Saturday, November 30, 2013

Spanking in Anger

I've been batting around this topic in my head for a while now, and I wanted to process my thoughts a bit with a blog post. 

Should a Dom/Hoh ever spank when he or she is angry? 

Many will say no. However, I disagree. I think there is a time and a place for a righteous, angry spanking. In fact, in our experience here, there have been times an "angry husband" spanking has been actually quite welcome.

Please bear with me.

Jason is not a man given to temper. He is not a volatile person, and really keeps his temper in check. But there have been times I've pushed him over the edge. 



There have been a few times I've completely lost my temper, and without saying much of anything, he took me by the arm, placed me firmly over his knee or over the bed, and spanked me soundly. There's nothing like a good, hard spanking to stop my temper. When he was done, my irritability was calmed (funny how that works). I knew in the moment that I deserved a good spanking, and it was honestly a relief to be taken over his knee. When he was done, he was no longer angry. We spoke calmly to one another. He comforted me while I cried. And what could've been a long, drawn-out argument ended up having quite a peaceful resolution. 



There was one time I lost my temper at one of my children, shouted some things I never should've said, and Jason overheard me. He flew around the corner, took me by the arm, and led me to where our children couldn't see. Without a word, he bent me over his knee and spanked me hard. Then he said,  "Don't you ever let me hear you say that again," and marched off. Thoroughly chastened, I apologized to my child. Later that night, Jason said he'd been so angry when he heard me. We both knew I deserved a spanking and somehow, being caught off guard, bent over his knee, and firmly disciplined was more effective than a more formal spanking would've been. 

These are times when being spanked by an angry husband has been effective. 

But I've always deserved it. He's always been in control. And afterward, we had peace. In my own experience, I think those are key factors. 

There have been a few times an angry spanking has not brought about an immediate peace and resolution. 

There was one time I did something awful to betray his trust. I fessed up to him. He pulled me over his lap, and gave me the spanking of my life. He spanked me harder than I'd ever been spanked at that point. I could feel his anger with every single swat he gave me. I deserved it, and I took it, but what happened after was the worst part of all. He pushed me onto the bed, stood, and told me he couldn't talk to me. No aftercare. He left me in the room alone. 

I was heartbroken. A good friend urged me to give him his space, and I did. I went to him after some time, peering around the corner at him to see if I was welcome to go to him. He opened his arms to me. I ran to him, put my head in his lap, and cried. He held me until I fell asleep, and all was set to rights. 


Another time, he was angry with me, and I had a spanking coming. We only had a short time frame to be alone, so even though he was still furious, he spanked me. He was in complete control. It wasn't a terrible spanking. In fact, I think he likely took it easy on me because he knew he could hurt me. He offered me a hug after he spanked me, but I wouldn't go to him. I couldn't. There was still fire in his eyes, and it felt insincere. I left the room, shaking my head at him and crying, and he went to bed. The next morning, he was calm again. We talked it over, and that's when he made the decision that he would never again would he spank me when he was too angry to make it right again. 

He told me later, "I will never forget that look in your eyes." 

So now, if he's angry with me, he takes time and space to cool off. 

Just this past Monday, I infuriated him. The story of what happened is likely a post for a different time, and a different day as honestly I'm still processing. But I royally screwed up. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit I managed to break all four D's (dishonesty, danger, disrespect, and disobedience) all in one evening. I was almost immediately repentant. I showed him by being docile and quiet how sorry I was, and I asked his forgiveness.  He said at one point "this is not the time to push me," so I backed off and gave him his space.  But he waited five hours to spank me. He waited until he was calm and in the mental place to spank me and put all to rights again.

So, my personal opinion is that it's not always very feasible to say "don't spank in anger." It happens, and very likely will happen. And sometimes (as in the times when I've lost my temper and he gave me an on-the-spot spanking), it seems an angry spanking has its use.

But these are times when we are vulnerable, and easily hurt. When anger isn't checked, adrenaline surges and emotions run high. So in our experience, we found it best to prepare for those times by having a system in place. He has agreed to withdraw and calm down, and I have agreed to give him that space. 

I'd love to see how others feel about this. What are your thoughts on anger in DD? Do you think there's a time and a place? What kinds of things do others do to prevent further hurt during times when there is anger? 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

My Safe Place

Last week, a terrible thing happened. 

I was at the gym. I took my bag with my wallet, stuffed it under my seat, and locked it in my van. I took my keys, put them in the pocket of my coat, and hung them with my gym bag in the locker room. 

When I finished working out, I couldn't find my keys in my coat. I looked and looked. I was confused. I knew I'd put them there. So I went to the desk and asked if anyone had turned them in. The woman at the desk asked me where I'd put them, and when I told her she said, "Go check your car." Now I was starting to get nervous. 


As soon as I got to my van I realized it was opened (I'd left it locked) and it was clear someone had been in there. The contents of my wallet had been emptied. I was shaken. I was afraid someone was still in there, but no one was. I found my keys on the passenger seat. 

I called Jason. He was upset (not with me) but thankful no one was hurt, and instructed me to come straight home. I did. It had already been a pretty rough day, in many ways. I made dinner, served dinner, and told him after dinner I was going to cancel my credit cards. He cleared the table but didn't do the dishes, so when I was done with my many phone calls, I went to the kitchen and the dishes were still there. 

