Sunday, June 19, 2016

Heart fluttering

Boy this has been an interesting week. Phheeeew.

First, I had a new book come out (you can read about that over at my writing blog, or read a sample in the side bar here.) It's been sorta crazy, because I've had a major back log of books I've been writing for years, so now that I'm getting them published, there hasn't been a lot of time in between releases. And no matter what, it's just a nerve wracking experience. I'm getting better at handling it, and when the summer is over, things will for sure settle down. But that was only one of the things going on this week.

On top of that? I had some health issues that I've been dealing with, and things are better but tricky, and I haven't been able to hit the track very much. Things are looking up there, though.

Add to that a week of overnight guests staying with us, and even though this highly introverted girl puts on a brave front, it sets me on edge to have guests over. I've been taking as much downtime as I can.

And today? We're hosting a party. I may have mentioned my feelings about having parties once or a dozen times. I'm not a fan. I'll smile and enjoy everyone over here while it lasts, and then I'll crash in my room to recharge for hours. I think the older I get, the more introverted I get. Thankfully, Jason understands this and my work enables me to really get a lot of downtime. My kids are older, all just about school age now, and my older teens are tremendous helpers. They know mama needs to be alone sometimes, so I can get myself together and not bite anyone's head off. So, I really can't complain.

And Jason is on it. 

He's been very aware of the perfect storm of crazymaking items on my plate this week, and though he couldn't really remove any of that stress, he did help me manage it. How? By taking time off from work, making sure my needs were met, and keeping me on one helluva short leash.

Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night to check my phone. I'm not allowed to check my phone in the middle of the night, and I've gotten spanked for it. But I had what I thought was a very good reason, one that he usually allows as an exception to the rule. So, I verry quietly picked up my phone, not making a sound. No need to disturb the man, right?

"You checking your phone?" he growls from the other side of the bed.


I give him my very best quick answer and reasoning. He pauses. The voice drops, and he simply says, "No phone. Put it down."

Of course I did what the man said. But when he gives me a stern order, my heart does a bit of a flutter. Yes, there's fear involved. I mean, we're talking about my Dominant, who will not even think twice about taking me across his lap for a sound spanking if I'm disrespectful or disobedient. We've been at this long enough that it's intuitive for him, and for me. He tells me what to do, and I do it, and if I don't, I suffer the consequences. That's just how we roll.

The heart-fluttering thing is an interesting thing though, isn't it?

This week, someone happened by my blog and read a post in my "Craving Discipline" series, and he gave his very decided opinion on why I was wrong about disciplinary spanking being erotic. As this was not a private discussion but a public comment, I'd like to quote part of the comment here,  but you can read it in full on the "erotic appeal" post.

Jason Girl is going into a contradiction in terms and still trying to defend it. To me the punishment logic and the fun logic are perfect opposition. Sex is fun, pleasure, arousal, excitement, a spin in your head, butterflies in your stomach, blush on cheeks, your heart beating fast. All of that, that’s what comes with sex. You really want that spanking for all that.

And you should not, if it is to be a punishment.A real punishment spanking should be a definite deterrent, and in case of the wanted spankings it is simply not...

So as the week's played out here, I've been playing over all this in my mind. I'm certain of my position on this assertion, and I've written about it many times. Simply put? It's not being disciplined that's sexy it's that he will do it. 

I posted a quote from my latest release on facebook, and reader response was unanimous: That is hot. Was it a spanking? Well, no. It wasn't a spanking. It was the prelude to a spanking. I've been blogging and writing fiction long enough, and reading enough of it to say with some confidence that I'm not alone in my attraction to the prelude to a spanking. In fact, I think the very best spanking scenes in fiction are the ones with a good, long waltz up to the actual shebang.

 So I thought over all this as Jason exercised very strict control over me this week (and I know control is a hotbed word, but it serves the purpose, even with the caveat that my submission to him is consensual). Well, if you've been here for a bit, you'll probably realize that I very much disagree with this assertion made in the comment above. As I explained to this poster, I'm not really a masochist, and in my experience, many submissives  aren't. I don't enjoy pain for the sake of pain. Getting hurt doesn't really turn me on (though a sexy spanking can, if done right). I enjoy submitting to Jason's authority. I get a thrill out of his control over me. 

But when I'm punished? I don't enjoy the spanking. I am not aroused by a punishment spanking. That doesn't mean that his dominance isn't sexy. 

Spanking is such a very small part of all of this. There is so much more.

Conflict resolution
Power exchange 

Most submissives are spankos. And most dominants enjoy spanking in some way. That doesn't mean that spanking as punishment is useless, or that a dominant is wrong to be turned on by a spanking. 

