Sunday, March 6, 2016

Why DD makes a man feel ten feet tall when taking out the garbage.

Posted this two years ago, and I think it's time to bump this up again! 


Dear readers: Today, I'm posting a guest post, written by an Hoh I know who graciously agreed to write this. He commented from the Hoh perspective, and mentioned how DD makes a man feel ten feet tall. I loved the point he made, and Jason and I agreed he was spot-on. So I asked him if he would mind elaborating a bit on his point, so I could share on my blog a point that I think needs to be made. It's a common theme in the DD community to talk about what we women glean from DD. How about the other side of the coin? I hope you enjoy this post.

"Why DD Makes a Man Feel Ten Feet Tall When Taking out the Garbage" by Artlover

There was a thread on a forum a while back where a woman discussed how much more attentive and responsible her man had become after they started dd.  She stated: "So even though I'm the one submitting, he's actually serving me more.. it's very odd, and extremely wonderful."

This kind of story is very common once husbands start "buying into" a dd relationship.  This is often a (very pleasant) surprise to the wives.  They start out thinking and hoping in terms of their husband acting with more authority, decision, and confidence.  Along the way they find that there is somehow something different with the way that he goes about taking out the garbage.  Or moving heavy stuff around the house.  Or digging holes for her in the garden.  Or swatting the wasp that is flying around inside.  Or shoveling the snow.

And, of course, they often also find that their husband is much more "romantic" than he was before.  He looks at his wife more, touches her more, and yes, makes love to her more.   

And, clearly, a whole lot of wives love all this.  

In my opinion, this typically all relates to an increase in a husband's sense of, and satisfaction in the exercise of, what for want of a better term I call husbandlyness.   

I am using "wife" and "husband" rather than "TiH" and "HoH" for a reason.  I know that not every couple who experiences this is married.   Nonetheless, I see what the couple is experiencing from the husband here as an expression of masculinity in a most wonderfully stereotypically ideal, politically incorrect "traditional" sort of way, in the context of a stable, committed, relationship.  Such a man is acting as a husband, whether or not he is formally married.  (Note "traditional" in quotes.  It is "traditional" in the sense that it is out of step with the culture's approved views of sex roles in a manner that echoes a supposedly superseded past and which generates a lot of erotic power.  I don't care how traditional dd ever was as a historical fact.).

What happens, IMO, is that the entire relationship becomes eroticized. You see this time and again in the various forums.  Someone (typically a wife) rhapsodizes on how much "hotter" their relationship has become because of dd.  This eroticism is expressed in the context of the sex roles.

Dd is erotic.  Being the husband in a dd couple is erotic.  And it effects how you experience everything that is part of your husbandly role.  You OWN that role.  You are the kind of man a marvelous, grown up, competent, desirable woman will permit to take charge of her.   Send her to bed on time.  See that she gets her exercise in.  Sticks to her diet.   Whatever.  And she will lay out over your lap and let you discipline her to enforce all that.

That is heady stuff.  Even the most vanilla guy, once he does this a little while, is going to start feeling like he is ten feet tall.   Even when he is taking out the garbage.  Because whether you are spanking her, making love to her, or changing the tire on her car, it is all part of being her husband, and you are rocking the roll of husband.  In fact, you are not just "a" husband.  You are "THE" husband.  The one that counts.

Add to this the knowledge that if you want to continue to be that guy, you have to continue to be that guy.  You have to hold up your end of the deal.  I see this vividly in my own marriage.  I am a pretty lazy guy.  But I am never more attentive to everything that is part of the husbandly role than when dd is more prominent in our marriage.  And, of course, if I am not doing what I am supposed to do, there is no way my wife is going to submit to my disciplining her for not doing what she is supposed to do.  A man has to exercise discipline over himself if he wants to be THE husband.  

Now, when even the more mundane aspects of your role as husband take place in this eroticized environment, you end up so into your wife again.  For most couples, after being together "X" number of years, "real life" displaces the spark you had.  Dd, when it really works, lights that fire again.  You can't pass her by in the kitchen without patting her on the bottom or pulling her into a hug.  You find she giggles at the swat, or leans into the hug.  Thousands of people have affairs trying to experience romance again in their lives.  But dd, when it is working, is better at this than any affair, because it takes place in the context of your real life.    

My favorite posts on any dd forum are those in which people describe how, now that they are practicing dd, their friends have noticed something has changed for the better, and want to know what is up.  

When dd works, it is really something.


  1. This is all so true and is one of the best posts I have ever read.
    Thank you for sharing,

  2. JG,
    I agree very good post. Thanks

  3. This is really great & so nice to hear the HoH perspective ; )
    Thanks for sharing,
    Scarlet ; )

  4. As an HOH I think this is spot on, and can relate to just about all of it. I love walking around in the 'supercharged' environment.

  5. Well said! I love the part about "rocking the role of husband" - so true.

  6. It's nice to see someone talk about the benefits too the Hoh as well!

  7. I'm glad you went with this one this week. Although I'm suddenly regretting taking out the trash during my frustration this morning. It's so true. It's not one sided. It's serving each other more. The happiness that comes from that can't be anything other than erotic. Rock that role...rock his world.

    <3 C

  8. DD requires that the Dominant be very attentive and try to make little things erotic. I really think couples would benefit from DD even if it is just in the bedroom.

    Terrific post. Thank you.


