Tuesday, April 21, 2015

How to give your good girl her Good Girl Spanking

The last few posts have been intense, heady discussion. As I'm drafting my next post, I thought it was time to revisit the number one most popular post of all time, for those who may be interested. ;) 

 Happy Spanking, folks. 


Disclaimer: This is going to be a pretty sexy post. My more conservative readers may want to look away for a bit. But if you're looking to incorporate sexy spanking in your relationship, or maybe change up the sexy spanking you're already doing, then this might be of help.

Jason and I started our journey with erotic spanking. I came across some things online and thought, "Holy crap, that sounds amazingly hot," and I batted my eyelashes and asked him to try. He did. It was amazingly hot. Whoa. Multiple "rock your world" orgasms weren't just for romance novels anymore. Good Girl Spankings, where have you been all my life?

It wasn't until a few months later, when he decided to initiate a punishment spanking (you can read about that here), that I started learning more about DD. So when I first started poking around in the DD community, I assumed everyone knew about erotic spanking. Some do, but many don't.

In the line of work I do, I've spent quite a bit of time researching relationships. I like to know the how and the why.

And this is the conclusion I've come up with.

Many, many woman enjoy being spanked. 

But many men aren't quite sure how to give a Good Girl Spanking.

So I figured I'd spend a bit of time writing a blog post on it.

My post will be directed to the spankers out there. But, girls, if this sounds fun, go ahead, print it up, and give it to your man! E-mail him! Plop your laptop in front of him while he's watching tv!

Since the majority of spankers are men, and the majority of spankees are women, I'm going to assume the spanker is a man and the spankee is a woman for the sake of this post. I know not all Submissives are women, though, so please understand I'm making this assumption for the sake of simplicity, but not to discriminate. The same principles apply no matter who is getting spanked. 

Two things you must keep in mind before we get down to the nitty gritty. 

First, this is not a "one size fits all" kind of thing. What one girl likes, another one won't. Take it slow and watch your woman. You know the signs of her pleasure -- she will moan, her eyes may go half-lidded, and then there are the more obvious physical signs she is aroused. Watch them. If she widens her eyes in fear, proceed with caution. A bit of fear actually enhances the experience, so don't let that be a benchmark for what she enjoys. But you don't want her seriously afraid. Choose a safe word. Many like "red" as a sign to stop. When she says this word, stop.

Second, and this is very, very important, keep in mind this very basic tenet: women are emotional creatures. Yes, we are aroused physically, but emotions are absolutely crucial. 

One of the reasons we love being spanked so much is that it helps us let go. When you put your girl over your knee, and you're arousing her and spanking her bottom, she is not thinking of her cellulite, or the bank account, or her grocery shopping. She is able to be in the moment. 

To make the most of the Good Girl Spanking experience, you're going to have to get into her mental space. It's not all about your hand slapping her ass. She wants that sexy dominance. 

Do it. Dominate her, and you very well may bring your lovemaking to a whole new level. 

So let's do this.

1) Remember the power of the spoken or written word.
This is important. Very important. Most of us want to hear what you say. This is going to start her mind going, start planting the seeds of thought in her mind. Remember, the purpose of this spanking is to arouse, so use a low, sexy voice. Here are some ways you can do this. 

Come up behind her, put a hand on her waist, and pull her close.

Then whisper in her ear, "Tonight, I'm putting you over my knee and showing you who's boss."


"I can't wait to pull those sexy panties down and spank that little ass of yours."


"Tonight, you're over my lap." 

You get the idea. Tell her you're spanking her first. Do it a few times. Get her mind going. Maybe send her an e-mail on your coffee break. 

"You've been a very good girl, and tonight, you're going over my knee."

Send her a text. "Somebody needs a good girl spanking."

Maybe send her a pic on her cell. Like...this. 

Or even better, this.


Okay, so that's number one. Tell her. Build it up, talk about it, tease her, whisper in her ear. Push her up against a wall, kiss her neck, and whisper in her ear, "Does somebody need a spanking?" Watch her reaction. 

