Sunday, December 18, 2016

To Whom Should You Submit?

I originally wrote this post about a year and a half ago because several readers approached me, asking me things that I found a bit troubling. First, one reader asked if I assumed the man in the relationship is always right, and she pointed out that a marriage should not be based on domineering behavior (I don't think men are always right and agree that dominance and domineering are two different things). Another told me that my posts could be used to justify abusive behavior.

So I drafted (and have since rewritten) the post below, in the hopes of encouraging safe, happy, healthy dynamics: 

I've been blogging now for a few years now, which means that I get quite a few readers. Of the many readers who visit daily, a very, very small portion comment and an even smaller portion write to me. We're talking a fraction of one percent who are in contact with me. Of the people who comment and write, the vast majority are either in a DD or DS dynamic, or want to be. Most are married couples, most in a traditional male-led dynamic. Some are just interested in DD, yes, but most who communicate with me are in a healthy relationship. So I assume, when writing, that the average readers is in, or wants to be in, a healthy relationship.

I apologize for having made this assumption. It pains me to think that something I have posted could be used to defend an unhealthy, harmful relationship. So please, allow me a minute to assert a few important facts. 

Not all men are worthy of submission. 

I've said it before, but it needs to be said again. Leadership and domination are not the same as abuse. You should always feel safe and cared for; if you don't, then please ask yourself if your relationship is healthy. Please do not consent to submit to a man who is abusive, an addict, or mentally ill. When you submit yourself to someone, you put yourself at great risk. You are extremely vulnerable. You can be hurt both physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Ask yourself: do I feel safe? Do I trust this person? Can he be depended on to make mature, responsible decisions? Can he handle the responsibility of being in authority? Is he motivated for selfish reasons, or does he love me? Is he mature enough to meet my needs? 

You are worthy of love. Please don't let your desire to loved, taken care of, and protected, cloud your judgment. 

There are many who read this blog because they are interested in submission, and are testing the waters by going online trying to meet a Dom. Please, dear readers, be careful. Please do not submit to anyone unless he has demonstrated the maturity necessary to handle the responsibility of a Dom.

Though Jason and I know a variety of couples and support all walks of life and all levels of D/s on the power exchange spectrum, we can only, in good conscience, support dynamics that are safe, sane, and consensual. 

Is the behavior you engage in safe? Is the submissive physically able to withstand discipline or erotic spanking? Is the dominant able of controlling his own emotions so that they do not cloud his judgment? Are safe guards (such as sit-downs, check-in's, safe words, and code words) in place in the dynamic to allow both the Submissive and Dominant partners to communicate even during emotionally-charged situations? Even healthy D/s relationships need to keep guidelines in place. Just yesterday, Jason gave me a swat that landed right around my lower back and I had to remind him not to swat me there, because the kidneys or my spine can be injured. It was accidental, and we take precautions, but accidents can happen. Does the dominant partner test each implement about before use? 

Is the behavior you engage in sane? Now, what Jason and I deem sane someone else may define as insanity and vice versa. Surely there really is gray area here. For us, this means that punishment be reasonable. For us, the rule of thumb is that erotic spankings are below my tolerance, stress relief or role affirmation just at tolerance, and punishment just above. Jason does spank hard, but he knows me really, really well. Sometimes even play spankings are long and hard, but we communicate throughout, and have communicated effectively enough, that he knows where he can take me. Some couples believe in safe words and agree on that ahead of time. Some find that spanking can only happen for punishment after both parties are prepared, and emotionally stable. What is sane in your dynamic depends heavily on the individual but must be discussed. 

Is your dynamic consensual? Now, I don't mean that I go to Jason every single time and say, "yes, I deserve this, please punish me." Heck, some of the time I'm trying to talk him out of it, and sometimes I am resisting with everything in me, but I do trust him, so even then, I've consented for him to discipline me when he deems it necessary. Just because I want to be disciplined doesn't mean I like when I am. Some consider this "consensual non-consent." But please do ask yourself if your dynamic is consensual. And may I gently suggest in my humble opinion, that if one believes he or she is ordained by God, or mandated by God to discipline his wife, in certain circumstances this very well may negate consent because the submissive partner feels obligated. Please, if you are in a non-consensual relationship, consider discussing this with your partner. Non-consent will rarely lead to the intimacy and peace sought after by most D/s couples. For those interested in further reading, I discussed my personal opinion on equality and respect in this thread.

Thank you for listening. Have a safe, happy, healthy holiday season! 

With love,

Jane (Jason's Girl)

Sunday, December 11, 2016

His Belt

He comes in the room, and locks the door, his eyes fixed on mine. I'm not in trouble. I've been a very good girl, with very little reason to take a punishment trip over Daddy's knee, thank you. But he knows I'm pent-up, and we have a blissful morning of unexpected privacy, so we don't need the wicked silent implements. His eyes fixed on mine, his hands go to his waist and he unbuckles his belt.
He knows I love his belt. It's the symbolism, the iconic implement of discipline, and when he rolls up his sleeves, prepared to strap me, my mouth goes dry and my thighs clench together.

I love Daddy's belt.

I suppose one can call it a love-hate relationship, but – well, no. I don't hate his belt. I love his belt. Even the handful of times he's whipped it off to punish me are ingrained in my memory, because it's so deeply erotic, moments I will never forget that were sobering, but sexy as hell in retrospect. And the belt is his. He wears it about his waist. I remember one time being on an elevator with him, just the two of us, and he hugged me close. My fingers
latched around his belt, and I closed my eyes. This is daddy's belt.

In my deepest, darkest fantasies, I never think about him spanking me with a paddle, or the brush, or any of our other implements. Those are not the stuff fantasies are made of, for me. No. I always fantasize about his belt, as he stands in front of me and unbuckles it, wraps it around his hand or doubles up, gestures for me to kneel on the bed, or lean over the edge, or my favorite, get over his knee. I love the sound of it, the feel of it, and sometimes when he undresses at night, I sneak a look at him as he removes it because I love it.

I watch him as he unfastens the belt, the clink of it making my heart start to stutter, the soft, familiar whoosh as he removes it making me gasp. He folds it over in his hand and sits on the bed. “Over my lap,” he says.

“Someone will hear!” I begin to protest. I hate the idea of being overheard.

