When we were first beginning, my needs to feel Jason's strength were damn near insatiable. I would read things online, or imagine how things would be, and I knew I wanted it.
He always has been the Dominant partner here, so there was no major shift in how we related to one another when we began the D/S journey, other than both of us more thoroughly embracing those roles. But we had very few rules in the beginning. Jason said things like, “But you're such a good girl. Why would I spank you?”
He had lower expectations for me then...and that was how things were supposed to be, as we asked ourselves what we wanted from this, and worked through them. Gradually, he would add something to “the list.” It's what I call “the theoretical list of spankable offenses.” As our dynamic grew, so did his expectations for me.
But when we were just beginning, I would feel so needy. I would want to feel him. And I would say, “I need you to Dom me.”
Over and over again, he would say, “I have no idea what you're talking about. What does that even mean, I want you to Dom me?”
So over time, I found some ways to communicate that need more effectively. When he did “Dom me” I would thank him, or show him in so many other ways exactly how grateful I was.
I like it when you overpower me.
Phew is that sexy. I love it when he holds my hands up over my head while we make love, or commanding me to stay in position. I love it when he wraps his hand in my hair and pulls, and I feel the tug all the way down my spine. I like when he's over me, or on top of me, or he pins me up against a wall. That tiny prickle of fear is erotic, because I know he would never hurt me and I'm his. I love when he picks me up and pulls me over his lap. I love the feeling of knowing he's stronger than I am. He will take what's his, he doesn't ask, and I love that.
I like it when you tell me what to do.
I like it when he asserts himself over me. When he tells me to go to bed, or to drive carefully, or to make sure I do what I need to, I feel that I am important to him.
Now, sometimes, I rail against that. Sometimes I want my own way. But I love that he will take the time to ensure my wellbeing. It means I am important to him.
I like it when you help me stay on track.
It's easy to neglect my own self care. I'm better about it now than I used to be, but he has rules for me that help me. They're like guard rails on a highway, boundaries that comfort, and I feel safe knowing I cannot stray. Sometimes I am in a place of emotionally spiraling, and his stern, “That's enough,” is all I need.
The other night, I got a spanking for losing my temper. It wasn't an awful spanking, more of a reminder than anything, but I was so very tired from a long day. He took me over his knee, spanked me quickly and firmly, and sent me to bed. I needed this. I was so exhausted. I fell asleep, and woke with a clearer focus, thankful he didn't let me derail.
I like it when you take control.
Balm to the soul. Calm to the mind of the submissive. When he steps in and sets things to right. It could be so very simple, and it's taken years to train myself in accepting even the simplest of his wishes. Even now sometimes I resist. My fears come into play.
Last week, we went out with friends and had dinner. It was an expensive night, and Jason had budgeted for it and he pays the bills. He's very much on top of the situation and I love that he is, because I hate dealing with money. Later, we were snuggling in bed and I mentioned the meal. “Was it very expensive?” I asked. He merely smiled and said, “Is that something you need to worry about?” I told him no, and it brought peace to me to put it right out of my mind again.
I like it when you make me focus on you.
He expects me to come to him immediately when he calls me. He will make me put down what I'm doing and come sit between his feet, or kneel by the bed. A finger under the chin or even lightly holding the chin to maintain eye contact is a very dominant move he uses often, and I love that. I feel like I'm precious to him. It's a subtle reminder of my submission to him. When he talks to me, he demands my undivided attention.
I recently was in the kitchen, focused on a million things at once, and he came in the room. Leaning up against the counter, he grabs me and pulls me over. My mind is racing, but then...ahhhh. He's over me, I'm under his spell, and he's whispering things in my ear. Yes, this. He often puts his hand on my neck, when we're out or about, a quick touch that I find erotic and calming all at once.
I like it when you call me your good girl
Jason will text me throughout the day and ask if I've done what he's left for me. If I have, I will often get a, “that's my good girl,” response. I melt with “good girl.” But there are other things he calls me, too. My all-time favorite, that's mostly used when he's tucking me in at night, is “little one.” “Sleep well, little one,” is simply lovely. But even a brief text when I'm out with friends, “How's my baby girl?” makes me feel special to him. The coveted “good girl” has to be earned, so it reminds me of my obedience to him when he uses it.
I lke it when you make me obey you.
In theory, I want to obey him. I'm attracted to his authority over me, so deeply I crave it. But I need to know he expects me to obey him. I need to know he'll discipline me if I don't. Even though I don't like to be punished, it's far worse if he allows an infraction to go unpunished, because my obedience to him is crucial. If I'm allowed to disobey him, or disrespect him, a vital part of how we relate is missing. The simple words, “Am I clear on what I expect?” or “Do you understand me?” or “Do I need to take you across my knee?” reassures and brings me back to center. And when I don't meet his expectations? I need to know he will hold me accountable.
What does it mean when I say “I like it when you Dom me?” It's an elusive phrase, and means different things to different people. These are some ways I appreciate Jason "domming" me. What are some of yours?