Jason said he'd answer lurker's questions on LOL day here. Below are his answers:
Hello Jason and Jason's girl. I am visiting your blog for the first time so not really a lurker but I wanted to say hello. I have been poking around your blog and am quite enjoying it. As for a question for Jason, here goes, and please forgive me if you have covered this topic in the past. Jason, what merits a good girl spanking for your girl?
She has to be good.
JG! You are one of a kind my friend and I along with many are happy you decided to start blogging. You've made quite a splash in 6 months! I always enjoy coming and reading here and have commented several times, so I guess I'm not a Lurker... but I do have a questions for Jason :)
Jason, please come in to The DD Chat Room with your wonderful wife sometime?
Ok, so it's kind of a question and kind of a plea lol
We'd enjoy getting to know you better Jason
Sorry, but I'm not a chatty Kathy like my wife. She says more than enough for both of us. I also spend all day in an office writing and responding to emails and instant messages. The last thing I want to do when I get home is chat on a computer. I'm sure you're all very nice people, but I'm an introvert who likes quiet more than people and is drained by chat rooms.
Happy LOL Day, JG! :) Here's question for you both, when did you decide to de-lurk?
I've never de-lurked. ; ) I mostly just don't have much to say.
Happy LOL Day to both of you! I could ask a DD question but I'm sure you'll get a lot of those. So my question is - what do you eat for breakfast? :D
Happy LOL Day to you both! Ok here's my question. We talk a lot about what we ladies get from ttwd. What do you like the best about it? Thanks for answering questions. :)
I keep hearing that JGirl is supposed to stop being a brat, but that's not happening so the jury is still out.
My question is... What is the one thing you wish she'd never cook again? And since I always cheat... what is the best thing she makes?
JGirl made a delicious baked potato soup once. I ate a ton of it and let's just say that I experienced a major traffic jam in various gastronomic regions that I never want to experience again.
Best thing she makes... Love.
JGirl - HAPPY LOL DAY! I have thoroughly enjoyed many of your posts.
For Jason: Your wife commented on my blog here: http://newmarriagedynamic.blogspot.com/2013/10/glorious-junk-in-trunk.html - it sounds like you are a lover of your wife's ass, as I am of my wife's. I've been an 'ass-man' for many years now. DD only increases this interest, don't you think?
Yeah, you could say that.
Hey jg I love your blog and you write so well and I have learned a lot from u and j and Ty you both. I do have a question for j. What makes a good dom and how did u learn to do warm ups
I wrote a whole post for JGirl about being a good leader, so I'll just defer my answer to that post in whole. As for warm ups, I'm not sure I ever learned because I usually just spank her with no mind to what I am doing; JGirl says I do it, so I'll take her word for it.
Hello:) Jason, what's your favorite implement to use and why?
I'm partial to a giant pencil eraser we picked up that has "For Big Mistakes" printed on it.
*JGirl is lying next to me watching me type these responses and just asked me if she can comment on my comments because she doesn't think I'm doing these answer right. I said 'no', so if she does it anyway, she's in major trouble. Not that that will stop her or anything, she is a brat after all.
Lurker anonymous here, firstly I love your blog :-) I'm wanting to approach my man with DD so I guess I'd ask Jason what advice he'd give a man on starting this journey and how to be 'gentle but firm'? Thanks so much xx
I guess is really just depends on the man. I'd advise you to be really careful about how to broach the subject. I'm not a naturally aggressive guy, I don't get easily flustered, and take things in stride. So, when I agreed to do this for JGirl, I reasoned that I could control myself well enough to keep her safe and not hurt her. If your man is naturally aggressive or prone to uncontrolled angry outbursts you need to be cautious. As a man, it's really hard to control yourself when the adrenaline is surging and it is easy to hurt someone if they are consciously suppressing their natural instinct to avoid pain, which you will likely be doing a lot if you go though with this.