I lost it. 

In all fairness, we'd eaten off of paper plates, and he was bathing the kids. But I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. Looking back on it now, I think I was just looking for a reason to blow.

I went upstairs, ready to pick a fight. 

"I have something to say," I said, my arms across his chest. 

"Kneel," he said. 

Kneel? Just like that? 

"But I --" 

"Kneel." 

So, I did. I didn't kneel in front of him as I usually do but a short distance away from him. And I went off, all about how no one helped me around here and the least he could've done was done the dishes while I took care of business after a terrible day, and why did I have to do everything... 

He leaned over, said in that very deadly calm voice with his hand making a little pinching motion, thumb and index finger like a centimeter apart, "You are this close to a wicked spanking. Is that where you want this to go?"

I stopped. Took a deep breath. And continued, but this time peppering my tirade with some very choice words. 

"Try that again. Watch your mouth," he said. 

So again I continued, this time with no foul language, and he said, "No. Back again from the beginning. I want you to repeat all of what you said, this time the right way." 

Now the wind was being taken out of my sails. I was well aware of the fact that any disobedience at this point would earn me a very serious spanking. 

"Come here and lie your head on my chest," he directed. 

I did not want to

But, I knew I had two choices. Obey, or be punished. I obeyed. 

I scooted over to him even though everything in me resisted. He pulled me into him, hard, and wrapped his arms around me. 

And the flood gates opened. 

I sobbed. Cried my heart out. Told him how scared I was, that I was afraid someone was still in the van. That I felt violated and hurt, and how terrible it was knowing someone went into my locker and took my keys and into my car and then went into my wallet and stole from me.

He held me and spoke soothingly as I cried. 

"Baby, I didn't know you were so scared," he said softly, as I sniffled into his chest. "This is why you were so upset. You've been holding it all in." 




I had been. 

"Listen," he said quietly. "This is why I tell you to be careful. This is why I don't want you leaving things unlocked, or where people can get into your personal things. I need you to be safe. I don't want you hurt." 

I nodded and sniffed. 

"Go downstairs and finish what you need to, then bring your book and come spend the night up here with me. I want you to feel safe, and cared for." 

I already did. 

Then he leaned over and gave me a good, hard swat. 

"That was not for punishment," he said. "But it was a reminder." 

A reminder that he loves me. 

A reminder that even though I get overwhelmed and irritable and overwrought, that I can come to him, but I don't need to yell or be mean to say what I need to say. 

A reminder that our relationship is important, so I need to not lash out in my hurt.

That even when I feel violated, and the worries of the world have assaulted me, I can come to him. 

Because he is my leader. 

He is my rock. 

He is my safe place.



Wednesday, November 20, 2013

LOL Day Promise Fulfilled - Jason Answers

Jason said he'd answer lurker's questions on LOL day here. Below are his answers: 



Michael
Hello Jason and Jason's girl. I am visiting your blog for the first time so not really a lurker but I wanted to say hello. I have been poking around your blog and am quite enjoying it. As for a question for Jason, here goes, and please forgive me if you have covered this topic in the past. Jason, what merits a good girl spanking for your girl?

She has to be good.


MrBB
JG! You are one of a kind my friend and I along with many are happy you decided to start blogging. You've made quite a splash in 6 months! I always enjoy coming and reading here and have commented several times, so I guess I'm not a Lurker... but I do have a questions for Jason :)
Jason, please come in to The DD Chat Room with your wonderful wife sometime?
Ok, so it's kind of a question and kind of a plea lol
We'd enjoy getting to know you better Jason

Sorry, but I'm not a chatty Kathy like my wife. She says more than enough for both of us. I also spend all day in an office writing and responding to emails and instant messages. The last thing I want to do when I get home is chat on a computer. I'm sure you're all very nice people, but I'm an introvert who likes quiet more than people and is drained by chat rooms.


Riley
Happy LOL Day, JG! :) Here's question for you both, when did you decide to de-lurk?

I've never de-lurked. ; ) I mostly just don't have much to say.


Christina
Happy LOL Day to both of you! I could ask a DD question but I'm sure you'll get a lot of those. So my question is - what do you eat for breakfast? :D

JGirl.


Zoe
Happy LOL Day to you both! Ok here's my question. We talk a lot about what we ladies get from ttwd. What do you like the best about it? Thanks for answering questions. :)

I keep hearing that JGirl is supposed to stop being a brat, but that's not happening so the jury is still out.


chickadee
My question is... What is the one thing you wish she'd never cook again? And since I always cheat... what is the best thing she makes?

JGirl made a delicious baked potato soup once. I ate a ton of it and let's just say that I experienced a major traffic jam in various gastronomic regions that I never want to experience again.

Best thing she makes... Love.


Foothills1981
JGirl - HAPPY LOL DAY! I have thoroughly enjoyed many of your posts.

For Jason: Your wife commented on my blog here: http://newmarriagedynamic.blogspot.com/2013/10/glorious-junk-in-trunk.html - it sounds like you are a lover of your wife's ass, as I am of my wife's. I've been an 'ass-man' for many years now. DD only increases this interest, don't you think?

