Hey, everyone. Late here tonight. Wow, what a week it was, with various things coming up, but it was as fantastic a weekend as it was a rough week, so I'll take it. Tonight, I'm going to ask Jason for a spanking. I haven't been spanked today and I could sure use it. He told me last night he's looking forward to the summer because the air conditioning will be in the windows and the fans on, and “it's time to return to the good ol' favorites, like the paddle and my belt.” Oh, my. To a spanko like me, that sounds perfect, as long as I manage to stay out of the punishment thing. You know I don't like to be punished. You know, I was thinking that facing a punishment spanking very well may fit under the stages of grief.
Denial – “oh, no! No, I didn't real mean it that way. Don't misunderstand! I was...speaking metaphorically. Trying to crack a joke! I didn't know you'd want to spank me for it! You aren't serious, are you?”
This type of denial happens here sometimes. Jason looks at me with that look in his eyes and the signs of alpha bossiness kicking in. The jaw ticks, eyes narrow, arms cross and he says something in that low, stern voice like, “What did I tell you about this? And didn't I tell you if it happened again I'd put you over my knee?”
That's Jason's go-to phrase. “Young lady, if I have to speak to you about that again, I'll put you over my knee,” though he does quite often say flat-out something like, “I will spank you. Understood?” and usually I'm nodding vigorously and pledging obedience for eternity, because if I'm getting a warning, then he's already getting twitchy palms, and I'd better mind my p's and q's.
And then occasionally after I know I'm getting a spanking, I'll hit the second stage of grief: anger. This happened in a post I shared quite recently. Even after he'd drawn me across his knee and spanked me good and hard, I kicked my feet and yelled at him. Yikes. Suffice it to say, I think that was three weeks ago and I've been a veritable angel ever since.
Bargaining is the third stage of grief! “You just spanked me this morning. Couldn't we consider an alternative form of motivation?”
But sometimes I know I'm in for it and he sits there on the edge of the bed waiting for me. I pace in front of him, wringing my hands, because I really don't like being punished, and I know that a punishment spanking is going to hurt like hell. I mean, even the regular check-in/stress relief or even sexy spankings hurt like hell. He pretty much makes sure I always feel a twinge when I sit, every day (and I love it that way, I really really do). Last night we went on a date, and I'd forgotten to do something he'd asked me to. If there's ever a time he's loathe to punish me, it's after a date, and boy am I right there with him. But I was snuggling up to him in bed and he said, “I'm not going to spank you this time, but I'm not going to warn you again. Got it? I'll give you a good spanking if you forget what I tell you again.” Then he flipped me over and gave me a few hard swats. Woke up this morning, still feeling those swats.
The pacing and wringing my hands are a form of silent bargaining, I think, or maybe it's me reverting back to the denial part. Gosh, it is just really hard taking my medicine when I'm in trouble. I mean, sometimes it's just a regular non-punishment spanking and as I'm lowering knee-side I say things like, “Please, please remember I'm still sore from yesterday and feeling very sensitive and just got out of the shower --- owww!”
Then, the next stage is acceptance. I take a deep breath, shuffle forward, squeeze my eyes shut tight, and bend over.
But there's another stage to a spanking, too. I call it the whoosh stage.
There are a large variety of flavors of the spankings Jason gives me. There are the punishment ones, and those are quite self-explanatory. I'm in trouble, and he wants to give me incentive to not do whatever I did again. These are what I sometimes call a “real” spanking, which is sort of a misnomer because the other spankings are certainly not “fake.” But, these are typically accompanied by a lecture and he calls me “young lady,” or “little girl,” and those spankings are not fun. I go through phases where I get myself in trouble in clusters, and then go for long stretches of time when I don't get in trouble at all. (As I'm in the current stretch, do send on over your well wishes and prayers that my stretch will continue!)
Then there are sexy spankings, but those hardly ever happen. That's when spanking is used as foreplay. We enjoy them, but they're just not as satisfying to either one of us on a variety of levels, so those are super rare. I don't even remember the last time I had a sexy spanking.
