. TR, your comment was so encouraging. Thank you! I was so sad all day yesterday, not as sad as I was right after the spanking, but I had a hard time getting over the whole thing, and your comment helped so much. I'm thrilled my little blog has helped you! When I first heard of DD, it repulsed me as well! It seemed archaic, domineering, maybe even mean. The thought of being punished by my husband seemed so *wrong.* But then, like you, I read others' accounts of it, and over time, I wanted that deep loving that others in a DD relationship write about. That's why, after Jason gave me a "real" spanking on his own, I asked him for DD. And I have to say, I do feel deeply loved and DD is nothing at all like I had expected.

      I feel loved to my core. We had a good marriage before -- I think it is now a phenomenal marriage. I don't know how two people could possibly love each other more. This is what embracing these traditional roles has done for us. This is what I want others to experience. This is why I try to show the love and passion DD can bring a couple.

      It was so wonderful to run into you in chat last night! I look forward to getting to know you more and wish you the best as you begin your journey.

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    2. Jg your last two posts have been wonderful and made me desire DD even more this weather. There are some things that just are so inspiring and although you describe this vividly, that's your amazing gift, it so helps the reader to see what it means to spanked as a punishment, and leaves no doubt in the mind of the reader as to how it really is. For those of us not in this kind of firm and consistent relationship, I think we are left longing and desiring all the more. Maybe I will at last get the courage to have an honest, open and frank conversation with my husband and tell him how I am not desiring a 'Fifty Shades' romantic rose tinted experience but I long to be able to change my life and that I long for not just the wonderful support he already gives me, I still want that but that I also long deeply to reciprocate with a complete submissive, obedient, respectful, and honest mindset and that when I don't he will firmly and with all consistency hold me accountable with whatever discipline he chooses and use spanking or whatever other methods he chooses. At the moment if I said these words he would probably say yes but the consistency would I know be lacking I ask a lot I know but reading these last 2 posts has really given me so much hope

      Crosspatch

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    3. Hello, my friend,

      Don't worry about the consistency yet. Just tell him. Put yourself out there and level with him.

      When we first began dd, my spankings were NOTHING like what I described here. I'd have DIED! lol

      Seriously...baby steps. Little by little you get there.

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  3. O JG,
    I am so glad you have broken that bad habit of yours, or that Jason helped you to break it. (hugs)
    honey

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    1. Thanks, honey!! Yesterday I was sooo sore still but every single time I sat in my car, I had a reminder not to speed. Jason asked me when he came home how I was feeling and I told him, and he gave me the Hoh "look" and said, "Well, did you speed?" No indeed I did not.

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  4. JG,

    This post made me feel all conflicted... on one hand I thought to myself...

    Poor JG... that sounds like a terrible spanking... and I hate that you had to get it.

    On the other hand, I thought... oh I hope that the man I build a future with cares about me enough to cherish me like that...

    You're a blessed woman.. thank you for sharing with us.

    hugs,
    Bekah

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    1. Bekah, what a kind comment. It *was* a terrible spanking, from start to finish, and I sure hope I never have to go through that again. But I posted about it because I *do* feel cherished by him. I know he would only put us both through such an ordeal if he loved me deeply. It was, as I said, memorable in a variety of ways.

      I am indeed blessed, and I, too, wish you can experience the same deep loving and care of a man willing to protect you, even if it means he has to take you in hand firmly.

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  5. Thanks so much for posting this JG. there were a couple parts that i almost teared up reading as i can so totally relate. my dh and i have been doing pretty good as of late but like you, there are weeks that for whatever reason are extremely hard and punishment is dealt out very frequently. your rt tho the worst (by far in my book) is knowing that i have disappointed him. thank god they have an endless supply of love and patience. id much rather have a sore bottom then the soreness in my heart from guilt or hard feelings. hope your feeling better my dear

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    1. Lisa, so nice to hear from you! I am indeed much better. As I sit here typing, I'm still a bit sore but that's okay. It's a reminder to me that he loves me, and a reminder that I need to be careful. I completely agree -- I'll take a sore bottom over a sore heart any day.

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    2. I love and admire women who admit that they need to be spanked sometimes, and who much prefer a long and hard, bare-bottomed spanking over their husband's kneees to bickering and arguments and coldness for a long time. A good, hard spaking oer the knees and lots of atercare and loving afterwards is also my care for women's bitchiness and endangering their own lives.

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  6. I am glad Jason loves you so much that he will quickly punish you for a dangerous act.

    He is really filling his role as HOH.

    Hug,
    Joey

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    1. Hi, Joey, He really is filling that role! He told me today he finds it challenging but that he thinks it's something he has to do.

      I agree...although the punishment is hard to take, I'm glad he makes my safety a priority.

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  7. Well, one thing is for sure - Jason means BUSINESS! Lol, i'm glad he was able to help you break the habit of speeding. Even though it seems like it was a hard lesson to learn, seems like it really did the trick. :)

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    1. I agree! Yesterday I was sooo sore (still feel it today) and he said, "How's your bum?" I said, "It hurts! Don't you feel bad for me?" And he gave me "the look" and said, "Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you." He got all stern and said, "Every time you sat in the car, did you have a reminder not to speed?" And I said "Yes!!!" He said, "Did you speed?" And I said, "NOOO!!!" So...he made his point alright. And he sure means business.

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  8. I really like this post because it is so me. Something I would do. Sorry you got such a harsh punishment though, but if it saves a life, especially your kids it's worth it. I hate this post because I know I HAVE to read it to my husband, we are just beginning our journey and things like this really help us. Thank you for sharing...

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  9. Oh, dear, Olive Oil. I sure hope I don't get you in trouble with this post! But if it keeps you safe, maybe we're both better off.

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  10. ZOMG... ! I'd have needed to be gagged during something like that or the police would have shown up from my screams... I don't know how some of you do it! I'm such a pussy when it comes to real pain :( Hopefully you will never have to learn that lesson again :)

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  11. It was sooo hard to take! But I don't think it's a lesson he will have to repeat!!

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  12. Wow, Jason Girl, that man loves you and is not afraid to show it! I love that he does that for you. I'm sorry your bottom hurt so much, but I love seeing how much he wants to come through for you and give you the help that you need. {{{HUGS}}}

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    1. Thank you, Es May. I agree -- this kind of thing is not easy to endure, but absolutely shows how much he loves me. I haven't had an issue with this since.

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  13. I have the same issue of speeding with my wife and she has been spanked several times for her dangerous driving habits. I will never touch her with an implement, my hand on her bare butt is sufficient. She has been over my knee for long hard hand to butt spankings.

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  14. When my husband catches me speeding (when hes in the car) even 5 over the posted limit,I get a hard whipping with a switch. Always bare bottom. Then he still spanks me with a hairbrush for my "nightly reminders".

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    1. I think that I would ask him to drive! lol Seriously, Jason doesn't tolerate speeding for a second and sometimes I lose my focus.

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