Sunday, November 12, 2017

Little Girl

A short post I wrote a few years ago, but it's been on my mind a lot lately, and I wanted to bump it up again. More soon. 😊




There's a little girl inside me. She's swathed in the body of a thirty-something-year-old mama, but she's there. 

She was stifled, tucked away, quieted, for a very long time, and only occasionally peeked out, in a giggled conversation with friends, at a happy memory, or when something made her eager with anticipation. She hid, though. She was so afraid that if she allowed herself to be seen for too long, the woman she was trying so desperately to grow into would become overshadowed. She feared ridicule. 

But things are different now. 

She comes to play quite often, though she chooses to come out very selectively. She likes to be taken care of. She loves having her hair brushed or braided. She adores being read to, or listening to stories. She breathes with little sighs of relief when she's tucked into bed at night. She likes viewing things with innocent eyes. She likes seeing the beauty in the world around her, uninhibited by cynicism. 



Sometimes she pouts when she gets in trouble. But she tries not to. That only gets her in more trouble, you see. 

She is not allowed to be reckless, or petulant, and she must conduct herself with decorum. But she plays freely. Her life is structured and disciplined, but she is free. 

So free.

The little girl in me was surprised when she found herself addressed as such – “baby,” “little one,” "baby girl," and even the literal, “little girl,” helped coax the little girl out of hiding. It makes her feel special. Cared for. 

She laughs often. She no longer fears her presence will detract from the maturity she yearned for. No, no, that fear has been laid to rest. Because now she realizes she was there all along, beside the woman, a part of her that never could quite fully go away, but only hid because she was afraid. 

She no longer hides in fear. Now, she is happy. She is well cared for. Now, the little girl in me roams free, because she is safe. 

So safe. 

It was the freedom to be who she was she yearned for all along. The little girl is here to stay.





19 comments:

  1. I like this. The only way we can be really mature is to make sure the child has a safe place and is well taken care of.

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  2. Thank you. I don't suspect I'll get much feedback from this post (it may seem out of context, out of the ordinary, or touches on an aspect of d/s that doesn't resonate with many people), so I very much appreciate your comment lol!

    And I agree with what you said. It really is part of the maturation process.

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  3. Love this one. My hubby and I just had a conversation the other day about exactly this! My inner little girl that still needs to be nurtured and cared for. :)

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    1. Ah, I love when a post of mine is timely for another reader. I'm glad you could relate, Cherished!

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  4. Oh wow, I relate to this post so much. I have recently discovered "ddlg". I don't really feel like I fit in that category, but I have deep feelings for what you have described. The thought of pausing adult and being taken care of is such a relief to even think about. My husband knows about my spanking need but doesn't have any desire to fulfill them. I feel like I am hiding something by not letting him know these new found desires, but I don't really want to open myself up to being made fun of like he does with spanking in general.
    I thoroughly enjoy your blog. I find myself entering fantasy land with every post. You have such a beautiful relationship that I know you both work very hard at. Please continue blogging and sharing your story with "lurkers" like me :)

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    1. Hello Unknown,
      I know exactly what you mean about reading dd/lg (or bg/dd) and finding that it wasn't really your thing, yet there are aspects of it that are appealing. This is why I wrote this post. I think there are so very many of us who have the desire to submit who relate to having our little girls' needs met, without the trappings of age play or other aspects a dd/bg dynamic frequently ential.

      I'm sorry you feel unable to share with your husband. I truly hope that one day that will change for you.

      Thank you for your encouragement. I will continue writing. Yes, we have worked hard at the relationship we have, but the work is so worth the effort. I will indeed kep writing and sharing our story. Thank you for stopping by, and I wish you luck.

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    2. I know this is a late response. But I to just learned about dd/LG. Some aspects were appealing however I could never get on with the whole age play thing. I think the way this is written is a nice middle ground.

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  5. I love this. More than I can say. It's doubtful that our ttwd experience will ever lead down this path but I find that my inner child feels so much safer now that we are working on this lifestyle. Submission has brought out so many thoughts and longings. We are a work in progress. Speaking of which - loved your cultivating submission posts!! Thanks for those!!

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    1. Hi, Maggie. I'm so glad you can relate, and you enjoyed the post. I understand what you mean, about feeling safer, and that's a really good point that TTWD has brought your thoughts and longings to the surface. It has been, for me, far more introspective a journey than I ever anticipated.

      And I'm so glad you enjoyed the submission posts! THanks for stopping by. :)

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  6. While I can relate to this, I wouldn't say it is because I have a little girl inside. Most of the things you mention are indeed about feeling cherished, but it is the woman in me that wants to be unguarded so I can allow my husband to take care of me. Feeling unguarded most certainly doesn't mean to me that I have a little girl inside. It makes me feel like the woman I am can relax and just BE me...not an alter ego inside.

    While I can see how you may believe this is splitting hairs, I really can't say it is. I want to view the world with less cynicism as well, but I will never view it with innocent eyes, and I am proud of that fact. I have lived a lifetime in a short amount of time, and no amount of D/s is going to change that perspective.

    In short really D/s allows my vulnerability( Like most) to flourish in the eyes of my husband. If he were to view me as a 'little girl' in these instances, both of us would most likely head for the hills. It isn't a mindset either one of us are willing to embrace.

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    1. Hello, Anonymous,
      I always enjoy alternative points of view, especially when they're stated so articulately and respectfully. Thanks for that.

      I by no means think that bringing out the "little girl" in me is a universal aspect of TTWD or a D/S lifestyle, though I know it's a common thread with many. Some find the mere idea revolting, some simply do not relate (like you), some find it piques their curiosity, and some find it resonates deeply. I posted, curious what the response would be, and I'm actually surprised at how many have reached out to me and told me they related. I anticipated few would.

      Your post is a good reminder that our needs in this are so very individualistic.

      No, I don't think you are splitting hairs at all. You've sought and gleaned something different from TTWD than I have, and that's a beautiful thing. Our peace will come from different experiences and perhaps our end goals are very different. But that doesn't mean either perspective is "wrong."

      It's a mindset that Jason does embrace with me, and it fits me to a "T," but I fully respect that it's not everyone's cup of tea.

      Thanks for sharing your perspective. :)

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  7. This post just makes me smile. I relate oh so well. :)

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    1. I'm glad you could relate! Have you ever read the Shakespeare quote before? I hadn't, and I think it is so fitting!

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    2. Oh yes, I first read it some time ago. I found it so fitting in fact that I used it when I started a new blog (on the header). ;)

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    3. Ah ha! I've been behind the eight ball on that one! lol

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  8. Oh I can relate to this so well! When I let my walls down and let my husband take care of me I feel so special. I used to think it was maturity to have the I can do it all on my own attitude, however now I realize true maturity comes from accepting the help we need. We had somewhat of a DD/ Lg aspect to our relationship at first although we didn't know that was a thing then. As our lives have changed with having small children we don't feel quite comfortable with that anymore so this is a nice middle ground for us. Thank you for sharing 😊

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    1. Yes! I also find some aspects of dd/bg appealing, but age play is a no-go for me. I posted because I think more of us are "middle ground" than I once thought.

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  9. Beautiful.

    Sometimes I think about being little and relate it to protection. It is a different feeling to feel protected as a little one vs. protected as an adult. It's deeper somehow.

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    1. It is, I agree. I takes a greater level of trust at the adult level, I think. When you're little, you don't have a choice. As an adult, you have to make the choice, and it isn't always easy to do.

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