Yeah, you could say that.


butterfly
Hey jg I love your blog and you write so well and I have learned a lot from u and j and Ty you both. I do have a question for j. What makes a good dom and how did u learn to do warm ups

I wrote a whole post for JGirl about being a good leader, so I'll just defer my answer to that post in whole. As for warm ups, I'm not sure I ever learned because I usually just spank her with no mind to what I am doing; JGirl says I do it, so I'll take her word for it.


Unknown
Hello:) Jason, what's your favorite implement to use and why?

I'm partial to a giant pencil eraser we picked up that has "For Big Mistakes" printed on it.

*JGirl is lying next to me watching me type these responses and just asked me if she can comment on my comments because she doesn't think I'm doing these answer right. I said 'no', so if she does it anyway, she's in major trouble. Not that that will stop her or anything, she is a brat after all.


Anonymous
Lurker anonymous here, firstly I love your blog :-) I'm wanting to approach my man with DD so I guess I'd ask Jason what advice he'd give a man on starting this journey and how to be 'gentle but firm'? Thanks so much xx

I guess is really just depends on the man. I'd advise you to be really careful about how to broach the subject. I'm not a naturally aggressive guy, I don't get easily flustered, and take things in stride. So, when I agreed to do this for JGirl, I reasoned that I could control myself well enough to keep her safe and not hurt her. If your man is naturally aggressive or prone to uncontrolled angry outbursts you need to be cautious. As a man, it's really hard to control yourself when the adrenaline is surging and it is easy to hurt someone if they are consciously suppressing their natural instinct to avoid pain, which you will likely be doing a lot if you go though with this.

I'd also assess how open you are with your man at this point. Do you communicate well? Can you tell him anything, even your deepest darkest fears/desires, etc. Conversely, is he open with you about his emotions, his fears/desires? If he is, then you'll probably be OK. If not, it's going to be a struggle for you. This kind of dynamic is really tough and requires a massive amount of emotional energy on the guys' part. Some guys just cannot cut it and shut down real quick when the emotions get running high, and that is going to hurt you a ton when it happens - and it will happen. Feelings you've never thought you'd experience will come up in super-intense ways. I can tell you from experience that even I need to shut down every few weeks just to keep myself centered and available for JGirl in a way that she needs. If I weren't able to do that, I'd be done with this stuff faster than you can say "I'm done". She gives me that space even though it pains her, you'll need to do likewise and you won't want to because it will hurt and suck, but if you do it will be worth it.


Anonymous
Hi! I understand the concept of DD, but can't see it happening in my house. Been married 49 years today--we are more in love than ever. My question for Jason is: Who punishes the punisher? What happens when you do something wrong? Thanks for your blog--as far as I can tell, I haven't seen any nude pics or bad language. Thanks too, for that.
New lurker.

This was the question I most wanted to answer and I thank you for asking it. On the surface, this question appears kind of cheeky, and maybe even a bit stand-offish. But I don't see it that way.

The simple answer to your question is that nobody punishes me when I screw up. That sounds kind of pig-headed, right? But stick with me. Here is how I see it.

JGirl's submission to me is not something I demand of her, nor is it something that she is directly punished for if she refuses to give me. Rather, it is a gift to me from her - freely given and freely received. It is a gift that I earn by being a stand up guy that says what he means, and means what he says; a guy that does what he says he'll do; a guy that keeps his promises; a guy that is faithful to her alone in every way shape and form. A guy that gives her what she needs when she needs it even if I suffer because of it.

So I ask you, in this light, what is the punishment if I screw up? I'll tell you. It means that I lose her trust. It means that I lose her respect. It means that I lose her love in a very real way. That is intolerable to me, thus I do everything in my power to avoid doing the things that would put me in that position.

Yes, I spank her. But I do it because I love her and she is a better person when she has this in her life. If I had my way, I'd never do it again (OK, not totally true, the sexy ones are totally awesome), but in a very real way D/s & DD does something for her that makes her a better, more whole person. I cannot explain it, but I know her and I can see the difference this has made in her life. My leading her, my spanking her is my gift to her just like her submission is a gift to me.

Ultimately, the measure of how much we love someone is not about how they make us feel. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it has nothing to do with it ultimately. Rather, loving someone in its most pure, raw sense is doing what is best for someone even when it hurts us personally. Some people won't get that. They only see the physical actions involved in our dynamic and cannot get past that. That's OK, there are just some things each of us cannot relate to in life. But when you know someone, like I know JGirl, you get to a point where you understand them so well that you can get past the hang ups of what is socially acceptable 'if' it makes the one you love a better person. We've found that with this dynamic.