“They won't,” he says, assuring me that we do indeed have privacy, and no one will hear. Reluctant but eager, scared but excited, I drape myself over his knee. He wraps the belt around his hand and fashions a strap, holding me over his knee, then zing it whizzes through the air and thwap smacks against my naked skin. It's such a unique feel, his belt while over his knee. It's not as hard as a punishment spanking, or when he's doubled it over and bent me on the bed (ouch). But it hurts. It really, really hurts, as it stings and burns, and lands in the same place twice, three times, and then again, wrapping around my thighs for a few wicked lashes. I squirm, trying hard to hold position, and he holds me tight, one of his hands tight around my waist, anchoring me to him.

“Take your spanking, babygirl,” he says, lifting the belt and bringing it down again, each swoosh and thwap making my skin burn, my hands fisted on the bed. It hurts so good. He spanks me until I want him to stop, my bottom on fire, the deep burn of leather laced along my backside and thighs, striped with daddy's belt. And when he's done, he threads the leather back through the loops on his pants while I fall to my knees. I'm heady with submission, nothing on my mind now but the licks across my skin and the delightful release of being overpowered. I could float away. 

I feel it for days, the burn and sting, the lasting reminder that I am daddy's girl. 

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

'Tis the Season to Get Spanked

Mid-week, quick check-in here! I'm sure you all can relate to how busy this time of year is. I couldn't seem to make my way over here this past weekend. It was super busy, because Maisy and I launched another book and there's so much work that goes into that, and I have another book coming (last of the year) this Friday. Phew! (P.S. If you are looking to jump into the Boston Doms series, the first book is on sale for only $1 through the end of today!). 

On top of that, I have a commitment here this week and last that has me out of the house for hours at a time, with no help for it. Crazy, crazy. Jason is on top of things, has been helping me out, and I've taken some steps to make everything easier. Thank you, online shopping, for helping me check shopping off my list! My oldest daughter loves gift wrapping (I do not) so she's been happily wrapping away for me and it's starting to look like Santa's workshop here. Time to get baking this weekend! It's been a really nice holiday season thus far. 

It seems like this time of year I always get spanked, and I don't mean in the good way. Jason and I used to always fight before a big holiday, but now we have systems in place to help prevent me from going off the rails. It really helps. But last week, I was seriously on edge and exhausted. I snapped at my family, snapped at Jason, and finally, being the good Daddy that he is, Jason hauled me over his knee and spanked the brat out of me. I needed it. I was practically begging for it (but too far gone to actually be mature enough to ask for it!)

I was a little down on myself about it, because while over his knee, I kicked my feet and screamed, "I hate that stupid thing!" about the rod he uses to spank me. I really really do hate it, and I was in total brat mode, but he didn't yell or get angry. I was not exactly in "Sub accepts spanking mode." I was pretty pissy and irritable. He just very calmly, very deliberately, without getting upset, continued to spank me until the brat in me was completely tamed, and I've been able to keep myself under control ever since. It happens. It just does. I was upset because I hate when I act that way, but when chatting with a D/s friend of mine, she said something like, "You know, it's really great that you feel free to be that way," and she pointed out that it's a testament to the honesty in a dynamic. That made me feel so much better. She's right. Being able to kick my legs and tell him I hate an implement is because I feel free to be honest, and not try to be perfect. I do try, so hard, but he knows I don't always meet the mark. 

This week has been so much better than last week, though it's still busy. I'm checking in with Jason twice a day, getting daily maintenace and even sometimes nightly maintenance, and though it's crazy busy, I haven't been in trouble. It helps knowing he's there to help me to keep the edge off. 

When I was talking to Jason the other day about what was on my wishlist, I asked him to pass the message onto Santa. He said, "Honey, I am Santa." For some reason, that tickled me and I keep giggling about it ever since. Let's hope I can stay on the nice list and avoid being taken across Santa's knee. ;)

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Between the Shadow and the Soul

The stress of this week piled on me, one little thing at a time, drip, drip, drip...

I was a ball of raging hormones, exhaustion, and fatigue. Hadn't gotten to the gym. My to-do list seemed insurmountable. I hadn't taken my supplements, so I hadn't slept well at all.  Finally, one evening – I forget when it even was, but it was before the holiday – I realized I hadn't checked in with Jason all day. I forget what happened, but life got in the way and our morning time together was cut short. I cleared the dinner table, and began to spiral like a madwoman.

We have a rule here that I'm to go to him when I feel overwhelmed, without delay. If he's not home then it needs to be a phone call or text. Well, he was home. My kids were all occupied doing various things, Jason was upstairs, and I was in the kitchen staring at piles of dishes feeling like it was all just a bit too much.

I knew that I'd been taking too much control back, and I needed to give it back to Jason.

I knew I needed a spanking.

But I didn't want one. I picked up my phone and texted Maisy. I told her I hadn't done three or four of the things he expects me to do every single day, for a few days, and I hadn't told him.

She responded right away.

Oh, honey. You need to tell him. You need to tell him NOW.

That's when I started to cry, because I knew she was right. I knew I had to tell him. I knew he'd want to know. I knew also knew that he would spank me, and I needed it, but I didn't want one.

I said something like no, no, nooooooo. I can't!

I stood on the cusp of submission and shook my head no. No. It's too hard. I don't need his help. I don't want to lie over his lap. Spankings hurt. I don't want him to lecture me. I don't want to admit I've screwed up. No, no, no!

I knew I had to. I knew eventually I would. But in that moment? I had a bit of a babygirl fit and refused because submission is so damn hard. It's beautiful, and lovely, when this all works the way it's supposed to. It's freeing, sexy, and fulfilling. But sometimes it takes every bit of strength I have to actually do it. It's not just that getting spanked hurts. It's so much more – admitting that I need help. Admitting that I've somehow failed. Opening my mind and heart just one more time, into that deep, personal, sensitive place that makes me so utterly bare, so utterly vulnerable.

I hid, away from Jason and my kids, crying as quietly to myself as I could, so that no one would hear me, while Maisy, like the amazing friend she is, told me what I needed to hear.

The medicine you need to take is right there. It doesn't taste good, and you don't want to do it, but you have to. And when you do, you'll be all better.

She was right. And then I started feeling a little guilty, because all the other things, while important, pale into comparison to what I was doing at that very moment – holding myself apart from him, when it's his strong desire to comfort me when I'm hurting. He might be disappointed in me that I didn't do something I was supposed to on my to-do list. He might lecture. But holding myself apart from him, hiding my weakness, is not acceptable. It's hard, but it must happen.