Stress relief is intentional: I'm stressed or upset over something, and he puts me over his knee to center me. That's also quite rare, but a really nice tool to have. The last time I got a stress relief spanking was several weeks ago when a whole bunch of things hit me at once. I asked for stress relief, and he was willing to grant it.
He was propped up in bed and I laid myself straight over his lap. Stress relief is usually slow, very deliberate, and very firm, until he feels I've had enough. When he feels I've had enough, he usually orders me up, holds me a bit, and then tucks me in.
But the most common spanking he gives me is the role affirmation/check-in type. These spankings are to make sure I feel a sting when I sit down or walk about throughout the day and they're my very favorite. They have the seriousness that I crave, without the overhanging emotions wrapped up in being disciplined.. They're to remind me to obey him, and quite often he goes over what he expects me to do while he's gone.
“You've gotten a little mouthy there earlier,” smack! “So you'd better be sure you get that mouth under control.” swat! Or “you've got a busy day coming up.” Swat! “You remember what your role is, here, and what I expect of you.” Smack!
It's during the stress relief or check-in spanking that Jason intentionally aims for the final stage of a spanking that I think is unique to spanking – the whoosh.
Sometimes people write to me who are in a spanking relationship, and they're frustrated because the spanking isn't satisfying to them. The discipline spanking isn't serious enough, the sexy spanking is not hard enough, or the role affirmation just missed the mark. There are many reasons why couples find certain spankings unsatisfying (again, this is why open communication is so essential), but I'd like to propose a theory: I think that many spankings end before they get to the whoosh stage.
I know I've said it a million times, but it bears repeating. Spankings hurt. They really, really do, and for people who want to be spanked, it isn't really a spanking if it doesn't hurt. Now, why we crave spankings that really hurt is a whole other post for another day, and I propose that many within the D/s community who desire spanking don't really do it for masochistic reasons. I am not a masochist, and I know very few submissives who are. In fact, I've heard masochists insist that a D/s or DD dynamic wouldn't work for them, because they want to feel pain.
No, there are many things I like about being spanked, but the pain isn't one of them. I find Jason's authority over me erotic and attractive. I find submitting to him deeply satisfying. I enjoy the feel of his spanking me, the actual physical connection of that hand-to-bottom moment, and the feeling I get after I'm spanked. Centered, and happy, and at ease. I could go on and on.
But one of the ways we go from Point A (wanting or needing a spanking) to Point B (deeply satisfied with the spanking) is because Jason knows how to reach the whoosh point.
I'll explain what yesterday's spanking looked like. I'm kneeling before him, quite happy, and he's got the very quiet rod out. He pats his knee, and I stand, then he pulls down my capris and gently pushes me over his lap. The first few swats hurt pretty badly. He's experienced at this, so he knows how to give me smaller, quicker swats that help warm me up and sting all over, but not terribly. He starts going over what he expects of me that day, and it looks like this.
“You'll be my very good girl today.” Swish. Thud. I jump a bit, or wince, as it stings. He pauses a few seconds in between each swish and thud as he talks to me about the day, or what he expects, and reminds me what I need to focus on. Then it happens.
The tension leaves my body. It's like I'm a piece of spaghetti, all rigid and straight, dropped into boiling water, then... whoosh. Boneless.
“Ahh,” he says. “There it is. I feel the breath go straight out of you.” It's like he's got a finger on my pulse, the pulse of my spanking reception, and when he gets what he's looking for, he dings the bell. Done! Level “whoosh” achieved.
After that stage, he usually gives me a few more good swats, just to drive the point home. I can take it much harder or faster after I hit this stage, and it's not uncommon that he lands one wicked swat for good measure. And then we're done. He puts down his implement and gives me a few good swats with his hand for that connection piece, and he rubs out the sting a bit before bringing me to my feet again. And there I am again. Happy as a lark.
Swish. Thud. Whoosh.
There's just something about the adrenaline rush that hits me all at once, almost like a runner's high after a run. It's soothing, and comforting, and something that I don't think people outside the lifestyle would really understand. It's the intimate connection. The surrender over his knee. The knowledge that I faced a spanking and took it. Frankly, it makes me feel on top of the world.
And now I just totally got myself craving a spanking. Let's see if I can make sure it stays a good one. ;)