Anonymous
Hi! I love your blog! I feel like i can relate to you so much, and i love that you post so frequently so i stop by here often. I've slowly been introducing spanking to my boyfriend though only sexual and play. So jason, what would you say is the best way to introduce the punishment element into it? Like what's the best way to start a conversation about it that won't freak him out? Thanks :)

I think you should first be sure that this is a guy you can trust; someone who is committed to you and your growth as a person. He should also be someone who is capable of being emotionally available to you. Boyfriends are great, but I'd caution you about asking him to discipline you if you aren't reasonably sure that he's committed to you and you alone. This kind of dynamic is going to whip up all kinds of intense emotions in you that you likely have never experienced before; it will do the same to him. You should be really sure that you can trust your deepest, darkest, most raw and intense feelings and self to this guy because that's the kind of stuff that will surface. I guess I'm saying you should be careful because he might get freaked out and leave you, and leave you in a raw emotional state where the abandonment feelings could get pretty serious for you.

Nevertheless, if you trust him in this regard, then just start with how much you love him (you do love him, right?) and how much you want to please him. Then, talk about the things that you do that you don't want to do anymore; focus particularly on things that put your safety or the safety of others at risk (e.g., texting while driving, speeding, etc.). Guys naturally want to protect women and if he's a stand up guy, he'll want to make sure you are safe and won't want you to take risks with your life. Then from there, tell him how much you love getting spanked by him. I assume he likes spanking you, too? If so, great. At this point he might figure out what you are getting at, but if not just tell him,

"Babe, I want to be safe for you. I don't want to put my safety at risk any more, but I'm having a hard time changing my behavior. I really think that you could help me by holding me accountable to you. I want to be able to tell you every time I act in a way that is dangerous and I want you to spank me good and hard when I do those things. I think the threat of a spanking will help me stop doing these dangerous things, and a real spanking will reinforce that you love me and don't want me to be hurt. Can you do this for me? Can you protect me from myself?"



Janey
Hello Jason's Girl and Jason
Great blog I really love reading here.
Can Jason explain how he as the HOH feels on the differences between speaking for punishment and spanking for other reasons.

I don't really have developed feelings about this, sorry. A spanking is a spanking is a spanking in my book. The lines between punishment and sex and stress relief all blur so much that I cannot keep track of it most days.


Anonymous
Hello! I'm not sure I'm a lurker because I have commented before but I did want to tell you that I really appreciate how honest you are about it all. I am not in the lifestyle day to day because my Dom and I do not live together and can only see each other once or twice a month. We are madly in love though and speak everyday sometimes for hours. Jason, could you give us advice on how to keep me in my submissive mindset even when at a distance? It is difficult for me and I am sometimes disrespectful over the phone and in texts. I also break many of our rules as time passes and I do not see him. I try but I fail to keep myself in the correct mindset. He punishes me when we see each other but it doesn't see, to be enough. Any advice?

I got to be honest, I really don't get the distance thing. From my perspective, this dynamic only really works with local proximity. There needs to be daily, hourly, and even by the minute availability. If you can make it work from a distance, so be it; but based on your question, it doesn't seem to be working. Your behavior and disobedience should be improving as time goes on. Only you know if that is the case, so please don't think I'm judging you. I'm only commenting on the few facts you've provided in your question. But, even with that, ask yourself "what am I really getting out of this?". Feeling madly in love and actually loving someone are not always the same thing. Is there a way you can get into the same geographic location? Why are you apart? I guess I'm not understanding how it can be that if you love this person, and this person loves you why you are always apart? I guess I'm old-fashioned, but my take is that if you trust someone enough to submit to them and let them physically discipline you then you should be in a committed, monogamous relationship and be living with each other. Anything else is just playing at it, in my mind.

Leah
Happy LOL day. I have a question: What would you add to JGirl's post on How to Give a Good Girl Spanking?

I don't know really... what would you add to it, Leah?

Anonymous
I realize this may be a tough question for Jason to honestly answer, but I'm dying to know. Have you ever felt bad about a spanking you administered? For example, have you ever thought you were a little too hard on her, or the punishment was too severe for the infraction? - "Lurker" Jenny

Have I ever felt bad about a spanking I've given JGirl? Absolutely. Every single punishment spanking. I hate them. I hate giving them, probably more than I hate anything else. I never want to do it ever again. That said, will I have to? Sure. JGirl is not perfect and she wants me to do this for her, so I do it, but I never like it. There have been a few times where I've questioned if I've gone overboard. She's a tough girl and has a massive tolerance for pain. She's given birth naturally a couple of times, so a good hard spanking is not necessarily a big deal when put in context. But at the same time, because she has such a high tolerance for pain I sometimes question where the line is. She's pretty good about keeping me honest, though. In any case, I mete out punishment in a manner that is suited to the infraction as I see fit, trusting that she'll tell me if I go to far.

Anonymous
So I don't know much dds, but I had a question for you guys cause I love reading your blog and am definitely a lurker: how did you know you needed it and do you consider it similar or different completely to a master/sub relationship? I find myself interested in elements of both. I am in a relationship where I know my partner will be interested in either, even just playfully in the bedroom. If this is a true need or desire for me, should I accept the fact it will never happen?

Unfortunately, I'm not qualified to answer this question in full. I can say we recognized the value of DD when JGirl responded so positively to punishment spankings. She suspected it and we confirmed it. Master/sub stuff, I have no clue. What little I've seen or read about it just strikes me as rather corny and stupid. It's not something I can relate to directly nor do I desire for JGirl and myself. As far as whether you should accept that 'this' will never happen for you, who knows. The only way you'll find out is to start talking about it with your partner.