I'd also assess how open you are with your man at this point. Do you communicate well? Can you tell him anything, even your deepest darkest fears/desires, etc. Conversely, is he open with you about his emotions, his fears/desires? If he is, then you'll probably be OK. If not, it's going to be a struggle for you. This kind of dynamic is really tough and requires a massive amount of emotional energy on the guys' part. Some guys just cannot cut it and shut down real quick when the emotions get running high, and that is going to hurt you a ton when it happens - and it will happen. Feelings you've never thought you'd experience will come up in super-intense ways. I can tell you from experience that even I need to shut down every few weeks just to keep myself centered and available for JGirl in a way that she needs. If I weren't able to do that, I'd be done with this stuff faster than you can say "I'm done". She gives me that space even though it pains her, you'll need to do likewise and you won't want to because it will hurt and suck, but if you do it will be worth it.
Hi! I understand the concept of DD, but can't see it happening in my house. Been married 49 years today--we are more in love than ever. My question for Jason is: Who punishes the punisher? What happens when you do something wrong? Thanks for your blog--as far as I can tell, I haven't seen any nude pics or bad language. Thanks too, for that.
This was the question I most wanted to answer and I thank you for asking it. On the surface, this question appears kind of cheeky, and maybe even a bit stand-offish. But I don't see it that way.
The simple answer to your question is that nobody punishes me when I screw up. That sounds kind of pig-headed, right? But stick with me. Here is how I see it.
JGirl's submission to me is not something I demand of her, nor is it something that she is directly punished for if she refuses to give me. Rather, it is a gift to me from her - freely given and freely received. It is a gift that I earn by being a stand up guy that says what he means, and means what he says; a guy that does what he says he'll do; a guy that keeps his promises; a guy that is faithful to her alone in every way shape and form. A guy that gives her what she needs when she needs it even if I suffer because of it.
So I ask you, in this light, what is the punishment if I screw up? I'll tell you. It means that I lose her trust. It means that I lose her respect. It means that I lose her love in a very real way. That is intolerable to me, thus I do everything in my power to avoid doing the things that would put me in that position.
Yes, I spank her. But I do it because I love her and she is a better person when she has this in her life. If I had my way, I'd never do it again (OK, not totally true, the sexy ones are totally awesome), but in a very real way D/s & DD does something for her that makes her a better, more whole person. I cannot explain it, but I know her and I can see the difference this has made in her life. My leading her, my spanking her is my gift to her just like her submission is a gift to me.
Ultimately, the measure of how much we love someone is not about how they make us feel. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it has nothing to do with it ultimately. Rather, loving someone in its most pure, raw sense is doing what is best for someone even when it hurts us personally. Some people won't get that. They only see the physical actions involved in our dynamic and cannot get past that. That's OK, there are just some things each of us cannot relate to in life. But when you know someone, like I know JGirl, you get to a point where you understand them so well that you can get past the hang ups of what is socially acceptable 'if' it makes the one you love a better person. We've found that with this dynamic.
Hi! I love your blog! I feel like i can relate to you so much, and i love that you post so frequently so i stop by here often. I've slowly been introducing spanking to my boyfriend though only sexual and play. So jason, what would you say is the best way to introduce the punishment element into it? Like what's the best way to start a conversation about it that won't freak him out? Thanks :)
I think you should first be sure that this is a guy you can trust; someone who is committed to you and your growth as a person. He should also be someone who is capable of being emotionally available to you. Boyfriends are great, but I'd caution you about asking him to discipline you if you aren't reasonably sure that he's committed to you and you alone. This kind of dynamic is going to whip up all kinds of intense emotions in you that you likely have never experienced before; it will do the same to him. You should be really sure that you can trust your deepest, darkest, most raw and intense feelings and self to this guy because that's the kind of stuff that will surface. I guess I'm saying you should be careful because he might get freaked out and leave you, and leave you in a raw emotional state where the abandonment feelings could get pretty serious for you.
Nevertheless, if you trust him in this regard, then just start with how much you love him (you do love him, right?) and how much you want to please him. Then, talk about the things that you do that you don't want to do anymore; focus particularly on things that put your safety or the safety of others at risk (e.g., texting while driving, speeding, etc.). Guys naturally want to protect women and if he's a stand up guy, he'll want to make sure you are safe and won't want you to take risks with your life. Then from there, tell him how much you love getting spanked by him. I assume he likes spanking you, too? If so, great. At this point he might figure out what you are getting at, but if not just tell him,
"Babe, I want to be safe for you. I don't want to put my safety at risk any more, but I'm having a hard time changing my behavior. I really think that you could help me by holding me accountable to you. I want to be able to tell you every time I act in a way that is dangerous and I want you to spank me good and hard when I do those things. I think the threat of a spanking will help me stop doing these dangerous things, and a real spanking will reinforce that you love me and don't want me to be hurt. Can you do this for me? Can you protect me from myself?"
