Saturday, December 14, 2013

Craving Discipline: part one

Last night, I got a spanking. Not a fun one. Not a sexy, or stress relief spanking. A real "over my knee, young lady," kinda spanking.

What I did, and why I did it, are really irrelevant. The bottom line is, I failed to do what I'd promised him I'd do. I lost my patience and yelled at my kids. And both of those are spankable offenses here. 

Before he spanked me, I lost my temper again and said some things I shouldn't have, and I very quickly landed myself in a boatload of trouble. He locked the door, ordered me over his lap, and spanked me soundly. I was wound up, feeling guilty, emotional. But as he spanked me, the negative feelings I had began to dissipate. At one point I resisted, and while firmly lecturing me on the importance of obeying him and trusting him  (he's a master at lecturing), he locked my legs down with his, as he continued to spank me. 

Finally, the resistance I felt inside melted, and instead of thinking things like, "He's not being fair," and "I don't want a spanking!" I began to think "He's right," and "What the hell got into me?" and.... truth be told.... "I deserve this." 

As reality dawned on me, a new feeling took over. 

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. 

And the spanking ended. 

"That's what I was waiting to hear," he said softly. 

Sometimes I'm saying "I'm sorry" way before he even begins. Sometimes in the middle of a sound spanking I'm saying "I'm sorry." But he can always tell by my demeanor and my tone of voice when I'm really, truly sorry. And when I said "I'm sorry," last night, I truly was repentant. 

He stood up, and gently pushed me off his lap. I slithered from the bed onto my knees, buried my face in my arms, and wept. I don't always cry like that. But I did last night. I wasn't crying because the big ol' meanie spanked me. I was crying because I deserved the spanking and I'd behaved poorly. I was crying because the entire experience was charged, emotional, and intense. I was crying because I needed to.

"Come here," he said softly. "Come on the bed with me so I can hold you." He laid down and I crept up onto the bed, sniffling my way into his arms, where he held me and I wept. 

"Get it all out," he whispered. "It's okay, baby girl." 

And I cried because I'm special to him, his baby girl, and things like me getting overwhelmed are important to him. I cried because I'm important to him. I cried because I was wrong, and I'd treated him badly.

I didn't cry long. The feelings that came over me were intense, powerful, as they swept over me and I couldn't control my need to cry. But soon, while he held me and kissed my tears away, I felt nothing but deep contentment and peace. 

He doesn't like spanking me. He was exhausted last night. He'd much rather be watching a movie with me, or reading a book, or taking me out on a date. Taking his belt to my naughty backside as punishment is pretty damn low on his list of favorite things to do. 

But he does it because he loves me. He says he knows I need it. 

And he's right. 

This post is for all of you out there who crave discipline

Sexy spankings are incredibly hot. Those of us who enjoy being spanked find nothing more arousing than a strong, stern man administering a firm spanking. I get my fair share of sexy spankings, and I love them. 

Stress relief, role affirmation, and maintenance spankings are, for many of us, deeply emotionally satisfying, in a way that sexy spankings aren't and punishment spankings don't fulfill. In fact, those are my favorite kinds of spankings. They are serious enough to satisfy the emotional need of being taken in hand. They go beyond the erotic. But they are without the negative feelings associated with punishment. 

But for many of us, there is something deeply, undeniably appealing about serious punishment spankings. In fact, the thought of serious punishment is darkly erotic to me in a way that other spankings aren't. This doesn't mean punishment spankings are arousing. To me, they are not. But the fact that my husband consistently and firmly takes me in hand when I need it is deeply erotic. 


Above all, I can't help but admire my strong, authoritative husband who doesn't let me get away with my attitude. Last night, before he spanked me, I said something pushy, and he stopped me mid-sentence with a firm, "That's enough." Before he spanked me, as he locked the door and picked up his belt, he said "you think long and hard about whether or not you want to give me an attitude before I spank you." 

He is dominant. But he balances that dominance and authority with so much kindness, gentleness, and attention, I can't help but feel deeply loved. 

I feel important to him. He didn't spank me because I didn't shine his shoes, or because he was irritated. He spanked me because I didn't do what I said I would, and because I didn't, my day unraveled. He doesn't want me be overwhelmed. He values honesty in our relationship. In the end, he spanked me because I fought him, and I was being bratty. It wasn't because he was on a power trip. It's because he values peace and harmony in our relationship. 

The irony is...he spanks me because my happiness is important to him. He spanks me because our relationship is important to him. 

Being firmly, consistently, and lovingly disciplined by the man who loves me and leads me, satisfies the need I have deep, deep within me... be treasured. be taken care of. be lovingly instructed, and taught. be coached into being a better person. 

Many who enjoy spanking don't desire discipline and of course that's understandable. But for those of us who do, I want to delve deep into this desire for discipline. It's complex, widely misunderstood, and multi-faceted. 

It can be confusing, and troubling, and difficult to reconcile. And maybe we never will truly get to the bottom of it, but I'd like to try to at least shed a bit of light on the subject. Over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be exploring the desire for discipline. This is part-one in a three part series, because I think it's worth discussing. 