2). Remember that dominance is hot

Your demeanor is crucial. You want to be stern, but playful. A silly "Hey, baby, wanna spanking?" really is not going to cut it, guys. By all means, tease and play. But when you get down to it, and you're ready to dole out a Good Girl Spanking, remember that dominance is hot. When you're in charge, it turns her on. It's mostly because she feels your strength, your manliness, and it makes her feel protected. Remember the emotional component. 

This is the kind of look you're going for. Not goofy, not furious, but something in between -- stern and sexy.

There's a reason why so many women fell for that billionaire guy, m'kay? 

Sexy, stern. Practice. Do it. Command her. This build up is very, very important.

"Come here and stand in front of me." 

"Enough of this, young lady. Time for your spanking."

"Go upstairs and wait for me. I'm going to spank you."

Give her hair a little tug. Kiss her like you have a right to. Pull her away from what she's doing and into you. Pull her onto your lap on the couch and whisper naughty things about how you can't wait to spank her. Make casual reference to your belt. Some women like naughty talk. Most of us surely love it when that naughty talk involves the word "spank."

3) Take your time. Work on the anticipation.

Now the time has come. You're ready to get down to business. How this plays out is going to depend entirely up to you and your Submissive. There are many, many approaches you can take. Some like role playing. Some classic roles are the disgruntled husband, stern headmaster or police officer. Some women aren't really into the role play, but many are. Play around with this. 

Many women love, love, love the business man look...keep that button-down shirt and slacks on. Roll up those shirt sleeves and slowly take your belt off. 

Keep commanding. Keep building. 

Command her to go get the strap.

Tell her to sit on the bed and instruct her to remain silent while you take your time getting her hair brush and laying it down next to her.

Some women prefer the hand for erotic spanking. In fact, it seems most do, as there is something more intimate about that skin to skin contact. Find out what your woman likes. 

4) Put her into position.

There are many different positions you can have her assume for her Good Girl Spanking. Many women prefer over the bed, over a chair, or something similar. Many women prefer over the knee. If you're just starting out, do both. Begin with her over your knee, then switch to over the bed, and find out later what she prefers. 

Some women, especially those who innately desire deep submission, will love it if you make them get on all fours in bed or on the floor. Some women will hate this. Only one way to find out.

One compromise position that is very popular does a bit of both. You sit on the bed. You have her straddle one of your knees, and lay her upper body on the bed. Straddling your knee gives her extra stimulation that does wonders for building her to that earth-shattering orgasm. 

Make the most of this, too. 

Command her to get into position. 

"Lay over my lap."

"Get on your knees and hold onto the headboard."

"Belly down on the bed."

Either instruct her to remove her clothing, or remove it yourself. Slowly stripping her down to nothing will heighten the experience. I love it when my husband is the one to remove my panties. It's just more intimate, and I know the Good Girl Spanking is about to begin. 

5) Let the Spanking Commence

Now it's time to get started. Keep in mind a few things. First, and this is crucial! An erotic spanking should be just below her tolerance level. The purpose is to arouse, not punish. Second, it should hurt. The actual act of slapping her bottom is going to arouse her because it stimulates. But if it hurts too much, she won't enjoy it. But some women want it hard. This is where "one size fits all" doesn't work. Go slowly.

Whatever you're using to spank her, tease her a bit. Build up the anticipation. She's waiting for her spanking. Make her wait just a little bit longer. Trail your belt over her thighs. Run your hand over her bottom and massage, squeeze, tease. Take her brush and brush it over her bare skin.

Warm her up, with your hand or a fairly tame implement. Slowly give her about a dozen or so pretty light swats to get the blood flowing. This will make the actual sexy spanking more enjoyable, allow you to carry on for a while, and prevent bruising. 

Then begin spanking. Take your time and don't just spank her. Kiss her. Put your mouth to her breasts. Touch her in all those delightful places that will arouse her. 