Hello Jason's Girl and Jason
Great blog I really love reading here.
Can Jason explain how he as the HOH feels on the differences between speaking for punishment and spanking for other reasons.
I don't really have developed feelings about this, sorry. A spanking is a spanking is a spanking in my book. The lines between punishment and sex and stress relief all blur so much that I cannot keep track of it most days.
Hello! I'm not sure I'm a lurker because I have commented before but I did want to tell you that I really appreciate how honest you are about it all. I am not in the lifestyle day to day because my Dom and I do not live together and can only see each other once or twice a month. We are madly in love though and speak everyday sometimes for hours. Jason, could you give us advice on how to keep me in my submissive mindset even when at a distance? It is difficult for me and I am sometimes disrespectful over the phone and in texts. I also break many of our rules as time passes and I do not see him. I try but I fail to keep myself in the correct mindset. He punishes me when we see each other but it doesn't see, to be enough. Any advice?
I got to be honest, I really don't get the distance thing. From my perspective, this dynamic only really works with local proximity. There needs to be daily, hourly, and even by the minute availability. If you can make it work from a distance, so be it; but based on your question, it doesn't seem to be working. Your behavior and disobedience should be improving as time goes on. Only you know if that is the case, so please don't think I'm judging you. I'm only commenting on the few facts you've provided in your question. But, even with that, ask yourself "what am I really getting out of this?". Feeling madly in love and actually loving someone are not always the same thing. Is there a way you can get into the same geographic location? Why are you apart? I guess I'm not understanding how it can be that if you love this person, and this person loves you why you are always apart? I guess I'm old-fashioned, but my take is that if you trust someone enough to submit to them and let them physically discipline you then you should be in a committed, monogamous relationship and be living with each other. Anything else is just playing at it, in my mind.
Happy LOL day. I have a question: What would you add to JGirl's post on How to Give a Good Girl Spanking?
I don't know really... what would you add to it, Leah?
I realize this may be a tough question for Jason to honestly answer, but I'm dying to know. Have you ever felt bad about a spanking you administered? For example, have you ever thought you were a little too hard on her, or the punishment was too severe for the infraction? - "Lurker" Jenny
Have I ever felt bad about a spanking I've given JGirl? Absolutely. Every single punishment spanking. I hate them. I hate giving them, probably more than I hate anything else. I never want to do it ever again. That said, will I have to? Sure. JGirl is not perfect and she wants me to do this for her, so I do it, but I never like it. There have been a few times where I've questioned if I've gone overboard. She's a tough girl and has a massive tolerance for pain. She's given birth naturally a couple of times, so a good hard spanking is not necessarily a big deal when put in context. But at the same time, because she has such a high tolerance for pain I sometimes question where the line is. She's pretty good about keeping me honest, though. In any case, I mete out punishment in a manner that is suited to the infraction as I see fit, trusting that she'll tell me if I go to far.
So I don't know much dds, but I had a question for you guys cause I love reading your blog and am definitely a lurker: how did you know you needed it and do you consider it similar or different completely to a master/sub relationship? I find myself interested in elements of both. I am in a relationship where I know my partner will be interested in either, even just playfully in the bedroom. If this is a true need or desire for me, should I accept the fact it will never happen?
Unfortunately, I'm not qualified to answer this question in full. I can say we recognized the value of DD when JGirl responded so positively to punishment spankings. She suspected it and we confirmed it. Master/sub stuff, I have no clue. What little I've seen or read about it just strikes me as rather corny and stupid. It's not something I can relate to directly nor do I desire for JGirl and myself. As far as whether you should accept that 'this' will never happen for you, who knows. The only way you'll find out is to start talking about it with your partner.
Note from JGirl and Jason: This post has been modified. We thought it best not to engage in the debate that was only getting nastier and nastier.