Everything else leads to this.

So, sniffling like a little girl, I dragged my feet to the stairs, prepared for the sternness and spanking I was sure to receive. Prepared? Is that the right word? I don't know if I'm really ever quite prepared. But I felt at least that bit of courage I need to bring myself to him. Thankfully, he was alone. I went into our room, locked the door, and faced him.

“Can we talk?”

He put down what he was doing. It was then he saw the tears and how desperate I was, as he gestured for me to come and kneel. I knelt in front of him, put my cheek on his knee, and cried my eyes out. I don't even remember what I said, but it was something like, “I have messed everything up! I haven't done anything on my list. I haven't done my health rules, I keep forgetting my supplements, it's been days and I haven't even told you. I feel yucky and so tired...” and it went on and on while I cried.

He leaned down and, looking at me not sternly, not angrily, but with nothing but tenderness as he wiped away the tears. He said the last thing I expected him to say.

“You are so beautiful, and make me so proud.”

Sniffling, holding onto him for dear life, on my knees submitted to him in a physical reminder to us both that he is in charge and I bring myself to him in surrender, I told him how I felt. “Proud? How can you be proud of me when I've messed things up and gotten so worked up like this?” And in my head, how can you say I'm beautiful when my hair is a wreck, my face an utter mess and tear-stained, my eyes half-dropping from exhaustion? I did not feel beautiful.

“Because look at you. Look at how hard you try.” He pulled me to him fiercely, in a tight embrace that took my breath away as he held me. “You make me so very happy.”

He released me and I stared up at him, the tears abating a bit. “I do, daddy?”

“So happy, baby. Now listen.” He grew a bit more stern now, taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger like he does when I'm kneeling. I stared into his blue eyes and nodded, listening.

“You need a few things. You need a good spanking. You need me to take you to bed. And then you need a good night's sleep.”

How could I argue with that?

“Are you going to punish me, daddy?” I asked. I wanted to know.

He shook his head. “I'm not punishing you, no. I'm going to bring you back to center, where you need to be. It's time for me to take control.”

It was.


I needed that so badly. He knew it and I knew it, and just hearing him say it brought the lens back into focus, cleared the confusion and mayhem in my mind, and helped me just be.

He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, tilting my head back, that gesture that is erotic but also says listen to me. This is important. I am in charge.

“I'm going to be home the next couple of days. When you need me, you will come to me. I'm going to help you with all that needs to be done. But you listen. Tonight, I'm not punishing you. But tomorrow? If any of these things fails to happen that I expect from you? You will find yourself over my knee. Do you understand?”

I needed that. I so needed that.

I nodded. “Yes, daddy. I do understand.” He kissed me then, and sent me to go finish what had to be done for the evening while he got the littlest ones ready for bed. And that night, when the house was quiet, I went to him while he laid in bed waiting for me. He was stern, yet gentle, while he guided me over his lap and called me his little one. He stripped me, and spanked me, not harshly but very firmly, a long, slow spanking that bit by bit stripped away all that troubled me. That led to other utterly delicious things, and then he tucked me in.

Yes. This is why this works. I come to him at my most vulnerable, and he knows what I need. He takes control, and once I bring myself to the point where I freely give him control, it all happens the way it is meant to. It's not easy in the moment, and takes great strength to surrender. But it's worth it, oh so worth it.

Mind, body, and soul.

I've been doing a bit of reading lately, and thinking about the connection between mind, body, and soul. I think that a relationship built on a foundation of dominance and submission has the potential of being fulfilling because of the mind, body, soul connection. If it were just about spanking or sex, then only the body would be engaged. If it were just words or thoughts or theory, it would be just the mind engaging. But there's far more to it, when there's the submission from me and acceptance from him, on every level, my mind open to his, my body in utter surrender to his control, my very soul united with his, as we are one.

"I love you like this because I don't know any other way to love ,  except in this form in which I am not not are you, so close that your hand upon my chest is mine..." ~Pablo Neruda

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Four years later -- a reflection

Hello, and Happy Sunday, dear readers!

Wow, what a whirlwind of a week here. Many thanks to those who popped by to say hello to me on Love OurLurkers day. Also, thanks to those who have decided to join my private group. We had some techie issues with allowing people in the group now, but they've been sorted. If you are interested in joining, you'll have to friend me on Facebook (settings have been adjusted so that you can, sorry about that), and then let me know you'd like to be added. Details in the linked post here.

I like to spend a bit of time reflecting when we come to November. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, then the festivities of the holidays, and a new year looming. I always love a new year. Since I'm such a type-A kinda girl, I love making goals and working my way toward achieving them. Last year I set some pretty lofty ones and gosh, what a year this has been. Jason and I were just talking about this the other day. It's really neat to come to the end of this year so much more confident in my role as a submissive, a writer, a spanko. Though Jason and I are still very discreet, making the connections I have this year has been such a blessing. Thank you to all who made that happen.

But what is fun for me to reflect on this time of year is our DD anniversary. It was four years ago this month when I got up the nerve to ask Jason to spank me and just right after that when he punished me for the first time. Things have progressed so much since then. It was some months in that we really began to “own” this (due, in part, to the fact that we already had a pretty solid dominant/submissive structure in place). It was such a natural fit for us that when we began DD, things ignited so quickly it was only several months later that I called him Daddy and the following year he collared me.

How have things changed since then? Well, the first year there was a great deal of communication, and Jason growing into his role as Dom and me growing into my role as submissive. There were some seriously low lows and at least one time when we thought we were never going to pull this off. We both had to compromise, both had to learn from the other, and both had to embrace the very heart of what a working D/s relationship is all about: mutual self-giving. And over the years, we've grown in that.

In the second year, as we progressed deeper into the power exchange, we started to see what our “flavor” was. We tried some really kinky things...and they did nothing for either of us. We realized we needed way more communication than we had already in place, and Jason initiated our morning check-in's. So, out with the kink, in with the systems in place that make this all work. Jason came up with a way of communicating without our kids or anyone else being too privy to anything, we invested in some very quiet implements (ouch), and I got more involved with getting to know others in the D/s community. We realized that we were a more role-based rather than rules-based couple, and we began to work toward finding out what that meant to us.