Swat! Rub where you just spanked her, massaging her. Then touch her somewhere else...

As you're spanking her, do a bit of a lecture. 

"Do not climax until I give you permission, or I get my belt."

"You'd better keep in mind who's in charge here."

"You're my good girl."

Keep it up. Slow, steady, spank her, massage her, kiss her. Take your time. Do a thorough job. Vary your swats. Do your very, very best to bring your girl to the point of climax. 

And then, my friends, take her to a whole new dimension. Happy spanking.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Analysis of a Consequence

Lately, my head has very much been in the DD line of things. Between my discussions with OSL (both privately and personally), and my own musings, I've been mulling...about DD, how it helps me, and how things play out differently here than they did before. 

I know that D/S has transformed our marriage. But sometimes, when I'm in the thick of it, I want to probe. I want to know why. I want to ask myself how we've gotten to where we are, and where we're going. I like to know the answer to these things, which is one reason I like to blog about it all. And I asked myself this week, if we stopped D/S, where would that leave us? I know we'd still be very much in love. I know I could still grow, and so could he, and we'd still be close. 

But as I was mulling, I got myself into a bit of hot water, and things became very clear to me. I'll explain.

There was a time when I had health rules, and they became a bit too overwhelming for me. They were lifted. But recently, the time came where I felt it I was ready for more accountability in this area. I'd already adopted so many other habits, had already reached a place where obedience to Jason is natural. So I asked Jason, and he agreed. And I must say, it's been nearly a month now that I've had my new health rules that I am held accountable for, and it's really made a huge difference. 

Well, one of my rules is that I need to take my daily supplements. I have a small assortment of supplements I take. If I don't take them, it affects my overall wellbeing -- my sleep, my mood, my energy levels. So I'm required to take them every day, no exceptions. 

But I'm a busy person. I forget things. And one day this week, I was distracted and thought at one point take your supplements. It didn't happen. Later that evening, when Jason and I were having our evening check-in, he asked me if I'd done everything expected of me,  and I mentioned to him that I hadn't taken them yet. He told me take your supplements. Do not forget. Again, I got distracted. 

Well. I forgot.

And the next morning it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. Shoot. 

"I forgot my supplements yesterday," I told Jason. I got "the look" and a curt nod.

"That's one of your rules. You know what happens if you break a rule."

Yep. I do. There was not much else for me to say.

Up he went, over I went, and he began reminding me why we have this rule. "You know I expect you to take care of yourself. I have these rules for you for a reason. You disobeyed me when I told you to take them, and I expect you to do what I say." 

In the grand scheme of things, it was a small infraction, I know. Certainly nothing like breaking a safety rule or being disprespectful to him, but he's consistent, and this is one of my rules. 

So, he spanked me.

It was a humbling experience. And after he spanked me, he stood me up and reminded me that I would not forget my supplements that day.

So I did what I had to do. I found an app to remind me. I set it up to work with my schedule. I made sure my supplements were in a visible location. And I've been taking my supplements faithfully ever since. Sucess. 

When I reported back to Jason, he hugged me, kissed my cheek, smiled, and said, "Ah, that's my good girl." 

And I melted.

Now, why am I relating this incident? I want to explain how things could've gone if I hadn't been accountable to Jason for this. 

I would've thought to myself I forgot my supplements. And then I would've thought better make sure I take those. I may or may not have set a reminder for myself. I could've easily forgotten the next day, and the next. Ok...that is what I used to do before I was accountable to Jason. I'd simply neglect doing something I needed to do. I could've easily gone a week or two and not taken my supplements. 

But that's not what happened. I knew without a doubt that if I forgot two days in a row, after I'd already been disciplined for forgetting, I'd be in serious trouble. I did not want to have to tell him that I'd skipped them again.

If I hadn't been accountable to him, I wouldn't have made it as high a priority as I did. 

I wouldn't have had the humbling experience of correction that motivated me to take better care of myself. 

