Friday, January 15, 2016

Questions and Answers

Good morning, readers!

A few months ago, I put up a survey asking you all what types of posts you like to read, and the responses were very helpful as I planned where I would take this blog. Many of you said you like when I share experiences, and a good deal of you responded to both the poll and wrote to me, asking if I would open up the blog for questions and answers. So today I would like to do that. 

Do you have questions regarding DD or D/s that you would like to ask me or Jason? Is there something I can help answer? A question regarding your own personal dynamic is most welcome, if I can be of any assistance. If you have a question for Jason, I will bring it to him, and share his response. If you'd prefer to email,  please contact me at 

Please note: I've had several people tell me they posted a comment, but I never got it. If you posted a comment you do not see here, please send me an email instead. I only delete comments that are derogatory in nature. 

Thank you!


  1. I would like to know why even "good girls" will push a guy until he either spanks her or she loses respect for him.

    I've experienced it, seen it, and heard about it. While I've got my own ideas, I'd like to read another perspective.

  2. This is a great question. Thanks!

  3. How many men have, or how many women have been, spanked on a date and then either married or otherwise established a permanent relationship with the other person?

    While I think this was more common before the 1970s than it is these days, I suspect it is still happening.

  4. Here are two questions for readers.

    How many girlfriends, wives, or significant others in long-term relationships have received "the spanking of their life" from a boyfriend or husband in a long-term and stable relationship?

    A related question is: How many women either married or otherwise established a long-term relationship with a man after he pulled down her pants and spanked her?

    How many brides were spanked either shortly before or immediately after their wedding? A classic example is, of course, the wedding night spanking. By the way, that actually can be quite effective.

    While tales of these events fascinated previous generations, they have resurfaced since many women these days grew up having never been spanked.

  5. Both good questions. Thank you!

  6. I find myself longing for my husband to take more control. The problem is he is not naturally a dominant personality, and for the majority of our relationship (~15 years) I have been the one more in charge (for several reasons, many of which have to do with our natural talents). Add to this all that I make considerably more money than him. We have discussed all of this, what I am looking for, and when we talk he seems into it, but he voiced concerns that when he take control I will grow to resent him and he doesn't want to hurt me, and he doesn't want to change his personality. The end result is that he hasn't quite embraced his role and while I try to take a more submissive approach in my interactions with him, there are some hard habits for me to break, especially since he isn't pushing me to break them. Any words of wisdom, or advice from Jason, on how to help my husband get over his hesitance and embrace the control I want to give him? (And apologies for any typos, writing on my phone)

    1. Thanks for your question. I've sent this to Jason. :)

  7. We are an "older" couple. My husband is on board "in theory" and we have dabbled in DD however he is terrified of being abusive. He is not even NEAR that line, and in fact, if I so much as "ouch" he will stop. We have talked about this endlessly but it is a real fear for him - prob one of the reasons I love him! Curious to know how you've gotten around this issue and if Jason has any words for him. Thank you so much.

  8. Thanks to those who wrote questions here and via email. Jason and I will be working on our responses, and our first post is slotted for Sunday. Thanks!

  9. The following questions are merely two sides of the same coin.

    For women: When was the first time you realized your pants needed to come down and you bottom needed to be spanked?

    For men: When was the first time you realized your girlfriend or wife needed her bare bottom spanked?

    For both men and women: Did your realization coincide with that of your partner? Now, please realize it is possible for this third question to be unrelated to the first two. An example would be when a woman's realization occurred years before she started dating.

    For women: Did you attempt to communicate your realization to a man, or did you expect him to know what you needed or wanted?

    For men: Did your girlfriend or wife tell you or insinuate that she needed or wanted a spanking, or did you tell her she needed a spanking?

    For both men and women: If an spanking occurred, was it as you expected? If so, how was it the same? If not, how was it different?

  10. Below is a simple explanation for the "'older' couple."

    Quite often women make the mistake of expecting men to know what to do and when to do it. Many times, that doesn't work very well and frustrates both.

    For a variety of reasons women usually know more about spanking the fairer sex than do men. A wise woman shares what she knows with her husband.

    As a result, sometimes a woman has to coach her man on how to spank her for results. There is noting wrong with this. Women have been known to do it bare bottomed across a man's lap!

    The one thing a man needs to know is that he's not going to hurt anything but a woman's pride so long as he confines himself to where she sits down. Both physically and psychologically, women are made to be soundly spanked.

    Once men understand this, many of the hesitancies resolve themselves.

  11. I'm young and single, but find myself attracted to the d/s lifestyle, but can't tell if it's right for a relationship for me or just in the bedroom? How do you know the difference? Obviously, I don't mean the fake type of 50 shades stuff, but actually being a submissive.

    1. Hello and thank you for your question. I'm going to respond here, because I'm afraid a response on the "answer" column will get lost in the shuffle.

      Honestly, I don't know if there is a way other than actually experiencing the two (bedroom submission versus real submission). For me, I had bedroom submission and erotic spanking and it wasn't until Jason disciplined me that I realized I was attracted to something deeper, and his disciplining me fulfilled a need inside of me that erotic spanking didn't.

      I will say this...I have honestly never met someone who thought they wanted to submit but found they really weren't into it and only wanted erotic spanking. I'm not saying it can't happen. What I am saying is the fact that you are drawn to the lifestyle and not turned off by the idea of someone expecting your obedience is a pretty strong indicator. Those who are wired to be submissive are typically heavily and erotically drawn to the idea of submitting.

      So here's what I would suggest. Spend some time exploring what it is you really desire. Maybe journal about it, or spend some time writing. What do you want to glean from a D/s relationship? Are there areas where submitting to someone would fulfill a need that erotic spanking doesn't? Is it deeper than a sexual desire or fantasy for you? Are you attracted to the idea of someone leading you, instructing you, correcting you, and disciplining you?

      I asked one of my friends who recently discovered she desired real submission and not just erotic submission. She said she only discovered it by truly experiencing it, but would urge you to be VERY cautious when pursuing this, making sure if you do choose to try a D/s dynamic that the person you are submitting to is trustworthy and safe to be with. Please read my cautionary post linked here:


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