(This is from Etsy. Love it.)
By the third year, things were pretty smooth, but I was still getting in trouble with a great deal of regularity. You could say Jason sure as hell had found his footing as a Dom. Hardly a week or two would go by without me getting a really good spanking, sometimes multiple times a week, and a few times more than once a day. I tried. I really did. But I had a lot to learn. We both did. I never felt he was over-the-top when he punished me, and I am so thankful he pushed through and remained consistent and firm, encouraging me to keep on trying to obey what he expected.

By the fourth year, this past year, I'd learned to obey him intuitively. Does that mean every time? Well, no. Someone recently questioned me on this and misunderstood, thinking that when I said intuitively I meant blindly. There is a huge difference in blind obedience and intuitive disobedience. Blind obedience is obedience without thinking. Intuitive obedience means that I obey as a habit. I certainly do think things through, and sometimes even tell him no. (Does that shock you? Well, I know Jason's value system and I also know that sometimes he says things that he doesn't really mean. So once in a while, he says something off the cuff. He did just last week. In the heat of the moment, he said “You tell so-and-so x, y, z.” And I simply said, “No, I'm not going to tell them that,” and explained why. He was not angry. I did not get into trouble. We talked it out.)

Since I'm not allowed self-deprecating thoughts, my self confidence by year four grew tremendously. I needed that. Because I grew up in a house where one parent raised me to feel as if I could do nothing right, it actually did take years of Jason working with me to get me to see my own value. I feel freer, happier than I ever have been. I was able to achieve some seriously amazing goals, and that thrilled me, thanks to Jason holding me accountable. It's been amazing to see how supportive of my writing Jason is (he doesn't read the books, but he does give me lots of ideas, listen to me talk about things, and give me lots of inspiration!),

By year four, I don't get spanked very often for discipline anymore. He certainly does spank me if he thinks I need it, and I really still hate being punished, but still crave it, more so than I ever did. Weeks, even months go by without serious punishment now, due to lots of reasons. First, I just know what he expects of me. Second, we communicate so often and effectively, that we are often able to ward off potential issues that might surface. I'm given daily maintenance still, and whenever he thinks I'm getting close to getting in trouble, that maintenance gets extra firm. That's what happened this week.

I was laying next to Jason and told him about a few things I'd forgotten. I snuggled up on his chest and the conversation went something like this.

“Well, I may have forgotten a few things...” I said, in a little voice.

Jason gave me the pursed-lip, serious look. “Oh?”

“Wellll...I forgot my supplements that help me sleep and that's why I was up at three and couldn't go back to sleep. And...I may have forgotten a few other things.” I fessed up.

“Clearly, you need a good spanking before I go to work.”

I sighed. “I sure hate that rod.” (I do, I do, I really really do.)

He frowned. “I know. I'll use the brush instead.”

I groaned. “Ohhh, no, please don't use the brush!” (Much worse! Burn it!)

“Fair enough. I'll use the eraser.” (Noooo. That's the rubber paddle-like eraser. It buuuurns.)

At this point I simply sighed and pouted a bit. “There is nothing good that is coming out of this conversation.”

“Good behavior. Good behavior is the good coming out of this conversation.”

And sure enough, before he left for work he called me to him, put me over his lap, and gave me a good, thorough spanking that I felt all day. But I wouldn't call it a very serious one. It was more of what I'd call a reminder. Those are the ones I get most when it comes to the discipline side of things. But he does take me across his knees regularly because my needs are high.

Just this morning, I was demonstrating a new pair of panties and the next thing you know, I was belly down on the bed, my little skirt up around my naval, my hips arranged just so, as he painted me red with good, hard smacks with his hand. That was delicious.

Where do we go from here, as the year ahead looms? I'm not really sure, honestly, and I'm okay with that. Just the other day someone commented on how quickly my children were growing. I smiled. They are growing quickly. “The days are long but the years are short,” the saying goes, and it's so apt.

I said to her, “It does go by so quickly. All the more reason to enjoy every single day.” And I feel the same is true for me and Jason. I can hardly believe we've been at this four years.

I do know that our dynamic is here to stay. It's far too fulfilling for both of us for anything to change. But who knows what will come in the years ahead. Maybe things will intensify, maybe they will lighten up, or maybe they'll stay about the same. I try not to look too far ahead. I try my best to focus on today, and today, I am so grateful, for so many things. For the friends I've made, both those I'm still in touch with and those I am not, for the gift they were to me. I am grateful for all that Jason has taught me and his complete dedication to meeting my needs. I am grateful for you, my readers, for your support and encouragement, your questions, and the way you share your own struggles and victories that inspire me. 

So on this, our four-year-anniversary, I am especially thankful to you, Jason, for fulfilling my dreams in so many ways. Thank you for the past four years. Here's to many more to come. 

Friday, November 18, 2016

Welcome! LOL Day 11

Hello, readers! 

I was encouraged to jump in today on LOL day and say "hello" to my lovely lurkers. I do indeed love my lurkers! I get a bit shy when it comes to things like this and didn't participate last year, but this year I really liked the idea of being able to reach out and say "thank you" to my lovely "lurkers." 

Thank you for coming on over and reading my little corner of blogland. Thank you to those who support my efforts, even if it's silent cheering me on, well wishes, prayers or thoughts. Thank you to those who have written to me this year! Your kindness has uplifted me. Your stories have encouraged me. Never forget that your struggles are a testament to how hard you work and your willingness to not give up. Never forget that your victories are hard-won. And never forget that you are not alone. 

When we do LOL day the idea is to put up a fun sort of post. The ways of doing this are many and varied. I gave it some thought, and I thought, hey, why not have a caption contest? 


Caption this: 

Mmmmm. Isn't that yummy?

Go ahead, lurkers! If you'd like, let's hear your best caption!

This year, I'm adding a bit of a giveaway, for those who like to read my books. If you like to read my books, or are interested in trying one: in your comment with a caption, mention that you'd like an entry. I will pick one winner for every 25 entries and the winner will have his or her choice from my books listed here. Please make sure I have a way to reach you by either leaving an email or enabling notifications on your comment. For those who do not wish to read, have fun with the caption contest! 

Thank you for visiting!


Edited: Winners have been drawn! 

Wednesday, November 16, 2016


Hello, readers! 

Over the years as I've been blogging, many of you have asked for an option where we could discuss things, such as a forum. This is not an option I was willing to pursue, for various reasons. First, there are already several established D/s or DD forums. Second, I really do not have the time or energy to mediate something like that. 