And I wouldn't have had the experience of his approval and praise when I took the steps to make my health goals habit. I wouldn't have had the hug, the kiss, and the blessing of Good Girl that warms me to my core. 

This is why we do what we do. This is why it works. A small example in the grand scheme of things, yes, but this served as a vivid reminder to me, an illustration, if you will, as to why this works for us. 

What are your experiences, readers? Do you agree that the added motivation of consequences and accountability help you prioritize better? How do you feel you benefit from the component of accountability and consequences?

Friday, April 10, 2015

In Defense of Domestic Discipline, part one: Childish or Childlike? Why Domestic Discipline is Not Paternal.

Dear Readers,

I've recently been told that a former DD wife has been blogging denouncing the DD dynamic (OneSoLoved.com). Normally, I don't pay much attention to the opposing view, as I feel that others are entitled to their opinions, and I don't see any benefit in frustrating myself reading condemnation of a lifestyle I so heartily embrace. 

It was suggested to me, in the interest of attempting a different type of format on the blog, that a good starting point would be perhaps to refute some of the claims she made. 

Jason gave me the go-ahead. To my surprise, I found she'd addressed an old post of mine I'd written for the ADDS blog a few years ago. I read her comments with interest. She's an intelligent writer, and has some important things to say. I don't disagree with all of what she has to say. However, she writes in absolutes, and it was her absolute condemnation of DD that caused me to want to respond. 

She paints her assumptions with a very large brush – too large a brush. And this is where I take issue. Here is one comment that pretty much encapsulates her major premises: 

“The purpose of this blog is ... to oppose “Domestic Discipline”, a lifestyle where the husband and wife relationship is perverted into a parental dynamic, the wife is disciplined for misbehavior and especially in ways only appropriate to children.” 

Her opinions specifically refer to the Bible and Christianity. As a Christian myself, I feel somewhat qualified to respond to the accusations she makes, and will do so; however, my attempt is to defend DD to a broader audience as well. 

Now, before I begin, there are a few things I'd like to say. 

First of all, when I talk about a healthy Domestic Discipline relationship, I'm specifically referring to a relationship that is consensual. We all know the tagline, right, folks? Safe. Sane. Consensual. Secondly, it would be foolish to assume that every single Domestic Discipline dynamic works. If marriages fail, then it only follows that a DD-arrangement may fail as well. Domestic Discipline does not work for everyone. 

I am not advocating Domestic Discipline for all. I am simply writing in support of those who consensually choose a DD dynamic.

There are several topics I hope to bring to the table for discussion. I'll offer my own experience and opinion, ask any of you to share yours as well, and invite OSL to join in the discussion. 

Here are the topics raised in her blog that I would like to discuss, in a series, perhaps “dialectic” format, from my “pro-DD” perspective:  

  • An explanation as to why the accusation that DD is parental and therefore disordered is unfounded (post one, below).
  • A rebuttal to her disagreement on a post I wrote about leadership in marriage, and why I take the position that DD doesn't have to be a “self-perpetuating cycle.” 
  • A counterargument as to why Christians should be free to practice DD, and how a DD dynamic can enhance, rather than inhibit, one's faith, and how DD has the potential to foster true sacrificial love.  Here I also wish to explore the concepts of masochism, sadism, and a healthy respect for one another.

So please join me as we take these topics to the table. Today, I will post the first post in the series: “In Defense of Domestic Discipline part one: Chidish or Childlike? Why DD is not Paternal.” 

The first post in this series is a rebuttal to  the post found here, “What's so wrong about domestic discipline?” 

The main premise of OSL's post is that Domestic Discipline fosters immaturity – both spiritually and socially – because a disciplined wife is treated like a child. She “behaves” because she fears punishment, and her husband functions as a parental figure, which is disordered. 

She says, “I had been justifying my wish to stay a child by looking at the verse where Jesus tells us that we must receive the Kingdom like little children or we will never enter it. I thought this meant I was allowed to be kept child-like despite my chronological age.” 

