I skipped blogging last week unintentionally. We got home from vacation and you know how that goes.. unpacking, getting back into the swing of things, acting like a total brat and getting your ass soundly spanked...
Oh wait, maybe that last part is just me? Yikes. Yes, I lost my mind, and I actually not only lost my temper but I told Jason no. I even FELT like a brat. I'll admit...although I don't "believe" in bratting (meaning, I don't think it's a healthy form of communication), everyone has moments. Mine are much rarer than they ever were before but I'm not an angel and I'm not a perfect sub.
What's interesting is that this time, Jason actually took it easier on me than I expected. I got spanked, and it wasn't a little love pat. But I thought I was going to get one of those very serious, extremely rare, severe spankings he's been known to deal out when necessary. He didn't. Why? Because he actually felt that some of what happened was his fault. He told me later, "You hadn't gotten maintenance. You were very overwhelmed. You were overworked and tired. You came to me and I needed to help you. This was every bit as much my fault as it was yours.” I cried, he held me, and we lived happily ever after.
School has started and writing is still happening, but more slowly now. A quick note about my writing. Recently, I've received some pretty heavy criticism regarding the genre that I write, from several different people. One email was from a well-intentioned blog reader who was pretty disturbed by what I write. Readers, if you want to take a look at my books, please note, I do not write inspirational fiction under Jane Henry. These books are at the very least R-rated. They include profanity, sexual scenes, and I do not fade to black. I enjoy writing things that are fairly nitty gritty, to be honest. I think God created sex, and there's nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to sexuality. It's why I write about intimate, erotic details on this blog, too. In my books, sex scenes always advance the central conflict and plot, and are never gratuitous. I don't consider my books to be immoral, but some of you would. Please do not buy my books if you would find them offensive. (And since some of you have written to me and told me you do like my books, pssst. Take a look at the side bar. Boston Doms 3 is out!).
As the busy days of fall are upon us, I realized last night that I always take a break this time of year and fade away! If I do, it's only because school has started (I teach) and the new routines with my ankle biters is off and running. Still blogging here. I have several posts in draft that I will be posting in the new few weeks:
Coming out – how much to share? How many people know about me and Jason? What do we share and why? What are some factors to consider?
Attention, please. Why the need for attention is at the heart of many dynamics and why feeding the need for attention is often a cure for what ails you.
FAQ post two.
Watch this space, but please be patient as the days are shortening and I really need longer days this time of year!
Jason and I had a really great weekend, and since the majority of you who write to me tell me all the time that you love the anecdotal stories and real life events, I'll tell you about it. It's not terribly thrilling but rather a “day in the life of a Dom/sub relationship)." Those of you who follow me on Facebook may have already heard a bit about it. (::waves hi!::)
The weekend was really fantastic. Friday night, Jason ordered pizza for the kids and put a movie on, sending me on my way to get a mani-pedi. It's one of the treats I indulge in regularly and I love it. Gosh, I felt like a new woman when I came home (and he really prefers my nails done, has commented several times since how nice they look). So I was sorta glowing and happy and relaxed going into the weekend.
Saturday morning, I got some great work done early in the morning (final revisions sent in for my second historical book! Yay!), a great workout in (finally healing from my injury of a few months back and can run again), and he rewarded me with a thorough spanking session I needed badly. Over the knee, out came that silent rod and he spanked me from “Oooww” to “whoosh,” limp as a rag doll right over his lap.
But the day was starting and we had some things that had to be done, so we had to move on with our day. By Saturday night, I was craving a good, long session. I really wanted that intimate connection. There are some things that are just hard to do when we are raising a family. I am up very early in the morning, and Jason stays up late at night, so we have to adjust to each other's schedules.
I get spanked frequently and the man is all Dom, so my needs are met in that area. But...well, good long sessions take a good deal of time. And we don't always have that time. I'm tired. He's tired. Our kids need us. And some of the more serious things involved in a good session need to wait until the kids are in bed. But Saturday night, I was really hoping for some time together.
He was putting our youngest to bed. She typically snuggles with him or me in our bed. He had just finished reading to her, and she was snuggling down. The days with little ones here are fleeting. All my kids are school age now. No more babies. I miss those days! Anyway, she was just dozing off to sleep and I wanted to talk to him so I plopped belly down on the bed.
“Hey,” I said, wiggling my brows at him and grinning. “You up for..you know...” and I moved my hands through the air like I was tying shoe laces. He sorta missed it.
So I picked up his foot and pretended to tie a shoe. “You know...we talked about tonight? I was wondering if you'd...” :: makes tying motions with hands:: (Bondage, dude!)