It simply means that they are healthy, sexual beings who crave intimacy. It's because spanking is such an intimate, personal experience that many of us prefer to be quiet about it. People write to me all the time and say, "I could never blog about spanking like you do! It's too personal!" And I get that. I'm used to it now, mostly because I enjoy processing our D/s dynamic in the written word and this is in an anonymous venue. I mean, it's not like I give my blog address to my mother. 
Knowing I've earned a punishment is a big part of the deterrent, because I'm wired to want to obey Jason. I am so happy knowing that he is pleased with me, and I aim to make that a high priority of mine. 

So this week? Jason kept me on an even keel by putting me over his knee repeatedly, and none of those spankings were foreplay or erotic. And where did that leave me? Turned on at the mere sight of the man. He climbed into bed last night to me and whispered, "how's my little one?" I got all gushy and squirmy and snuggled up to him. He placed one hand on my bottom as I closed my eyes to go to sleep and most nights, he gives me a good, solid, goodnight whack. And I get to tingling. It's very calming. 

I got one very hard spanking this week, and I don't even remember what the reasoning was, but I do know it was with a silent implement to my sit spot, good and hard. Lawdy. And when he was done I was sniffling, and he chucked a finger under my chin and said, "It's hard for you now. But later, you'll be glad I did that. And you'll be fawning all over me with those eyes of yours." (See what I mean? Stern is sexy.)

Ha! The big guy has my number. 

I need to cut this post short. It's taken me three stages just to write it, as I have a way lot to do here in preparation for a party, and Jason wants to check in with me momentarily. He's going to spank me. And that makes me very happy. :)


  1. Hi J Girl,

    Wow, does all the above hit home. Like you, I am an introvert and it seems to be getting worse as I get older. Your party example was perfect, as I just went through a similar storm of social commitments, culminating in giving a party. I went into it with aggravation and dread. I got through it, and even ended up enjoying it a bit, but focusing on having conversations with smaller groups of people who I had a real connection to. That's the thing people don't get about introverts. It's not that we don't like people or want to interact. We just want it it smaller, more intimate doses.

    Like you, my reaction to the socializing pressure was expressed as a need to be kept on a very tight leash. My wife originally reacted to the stress she was seeing by trying to schedule a vacation for the two of us. We talked about it, and I told her that while I appreciated her good motives, she needed to understand that airports and planes and hotels and trying to fit all that into my already overwhelming schedule was not going to help. Instead, what I needed was for her to set some very tight boundaries and keep me within them.

    Also, I'm glad you rejected the point of view of the commenter who lectured you about how all this must work and that being "attracted" or "turned on" by spanking, or enjoying giving one, does not mean it cannot be a punishment. I've been getting quite a bit of this on my blog recently, with someone pontificating about how all this works and how it "must" be this or that. Human motivations and reactions are very complicated and personal, and there is no "one rule that applies to everyone.

    1. Dan, as always, I appreciate your contribution to the discussion, and love hearing your perspective. Again, I apologize for my delay in responding. I'm having a hard time balancing time with blogging, but I think I've got it mostly sorted!

      I think introverts are so misunderstood. Just because we can socialize and often do it just fine, it's draining. I love my friends and enjoy being with them. I just need major recharge time after, and sometimes find it challenging if I'm depleted going in. I'd have had a really, really difficult time handling a vacation as a means of relaxation. Jason and I do vacation with our kids, but our vacations are so low-key. When we travel, we rent a house with a pool and spend hours doing nothing but swimming and reading (and our kids fortunately love this). This is to gear up for the exciting things lol. And every summer, we disconnect by renting a cabin in the woods. This is our ideal vacation!

      I'm glad you agree with my rejection of the poster's assertion. Some people really just won't get it, and I'm fine with that, but do personally encourage the "live and let live" mentality. After all, we all have different needs, so I see no need to judge others.

      I have a bit of time this morning before I tend to a few other things I need to do, and look forward to peeking in at your blog. :)

  2. The punishment itself is unpleasant for me. I think Dragon gets a little turned on and I can't blame him. I hate the pain part but like you said, there is so much more going on. By the end I am ready to make love. It is most definitely a punishment but the connection between us is a huge turn on.

    1. Dominants by and large are attracted to the erotic appeal of dominating. In a consensual relationship? Gosh, there's nothing wrong with that at all. Submissives readily admit that they find dominance attractive, so why wouldn't dominants find submission attractive? I completely agree with you. An effective punishment can still be effective while being erotically-charged. It's not just the physical touch, etc, but the actual power exchange that is erotic.

  3. Yes! Blogging anonymously is part of the processing for me. Your rebuttal to the commenter who sees this a particular way is very good. Enjoying and finding attraction in my strong man who will nip problems in the bud, yet not enjoying the pain one little bit is absolutely possible. Thanks for posting in the midst of your chaos. So good to read your thoughts.

    1. It's so nice to "see" you and thank you for stopping by. I'm glad you agreed with my rebuttal. I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. It's been a crazy month!


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