Note from JGirl and Jason: This post has been modified. We thought it best not to engage in the debate that was only getting nastier and nastier. 

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Hotness.

I love me a sexy spanking. 

I love me a bossy man. 

I get the two on a regular basis, but not always at the same time. Stern is usually for when I'm in trouble, and sexy spankings are usually kinda just like foreplay. 

Jason is an award-winning, blue-ribbon spanker, but, well...you know, I want the whole shebang. I like when he gets into it. Pushes my buttons. 

Rolls up those sleeves and tells me I've been naughty, and I need a spanking. Gives me the narrow-eyed look and says, "Upstairs and wait for me, young lady. You're getting a spanking tonight." Draws the sexy spanking out. Tells me what's coming. Makes me obey his instructions, prepare myself, get in position. Lays out the implements. It's just freaking hot.

It doesn't happen often, but I love when it does. And I think for a while, when we were trying to find our way with what worked for us with DD, we didn't really do that much sexy spanking. Plus, I just got in trouble a lot at first!

I love that he is firm with me. But sometimes I want him to play firm with me. And we're still fiddling around with this, still trying to figure out where that line is. 

The other night, he was sitting in our family room. It is very rare we have privacy in our family room, but we did that night. 

"Hey, girl, I promised you a strapping later," he said with a twinkle in his eyes. 

Bit of a tingle there. Even him saying the word "strapping" makes my heartbeat race. 

So I decided to throw some sass. Rev things up. I stuck out my chin and gave him a saucy look. "Oh yeah? And what if I don't submit to said strapping?"

He narrowed his eyes and his hands went to his waist. "Well look at what I have here," he said, in that low voice that makes me breath heavily. He undid his belt buckle and drew it through the loops. 

Eeeeeee! Love that damn belt!

No "in position" over the couch, or his lap. He stood me up, had me bend over while he stood up himself and strapped me.

"What if someone sees!" 

He chuckled, as the belt continued to fall. "Well, then, guess they'll see what happens to a naughty girl." 

I scrambled to get away and he pinned me in the kitchen. 

"Are you not wearing a bra?" It was true. I wasn't. 

"Naughty girl. Did you go out of this house without a bra?" Ohh. Perfect opportunity. 

"Maybe I did. What are you going to do about it?"

"You deserve a spanking for that!" 

He leaned me against the kitchen counter, pulled my pants down, and spanked me in earnest. 

A few swats later, I admitted that I lied. "No, I didn't go out of the house without one. I just took it off." 

So I got spanked for "lying," which was exactly how I was trying to play it. 

Hey, Jason....






Friday, November 15, 2013

Different Kinds of Spanking

Disclaimer: here's my take on the different kinds of spankings we have here. In no way am I implying this is how it does, or should, work in every dynamic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


One question that I've been asked a lot is, is " How can a spanking motivate you to behave if you like to be spanked?" It's a good question. I've also been asked a few times, "How do you differentiate between the different kinds of spankings you get?"

So I want to take a little time to explain my feeling on this. The questions are somewhat related. 

When Jason first spanked me, it was a sexy spanking. Oddly, I don't remember the conversation we had when I flat out told him I wanted to be put over his lap and really spanked. He'd swatted me before, but never ever really given me a spanking. 

I do remember the spanking vividly. He was laying in bed and said, "Lay over my lap." I did. He used his hand, and spanked me thoroughly. I had never in my entire life been more turned on. It was like he'd lit a fire under me. My entire body was nerves on end. It was as if he'd unearthed something deep within me. We made love and it was screaming hot and incredibly intense. And after I climaxed and came back to earth, I bawled like a baby. It was a deeply moving, incredibly emotional experience. 

Sexy spankings aren't always like the first one, but erotic spanking is something I crave; it's something that he is amazing at delivering, and there's no doubt our love-making skyrocketed. Sexy spankings are hot. He knows what I like now, and he pushes those buttons. He will roll up his sleeves, or sit down and pat his lap, or whisper in that very sexy, seductive voice, "Tonight, I'm putting you over my knee for a good girl spanking." It turns me on. It's so hot

Those are sexy spankings. 




But the majority of the spankings I get are role affirmation, or stress relief. I do get punishment spankings, but those are rarer. The stress relief or role affirmation spankings are the spankings I get to start my day. When I am overwhelmed, or stressed, or really just need to screw my head on right, he will often say things like, "I think you need to go over my lap," or he will take my hand and say, "A good spanking will help you with this." 

Don't get me wrong -- these are still sexy! Pretty much any time Jason says the word "spanking" or "over my lap" or "bend you over my knee," a little key turns in my chest. My heartbeat accelerates. But the feel of these spankings is quite different. It's soothing. Reassuring. Helps center me, and get my head on straight. I can let my frustrations and irritations go. As he gives me these spankings, he says things like, "I've got you, babe," or "Just relax and let it all go," and when he's done I am usually laying in his arms sighing, and every single worry is simply gone. I feel loved, and cared for, and my head is cleared. I don't usually feel aroused by this type of spanking, though they are deeply satisfying.



