Friday, October 25, 2013

Why Do I want DD?

Bob from Thoughts on TTWD and I have been batting this topic around a bit lately and decided to do a collaborative posting on What Benefits a Couple Gets From DD. I'm giving the Tih perspective.

It's actually a topic that's been in the forefront of my thoughts, because of some recent discussions with others in the community. Some people I know enjoy the erotic appeal and stress relief of a spanking, but don't desire the disciplinary side. Some prefer discipline and don't enjoy the erotic spanking. I like both. And I've been spending a lot of time asking myself "why" lately. 

Why do I want to be disciplined? 

What do we gain from Domestic Discipline?


The truth is, if I'm really honest about it, I crave the discipline more than I crave the other spanking. However, the irony is, I dislike being disciplined. I love the certainty and dependability knowing my husband will spank me if I need it. But the actual act of being disciplined is not enjoyable. It typically hurts more than other spankings, and it's also emotionally difficult. I hate letting my husband down. I dislike knowing I've done something I shouldn't. Pleasing him is my favorite thing to do! But, I'm human. I mess up. 

This week he punished me several times. Three, to be exact. I haven't been disciplined this often in ages, but I lost my focus, and needed to be brought back to center. And his discipline helps me to do that. 


I love the accountability. The rules we have in place are there for my own safety and well-being, as well as the health of my marriage and family. It makes me feel cared for, that he will spank me if I do something that endangers my safety. I am a mom, and we moms often put ourselves last. It's kind of in our nature at times, to take care of others before ourselves. My husband won't let me do that. Just this morning I wasn't allowed out of bed at the ungodly hour I usually rise, because he said I needed the rest and my exhaustion was catching up to me. I would've gotten up much earlier, but I knew I'd be spanked. So I reluctantly stayed in bed a good hour and a half later than I wanted to. And sure enough, I felt more well-rested when I woke up. From Jason's perspective, he likes being able to have a tangible way of helping me meet my goals, stay safe, and stay calm.

I love the closeness. It's hard work putting myself at his mercy. When he lectures me, and spanks me, then comforts me, I am brought back into him. There is nothing between us. No hard feelings, no anger, nothing left unsaid. I love having that closure after something has gone wrong. 

I love the communication. Just a week or two ago I was kneeling in front of Jason, and he and I were discussing an issue. 

"Have you noticed we talk so much more now?" He asked. I told him yes, I really did. We always talked before. We love just being with each other, teasing, debating current events or philosophy, joking and laughing. But that's not the difference. The difference is, we talk about us more. 

In his post, Bob talked about the erotic appeal of spanking. I will not deny that even punishment spankings satisfy an erotic need of mine -- in some ways, the act of discipline is even more erotic to me than any other kinds of spanking. The actual spanking itself is not sexy. I am never turned on after a punishment. But there's something about that total loss of control, and that fear of a punishment that heightens the experience. The waiting. Being at his mercy. Knowing he will not hurt me, and that I trust him. Feeling his strength. 

I haven't really shared my doubts with Jason lately, because I wasn't really sure where I stood. I wasn't even really sure why I was doubting, or questioning. 

I asked Jason recently, "If I wanted to withdraw my consent to DD, would you let me?" I dislike thinking I'm the only one that benefits from this. I want to know he's doing it because he wants to, not just because I've asked him to. I want it to be natural and organic for him.
But I wanted to know...did he see any benefit himself? 

"Yes," he said. "If you didn't want me to discipline you, I wouldn't anymore." He paused. "But I think you need it." 

That was all I needed to hear. 

I think you need it. 

It works for us. It brings us closer. We are happier. There is a natural give and take, meeting each other's needs, as I've said before. But it's true. He fulfills my need to be provided for, protected, and led. And I fill his need to provide for, protect, and lead. It works. It's harmonious. It's not perfect, but real life isn't perfect. 

It has brought us so much closer. We had a great marriage before DD, but now we're so much closer. We can't stand being separated from one another. If we go out to eat, he has me sit next to him. At church, he makes sure I am by his side. When we are driving, he holds my hand constantly. When he comes home from work, he calls me into him and we talk about our day. 

It's an inexplicable feeling of completing each other. 

12 comments:

  1. Love this. Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts on what you feel you gain from DD. I agree with you that the accountability aspect is wonderful - even when it doesn't feel wonderful in the moment!

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    1. Yes. It makes me appreciate that he's helping me be a better person.

      JGirl

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  2. Hi Jason Girl

    I liked your post you highlighted some that I either glossed over or totally forgot to add to my post I think the two complement each other pretty good don't you?

    Bob

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  3. Hi Jason Girl, I've been struggling to explain the why of this to both myself and my husband in the past few days. You really helped clarify my thoughts. I feel very much the same as you. I plan on asking my husband to read this too. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us.

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    1. I'm glad to hear it helped, Queenie!

      Jgirl

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  4. Great post Jason's girl, I agree, I love the accountability & the enhanced closeness that DD brings to our marrage also. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
    SHM ; )

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    1. It helps me to think on these things, as I write and reflect. Thanks for stopping by!

      JGirl

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  5. It's wonderful when you find what works for you.

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    1. It is, Leigh. Sometimes there's a lot of trial and error involved but it's nice when things click.

      JGirl

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  6. It's like that for me too... On one hand I hate to be punished because I know I have messed up and disappointed SM but on the other, I want him to spank me. I need it. Sometimes I even crave it. The feeling of submission afterwards and the love... I give up trying to understand the why of it all. It works and that is enough. Loved your post. :)

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    1. Thank you, Sara. Yes, sometimes I'm stuck in that awkward place of really really REALLY not wanting it, but knowing if I don't get it, it'll be even worse. And when all is said and done, I'm happier after he follows through.

      Jgirl

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