Sunday, January 31, 2016

A Quiet Mind

Recently, we got hit with snow, and Jason and I had planned a date. I really wanted that date, and actually (gulp) came close to having my date taken away from me, but I put my best foot forward and ended up behaving well enough and earning my date. 

I was blabbering like a little girl about it to Jason during our morning check-in, about the different possibilities, what food would fit in best with my diet, where we could go, and what might be nice, when he took my chin and held it between his fingers. “Is where we go on a date up to you?” he asked. 

I shook my head, humbled.

He was doing that thing where he was smiling but quite serious, chiding me and reminding me that where we go and what we do is up to him. Yes, I know that might sound awfully bossy of him, but...well, he is awfully bossy. And I truly love it (except when I don't!). 

Anyway. I shook my head and smiled. “I'll leave it up to you, of course,” I said. “Do I get an opinion?” 

He grinned. “You do. But I don't want to hear about your diet. Tonight is for me and you. Understood?” 

I nodded, and the question as to where we would go and what we do went right out of my mind. I would go with him, and when all is said and done, that's all that really matters. The time I spend with him varies greatly, to quick errands with just the two of us, to the few times we've managed to get away for a few nights to a lovely Bed and Breakfast. I love spending time alone with him.

Putting things right out of my mind is one of the things I like best about being submissive to Jason. It's truly amazing how freeing it is, and how well it works. 

Just last weekend, I was incredibly frustrated about a work-related situation. Although I write D/s fiction (more on that to come soon), I also write under my real name, and one particular situation with the professionals I'm working with was driving me crazy, involving a failure to communicate effectively and frustrating feedback, despite hours upon hours of work on my end. I had tried and tried to get somewhere, to no avail and one evening last week, received an email from someone I work with that had me so frustrated I was near tears. It was nighttime, close to when I needed to go to sleep, and Jason was busy with one of our children. I spent about one minute seething and frustrated, confused about how to proceed and the best way to invest my time in this project. My working hours are limited and I like to be as efficient with them as possible. 

And then it dawned on me. You'd think after fourteen years of submission and three at a pretty intense level, that this would become more obvious, but my emotions momentarily clouded my vision. 

Jason wants all of my frustrations brought to him, no matter what the cause, and though he was occupied at the time, I knew the right thing to do was go to him. This is what a Dominant does, helps his Submissive manage her stress and struggles, and my job as Submissive is to be aware of what my struggles are so I can communicate them effectively. 

“Just tell Jason,” I thought to myself. “And do what he says.” 

And just like mind cleared. I felt almost as if a physical weight had been lifted. I felt nearly giddy with relief as I prepared myself for bed, and laid down happily with a book to read. There was no need to trouble myself further with this, until I had my instructions from Jason. I didn't give the situation another blessed thought. 

I'm aware of the fact that this method wouldn't work for everyone, and I'm not advocating that every women who is submissive bring every little thing to her Dominant partner. However, here? It works. 

We didn't have time that evening to discuss it, and I was too tired to adequately explain the situation to him anyway, but the next morning, during our morning check-in, I laid it all out to him. He listened, asked a few questions, then gave me a succinct response and even offered to draft the response for me. I declined, as I felt I wanted to handle the communication myself, but gosh, did I appreciate his offer. I did exactly what he said, under his guidance, and the situation was taken care of. 

A Dominant brings quiet to the mind of his submissive. 

So we finally got to our date night. 

So, remember what I said about the snow? Yep. We got more than we'd bargained for. Jason suggested postponing our date, but the next night was Sunday, and I go to bed early on Sunday evenings to prepare for the week ahead. So I suggested instead what we call an “in house” date. He happily complied. So when the kids went to bed, I made popcorn, and we went to our room with the Ipad to watch a movie. It was lovely. But when we were done, it was several hours past my usual bedtime. I typically eat light food and  I rarely drink, but I'd enjoyed indulging in both heavier food and a drink and I felt a bit off. I settled down to read before bed, as I usually do, weary, but wired. 

I read. I flipped around on the bed. I was uncomfortable, filled with rich food, and overtired, up so late. I fidgeted and flopped and read and fussed. I put my book down and tried to sleep, but it didn't work. I finally threw myself back on the bed with my arms up over my head. Jason was wearing earbuds, as he usually does late at night so I can sleep. He took them off. 

“What's the matter, baby girl?” he asked, and he rested a hand on my belly. I sighed. 

“I can't sleep. All that yummy food, and now it's late, and I keep trying to go to sleep but I'm overtired and I can't!” 

He rolled me over on my side and placed one large hand on my bottom. 