Now punishment spankings are a totally, completely different thing altogether. Totally

When I'm punished, I know I've let him down. Sometimes he says I didn't, and he's not upset with me, he just wants to help me to do better. But there's that knowledge that I am being spanked because I didn't do what I should. There's shame involved. I am not turned on at all. It's just not sexy. Emotionally, it hits so much harder. 




He will often lecture me, and that lecture is also what makes it very very difficult. He always asks me why I'm being spanked, and what happens when I do what I know I shouldn't. If it's a safety issue, he will remind me how seriously he takes our safety, and how badly he'd feel if anything bad happened to me or our kids because I was careless. When he spanks me, it hurts, but the emotional aspect of being in trouble and punished motivates me to never do it again. I don't cry after a sexy spanking. I don't usually cry after a stress relief or role affirmation (though sometimes I need to and do). After any kind of punishment spanking, I cry. It didn't used to be this way, but it is now. I feel so awful for having let him down. I cherish our relationship, and there is nothing more precious to me than when I know I've pleased him. 
And I'm always motivated to do better next time. 


So yeah...I love to be spanked. But do I love to be punished? Not at all. The mentality of a punishment spanking is so very different from the "good kind." Although being disciplined satisfies a need of mine, it's not something I enjoy at all.

We've been asked how we differentiate between the different kinds of spankings. It's not exactly black and white. Sometimes a sexy one has the pretense of being for real. Sometimes a stress relief goes into erotic. Sometimes a punishment brings stress relief. They are all tied up together, interwoven, but what we call it, how we define it, doesn't really matter. 

The only thing that really matters is that our needs are met and we're brought closer together. And pretty much any kind of spanking does exactly that.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Calling all lurkers. Come out and play!



So it's time for. .. Love our Lurkers day. Today, the bloggers in the community are going to do our best to coax our lovely lurkers to come out of hiding for the day and say "hi!"

Many of us tried to come up with a topic to pull the lurkers out of hiding! 


I talked to my husband, and he had an idea. He said he will put himself out there for this one. Today is the day he will answer any question you ask. 

So come on in, the water's fine. Go head and post a comment, lurkers! Let's have fun with this. Do you have a question for Jason? Please post in the comment section, and every question will be answered. 

Looking forward to hearing from you!


Friday, November 8, 2013

Letter to Me

You may be familiar with Brad Paisley's "Letter to Me," a song that is a letter he wrote to himself as a teen.

This month marks our one-year anniversary of being a Domestic Discipline couple. 

I thought it would be a nice reflection to write what I would've told myself last year, before we began this journey. 

A friend suggested I put some of my favorite pictures throughout, so here is a recap of some of my faves. 

To my Jason...I love you.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear JGirl,

Things are about to change. 

You know how the other day, Jason gave you a "real" spanking? I know you're really confused about how you feel. You've spent hours reading online, about people who do this thing called "Domestic Discipline." And you're starting to realize that it's not what you thought it was. 

You're starting to realize it's something you want. 

Hang in there. This year is going to be a wild ride. 

There are going to be times that you will feel lost, and alone. You will feel like you must be crazy to want your husband to discipline you. You won't understand why it is you crave something that should be negative. It won't make sense at times. Things will eventually click, but you won't learn these things overnight. Just hang in there...and trust him.





There will be times when you get frustrated. Try to be patient. Much of this dynamic is new to both of you. I know you think you know what it's like to obey him. You've been submissive to him your entire marriage. But things are going to change. He will be stepping up into the role of leader in a way that has never happened before. This will change how you relate to one another. It will be a good change, but it will be different. Be patient with him. Be patient with yourself.


It will be much harder for you to submit than you think it will be and even after a long time, you will still struggle with it. It will take some time for him to realize what you need from him. Be patient. I know it's not your strong suit, but just try. 

That's all he will ask of you, you know. He won't expect perfection. You'll get down on yourself when you fail and you make the same mistakes over and over again. But he doesn't hold you to those standards you hold yourself to. He is merciful and patient. He just wants you to try. He wants to see your effort. It's your efforts that please him, not necessarily your successes. 




Something strange is going to happen to you. You're going to be stripped of all you hide behind. You're going to be left raw, and vulnerable. You'll have to face the fact that you need him, in a way you never have before. And this will be hard. 



It's okay. Hang in there. It's all going to be worth it. 

There will be hard times. There will be times when you feel so hurt, and so broken, you cry yourself to sleep at night, ashamed of some of the things you've said, and done, and desperate to make it all better. It always will be. You just have to be patient. He's human. He has thoughts, and feelings, and fears, too. Just like you're not the perfect submissive, he's not the perfect dominant. But that's okay. You're not striving for perfection. You're striving to have an amazing, intimate, loving marriage and that can't happen unless you make mistakes. 

Push through those hard times, and hang on, because they are fleeting. 

Let me tell you why it's worth it.

You are going to fall in love all over again. 



As your husband fills this role of leader, and protector, you will feel so very important to him. You will feel like you are precious to him. You will see it in his eyes. You will hear it in his voice. You will feel it in the way he holds you.  

He will tell you when you submit to him he feels loved. 