But since I've joined Facebook anonymously on my author page, I've found it a very useful tool for staying connected. I've discussed it at length with Jason, and he has agreed to allow me to start a private Facebook group for readers of this blog. I will function as admin on the page (Jason will not --  I did try!). 

Why start a page? I think it would be a nice place to be able to share the many things that come up in living out a D/s or DD lifestyle (or being interested in one), and readers of this blog are very likely likeminded. Where to buy a paddle? What to do when your Hoh is traveling? I will also post each blog post I post here to the group. Most of my writing-related posts go on my FB author page, but I will still announce new releases for those interested. 

This is a private group, so only members can "see" the group. I can add you as a member if you'd like. You can also add members, but I will approve members. 

Update: For those interested, you will have to either friend me, or someone else in the group, and then we can add you. I'm sorry it's a little tricky, but it's the only way to keep this as private as possible.

Here is my author FB page: FB: 

As a private group, you will not be able to search for this group. 

Thank you!

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Anger Issues

Hello, and happy Sunday, readers! I hope this finds all of you well.

This week has been a good one here. Jason has been very strict with me, but I haven't gotten into trouble. Well, not real trouble. I did get spanked over the damn election, but it was a preemptive spanking. I'm sure many of you feel the way I did, that no matter what the results of this past election, emotions were running high. It was a very difficult week here in America, I think. I knew a lot of people who were hurt. Several reached out to me. Many I knew were angry with one another (and still are). I stayed out of the fray myself, but by Wednesday night, I was pretty wound up. Jason came home and I muttered under my breath something like, “why don't these kids throw the damn trash in the barrel instead of beside the barrel?” I was getting snappy and irritable. He merely did the one-eyebrow raise thing, crooked a finger, and took me in the bedroom. I went a bit reluctantly, because I knew what was coming. Jason and I know each other really well. He knew I was wound up, I know what he does when I'm getting close to the edge, and he was pretty stern-looking. He shut and locked the door, wasted no time in sitting on the edge of the bed, and drew me straight across his knee. Then off came the belt.

The belt is so sexy-scary for me. The jingle, the whoosh, it's wrapped around his waist and such an icon of discipline... well, off it came. He doubled it over, bared me, and gave me a few really good smacks. Naturally, I protested. It went something like this.

“What did I do? I didn't break any rules! Oooow!”

“Nope. You didn't break any rules. And I'm not punishing you. What I am doing is reminding you what happens if you do break a rule, and you're getting awfully close there.”

A few swats later, and I was subdued and in my submissive place. He released me, I fell to my knees, and told him all that troubled me. It helped.

I have lot on my plate right now, but thankfully things are at an even keel. Things are great with the kids, everything is falling into place with my work. I'm even entering this winter at the lowest weight I've been in eight years. We went on a date last night and enjoyed the heck out of it. I feel very blessed, and happy with where things are. There are challenges – aren't there always?-- and nothing is perfect. But part of the reason I am happy is that he is so strict with me. Because he is, I know I am important to him. And as my Daddy, he's attentive to my needs to be nurtured, as well. Today, I got caught up in a few things and delayed our check-in. As I kissed him good-bye, on my wait out the door, he beckoned a finger to me. I came over, bent down to kiss him while he sat in his chair, and he pulled my hair back, kissing me back. Then he waved a finger at me. “You behave yourself today, young lady. Come home safe to me.” I smiled. It makes me happy.

As I sit here and type, my kids are busy occupying themselves with various things, I've got Sunday dinner simmering on the stove, and I'm still glowing from a very delicious check-in. Life is good.

But are things always smooth? Well, no. I mentioned in my last blog post that I wanted to write about arguing with Jason, and how we handled it. Now, it is true that we don't really fight. Voices very rarely get raised. A few terse words are about as far as we get. Is it because we always see eye to eye? No. Part of the reason fights are rare is because we communicate so frequently, and are pretty good at telling the other if something is bothering us. Part of the reason is that we don't have a power struggle here – he calls the shots, and I obey. But part of the reason is that because of TTWD, we are able to ward things off before they escalate.

A few months ago, Jason and I got into a disagreement. We were out with family, and he was recounting a story about something that had happened with our children. I knew he was going to refer to something that I wanted to keep to myself, and I had good reason to. So I discreetly whispered, “Please stop this story here.” He continued, so I whispered again, “I don't want to discuss this. Please, don't.”

He laughed and said something like, “Oh, you're overreacting,” and proceeded to tell the story anyway. I was mortified. It was not funny. And because he didn't listen, when I very quietly and submissively requested he not continue the story, I was hurt. But I waited to talk to him, because we didn't have the privacy we needed.

On the way home, I whispered to him, “I have something I need to talk to you about.” He nodded, so I told him why I hadn't wanted him to tell the story, and that I was hurt that he didn't respect my wishes. In my opinion, looking back at this, Jason was wrong. Doms aren't perfect. Neither are submissives. Imperfect people make mistakes.

He apologized, but I was still hurt. He hadn't really understood my point, but after I explained it to him, he understood better. He reached for my hand and squeezed (we were driving, our kids in the back, as we talked quietly to ourselves). So I said to him, “I appreciate you apologizing. But I need a little time to cool off. I'm still pretty hurt.”
He nodded, and said, “That's understandable.” He paused, then said, low enough that the kids wouldn't hear, “But you know if you hold onto this and act out on it, what will happen.” I did. I knew that holding onto a grudge and snapping at him, or something similar, would get me spanked. I didn't want to do that, but I did need a little space. He nodded, and squeezed my hand again. A moment later, low enough so they wouldn't hear again, he said, “Are you still my babygirl?”

And that was all it took. He heard me. He understood. He apologized. I didn't act disrespectfully. Nor did I hold it all in and let it fester. He wants me to bring all my emotions to him. He wants to know where I am. Being understood like that made it much easier to move past my hurt feelings and forgive him.

Now what if I had been the one to continue the story after he asked me not to? I would've gotten spanked, no doubt, because as a submissive, I'm obedient to him and required to be respectful.