She then goes on to explain all the many Biblical verses that refer to avoiding childish behavior, and growing up. Her conclusion, then, is that DD fosters childish behavior, and doesn't allow the disciplined wife to mature. 

I disagree. In fact, my experience has been the opposite.  

I'd like to approach my own premise by tackling two main points. 

First, I disagree with the assertion that there is something wrong in acting childlike. I agree we are to avoid childish behavior, but I think a strong case can be made that childlike behavior is something to strive for. Second, the consensual agreement of discipline within a DD dynamic is not parental because of the foundational, underlying premise. 

First, a look at childish versus childlike. What is childish behavior? I'd consider childish behavior negative actions that stem from immaturity and selfishness. Selfish behavior includes things such as pouting, having a fit,  holding a grudge, or similar attention-seeking behavior. Other childish behaviors include a refusal to maintain self control –  things like spending an entire paycheck without paying the bills, staying up all night online and failing to get up for work the next day, or losing one's temper and lashing out. Childish behavior is acting irresponsibly. That said, who among us hasn't succumbed to childish behavior? I agree that one of the most important aspects of growth and maturity means that we denounce childish behavior and strive to act maturely.

But the main problem I see with OSL's argument is that she equates childISH behavior with childLIKE behavior, and the two are radically different. I propose it is good, healthy, and admirable to aim for childLIKE behavior.

 What is childlike? I'd consider childlike behavior positive actions that stem from innocence and purity.  Lacking pretension. Delighting in small things. Childlike behavior means we take people at their word, assume the best in all situations, avoid cynicism, and extend trust. Childlike behavior means we act lovingly toward one other, by showing affection, enthusiasm, and joy. We laugh freely. We enjoy life to the fullest. We play.

Why would we avoid being childlike? Childlike behavior is free from societal expectations and norms. Childlike behavior embraces the freedom of allowing oneself to be vulnerable – to love and be loved. 

I love when I sit by Jason and he brushes my hair. I adore when I lay down next to him in bed and he reads to me. These are not abnormal or deviant desires. Recently, I wasn't feeling well. Jason took care of the house and kids so I could rest, brought me some water, helped me dress, and tucked me into bed. Is that wrong, or disordered? No. There is something beautiful in allowing oneself to be loved and cherished. 

So the premise that we are to avoid being like children is one that needs to be looked at under far more scrutiny than the simple, “Grow up.”

OneSoLoved maintains that Domestic Discipline encourages childish behavior. I don't completely reject this claim. Domestic Discipline can foster childish behavior if either of the two partners acts childishly in the practice of Domestic Discipline.

Let's say, for example, that the Hoh, or partner granted authority in the relationship, is motivated to discipline for selfish reasons (recalling that selfish behavior is childish). OSL recently interviewed a former DD wife whose experience falls under this category. Her husband was motivated by his own selfish desires to control her, and he abused the authority given to him. My heart went out to her. She is sadly not alone. It is not unheard of that one granted authority abuses that authority – a casual glance through history alone teaches us this. My prayer is that this woman finds the means to heal from the abuse she suffered. 

But we cannot conclude that all Domestic Discipline is therefore wrong because of one person's choice to abuse his authority. 

Another way Domestic Discipline can encourage childish behavior is when the disciplined partner refuses to take the necessary steps to change. This is a childish approach. Children hold fast to their selfish ways. Adults who desire growth and maturity do not.

It is only human to occasionally engage in childish behavior. However, if a dynamic continually feeds either party's childish behavior, then there is no room for growth.

But again, we cannot conclude that all Domestic Discipline is therefore childish because some who practice it maintain childish behavior.  

Now, while we're on this topic, I'd like to address the stipulation that Domestic Discipline fosters a “perverted parental dynamic.”  

The two-fold reason Jason and I embrace Domestic Discipline as a facet of our Dominant/Submissive dynamic is because a) it's deeply erotic, and b) it's an effective method of conflict resolution.

Eroticism. Conflict Resolution. 

Actions based on eroticism and conflict resolution are for lovers. 