Sigh. I love that touch. It calms me. 

“You need to sleep,” he said. “And all this flopping around the bed is not helping you.” 

True. He surprised me with what he said next. 

“Do I need to get my brush?” 

This is not a gentle suggestion, but rather a serious one. He uses that brush when he has to punish me, and he knows I hate it. I shook my head, and assured him that would be unnecessary. He was not stern or scolding, but quite gentle when he spoke to me. 

“I don't want to have to spank you. But I will if I need to. Now settle down and rest, and stop fidgeting.” 

I whispered to him that I would. I lay still on the bed. When he tells me he will spank me, I know he means it, and I knew if I continued to fuss and fidget, he would indeed spank me. I had two choices: obey him and lie still, or flop around and get spanked. 

I chose option A.  

And as I lay there in the quiet, instructed to lie still, calm descended upon me. My mind no longer churned and swirled. I thought about how he would spank me if I disobeyed, and how the very simply instruction to lie still calmed me. And I thought about how obeying him in all ways brings peace to my soul. 

With these thoughts on my mind, quiet and still, as I thought about being quiet and still...I fell asleep. 


  1. I loved to read about the freedom submission brings. You described it so beautifully. I experienced that same feeling when I get time with him in the evenings after a hard day at work. You have reminded me that there is so much more to D's. Thanks for sharing this.

    1. Hi, Joli. Always nice to "see" you. :)

      I'm glad you can relate to the freedom submission brings. It's one of the best benefits. And I know Jason enjoys knowing he provides that for me. Win-win. :)

  2. Hi there, I'm new here and love the way you write. Only six months in, still learning the ropes. I can't control the clutter in my brain... hoping to let go enough to find the calm you speak of. Amy

    1. Hello, and welcome. I think it takes a while to get to the point of surrender mentally, but keep working it! I hope you find the calm you are seeking.

  3. Jgirl:

    Thank you for yet another lovely post. Thank you for expressing the sacredness of your DD relationship and how it reaches you at a soul level. Just one question for discussion: Have there been times when you have been given the options of spanking vs. non spanking and chosen the latter to only regret taking that option because either emotional release or something deeper needed addressing that might have happened more effectively through spanking? And if that were the case have you gone back and asked for a spanking or shared your lack of resolution and how have you done that?

    1. Hi, Jo, and thanks for stopping by!

      I've thought over your question, and if something like you described happened, it was too long ago for me to remember (I don't want to say it never did). What does happen is that sometimes I'm really just too tired, and I ask Jason if I can just go to sleep even when I might "feel" I need a spanking. I get up very early and by the time our older children go to bed I'm exhausted. And if it comes between a choice of spanking me or sending me to bed, Jason prefers I get my sleep. So a few times when I've been stressed and gone to bed, the next day I really do need him to "put me in my place." I wouldn't say I regret not being spanked, but rather the need that was already under the surface becomes more pronounced. Fortunately, he truly is more aware of my own needs than I am most of the time. He can "feel" when I need to be spanked and usually delivers before I need to vocalize that need.

      But to elaborate on the second part of your question. When I feel I need a spanking or I need resolution, I tell him clearly. He expects me to; if I suspected I needed something like that and didn't communicate that need I would be punished. During our morning and evening check-in's with one another, one of his primary purposes is getting a read on my emotional needs and my primary purposes is communicating honestly. So I will tell him things like, "I feel off," "I'm stressed," "I could really use a sessoin over your knee." This past weekend was a good case in point. I was working very hard on a few things and came up for air. Jason was in the living room reading and I went in and said "I feel..." and I kinda twisted my hand and put it on my head lol. Before I finished the sentence, he said, "Come upstairs with me," had me kneel, asked me to spill all that was on my mind and then put me right over his knee. But that type of very clear communication of needs has only come after several years of communicating those needs.

  4. Oh my goodness I loved reading this my friend and so glad J is always there to help! You said it so beautifully as always

  5. One of the things I noticed early in our marriage was the mere threat of a paddling sometimes did as much to calm my wife down as actually paddling her.

    According to my wife, there is something in "that" tone of voice gets down to where a woman lives in her mind.

    It isn't so much the dread of having to take a paddling as it is the reassurance that comes from knowing, based on past experiences, the man really does care enough to carry through with it if necessary.

    1. I completely agree with this, and feel the same. I am certain Jason means what he says, and helping me stay calm and in my "submissive place" is important to him. So yes, the mere threat has a very calming effect on me.

  6. Thank you so much for your detailed, clear and open response Jgirl.

    1. You're very welcome, Jo. I received your email and will hopefully have time later today to write back. :)


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