So I ask you, readers, to tell me how you feel. Do you crave discipline? Even if you find it difficult to endure, does it satisfy an emotional, physical, or psychological need for you? 


  1. Hi JG,
    the different stages you appear to go through during a punishment are familiar to me, because I feel the same when I am in for it. Before hubby, I have never had anything to do with DD or D/s and my life was rather sad, at least from today's point of view. Everything has turned to the best and discipline is an extremely important part of it. Just like every jar needs its lid, hubby and I have found each other and although we are deeply in love, discipline is vital for us. He needs to dominate and I to submit. Discipline is a perfect way to do that and it has enriched our lives endlessly. Therefore I can only say yes, in a way I even crave the nasty kind of discipline, which is a bit like hate-love. I hate punishments and try to avoid them, but they do so much good that I have learned to accept that I also need them to feel good. Yes, they have lasting physical effects and if I feel physically that I have made up for my mistakes, because my bum hurts, I feel good. Crying included, because it is always part of punishments and it is liberating. And, finally, yes, psychologically, I need discipline too. I am the absolute queen of chaos, if I go unchecked and discipline -administered by my loving husband and Master is the only way that I have learned, to help me get away from my bad habits and self-destructive ways. So, yes I need discipline, and I am glad that I have a hubby who helps me to get what I need. And I am glad that this spanking helped you to find relief, too. :)

    1. Ni Na -- you touched on so many amazing points in your comment here. I can relate so well, the many positives you've found through the disciplinary side of D/S, I have found as well. "I hate punishments and try to avoid them, but they do so much good that I have learned to accept that I also need them to feel good." That is it, exactly. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective.

  2. Hello, my name is Sadie, and I crave discipline. Ah, JGirl, this is a powerful post. For all the reasons you listed and so aptly described, I am with you on this. I'm trying to reconcile the whole thing myself, and here's the tricky thing that comes up whenever I think deeply about it:

    When a considerable amount of time has passed by wherein I haven't had any punishment spankings......which, one would assume, is a GOOD thing, because it means I've been behaving myself (of course with J's help...verbal reminders, warnings, etc.), I begin to miss what a punishment spanking does for me. A bit of a quandry to find myself in, though, because it can lead me to think of doing some things to 'poke the bear'.

    Your comment to my post on that was right on. I talked with J about it and how I would like to be able to go to him when I'm feeling that need or feeling the desire to disobey him. He agreed. I haven't had to do that yet, but I have wondered if it would be as effective, meaning, would it leave me as deeply satisfied, contrite, and repentant as would a punishment spanking?

    It's as you said -- so erotic to know J will take me in hand when he needs to, yet, like Jason, he does not like to have to punish me.

    I'm looking forward to parts 2 and 3, JGirl!


    1. Hi, Sadie. Funny how you mention the feeling of being "off" when time elapses between punishment. Part two in this series is "the problem with being good," and touches on that exactly.

      I'm glad you were able to talk to J about that feeling you get, and that my post helped. As far as when you go to him and express your need for his dominance, I can tell you how it feels here. I don't feel contrite, because there is nothing that I have done wrong. So the "cleansing" feeling that comes from being punished doesn't have the same removal of guilt feeling. It is deeply satisfying to me, though, because it makes me feel just as special, treasured, and important as I do when I am punished.

      Thank you for your response!

  3. wow this is very powerful indeed. anymore it's more than a craving. I love the sexy dominant spankings that put me into submission, clear away the overwhelming, stressful feelings, and have us reconnecting. I love the eroticism in those. the playful swats keep things fun and exciting. but I long for discipline. for rules, and consequences.

    Being firmly, consistently, and lovingly disciplined by the man who loves me and leads me, satisfies the need I have deep, deep within me... be treasured. be taken care of. be lovingly instructed, and taught. be coached into being a better person

    yes this is exactly what I crave more of. what I'm longing for. you hit the nail on the head.

    1. "I long for discipline, for rules, and consequences." Yes. Exactly. It's not the pain of discipline we need so much as the structure and care that come from being disciplined.

      I'm glad you could relate and I enjoyed your feedback!

  4. I agree with Coral, a very powerful post. For me, I do not crave discipline. I love a good spanking, but the fun and sexy ones. I'm not submissive, in fact I'm a little controlling with certain things. We've tried a stress relief spanking but it did nothing for me. I was stressed with the amount of things I had to do and taking time out for a spanking stressed me more. I could have gotten something else done instead. I do fantasize now and then about a punishment spanking, especially when I get into a **tchy mood. But I'd probably not be able to submit to it. And my husband doesn't really like the idea of punishment. Who knows, maybe one day we'll try it and see what happens. Then again, I'm always such a good girl, there's never a reason to punish me. :) Oops, I forgot about the **tchy moods.
    I'm looking forward to reading parts 2 & 3.

    1. Holla, I think it's perfectly understandable that for some couples, punishment spankings or stress relief just won't work. Some are Submissives, and find that the discipline is what makes submission really "click." Some find, like you, that they are not Submissives, but like the structure of the discipline. It works in many different ways for so many, and I appreciate your perspective! Thanks for chiming in.

