Monday, September 19, 2016

Yes, Daddy

Hello, readers, time for a check in post. I hope this post finds all of you well. Looks like my Sunday posts have morphed into Monday posts! September is a busy month and the past week here was crazy. We had unexpected overnight guests for four nights. I released a second historical book (details in the side bar). I was also hormonal (eep!). But we survived, even if I did get spanked a time or two. Is it possible to get spanked good and hard when you have guests over? Why yes, yes it is, with silent implements and a blanket shoved into your mouth. Ahem. 

So an interesting thing has happened. We're nearing our four year DD anniversary, and I've been blogging now for three. In the past six months or so, many of you have written to me, and the majority of you are baby girls. As we get to know each other, many of those who write to me confess that you really, really want to call your man Daddy. So I've come to the conclusion that the flavor of this blog appeals to many who crave a Daddy Dom/little girl (DD/lg) dynamic. 

I talked it out with Jason. You see, I've been calling Jason “Daddy” for years, but don't talk about it on the blog because Jason preferred I keep it quiet. Within the DD/lg community, there is a great deal of age play, and Jason has a strong personal aversion to age play. Plus, we try to write to a larger D/s audience, and we've been judged quite harshly within the D/s community for the Daddy thing. Some love it. Some respect it. But there's a stigma involved. 

I'm at the point where frankly, I don't give a damn who likes what we do or who we are. As I get to know the D/s writing community more (what a phenomenal group of people!) I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. With Jason's permission, I've given some of my books to my family and friends. His cousin and my sisters now know my pen name, and read my books. It's clear when you read my books what I like, and it's also clear if you put my books together with knowing me and Jason that we're into this. Everyone, without exception, has been tremendously supportive. 

So I talked it over with Jason, and he said it was okay to blog about the Daddy Dom/little girl aspect to our relationship. Today I'm going to tell you about why I call Jason Daddy. Some of you may not like it and some may not read here anymore, and I respect that. But I also think Daddy Doms are widely misunderstood, and I also think that a submissive unearthing her own craving for a DD/lg dynamic is hugely freeing. So here and there, I'm going to blog about this dynamic. How we came to this. Why it's such a good fit. What makes it distinct from other D/s relationships. Things like that. 

About three years ago, I was chatting with a D/s friend, and she explained to me about Daddy Doms. At the time, it was a whole new concept to me. I read about it and realized that yes, it was a very good fit for us, but we were new, and I was afraid of freaking Jason out, so I kept it to myself. 

A few months later, I was reading a blog written by Lilli over at Becoming Baby Girl. She was detailing an exchange between her and her husband, and in this exchange, she said Yes, Daddy. 

Out of the blue, it hit me hard. I was overcome with emotion. I wanted that. 

Jason was lying next to me in bed and I couldn't hold it back from him anymore. The conversation went something like this. 

“There's something I need to tell you, but I'm afraid to. I think you're gonna freak out and I don't want you to freak out.” 

He gave me the one eyebrow raised look. “Oh? Well, I won't freak out. Promise. Tell me what it is.” 

“I can't!” 

Jason grew more serious. “Yes, you can. Now tell me.” 

I took a deep breath and blurted out, “I read about this thing...and...some submissives call their dominants Daddy and...I really really want to do that. Badly.” 

He didn't freak out. He simply said, “Then do it.” 

This shocked me. I was prepared for him to say no way, no how, but not only was he fine with it, he insisted on it. 

“I can't!” I protested. 

“Do. It.” 

I'd already been taught to obey him at this point, so finally I put my head on his chest, closed my eyes tight and said, “Yes, Daddy.” 

It felt so good. I know, a small thing, right? But I cried. I actually cried. It felt so nice. I broke that barrier, and he hugged me and said, “Good girl. I want you to keep calling me Daddy. I'm going to insist on this.” He knew I needed this. 

