Disclaimer: here's my take on the different kinds of spankings we have here. In no way am I implying this is how it does, or should, work in every dynamic.
One question that I've been asked a lot is, is " How can a spanking motivate you to behave if you like to be spanked?" It's a good question. I've also been asked a few times, "How do you differentiate between the different kinds of spankings you get?"
So I want to take a little time to explain my feeling on this. The questions are somewhat related.
When Jason first spanked me, it was a sexy spanking. Oddly, I don't remember the conversation we had when I flat out told him I wanted to be put over his lap and really spanked. He'd swatted me before, but never ever really given me a spanking.
I do remember the spanking vividly. He was laying in bed and said, "Lay over my lap." I did. He used his hand, and spanked me thoroughly. I had never in my entire life been more turned on. It was like he'd lit a fire under me. My entire body was nerves on end. It was as if he'd unearthed something deep within me. We made love and it was screaming hot and incredibly intense. And after I climaxed and came back to earth, I bawled like a baby. It was a deeply moving, incredibly emotional experience.
Sexy spankings aren't always like the first one, but erotic spanking is something I crave; it's something that he is amazing at delivering, and there's no doubt our love-making skyrocketed. Sexy spankings are hot. He knows what I like now, and he pushes those buttons. He will roll up his sleeves, or sit down and pat his lap, or whisper in that very sexy, seductive voice, "Tonight, I'm putting you over my knee for a good girl spanking." It turns me on. It's so hot.
Those are sexy spankings.
But the majority of the spankings I get are role affirmation, or stress relief. I do get punishment spankings, but those are rarer. The stress relief or role affirmation spankings are the spankings I get to start my day. When I am overwhelmed, or stressed, or really just need to screw my head on right, he will often say things like, "I think you need to go over my lap," or he will take my hand and say, "A good spanking will help you with this."
Don't get me wrong -- these are still sexy! Pretty much any time Jason says the word "spanking" or "over my lap" or "bend you over my knee," a little key turns in my chest. My heartbeat accelerates. But the feel of these spankings is quite different. It's soothing. Reassuring. Helps center me, and get my head on straight. I can let my frustrations and irritations go. As he gives me these spankings, he says things like, "I've got you, babe," or "Just relax and let it all go," and when he's done I am usually laying in his arms sighing, and every single worry is simply gone. I feel loved, and cared for, and my head is cleared. I don't usually feel aroused by this type of spanking, though they are deeply satisfying.
Now punishment spankings are a totally, completely different thing altogether. Totally.
When I'm punished, I know I've let him down. Sometimes he says I didn't, and he's not upset with me, he just wants to help me to do better. But there's that knowledge that I am being spanked because I didn't do what I should. There's shame involved. I am not turned on at all. It's just not sexy. Emotionally, it hits so much harder.
He will often lecture me, and that lecture is also what makes it very very difficult. He always asks me why I'm being spanked, and what happens when I do what I know I shouldn't. If it's a safety issue, he will remind me how seriously he takes our safety, and how badly he'd feel if anything bad happened to me or our kids because I was careless. When he spanks me, it hurts, but the emotional aspect of being in trouble and punished motivates me to never do it again. I don't cry after a sexy spanking. I don't usually cry after a stress relief or role affirmation (though sometimes I need to and do). After any kind of punishment spanking, I cry. It didn't used to be this way, but it is now. I feel so awful for having let him down. I cherish our relationship, and there is nothing more precious to me than when I know I've pleased him. And I'm always motivated to do better next time.
So yeah...I love to be spanked. But do I love to be punished? Not at all. The mentality of a punishment spanking is so very different from the "good kind." Although being disciplined satisfies a need of mine, it's not something I enjoy at all.
We've been asked how we differentiate between the different kinds of spankings. It's not exactly black and white. Sometimes a sexy one has the pretense of being for real. Sometimes a stress relief goes into erotic. Sometimes a punishment brings stress relief. They are all tied up together, interwoven, but what we call it, how we define it, doesn't really matter.
The only thing that really matters is that our needs are met and we're brought closer together. And pretty much any kind of spanking does exactly that.