This month marks our one-year anniversary of being a Domestic Discipline couple.
I thought it would be a nice reflection to write what I would've told myself last year, before we began this journey.
A friend suggested I put some of my favorite pictures throughout, so here is a recap of some of my faves.
To my Jason...I love you.
Things are about to change.
You know how the other day, Jason gave you a "real" spanking? I know you're really confused about how you feel. You've spent hours reading online, about people who do this thing called "Domestic Discipline." And you're starting to realize that it's not what you thought it was.
You're starting to realize it's something you want.
Hang in there. This year is going to be a wild ride.
There are going to be times that you will feel lost, and alone. You will feel like you must be crazy to want your husband to discipline you. You won't understand why it is you crave something that should be negative. It won't make sense at times. Things will eventually click, but you won't learn these things overnight. Just hang in there...and trust him.
There will be times when you get frustrated. Try to be patient. Much of this dynamic is new to both of you. I know you think you know what it's like to obey him. You've been submissive to him your entire marriage. But things are going to change. He will be stepping up into the role of leader in a way that has never happened before. This will change how you relate to one another. It will be a good change, but it will be different. Be patient with him. Be patient with yourself.
It will be much harder for you to submit than you think it will be and even after a long time, you will still struggle with it. It will take some time for him to realize what you need from him. Be patient. I know it's not your strong suit, but just try.
That's all he will ask of you, you know. He won't expect perfection. You'll get down on yourself when you fail and you make the same mistakes over and over again. But he doesn't hold you to those standards you hold yourself to. He is merciful and patient. He just wants you to try. He wants to see your effort. It's your efforts that please him, not necessarily your successes.
Something strange is going to happen to you. You're going to be stripped of all you hide behind. You're going to be left raw, and vulnerable. You'll have to face the fact that you need him, in a way you never have before. And this will be hard.
It's okay. Hang in there. It's all going to be worth it.
There will be hard times. There will be times when you feel so hurt, and so broken, you cry yourself to sleep at night, ashamed of some of the things you've said, and done, and desperate to make it all better. It always will be. You just have to be patient. He's human. He has thoughts, and feelings, and fears, too. Just like you're not the perfect submissive, he's not the perfect dominant. But that's okay. You're not striving for perfection. You're striving to have an amazing, intimate, loving marriage and that can't happen unless you make mistakes.
Push through those hard times, and hang on, because they are fleeting.
Let me tell you why it's worth it.
You are going to fall in love all over again.
As your husband fills this role of leader, and protector, you will feel so very important to him. You will feel like you are precious to him. You will see it in his eyes. You will hear it in his voice. You will feel it in the way he holds you.
He will tell you when you submit to him he feels loved.
He will never like punishing you. He loves you, and doesn't like to cause you pain. But he will do it because he loves you. Don't be discouraged that he says he doesn't like punishing you. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It means the opposite.
Push through those rough patches. They are growing pains. They will hurt like hell, and you will wonder why you ever pushed through, why you didn't give up, why you just can't seem to get it right sometimes. You need to feel those growing pains. They will make you both stronger.
You will wonder how he feels about all this. But you will know. It is every bit as wild and frustrating and confusing to him as it is to you sometimes, but you will see that what he wants more than anything is to give you what you need. And he knows this is what you need.
He will tell you how much more confident he feels in his ability to take care of you, and your family. You will see him grow in confidence, and strength. You will see a tender, loving side to your husband you had no idea existed.
You will not become different. You will become more.
More deeply in love. More in tune to one another. More communicative. More patient. More giving.
You will talk more. You will laugh more. You will cry more. You will have more intimate moments.
Remember to encourage him. Thank him. Give him space when he needs it, and don't push. This will be hard for you. You will become eager, and impatient. Be patient with him. Don't compare what you have to anyone else, because what you have is deeply personal, and intimate, and all yours. Don't rob yourself of the joy that you two have together by wishing for something different. What you have is already beautiful.
There will come a day when he takes you out on a date, just the two of you. You will discreetly talk about this...your dynamic...the shift that you've made. He will put his hands together, as if he is covering something precious and delicate, and he will say, "Before we did this, you were closed, like this, like a bud that hasn't opened." Then he will open his fingers, like petals of a flower opening heavenward and he will say, "But I've seen you blossom."
You will blossom. Both of you will.
You will both fear change. You will both fear becoming something different. What you have now is wonderful, and you don't want to lose who you are. He doesn't want you to lose your spunk, and your fight, and your sauciness. You don't want him to lose his tenderness, his fairness, and his peace.
You won't lose any of this. At times it may seem like you have, but hold on. You won't lose who you are.
You will become who you're meant to be.
You will become deeply, madly, passionately in love with one another. You will be irrevocably tied to one another's thoughts, and feelings, and emotions.
Even small times apart from one another will hurt. You will long to see him again, to touch him, to be held by him. And when you're back together again, it will be so very sweet.
It will not always be easy accepting his discipline. There will be times that will be sobering, and heart-wrenching and memorable. But always, always, when all is said and done, you will feel loved. You will want to do better.
You will be filled with a burning, unquenchable desire to please him. You will fail, sometimes. But don't give up. He will always be there to pick you up again.
You will awaken a passionate side to your relationship that rivals the passion you felt when you first met, only it will be even better, because it will be deeper and more profound. He will make your heart pound again, just looking at him. Just the touch of his hand or sound of his voice will send shivers down your spine. And you will see it in his eyes, too. That deep, intimate attraction. He will reach for your hand and squeeze it, and whisper to you how much he loves you, how much you mean to him, and how he couldn't imagine being happier than he is with you.
The next year, things are going to change.
But hang in there.
It's going to be the best year of your life.