Sunday, January 4, 2015

New Year's Goals

I'm one of those people who likes to set goals. I'm kinda type-A. I like bulleted ideas, lists, checking off little boxes.  I love the thrill of setting high expectations, and meeting them. But I also believe that big goals are met by taking small steps, so I have a  set of goals I'm aiming toward this year, concrete objectives, and I mapped it out with how I want to get this done, month by month. I'm excited about my writing goals (one is posting a blog post at least once a week). 

However, because I'm a submissive, when I started thinking about the New Year, it only made sense to me that I would challenge myself with how I relate to Jason. Those goals aren't as concrete, more like small areas where I want to grow. There was a small flaw with this idea, though. 

The tiny flaw in this plan is...I'm a submissive. I don't lead our relationship. Jason leads me. And for some reason, I never considered the fact that he would have goals for me. But this all became clear when we talked it out. 

I started by telling him things I wanted to accomplish in 2015. He's much more realistic than I am. So instead of me aiming for things like “I want to run a marathon in 2015!” he might say, “Honey, I think starting out with a 5k is a wise approach.” Always the voice of reason, you know.

My goals for how I relate to him are pretty simple. I want to make sure I take my fears and insecurities to Jason, always, first. It doesn't mean I can't talk to friends. He wants me to. But for more serious matters of the heart, I need to go to him. 

I want to honor him in little ways. I know there are things I do sometimes that he doesn't really like, and although he won't discipline me for these things -- like, say, letting his mom get under my skin -- I know he wants me to learn to manage my emotions better. 

“Hey,” I said. “Do you think I can go this whole year without serious trouble? Like, super serious, very very bad, major trouble?” 

The last time I got in serious trouble was a few months ago, I think, some time before Thanksgiving. I got so angry with him...it snowballed...and I got myself worked up so badly that I thought to myself, “I don't care what he does to me! I don't care how badly he punishes me!” I didn't reign myself in. Well...that was a mistake, and boy did I ever get in trouble. We were out at the time. He brought me home, gave me one of the worst spankings I've ever gotten, took my phone for the day, and sent me to bed early that night. It was very sobering, and let me tell you, I thought twice about how I speak to him since then. 

He chuckled to himself. “A whole year? I don't know, babe. I think you'll get it once or twice.” 

I sighed. I hate the idea of serious trouble. 

He thought for a minute. “You know, I bet you can do it,” he said. “You've made so much progress and hardly ever get in serious trouble anymore. We'll see,” he said with a smile. So it's not a real goal of mine – I think it's wiser to just keep trying to obey him in the small areas – but, you know, managing to stay out of serious trouble would really be very nice. 

So January first rolled around. And guess what. I landed myself over his lap. On January first

It took me by surprise. I didn't think I had really been very disrespectful, but when he pointed it out to me, and told me I'd be facing the music later, snapping, “Well, I didn't know being happy all the time was part of our rules,” probably wasn't the best answer. 

Yikes. 

So I did, indeed, face the music. And to my surprise, Jason laid down his goals for me for 2015. 

What he wants from me in the New Year dovetails perfectly with my own goals. He knows me well. He knows where he wants me to grow, and how he wants to, as he put it, “take this to the next level.” 

I won't go into great detail. There are some things that are, at the end of the day, just very personal. 

I struggled, at first, with a few ways he challenged me, right off the bat. He pushed my patience, and my resolve. But I self-talked my way through. 

He loves you. 

He deserves your complete trust. 

You can do this. 

And yesterday, he called me to him. He had me kneel, and we talked. He praised me. 

“You've done so well,” he said. “I know this is very hard for you. But you're a good girl.” He put both hands on either side of my face. “You've made such progress, and you make me proud.” 

Of course, I glowed under his praise. And as he continued, he told me how he wants to see me grow, in trust and patience, in this coming year. It was a sobering conversation, but at the end, it made me appreciate him more than words can say. I love that he takes his role as my leader so very seriously. Even though I find it challenging, to say the least – I love that my growth means so much to him. 

I think 2015 is going to be a great year.

8 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed reading this. I like to have things all lined up as well so I can stay focused and moving ahead. What I always fail to consider is hubby's thoughts with the direction I am taking. Seems to be a common theme that most of us have already found ourselves over the lap of our HOH this new year being reminded who is in charge and what is expected. Communication will be key for us this year as we take things to the next level. Wishing you both the best this year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Annabelle!

      I didn't know I was in good company being hauled otk on the first of the year! That makes me feel better! :)

      Delete
  2. Hi!

    Just want to wish you luck for your goals. I love how you write about all of this, and I do hope to read more too :)

    A

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, and I hope to give you more to read! :)

      Delete
  3. Well, sounds like we started the New Year in just about the same way, lol. On top of getting spanked on the first day I lost my privilege to drive for the entire month of January. Now on my resolution list is accepting the punishment without whining. Pease wish me luck and wisdom to keep my thoughts in my head until they find a respectful way to come out.

    Say, if Jason is willing to let you start the running thing how would you like a blogland companion? Getting into shape and running are on my list too. I'm hoping to start working on a 5K and possibly a half marathon in 2015.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OH dear, that's hard, Clara!! Good luck accepting the punishment. You'll be much better off if you do. I'm probably the last person who can give advice on how to keep thoughts in your head until they can find a respectful way out...I have yet to learn the art of that myself (though I've made some headway!).

      As far as running, that was an arbitrary example. I do run, and have run, but don't really enjoy it, so I've chosen instead to continue High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) for my regular exercise, and I have goals I'm aiming for along those lines. Yes, I'd be happy to be accountable together, if you'd like to! Email would be best, jasonsgirl001@gmail.com

      Delete
  4. I never like setting goals as a new years resolution, mostly because I am afraid I won't be able to meet them I think. So I just try to set goals for myself, no time limit, or whatever. But I like how he got involved for your goals. Hands-on. I think I am missing that a little lately.

    Wish you luck and perseverance for the new year!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whatever works for you as far as setting the goals! I think everyone has an approach that works for them. I actually broke it up into quarters this year...never did that before, we'll see how it goes lol.

      I think we've been at this a while, it's common to miss that hands-on, sometimes...especially when things like getting in trouble become more rare. I do miss it when it's not there, as well.

      I wish you luck as well! Thank you!

      Delete

Thanks for stopping by! We'd love to hear from you.

Dissenting comments are welcome but please, be polite. Any rude or slanderous comments will not be published.