The conclusion that one should not partake in discipline because “it is for children” is based on faulty logic. 

For example, Jason is demonstrative in his affection with our little brood. He kisses them, and hugs them. He holds their hands. He tucks them into bed at night. Does it then follow that kissing and hugging me is wrong because it is a fatherly thing to do? Does it then follow that I shouldn't hold Jason's hand because it's fatherly of him? Is it wrong for him to kiss me before I go to bed and pull the blanket up over me? Of course not. It makes me feel loved, and protected, and cared for. 

And so it is with my consenting to his discipline, and giving him the authority in our relationship. The reason his disciplining me is not paternal is because of the very foundation of our dynamic.

I do not view Jason as a father figure. I view his discipline and authority over me the way I'd view instruction from a personal trainer – he's a coach, not a jailer. He is my lover. He is my friend. He disciplines me because I consent to it. And therein lies the extremely important distinction between Domestic Discipline and Parental Discipline. 

To me, any paternal association with discipline would detract from both the eroticism in our dynamic, and my strength as a woman who's consented to grant him authority over me. 

Consensuality. Eroticism. 

These are the foundational principles within consensual Domestic Discipline that make it suitable for adults only

In the post linked here, OneSoLoved addresses headship in marriage, submission to God, and maturity in Christ. These are issues I will address in a separate post, for those who are interested. 

I've invited OneSoLoved to read my comments here. In closing, I'd like to address her directly, then open up the issues at hand for discussion. 

I'm sorry you were hurt, OneSoLoved. I'm glad you've found solace in your faith. 

I'm glad you've found a dynamic in your marriage that works for you. I understand that DD didn't work for you. It will not work for everyone. 

However, the fact it didn't work for you does not mean it doesn't work for anyone. 

My intent in writing the series of posts I've written is not to hurt you further.

My intent is to explain why I disagree with your categorical condemnation of Domestic Discipline.

You see, those who live this alternative lifestyle sometimes struggle. We're widely misunderstood. We are often alone. And at times, we struggle because we wonder if it's right to feel the way we do, to desire what we want. 

Jason and I have made our peace with these doubts and questions. We hold firmly to the belief that our roles in our marriage make our relationship thrive. We have never been happier, and more wholly fulfilled. We could never go back to the way things were.

But others haven't made their peace. And your posts have caused unnecessary hurt. 

We all have our personal opinions as to how healthy couples behave. I'm sure there are plenty of blogs out there with similar views on Domestic Discipline. But please, do us the courtesy of not equating your experience with our experience. Yes, I understand that your argument is that DD caused spiritual stunting for you, and fed into past abuse and hurt. And you've concluded with Biblical support that DD is contrary to Scripture. Please keep in mind our own life experiences influence our reading of Scripture. From my perspective, DD has brought about healing, and has helped foster spiritual growth, not stunt it. Individuals are free to make their own choices, with their partners, and before God. 

Now I'd like to open the discussion up for you, readers. Do you agree, or disagree, and if so, why? As always, dissent is welcome, but I ask that dissenting opinions be voiced with respect and kindness. 

One favor I will ask you, readers. If you do venture over to OSL's site, please be kind. My intent here is not to cause debate, but dialogue. Let's be kind to one another in our discussions.


One So Loved has responded to my post HERE. I've written my own response to her, which I posted in the comments section to her blog. I'll post my response here as well, to those who may be interested. 

Hi, One So Loved.

Thanks for taking the time to respond, and for being gracious to me in your responses. I'm going to give a concise response, as I think that you and I have mostly said what we need to say. I enjoy a good discussion, and look forward to exploring these concepts further with you.

First, you say “ One thing Jason’s Girl does not do in her entire response is address the very idea behind the post she is trying to refute, which is the Biblical concept of the necessity to grow into maturity.”

I did mention in my initial post here that my intent was to discuss the concept of Biblical maturity in a separate post. My first post here was only focusing on why being childlike is not wrong, and why the consensual acceptance of Domestic Discipline is not paternal. That said, I'll respond to your claims here.