Isn't that a double standard? Well, yeah. But it is this way because we aren't equals. We are equals in worth. Both of our opinions carry equal weight. We are not equals in authority. Since I defer to him as the authority here, I am the one who is disciplined if necessary. I don't want an equal marriage. I much prefer being taken care of and protected. I am far happier with him in charge. It turns me on that he's authoritative. The other day I overheard him speaking a bit sternly to one of his employees. He said, in that steady, serious way of his, “I'll let it go this time, but you know I don't want this to happen again.” It set my heart to pitter-pattering! It's how I'm wired. And I have less than zero interest in spanking him (with all due respect to those who swing both ways, it's just not my thing). So this is how we handle conflicts or arguments, most of the time. Sure, tempers flare from time to time. But most disagreements come from miscommunication or misunderstanding, and having a working D/s dynamic in place helps us navigate through the challenges we face when both of those things happen.

There was a time when he wasn't so steady, though. In recent weeks, a number of you have written to me asking about anger and dominance. Jason has said on this blog that when we began, he found he was a lot more angry than he was before we began. I asked him if he'd offer a little perspective on anger and dominance, so this is Jason's contribution:

“Frequently, anger is a result of false expectations. If I expect something to be some way and it isn't, I end up feeling angry and frustrated that things aren't what they should be. Sometimes I'm even frustrated with myself. So when we first began this, I would sometimes get angry when things weren't working out the way I expected. It took time, patience from Jgirl, talking through things, and more experience before I was able to adjust my expectations.

I also found that because I was now the leader, I was having to tap into my inner dominance on a regular basis. It's a lot of responsibility, and sometimes I wasn't able to rein in my dominance the way I am now. I wasn't able to keep my anger in check as easily. Having to always be “on,” and in charge made me resentful at times. I missed not having that responsibility. Over time, I have found it much easier to not get angry, and I rarely feel that anger like I used to.”

I hope that helps a bit, to those who asked the question.

And that's about it here for now, folks. I have some writing to do, and some preparation for the week ahead. Going to stay on track, and ride this check-in and warmed bottom all day long. I hope you all have a restful weekend, and enjoy this lovely transitional time of year. Happy spanking.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Hello! Easing back into blogging

Dear Readers, 

I am smiling as I write this post. I have spent a few hours today writing back to all of you -- your emails and the comments you have written on my posts. It has left me eager to return to blogging, and so thankful to have the support of all of you! (If you wrote to me and I haven't replied, please do write again, because I didn't get your message.) 

I don't have much time left for blogging this evening, but I know what I'm going to write about in my next post. Every once in a while a bunch of you write to me about the same thing at once, and it's a good indication that the topic might be good for a blog post. Recently, a bunch of you asked me about anger from the dominant's point of view. Jason and I discussed this, and both he and I have a few things to say about that topic. I'm also going to share with you how Jason and I argue. Yes...argue. Things aren't perfect over here, and we have our disagreements from time to time. We don't fight anymore. If I ever threw the plate at him I threw in our kitchen as a newlywed, y'all know exactly where that would land me! Ha! But we do have disagreements, and I'm going to share with you how we handle those. 

Our vacation together was fabulous. My sister and I have this deal, where we swap kids every once in a while. Jason and I will watch her kids for a few days, and then she and her husband will watch mine. It's not exactly fair because I have a lot more kids than she does, but she doesn't complain! I try not to ask her too often. :) So, it was our turn. For the first time, we vacationed by actually taking a plan ride to spend a few days with my family and it was wonderful. We had days and days alone together. When we met up with my brother for dinner, he said, "So what have you two been up to while you were traveling?" I had to stifle a laugh. Ha! Two introverts who are madly in love with one another, alone in a swanky hotel room sans kids. What do you think we did? We watched a ton of tv, that's what we did (actually, that thing never even got turned on). Ahem. I'll be a good girl and say a good time was had by all. If you want the nitty gritty sexy details, go read my books. ::winks:: 

So yes, Jason and I had a fabulous time. We lapped up every minute. He went back to work this week, and came home one night, more eager for our nightly check-in than I was. He couldn't stop hugging me and telling me he missed me. "It's hard being apart again after we spent those days totally with each other, wasn't it?" I said. He hugged me tight and told me that yes, that was exactly what he was struggling with. But the vacation was worth it! 

I wanted to say a brief word to those of you who have written to me. Many have said they regret being a "lurker" and will comment on my posts going forward. Please, if you feel more comfortable lurking, understand that I am perfectly fine with that. For a while, it has been a bit challenging continuing to write to a nearly-silent audience. But I don't partake in the blogging community, and the consequence of that is that I'm a bit on the outskirts. I try to be supportive, but don't invest a lot of time in other blogs (they make me oddly uncomfortable -- maybe too close to home? And I have such little time to read them now that I am invested in writing). Many of you read here and prefer to be quiet, and that's okay. Of course, I am always grateful when you do comment on a post, but certainly there is no expectation on my part that you do so. 

This has been a nice weekend here at our house. I am finally over a yucky cold I caught while traveling. I did some clothes shopping alone with my youngest, who is an adorable little kindergartner. We had a blast. I had nervous frenetic energy as the pieces fell into place for two upcoming releases -- a dark western historical coming Thanksgiving weeknd, and the fourth Boston Doms book (Slay and Alice's story --- it's a hot one) coming the following weekend. I ran through my room, cleaning the walls, and hopped on my bed to dust off the light fixture, while Jason watched from his desk chair and his eyes got real big and he shouted at me to get on down from that bed and leave the damn light alone or I was in trouble. Ha! Poor guy. I reluctantly obeyed, and he made my maintenance especially owie, because he said I was heading for trouble and he wanted to make sure I didn't go that route. Well. I don't know what he's talking about as I'm an angel. ;) 

It is time for me to begin dinner. THANK YOU to all of you for your support and encouragement, whether it was an email or a comment or a prayer or well wishes and happy vibes. It means a lot to me. I will blog again very soon. Until then, happy spanking. ;) 

With love,
Jane/ Jason's Girl

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

A quick note

Dear readers, 

I said last week that I was taking a break. I just wanted to pop in here quickly.

I was completely blown away by the comments on that post, and the emails and and messages that flooded my inbox. Your support and encouragement mean so much to me! Jason read through as well, and we talked. We decided I will continue blogging when I come back from vacation. My response to criticism was really just a very good indication to me that it was time for a break. I am sure I will come back renewed and refreshed! If you were one of the many who emailed me, I loved receiving your emails and look forward to corresponding when I return. I just wanted to say thank you.

With love,
Jason's Girl

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Time for a break

Hello, readers.

