Saturday, November 21, 2015

I Need You To Dom Me

When we were first beginning, my needs to feel Jason's strength were damn near insatiable. I would read things online, or imagine how things would be, and I knew I wanted it. 

He always has been the Dominant partner here, so there was no major shift in how we related to one another when we began the D/S journey, other than both of us more thoroughly embracing those roles. But we had very few rules in the beginning. Jason said things like, “But you're such a good girl. Why would I spank you?” 

He had lower expectations for me then...and that was how things were supposed to be, as we asked ourselves what we wanted from this, and worked through them. Gradually, he would add something to “the list.” It's what I call “the theoretical list of spankable offenses.” As our dynamic grew, so did his expectations for me. 

But when we were just beginning, I would feel so needy. I would want to feel him. And I would say, “I need you to Dom me.” 

Over and over again, he would say, “I have no idea what you're talking about. What does that even mean, I want you to Dom me?

So over time, I found some ways to communicate that need more effectively. When he did “Dom me” I would thank him, or show him in so many other ways exactly how grateful I was. 

I like it when you overpower me. 

Phew is that sexy. I love it when he holds my hands up over my head while we make love, or commanding me to stay in position. I love it when he wraps his hand in my hair and pulls, and I feel the tug all the way down my spine. I like when he's over me, or on top of me, or he pins me up against a wall. That tiny prickle of fear is erotic, because I know he would never hurt me and I'm his. I love when he picks me up and pulls me over his lap. I love the feeling of knowing he's stronger than I am. He will take what's his, he doesn't ask, and I love that.

I like it when you tell me what to do. 

I like it when he asserts himself over me. When he tells me to go to bed, or to drive carefully, or to make sure I do what I need to, I feel that I am important to him. 

Now, sometimes, I rail against that. Sometimes I want my own way. But I love that he will take the time to ensure my wellbeing. It means I am important to him.

I like it when you help me stay on track. 

It's easy to neglect my own self care. I'm better about it now than I used to be, but he has rules for me that help me. They're like guard rails on a highway, boundaries that comfort, and I feel safe knowing I cannot stray. Sometimes I am in a place of emotionally spiraling, and his stern, “That's enough,” is all I need. 

The other night, I got a spanking for losing my temper. It wasn't an awful spanking, more of a reminder than anything, but I was so very tired from a long day. He took me over his knee, spanked me quickly and firmly, and sent me to bed. I needed this. I was so exhausted. I fell asleep, and woke with a clearer focus, thankful he didn't let me derail.

I like it when you take control. 

Balm to the soul. Calm to the mind of the submissive. When he steps in and sets things to right. It could be so very simple, and it's taken years to train myself in accepting even the simplest of his wishes. Even now sometimes I resist. My fears come into play. 

Last week, we went out with friends and had dinner. It was an expensive night, and Jason had budgeted for it and he pays the bills. He's very much on top of the situation and I love that he is, because I hate dealing with money. Later, we were snuggling in bed and I mentioned the meal. “Was it very expensive?” I asked. He merely smiled and said, “Is that something you need to worry about?” I told him no, and it brought peace to me to put it right out of my mind again. 

I like it when you make me focus on you. 

He expects me to come to him immediately when he calls me. He will make me put down what I'm doing and come sit between his feet, or kneel by the bed. A finger under the chin or even lightly holding the chin to maintain eye contact is a very dominant move he uses often, and I love that. I feel like I'm precious to him. It's a subtle reminder of my submission to him. When he talks to me, he demands my undivided attention. 

I recently was in the kitchen, focused on a million things at once, and he came in the room. Leaning up against the counter, he grabs me and pulls me over. My mind is racing, but then...ahhhh. He's over me, I'm under his spell, and he's whispering things in my ear. Yes, this. He often puts his hand on my neck, when we're out or about, a quick touch that I find erotic and calming all at once.

I like it when you call me your good girl

Jason will text me throughout the day and ask if I've done what he's left for me. If I have, I will often get a, “that's my good girl,” response. I melt with “good girl.” But there are other things he calls me, too. My all-time favorite, that's mostly used when he's tucking me in at night, is “little one.” “Sleep well, little one,” is simply lovely. But even a brief text when I'm out with friends, “How's my baby girl?” makes me feel special to him. The coveted “good girl” has to be earned, so it reminds me of my obedience to him when he uses it. 

I lke it when you make me obey you. 

In theory, I want to obey him. I'm attracted to his authority over me, so deeply I crave it. But I need to know he expects me to obey him. I need to know he'll discipline me if I don't. Even though I don't like to be punished, it's far worse if he allows an infraction to go unpunished, because my obedience to him is crucial. If I'm allowed to disobey him, or disrespect him, a vital part of how we relate is missing. The simple words, “Am I clear on what I expect?” or “Do you understand me?” or “Do I need to take you across my knee?” reassures and brings me back to center. And when I don't meet his expectations? I need to know he will hold me accountable. 

What does it mean when I say “I like it when you Dom me?” It's an elusive phrase, and means different things to different people. These are some ways I appreciate Jason "domming" me. What are some of yours?


  1. I love when Allan uses his "baby girl" name for me. He does this daily and it keeps our roles clearly defined just though identification. It's a constant reminder of who I am to him. I also love to feel his strength. When he pulls me over his lap yes I am nervous but he has taken control and that is a good feeling. Strength is a funny thing, I need his, I pull from his and he needs to give it to me. If it's pinning me down or his hand against my throat (not choking me) but just a reminder of how powerful he is. I just melt under his hands.

    1. Yes, I completely understand this, Renee. Thanks for sharing! "Baby girl" is one of my favorites as well. For a while I very much disliked the hand on my throat. It scared me, but many things did (like being blindfolded and restrained). I sort of embraced that fear, if that makes sense, gave into it, and now I really do crave those reminders that he's powerful, he's in control, but also that he would never hurt me.

  2. Oh. My. I am going to read this to The Big Guy. I swear JGirl, sometimes you pluck things right out of my head!!

    1. I echo Maggie! I'm going to show this to my hoh, your words are exactly how I'm feeling within my role as his submissive wife, very uplifting and encouraging J Girl!:)

    2. Thank you, Meg. I'm happy you found it helpful, and I hope your Hoh does, too. :)

  3. Very strange - so much of this is like us. I am amazed. Just a little different in that I often react like a lioness, and Dan has to tame me, which, of course, is great fun.

    The only thing I do not like, at all, is being called "Good girl" or a similar name. I have a name and like to be called by it.

    I am glad to know that others are very much like us.


    1. Hi, Ami. I think there's quite a bit of overlap in different dynamics (love when I can use that pun lol!), and it's fun to see where we have similarities!

  4. I so needed this post for my little red witchy book. Thanks. :)
    And I've FINALLY found the "subscribe by email link". Duh!

    1. Haha! I've moved the link up further on the page.

      And I'm honored this is featured in that book of yours. ;) I hope your X likes it, too.


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