He got it and grinned, and flicked an imaginary whip. “And this?”
I nodded eagerly and we had a total convo about what we wanted to do (he used pig latin and I continued to mime) and we were both grinning by the end. Suffice it to say, when the kids went to bed, a good time was had by all. ;)
Yesterday, we took our kids to church, I got some things done and then Jason came downstairs later in the afternoon. “How about I grill some steak tips tonight?” Y'all, I love steak tips. It's top of the list for my very favorite food, and I'm rocking the low carb/high protein diet these days, so it's a serious treat.
“Let's go to the store,” Jason said. Our kids are old enough now that we can scoot out together to run errands alone. We hopped in the car and went to the store. As we walked in, he asked if he could buy me a treat. I told him I'd love some low-sugar ice cream, and he told me he'd pick some up. We walked to the produce aisle to get some corn on the cob, and he said, “They usually have a shucking station. Do you see one?” In the stores around here they usually have a large display of corn on the cob with boxes or barrels so you can husk the corn in the store and bring it home ready to eat.
Well, I couldn't help myself. “I don't know. Where's that shucking station? This is shucking nuts.” He didn't need to be prodded. Jason is the King of Puns, and before you know it, he was making dirty “shucking” comments to me in my ear, and we were laughing like two crazy people in the middle of the produce aisle, me blushing.
I picked up an ear of corn, and this is when things shifted a bit. “Not in that bin," Jason said. "I don't like how those look. These are better here.” He indicated a second bin in front of him.
But I honestly thought the ones near me looked perfectly fine. “This one looks good, though,” I said, one in my hand.
His voice hardened just a tiny bit. No one else would've even noticed but I felt the immidate change in temperature. “No. These ones here, please,” he said. And that was it. No more argument for me over ears of corn. I obeyed without another word, and did what he said. We filled up our bag, put it in the cart, and moved on. I felt a bit of that peace I feel when I obey him. It's not always easy to submit, and this was such a tiny issue. As we walked toward the steak aisle, I stepped closer to him, he put his arm around me and hugged me. I just wanted to feel him.
We walked by a display of thermal coffee mugs and he paused. I recently bought us these mugs and we love them (Contigo thermal coffee mugs, guys – if you're coffee or tea lovers like us, you'll love them!). Jason wanted to buy a second one in case the first gets lost or broken, he loves the mug that much and they were on sale. I told him I'd been thinking of buying one for a few family members, but they're not cheap.
“Pick them out and put them in the cart,” he said. I did, sort of smiling shyly at him. I can't really explain it, but his generosity is something I'm really attracted to. He's the most generous person I've ever known. He gives without question, and always has. I simply thanked him, and I felt myself getting that soft, glowing sorta feeling I get when I'm around him. I just love him so much.
We got to the ice cream aisle, and he had me pick one out that I'd like. We checked out, and when we got to the parking lot, I instinctively reached for the bags. He doesn't like me to lift the grocery bags, but I sometimes forget. “I've got these,” he said, taking them from me. “Go sit in the van now.” I obeyed without question, because I love being treated like that.
After he loaded the van, he came to my window and knocked on it. I lowered the window, he dipped his head in and gave me a full-on kiss. Two young women were getting into their car in front of us, and the one closest to us grinned to herself as she got in the car, when she saw the two of us kiss. Jason and I laughed about it, but I thought to myself, “Good. Let the younger kids see that even married people can still be affectionate.”
When we got home, I happily teased him about the fact that he couldn't give me his obligatory swat on the ass as he always does when I go into the house ahead of him, because his hands were filled with grocery bags. And of course later, he made up for the missed swat.
Romance is more than hearts and flowers and words on the page. It's more than candle-lit dinners and roses. For some of us, it's being taken over the knee by a strong, dependable man who won't put up with misbehavior. For some of us, it's a man who takes charge, pays the bills, tells us to get to bed on time, and helps us manage our emotions and stress. For some of us, it's a simple trip to the supermarket. A reminder that we are loved, and so very blessed to be wed to a man with strong moral convictions, a generous heart, and old-fashioned values.
So, nothing remarkable or earth-shattering here. I wanted to share how a relationship with Dominance and submission adds an erotic element to an otherwise very normal, not very glamorous, relationship.
The other day, Jason said “Adding spanking into our relationship has been the best thing we've ever done for our marriage.” It's not just the spanking – it's the focus on each other. The constant erotic vibe. It's meeting each other's needs. It's learning how to compromise, and how to openly communicate. It's reveling in each other. Growing with one another. Learning how to really love.