From time to time, I need to take a break. I usually spend that time thinking about why I blog, whether or not it still serves a purpose, and if it's worth continuing. I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

Why do I blog? Well, I started because I enjoyed processing my relationship with Jason this way. Though that's still true, over the years, that's changed a bit. I've continued to blog so those who are attracted to this lifestyle have a place to go where they know they're not alone. My blog draws a lot more people who are experienced in the lifestyle than it did before, and those people have been writing to me. They've explained how they enjoy hearing about the struggles in the lifestyle, and knowing they're not alone.

So I decided I would write in a raw state, and focus a bit more not so much on the “how do we do this” aspect or even the romantic aspect of our relationship, but rather “how I deal with the challenges of the lifestyle.” It's a risk, blogging, and I knew that going in. But I'm going to be honest here. The past week has been very difficult. I've been accused of being a poser in the lifestyle and making all this up (I'm not, but believe what you will.) And a long-time reader of my blog said that my latest posts sounded abusive, like Jason was beating me, and that it sounded like he wanted a Stepford wife.

You guys...I'm not a robot here. Unfortunately, my personality type (INFJ, for those familiar with Myers Briggs) means that I struggle with deflecting emotion. Rather, I absorb it. Maybe blogging isn't for the likes of people like me. You see, this type of thing hurts, and I have a hard time disconnecting. And because my blog is largely read by people who don't interact with me, I worry that the few who do speak up with such feelings represent a large portion of the readership. With that in mind, I'm not sure I'm going to continue blogging.

I'm not sure how else to say that I am blissfully content, extremely happy, and Jason is my hero. I'm also not sure I need to.

I actually intentionally edit my posts and try to tone all that down, because I'm so very happy I don't want to make it harder for people who want to live this lifestyle but can't. I don't want to sound obnoxious or gush too much. But honestly, I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be more content. I'm the focus of the Dom of my dreams, who helps me be the best I can be, who meets my needs in spades, who is thoroughly devoted to taking care of my physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Last week, I had an anxiety attack after a few things happened. I kept getting dizzy, and finally realized that it was anxiety. So I did what I do...immediately went to Jason. He was at work so I texted him and told him I was having anxiety attacks. His reply was instantaneous. “Baby. What can Daddy do to help?” I melted. It made me cry. Because that's who he is and I'm special to him. I can't even get a papercut without the man holding me on his lap and kissing away the pain. I'm precious to him. His little one. I can't even describe the way he looks at me, holds me, talks to me. 

I saw this recently, and immediately thought of Jason. I am his queen.

I never feel afraid or belittled. Yes, he's strict but I love that. It's attractive to me. I crave his control and dominance.

Last night, I waited for him to have some time to listen to me. He finally did, and I crawled up on to his chest and told him all this that troubled me. He listened and held me, and kissed me when I started to cry. He agreed it was time to take a break. He says it's time to step back. I have some writing projects I'm working on, and I'll be focusing on those but at a fairly slow pace. 

I know the time will come when I will fold up this blog, but I would prefer it not be on a sad note. So I won't make this farewell, but just good-bye for now. Jason and I are planning a vacation together alone in a few weeks (yay!). I'll use this time to focus on writing, focus on my family, focus on Jason, and focus on some much-needed rest. Thank you. Be well.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Why we do what we do

Hello! It's been a few weeks, and I hope this finds you all well. I did have every intention of blogging over the week, but it simply got away from me. It always feels good to be back.

So, Jason and I are quickly approaching our four year D/s anniversary. We've been with each other for fifteen years, and as I've mentioned before, we always had a roles-based understanding of dominance and submission. But it was four years ago this November that we took things up a level with adding DD into our marriage dynamic.

A bunch of people have asked how things happened for us as far as timing. Things went pretty smoothly for us, for a few reasons. First, we'd already had an understanding in our relationship with how we related. I wasn't “allowed” to do certain things long before he ever spanked me for disobeying him. I was expected to be respectful to him, and to keep myself safe, and a whole bunch of other things. I asked permission before I made a big purchase, and never made plans without talking to him first. Things like that. So when we added the DD aspect and things really intensified, it happened rather quickly that we became pretty devoted to this lifestyle choice. About six months in, we'd arrived at a place where we were both very content with the way we do things. It was about a year later he collared me, and somewhere along the line I started calling him Daddy.

So it's been years now where we haven't really dealt with the trial and error aspect of figuring out a D/s dynamic. Things have shifted for sure. They continue to shift and will continue to do so, as our kids grow and our own needs evolve. We've decided that we love the power exchange. We love the erotic elements of D/s. We're not so much into kink. That's just us.

But you know what? I still get in trouble. If you read here at all, you'll know that it happens with some regularity. And by trouble what I mean is, that Jason thinks I need a good spanking pretty regularly. It could be that my tone is a bit off, I've forgotten what he asked me to do, I've stayed up a bit past my bedtime, or something similar. He sometimes Doms me into behaving. For example, yesterday I was a bit irritable in the morning and I was lying next to him. He gave my hair a sharp tug, hauled me over his knee while lying in bed and gave me a good hard swat, saying, “I've had enough of your attitude, young lady.” That was all. It wasn't a full spanking. I understood that it was time to curb my tongue and behave myself, and I did. He might decide that I haven't focused enough on my to-do list and give me a harder-than-usual maintenance spanking. He might decide I've not gotten enough sleep, and send me to bed early. Those are the types of things that happen all the time.

Serious punishment is rare, but it happens. It happened just this week. And I'm going to share this with all of you, because there's a pervasive belief with so many submissives that getting in trouble means that somehow we've failed. And it's my strong opinion that we aren't in this to achieve perfection.

So why don't I tell you what happened? Most of my stories of getting in trouble begin when I'm tired and overwhelmed, and this time was no exception. As I said in a recent post, it takes a great deal of focus to stay submissive. I don't always have that ability. Jason's stern and completely consistent dedication to enforcing my obedience certainly helps a good deal. His focus on me helps as well. But when the chips are down, it's much harder for me to submit, and the man has some seriously high expectations for me.

We were having dinner, and it was just one of those days. I sometimes hesitate to share what happened here when it involves our children, because that's usually when people write to me and tell me he was unfair or too harsh. But, it is what it is. I submit to him in all areas of our lives, and raising our children is no exception. It's a big deal for him, that I allow him to father our children the way he sees fit. I'm certainly allowed to express my opinion but he gets the final say. It's just how we do things.