    2. @ JG: I just found your wonderful blog n had read several interesting posts. TY for a very good blog. You cover almost everything. Wish I had this blog 6 years ago when I was in the stages to bring TTWD to DH.

      @ Holla: "Then again, I'm always such a good girl, there's never a reason to punish me." Change I and me into You than it was exactly what my DH said when I brought this need to be disciplined to him years before. You never know, when he will jump on board with it... ;)

    3. I'm glad you've found your way here! And I wish you luck!

  5. I don't think I do. I do know that I crave sexy spankings, which like sex, the more you get, the more you want. I certainly like the fantasy of the punishment spanking, but not so sure about the real thing. I like the motivation I get from punishment to do what I need to do/need to act, but I think that's different from craving it.

    1. I completely understand this, Leah. Some like what the discipline does for their relationship, but find it isn't something they really need, and could maybe do without. I understand what you mean about the motivation. Thank you for your comment!

  6. Yes I do crave it. As a matter of fact, when he doesn't deliver I start to unravel. I need him to stay on top of it all so I can be where I need to be.

    1. Sara, the unraveling you describe is the topic for part two. I know the feeling well!

  7. JGirl... AMAZING. I can't wait to read the other posts!

    I crave and need discipline. I have a huge guilt complex. On top of that, when no one stands up to me when I do something wrong, I feel unworthy of notice or correction. I self destruct very easily, and when I spiral out of control, I can't seem to stop it on my own. I need someone to help me. I've craved this since I read an article about a husband that spanked his wife when I was only 20 years old, give or take a year. It sat so well in my soul, and it wasn't for another 14 years that I could admit to anyone, that person being the Duke, that this is what I needed. Now, the guilt isn't there, the Duke helps me pay for my crime so that I can go on. The self destructing, the Duke is there to help me see when it starts and warns me to stop, and when I can't, he's there to reset me. When I feel unloved and unworthy, the Duke is there to guide me, and show me that he cares about everything about me, everything I do and say and how I live. I've been pushed to the back so often in life, everyone knew I could take care of myself, that I was never taken care of, not even by my parents. Now, I have someone that will take care of me, will guide me, will set me to rights when I've done wrong, will keep me from doing the things I honestly don't want to do. I crave and need his discipline, and can't go back to being without it.

    I just love this post, and hearing your thoughts on the matter. I loved hearing about you being able to let go, about him loving you enough to take you after a tiring day and helping you set your world to rights, about how he knows when you are truly sorry, and when you need more. You guys are so connected, I just love reading about you.

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

    1. "Now, I have someone that will take care of me, will guide me, will set me to rights when I've done wrong, will keep me from doing the things I honestly don't want to do. I crave and need his discipline, and can't go back to being without it."

      EsMay, this is me, exactly. I've struggled with the guilt complex. And I've also struggled with the feeling of thinking I can't do anything right. Somehow, DD has helped tremendously with both.

      Thank you for your kind words. I do feel incredibly connected, and I'm grateful for Jason's perceptive and attentive way of dealing with little ol' me.

      I loved hearing your perspective as well. Thanks for chiming in!

  8. Yes, I do crave discipline. As i read through the comments i found more and more to relate to. i also have a problem with unraveling in between punishments & at this point for the most part those are mainly the ones i get. We have talked about different kinds of spankings but for the most part i only get one for punishment & so i also struggle with wanting to poke the bear because i am craving his dominance or feeling unworthy & when my husband is consistent with me I also feel loved. I want to feel important to him, I want to feel submissive to him. I need to be taken in hand.
    This was a very powerful post & I can't wait to read the next.
    Thank you JGirl for always seeming to write posts just when I need them most, I don't feel as alone after reading ; )

    1. This is definitely a good reason for maintenance and role affirmation..but it took us a while to get there.

      I'm glad you liked the post. Thank you!

  9. I think that, since a large part of our attraction to this as a way of life is heavily routed in our need for loving dominance and it this and not, as some 'recreational' spankers/spankees are wont to claim, a love of being spanked that is 'hot' for us, it's a fairly natural response to occasionally feel the need to poke the more quiet and tolerant bears.

  10. Yes!!!!!! It does satisfy a deep need in me...not really sure of the mechanics of it yet.

  11. Oh, I want this so the! I want to be punished by a man in an expensive suit & tie (as of late)!! First expereinced these thoughts (and some mild spankings) years the cravings are back beyond belief...

    1. I understand. You're definitely not alone in this!

  12. Actually even though punishment spankings are meant to hurt, I think most women prefer them. The point is to lose control and to get rid of guilt feelings, and if a husband spanks his wife for real, it works better. Surely the spanking hurts like the dickens, but afterwards you feel a great sense of relief and your husband is anxious to show that you are forgiven. After a hard bare-bottomed punishment spanking the husband and wife are much nearer and more caring, so that the benefit lasts much longer - at least as log as the sore bottom. That is probably also the reason why many wives would never admit that their spankings are consensual. It works better for them if they are just taken across hubby's knees and spanked when they need itt, and a smart wife can always make her husband spank her.


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