OSL: “Jason’s Girl, I would say this: the qualities you describe in association with childlikeness: innocence, purity, humility and gentleness as we relate to others, are actually attributes of godly maturity, wholeness, and full realization of one’s potential as we grow to be more like Jesus...These traits may be seen in children in some measure, but I would not say that they find their ultimate expression in childhood but rather as the child grows into maturity and into their potential, they should express these traits more deeply, more truly, and more honestly.”

Yes, I quite agree, and this is why when we denounce childISH behavior, and move to act more maturely, we embrace the qualities of innocence, purity, humility, etc. As we denounce sin and draw closer to God, ultimately we are free to embrace to fruits of the Holy Spirit. You have no argument from me there.

OSL: “So I would argue that we not associate maturity with any one particular age group, but rather as the Bible understands it: As the fullness of potential, wholeness, and Christlikeness.”


OSL: “Hugging, kissing, and holding hands are in no way specific to childhood. They are specific to love, something appropriate for everyone of any age.

Yet is the discipline characteristic of the Domestic Discipline lifestyle (spanking) appropriate to everyone of any age? Not at all, and to see why, we return to the Biblical definition of maturity: wholeness. Why do parents spank their children? Because they lack wholeness. They lack the ability to learn through reason at certain early stages of their development.”

Okay, you lost me there and this is the first place where I'll suggest we agree to disagree. You jumped from the argument that children lack wholeness (or, we could say, maturity in Christ), to equating the need for children to be disciplined because they lack reason.

I cannot agree to make that jump with you.

Historically speaking, corporal punishment is not just for those who are incapable of reason. Corporal punishment is a physical deterrent to aid behavior modification. Just because you may choose to only spank a child who may yet lack reason, certainly doesn't mean that corporal punishment is only reserved for such times. I repeat, corporal punishment is a physical deterrent to aid behavior modification.

Many states in America still allow corporal punishment far beyond the age of reason. Countries across the world still allow corporal punishment as a punitive measure...and it's only used after someone's beyond the age of reason! I'm not using these examples to show that I agree with the use of corporal punishment in those instances, but to prove that you can't expect me to agree with your premise based on nothing more than your opinion (that spanking is reserved to those who lack reason and maturity).

All punishment is meant to be a deterrent. Do you then propose that because you, as a mature Christian, have reached the age of reason, that you are exempt from a speeding ticket when you speed? Clearly not. You likely agree with the government's ability to use punitive measures, even force if necessary because you accept those punitive measures as acceptable forms of behavioral modification.

“... as she becomes able to learn from verbal instruction and as her heart softens as she develops emotionally and trust and respect grow between us, it will become increasingly inappropriate for me to discipline her with spanking because it would be disrespectful to her very maturity and it would treat her as less than she is.
And it is for this reason that an adult woman must not ask her husband to discipline her like she is one of her children. It is inappropriate and disrespectful of her wholeness, of the potential that she actually has as an adult woman with a fully developed mind.“

No. I disagree. YOU feel it's inappropriate for YOU, because you see spanking as a humiliating form of correction, and it does not motivate YOU to make healthier, more mature decisions.

It does me.

It would be humiliating to ME to be disciplined by anyone other than my husband, because he alone is the one I've granted authority to. He alone is the one I submit to. He alone is the one I give permission to guide me spiritually, to lead me emotionally, and provide for me needs as a full-grown, mature woman. So to him, I give the authority to discipline me. Yes, I am a mature woman of sound reason. I can choose to behave better. Still, the humbling experience of receiving correction from him motivates me to behave, and is thus perfectly reasonable behavior modification for ME. 
Would it be for everyone? Certainly not.

You see, OSL, you also allow your husband to correct your behavior. We don't disagree there. You grant him the authority as your husband to help you grow spiritually by allowing him to curb your behavior when you cross the line. It's acceptable to you that he can tell you he will not continue discussion with you unless you apologize for treating him rudely. That's a form of correction you are okay with.