Anyway, I'd slaved over the meal. I'd spent so much time food shopping, preparing a meal from scratch, serving it (and still had the clean up to look forward to). My littlest ones decided that they didn't like the meal, and one put up quite a fuss. We don't really deal with food issues here. We simply tell our kids they have to try everything but aren't required to eat a meal we serve. We don't allow bad attitudes however, and Jason never allows our kids to be disrespectful to me.

I'd had one too many complaints and bad attitudes and I lost my temper. I yelled at all my children that I spent a great deal of time and energy preparing the meal, and was tired of attitudes about what they didn't like. Jason was surprised. Heck, I was surprised. He raised his eyebrows at me and signaled for me to settle down, and I tried but I was so wound up. Jason decided that the child giving me the attitude would be excused from the table, and he stepped in, putting a firm end to the attitude. I had it – my mama bear got the best of me and I talked back to Jason. I yelled at him in front of the kids. I was disrespectful, and Jason simply gave me “the look,” held up five fingers that no one but I saw, and I knew I was in major trouble.

Things settled down. My kids behaved themselves and apologized. I began to clear the dinner dishes. Jason brought me into the kitchen, wrapped his hand around my neck, and drew my ear to his mouth. He whispered, “Just so we're clear? You've earned yourself a good, hard spanking over my knee for what just happened.”

I knew I deserved it. I was not going to argue with him. In our dynamic, he expects me to speak to him respectfully and privately if I disagree with him. I didn't. I had crossed a line, and I knew it. I also knew I wasn't going to get a small spanking or a reminder, but a serious one. I went upstairs, and he got our kids situated on the other side of the house where they can't hear us. I didn't expect I'd be spanked until later, but sure enough, in walked Jason, the door was shut and locked, he pushed me firmly over the edge of the bed, down came my pants and out came the hairbrush. That was one awful spanking, the kind that makes me squirm remembering afterward. I begged him to stop and he didn't stop until I was good and thoroughly spanked.

When he was done, he said, “am I ever going to have to spank you for that again?” I was crying at this point, insisting that I had certainly learned my lesson. He told me he was taking my phone and I was being sent to bed early. Sniffling, trying to hide my tears, I went about my evening, really feeling like I could use a hug. It sucked, y'all. I knew I deserved it, and this is an agreement we have. I love that he's strict but it doesn't make it easy to accept in the moment.

I found him a short while later playing his guitar, and I just whispered, “No aftercare, Daddy?”

He said, “I needed you to know how serious I was. I don't ever want to have to spank you like that again.” But then he softened. He is a total Daddy Dom, and Daddies have a tender, nurturing side. So he opened his arms up to me and said, “Come here, baby.” Of course I did, and I bawled my eyes out, wrapping my arms around his neck while he held me. “I want you to understand how seriously I take your emotional wellbeing,” he said. “When you lost your temper at dinner, it was a clear indication that I'd not done what I'm supposed to, and made sure the kids treated you respectfully. But when I stepped in to make sure they did, you stopped me.” He was right.

I know at this point that many readers won't understand this...why this was a serious infraction for us. Why he punished me so soundly. But it works for us. I crossed a line and I knew it. And we had to make it better. Then later that night, after I'd obeyed him and gone to bed early, he climbed into bed again and held me until I fell asleep.

Had I learned my lesson? You would think so, wouldn't you? But no, two days later, I was upset over something and called up to Jason. He didn't hear me. I called out again. He still didn't hear me. So I marched upstairs pretty upset and my tone was really not acceptable. Again, out came the brush, down came my pants and lawdy, here it is Sunday and I'm still sitting on one very sore bottom. 

Today I've been good. ;)

I'm sharing this with all of you for a reason, though. Those of us who desire submission frequently have higher expectations for ourselves than we should. Does that mean it's okay that twice in a few days I got myself in trouble? No, it doesn't. When we were still trying to figure things out, and I hadn't yet internalized Jason's expectations or made submission to him intuitive, I got in trouble all the time. I could hardly go through a week without a spanking, and it used to discourage me. So, to those of you who are there? Try not to get discouraged. Punishment ebbs and flows. Perhaps the first punishment wasn't effective enough. Perhaps the submissive needs more attention, and misbehaving is a sort of unconscious attempt to get more attention. Perhaps the expectations for behavior need to be adjusted, or perhaps there are other factors like hormones or stress. But for many who are aiming to make this a part of their lives, the reality remains that it could take a great deal of time to arrive at a place where punishment is rare.

But it doesn't mean that this isn't working. It certainly may be working quite well, it just takes longer to really bear fruit than one may think. I know there have been times when for whatever reason, being spanked for something didn't work for me, and we had to figure out why and work around that. But in general? Just because you earned a punishment doesn't mean you are failing.

I earned two rather serious punishments this week and it may indicate many things. Jason and I are working on figuring out what those things are and how we can remedy the situation. But it doesn't mean I failed. We all fail. Expecting perfection from ourselves is a pointless endeavor because we aren't perfect human beings. We all make mistakes. We all fail. The goal here for me and Jason isn't to arrive at a place where being punished never happens. The goal here isn't for me to achieve perfect obedience because that's never going to happen. The goal is for us to draw as close as two people can. We thrive on the power exchange, in whatever capacity we are able to live it right here and now, as much as we can while raising a family. The goal here for us is to have a fairly easy method of solving conflict. We draw close to one another. Where will be ten years from now? I don't know. We have no plans to change how we do things here, but I can tell you this. I will not have arrived at perfection.

In this, the exchange of power and meeting of one another's needs, there is no striving for perfection. I do not fail when I make a mistake. I simply falter, and he steadies my steps. This is how we meet each other's needs. 

Henry David Thoreau once said, regarding his journey into a simpler life, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms.

We live this not because we are striving for perfection. We do this because we wanted to make our relationship the very best it could be, to simplify our focus, remove what kept us from one another in our relationship, and have the meeting of one another's needs our primary focus. This is what we do, every single day. Every time I kneel before him and he goes over my rules. Every time I bring him his coffee or serve him, making him happy and content in his home, deferring to him as leader in our home and in my marriage. Every time we are intimate, connecting our bodies and minds in a shared bond that brings us just that much closer together. Every time I lay myself over his lap and accept correction; every time he holds me when I cry after he punishes me. I strive to obey him and he to meet my needs, but we are just two ordinary people striving for an extraordinary marriage.