  9. My husband and I have experienced all f this in our year practicing DD. I have never felt more cherished and he has never felt more respected.. What wonders it has done for our marriage!! We love more,touch more, but most of all we laugh more. We have become best friends and lovers again! We both rush home from work just to be together and I can't imagine things ever going back to the way it was...

  10. Wow! I really really loved this! Thank you so much for posting it and sharing it with us! :) Cali

  11. SM has said such things to me as well, that doing this has made him feel respected and like he has a wonderful secret. It's nice to see that pep in their step.

  12. This was absolutely spot on. A friend sent this to me and I have since forwarded it onto a friend who's trying to get her husband on board. Thank you so much for posting this. Hugs, M.

  13. Great post. I so wish that we were privileged to hear more often from the HoH's perspective. As much as I enjoy and appreciate the many blogs that share and discuss experiences from the 'submissive' point of view, it takes a certain amount of perspective from both sides to get a more balanced picture.

  14. As I didn't write this post, I wanted to let the writer take the kudos here. Thanks for all the terrific feedback! :)

  15. The reason for the 10-feet-tall phenomenon was easier to understand before the 1970s. These days, like a lot of things pertaining to spanking, the explanation is politically incorrect.

    Back before the equality movement gained its strangle hold on families, most young women had some experience going bare bottomed over the parental knee. Whether they got it is with their father's hand or their mother's hairbrush didn't much matter. Beyond the disciplining, there was a bonding that took place. Having to take spankings from one's parents was part of belonging to a family. For young women, the possibility of having to be spanked for attitude or behavior could last until they married.

    For young woman of previous generations, being spanked resulted in psychological branding. On a practical level for parents, it meant that a daughter could be trusted to behave herself even when her parents weren't watching.

    In time, of course, there came into the lives of most young women, a young man in whom she developed an intense interest. As women are prone to do, she would test him. If the young man was sufficiently mature and thought the provocative woman worth keeping, he would put over his knee, expose the necessary area of her anatomy, and give it a good spanking!

    Properly done, that first spanking was often the start of a transition in the young woman's mind from obeying her parents to conforming her behavior to the wishes of the man in her life. This happened because few things are more intensely personal for a woman than having her bare bottom spanked until the man dominated her thinking! Furthermore, not only did a spanking get a woman's undivided attention, it promoted respect for the spanker.

    Even today, once a man can trust a woman, then he is free to feel like a man. If the woman has been properly spanked by her husband, she belongs to him. She has been mentally branded. Appreciating this duality is the key to understanding why a man can take out the garbage and still feel 10 feet tall. It is also why the husband is totally free to shower his wife with affection without worrying about being her playing him for a sucker.

    1. This is an interesting take on things. Although it may have been the case in some instances, I'm not sure it jives with my own understanding of history, having talked to older generations of married women at length...but I'm not sure.

      I do think that a man is free to feel like a man when a woman allows him to discipline her.

    2. As a female HoH in a DD and D/s relationship with my husband, I feel this analysis suffers from the unfortunate and common tendency among male dominants to assume that what works for them must necessarily work for everyone and the attempt to generalize based on gender and historical roles. This is the fallacy promoted by the "red pill" cult as well. DD can work well, and it can work in either direction. Not everyone wants to be in a DD or D/s relationship and when they do it is not always the woman who prefers to submit. Plenty of men crave being disciplined by their female partners and this works just as well. It is not necessary to bash feminism or "political correctness" to acknowledge that erotic power exchange can bring intimacy to a new level and recharge a relationship. Remember this is consensual, otherwise it is abuse. While I delight in dominating my husband (and he delights equally if not more in that) I would never in a thousand lifetimes tolerate the submissive role, and I know plenty of similar women. Please show respect for everyone else just as you demand respect for your own choices. - Eva

  16. Very well articulated. Thank you.

    1. I'm glad you enjoyed the article. It's very well done (I take no credit!).

  17. Methinks anonymous' "history" lesson is pure fantasy.

    But anyway, I am glad to see this up again . . .

    1. Thanks for commenting, artlover. I actually hoped I had a way to contact you because I wondered if you agreed with the comment above.

      Also, I don't remember why we didn't have your name listed as author? Would you mind if I edit this so that it shows you as author?

  18. Those coming of age after the mid-1960s, and most certainly after the 1970s and early 1980s, typically grew up in a societal bubble dictated by political correctness. Informed by scraps of secondhand history, they remain clueless concerning how attitudes toward spanking have changed over the course of the past half century.

    Typically, much like sex, the younger generations involved in so called alternative lifestyles tend to think they invented spanking. They didn't in either case.

  19. It is all the same to me whether you list me or not, JG. I am flattered that you thought it worth bumping this up. As for the comment, it is pure fantasy, as far as I am concerned. I suspect there are more boyfriends spanking girlfriends now than there ever were before.

    1. I will add your name.

      This article continues to get read with quite a bit of frequency, and is definitely worth being bumped to be read again. :)

    2. In terms of absolute numbers, the number of boyfriends spanking their girlfriends these days than a couple of generations ago is probably true for seven reasons.

      The population of the United States is about 60 percent larger than it was even in 1970.

      Because couples are marrying later, there is more time for couples to interact as boyfriend-girlfriend rather than as husband and wife.

      Similarity, more couples are cohabiting rather than marrying.

      A lot more young women are coming of age without having been straightened out by their parents.

      By the same token, more women these days grew up as the only child and, thus, the center of attention.

      There is the proliferation of more easily accessible information about spanking today than there was to previous generations of youth.

      As a forbidden activity, spanking naturally attracts the attention of young people.


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