To you, that form of correction respects you as a woman. It helps you grow in maturity with Christ, because he urges you to make virtuous decisions.

To ME, I feel a spanking at the hands of my one true love, in privacy, lovingly administered, helps ME grow. It's an effective behavior deterrent for ME (and for many others who consensually agree to DD). I do not feel disrespected. I do not feel humiliated.

As to Paul's admonition to the Colossians, we must look at the context in which he's speaking. It is pretty clear to me, even after reading the Biblical commentary you are sharing here, that Paul is simply saying that adherence to physical rules apart from Christ will not bring about purity. He's referring to strict adherence to physical rules. The NIV says “These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.”

You cannot then conclude that ALL forms of physical mortification are of no use! How, then, do you explain the many Biblical passages that urge us to fast? In fact, Paul himself, in Corinthians, speaks of physical mortification positively. "I chastise my body and bring it into subjection: lest perhaps when I have preached to others I myself should be castaway" (1 Cor 9:27).

So I disagree with your interpretation of this Scripture passage. Doesn't Hebrews remind us that God, as our loving Father, chastises us? “The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son." (Hebrews 12:6). Several translations of the Bible actually say “scourge” instead of “chasten.” If you believe that reference is only to those who are before the age of reason, again, we'll have to agree to disagree.

OSL: “Growth into true, Christ-like wholeness cannot come from “erotic, consensual” disciplinary spankings. It only comes through holding fast to Jesus and receiving from Him.”

I disagree. Accepting discipline from the hands of the man who loves me , who's very purpose is to help me grow in virtue, absolutely helps me grow closer to God. 

Monday, April 6, 2015

Hello, checking in.

Hello, readers. 

Jason suggested I take a bit of a blogging break, and I thought his suggestion was wise. 

You see, I've been blogging for a little while now, and I feel as if it's time for a change. Many D/S bloggers stop blogging after a year or two, for a variety of reasons. I suspect I know some reasons why. 

First, there comes a point when what you share becomes very personal. The nature of blogging means that you need to be discerning in what you share and what you don't, and it becomes more difficult to make that judgment call. 

Second, you begin to wonder...what should I share that I haven't already shared? Really, how many times and in how many ways can I say the same things? You don't want your writing to become stale or repetitive. 

Third, blogging takes up a great deal of time...and so does living a D/S dynamic. It becomes difficult to find time to do both. 

And there are other reasons. Many of us start in the same place, but the nature of a D/S dynamic means that every one of us will arrive at different places, and the longer a couple embraces the dynamic, the more individualistic that one dynamic becomes. Sharing things on a blog therefore becomes riskier. You risk offending, scandalizing, or being misunderstood. I've done all those things. 

It's okay. I know it's a risk you take when you blog. Still, it can be hard when that happens.

So over the past few weeks, I've been thinking. I've sought the counsel of a few dear friends who've also read my little corner of blog land. I've talked to Jason. And I've wondered...has my purpose here come to an end? 

I had decided to stop blogging. I've been told by another fellow blogger that blogging is “narcissistic.” I'm not sure that's true, but I know I want to avoid that. I never want to brag, or make it “all about me,” and it was my strong desire to avoid that type of blogging that contributed to my initial decision to fold my cards. 

But as I thought it over, I was encouraged not to stop, but to re-think. Maybe it's time for a new format. Maybe it's time to approach things differently. A dear friend asked me what it was that I gleaned from blogging? Was it worth it for me to continue? And over the past few weeks, as I've contemplated this, I decided that yes. It is. I love writing. I am passionate about D/S. And nothing is more satisfying to me than when someone writes and says thank you for making me feel understood.

So please bear with me as I try to ease my way into a bit of a different format...I'm thinking more literary at times, and maybe a bit more introspective, but I'd also like to try some give and take, perhaps with some reflection and open-ended questions for discussion. I have some ideas I'd like to try, and I'm not quite sure how it will all work. So thanks for hanging around, and coming along for the ride.