He will never like punishing you. He loves you, and doesn't like to cause you pain. But he will do it because he loves you. Don't be discouraged that he says he doesn't like punishing you. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It means the opposite.

Push through those rough patches. They are growing pains. They will hurt like hell, and you will wonder why you ever pushed through, why you didn't give up, why you just can't seem to get it right sometimes. You need to feel those growing pains. They will make you both stronger. 



You will wonder how he feels about all this. But you will know. It is every bit as wild and frustrating and confusing to him as it is to you sometimes, but you will see that what he wants more than anything is to give you what you need. And he knows this is what you need. 



He will tell you how much more confident he feels in his ability to take care of you, and your family. You will see him grow in confidence, and strength. You will see a tender, loving side to your husband you had no idea existed. 





You will not become different. You will become more.

More deeply in love. More in tune to one another. More communicative. More patient. More giving. 

You will talk more. You will laugh more. You will cry more. You will have more intimate moments. 




Remember to encourage him. Thank him. Give him space when he needs it, and don't push. This will be hard for you. You will become eager, and impatient. Be patient with him. Don't compare what you have to anyone else, because what you have is deeply personal, and intimate, and all yours. Don't rob yourself of the joy that you two have together by wishing for something different. What you have is already beautiful. 

There will come a day when he takes you out on a date, just the two of you. You will discreetly talk about this...your dynamic...the shift that you've made. He will put his hands together, as if he is covering something precious and delicate, and he will say, "Before we did this, you were closed, like this, like a bud that hasn't opened." Then he will open his fingers, like petals of a flower opening heavenward and he will say, "But I've seen you blossom." 

You will blossom. Both of you will.

You will both fear change. You will both fear becoming something different. What you have now is wonderful, and you don't want to lose who you are. He doesn't want you to lose your spunk, and your fight, and your sauciness. You don't want him to lose his tenderness, his fairness, and his peace. 

You won't lose any of this. At times it may seem like you have, but hold on. You won't lose who you are. 

You will become who you're meant to be. 




You will become deeply, madly, passionately in love with one another. You will be irrevocably tied to one another's thoughts, and feelings, and emotions. 

Even small times apart from one another will hurt. You will long to see him again, to touch him, to be held by him. And when you're back together again, it will be so very sweet. 

It will not always be easy accepting his discipline. There will be times that will be sobering, and heart-wrenching and memorable. But always, always, when all is said and done, you will feel loved. You will want to do better. 



You will be filled with a burning, unquenchable desire to please him. You will fail, sometimes. But don't give up. He will always be there to pick you up again.

You will awaken a passionate side to your relationship that rivals the passion you felt when you first met, only it will be even better, because it will be deeper and more profound. He will make your heart pound again, just looking at him. Just the touch of his hand or sound of his voice will send shivers down your spine. And you will see it in his eyes, too. That deep, intimate attraction. He will reach for your hand and squeeze it, and whisper to you how much he loves you, how much you mean to him, and how he couldn't imagine being happier than he is with you. 



The next year, things are going to change. 

But hang in there. 

It's going to be the best year of your life.

Love,
Me

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Taming the Brat

I hate how I feel when I lose my temper. I hate that feeling of helplessness and the terrible feeling of guilt I get when I've been rude to my husband.

One of the reasons I wanted DD was because I wanted him to help me overcome this.

It took some time...me communicating how I felt and asking for his help and him seeing the positive effects of discipline. And now, he never allows me to lose my temper or speak disrespectfully. Things are so much more peaceful, really.

Most of the time, a look or verbal warning gets the point across.

A few weeks ago, he chided me for something I'd done. I got defensive and began to protest.

"But I --" and he immediately skewered me with a look and interrupted me. "Do not argue with me. Is that understood?"

I felt immediate calm. The tone and the look put me in my submissive place, where I want to be. I feel safe, because he's in charge and I trust him. I closed my mouth and said, "Yes, sir." He explained his position, and because I hadn't been allowed to argue, I heard him out. And honestly? He was right.

Truth is, I love having a calm, firm husband who won't let me get away with my silly bratty attitude. He listens to me and always hears me out. He understand when I'm frustrated or overwhelmed. But a major fit isn't allowed.

But here's my dilemma. In my head I always thought how nice it would be to not be allowed to brat. To have that stern, commanding presence. That calming effect. And it is nice. However...that doesn't mean I don't have the temptation to brat. It doesn't mean I still don't get royally pissed off. 

Last week, many things happened at once. I was very hormonal and on edge. I was overtired and grumpy. I came upstairs, and completely lost it. 


I began by spouting off some angry things at my children. They got defensive, and Jason was waking up, and he started to tell me to stop it already. I ignored him. In the middle of my ranting, a glass of water fell on me and caused a huge messy disaster. I went kind of crazy.

I went into my room, getting ready for the day, and Jason grabbed my hand and said, "Stop this immediately." But I was too far gone. 

I yanked my hand out from his and continued to rant and rave. I threw things and slammed things. I knew I was going to get a spanking but I didn't care. I was far too gone. 

He told me to stop. He tried very hard to get me to. But I didn't. I couldn't. 

Finally he stormed off to our bedroom door, shouted for my kids to go downstairs, slammed the door and locked it. 

I should've been afraid at this point, but I was  so pissed off

He hauled me over to the bed and pushed me down so I was belly-down. I squeezed my eyes shut as I knew there was no turning back. He yanked down my pants and picked up his belt. 

"You knew this is where this was going. And you know I'm not going to put up with this." 

I buried my face in my hands. He started strapping me, hard. 

Funny how quickly the brat left me. 


I was crying my eyes out. I was so overwhelmed. So irritable. 

He gave me a good, hard spanking, then held me as I cried. And the brat completely fled the building. 

Why do I do this? I don't know. I try hard not to, but it happens. 

And he's decided he's had it with me and my mouth. 

Yesterday, I was supposed to get a "check in," what many would call a maintenance spanking. The afternoon wore on, and it was time. He was busy doing something, and I started looking for the cord to charge my phone with. It was nowhere to be found. I was kind of on edge. 

"What did you do with it?" I asked. "I left it right here." 

"Oh," he said, distracted. "I think I put it on your desk." 

I stormed off to my room, my battery blinking, looking for that cord that wasn't there. 

"It's not there!" I said, now my temper rising. "What did you do with it?" 

Now I had his attention. He came up to me, grabbed a fistful of my hair, pulled me real close to him and said "Knock it off." I pursed my lips and fought the desire to stomp my foot. 

"I'll find your cord. Stop being a brat," he warned. I crossed my arms and glared at him, but said nothing. I was trying to be good, really.

Finally, he found it, and handed it to me. He sat on the couch and looked calmly at me. He didn't glare. Didn't give me the look. Simply said, "Are you behaving now?" I nodded and said yes. He quietly instructed me to go upstairs for my check-in spanking. I obeyed. 

I didn't know how badly I was in for it. 

He came upstairs, and I expected him to sit and talk to me and put me over his lap for my spanking. He did not. 

He picked up the large, wide leather strap that is new to us. It is several feet long, made of soft leather, and I love it for sexy spanking. He doubled it over and without saying a word to me, flipped me over, still fully clothed, and strapped me hard. I was shocked. 

"Ow! What are you doing?" 


Without another word, he turned me around, unbuttoned my jeans, and yanked them down. He put me on my belly.

Now I was getting worried. 


I felt the strap land hard and he was spanking me in earnest. 

"Owowowowowowow!!! What are you doing?" I screamed. It hurt like hell. I'd never gotten the strap for punishment before. It was awful!

He spanked me again and again, while I yelled and protested and told him to stop. I kicked my feet and smacked the bed. It hurt so badly. 

"Get on your knees, chest down, ass in the air!" he commanded. Instinctively, I obeyed and I literally trembled as I knew what he was going to do. 

"Ow! Oh please, honey, stop!! Ow ow ow ow ow! Ouch! No, no, no, stop!" I begged and pleaded. I was so taken aback, not expecting such a hard, no-nonsense strapping. He didn't listen to a thing I said, and continued to spank me. 

I'd been completely taken off guard. 

"I am sick and tired of this," he said as he continued to spank me. "Every single Saturday you brat out, and I have had it. No more. No more am I letting you continue like this." 

As he spanked me, I knew he was right. I do my errands on Saturday and we skip a check in. I end up overwhelmed and grouchy, and I end up being a brat. I really, really try not to, but it happens.

Never in my life have I been spanked with four implements for punishment but he decided it was high time. The last few implements he delivered hard and fast, but thankfully not long. 

"I'm sorry," I cried out. "I'm sorry. I will be good." 

"You always say that," he said, as he continued spanking me. 

"No, I mean it, I'm so sorry." I wasn't shouting or kicking anymore, but subdued and humbled.

He finally was done. I was so sore. I can count on one hand the amount of times he's given me such a severe spanking. It is so extremely rare. But he wanted to make a point. 

Later, he told me he wanted to stop me before I spiraled. 

He rubbed me for a very long time. 

"Please hold me," I begged, and he said, "Let me rub you first, baby girl." 

I let him, then he laid down with his head on the pillow, and held me while I cried. 

"I didn't know you were going to spank me like that," I said and he responded, "I know. I didn't want you to know. I think having that unexpected consequence like that is more effective sometimes." 

"But I hardly even bratted!" I protested. 

"You needed to be stopped," he said firmly. "If you had given me full-on brat, you'd have gotten a far worse spanking." 

I cried quietly, and he held me tightly. 

"You know when you kick those feet it only makes me want to spank you harder, don't you?" he asked. 

"I kicked my feet because it hurt so badly!" 

"No," he said sternly. "You kicked your feet because you were being a brat who didn't want to take her spanking." 

Oh. 

"And I know when you kick those feet that you're really in for it, because I have to spank that brat out of you." 

Guess who'll be trying damn hard not to kick her feet during a spanking anymore?

I sighed, finally reassured, though definitely subdued and wanting him to hold me tight. 

"I will try not to brat. I promise I will try. But I know I'll still do it sometimes." 

"I know, honey," he said. "But you'll learn to curb it." 

The mouth-to-brain function doesn't always works so well. But the butt-to-brain function seems to be in fine working order.