So, I did. At first, it was only when we were alone, and in bed. To my shock, we both found this attractive. So over the past few years, I've tried to get to the bottom of the why, because that's what I do. I like knowing why. So I've researched and read, and dabbled in various communities. And I've come to many conclusions. 

First, there's nothing at all parental about calling a dominant partner “Daddy.” It's just a term of endearment, stemming from a desire to be taken care of, to feel safe, and protected. It's no different from the way a Latino man may call his wife “mama,” or a guy would call his lover “baby.” It doesn't mean they are his actual mother or baby. It's a term of endearment. It's a sweet way of saying, “I'm safe with you. You're stronger than I am. You love me. I trust you to take care of me. With you, I don't have to pretend to be anyone I'm not.” 

Baby girls like me crave not only the attention and discipline of a strong authority figure, but we also want accountability. We want to grow. We want to be protected, and taken care of. 

Daddy Doms love hearing the word “Daddy” come from their baby girls. It shows that they are trusted. It shows that their submissive partner feels safe. And let's be honest...for some of us? The taboo aspect of it is just really, really hot. 

So over time, Jason and I grew to really love exploring the Daddy Dom/little girl dynamic and how it fits for us. I'm a baby girl...not really a little. Some enjoy exploring age play, but I don't. I do love certain aspects of being a baby girl, though, like being tucked into bed, having my hair brushed, or sitting on his lap. Sometimes he braids my hair. 

Before bed at night, nearly every single night, Jason says, “Come tell Daddy about your day,” and I melt. When things are busy around here, or I've had a long day, and we haven't had time together, I crave calling him Daddy. We close the door, I climb into his lap or onto his chest, snuggle up and just say, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.” He usually chuckles and says things like, “Soak up your Daddy, little one.” Swoon. 

It's just a unique flavor. We all have our own takes on things, our own ways of making our dynamic completely unique, tailor-fit to meet the needs of one another. For us, that means he's trained me to obey him intuitively. He expects immediate obedience and complete trust. For us, that means we're not really into heavy BDSM, but very much into the exchange of power. For us, that means I'm his little girl, and he's my Daddy Dom. I trust him. He looks out for me. I go to him for moral guidance, support, and accountability. He relishes my trust. 

He calls me little one, and I call him Daddy.  

14 comments:

  1. Hi Jane, I love your blog, no matter what you call Jason! We have been struggling lately, almost calling an end to ttwd. I have always read your blog ( and your books) and tentatively suggested hubby read it too. He has not ever really read anything but with me having reached the point of calling a halt to ttwd he has started reading too. We are both very grateful, your advice and posts have proved invaluable. Thank you so much, to both of you
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Jan, I'm so sorry you've been struggling, but I'm glad you have found my posts here helpful! PLease email me anytime. Even though I take a while to respond sometimes, I'm always willing to lend an ear, or to stay in touch. ((hugs))

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  2. Sweet post jgirl! Apparently, I'm living in oblivion about the stigma surrounding this. I'm sorry if you have received negativity for chouces you and Jason make that work for you. I am constantly baffled by how folks can be marginalized or choose a lifestyle that may be taboo and then be judemental of the lifestyles and people that others are. Let's celebrate that folks are finding enriching, meaningful connection with others and that people are finding sacred and joyful connection in their intimate relationships.

    I find myself wanting the "take care" daddy connection especially after hormonal times. At first I felt weird about calling my hoh daddy but now he says things like, You pleased your daddy, " and that makes,me happy.

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    1. Hi, Jo, I love that you call your husband Daddy, too! I agree with you. We are all unique, and should support one another in an already marginalized community!

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  3. Loved reading this post Jane and the way you explained your Daddy Dom/Baby Girl relationship. I didn't realise some people were against this sort of relationship. Everyone does their form how it suits you, so go for it.
    Hugs Lindy

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    1. I'm not sure why there's judgment, and it's mostly within the DD crowd, but it's still oddly there. I feel better having "come out" though. :)

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  4. I will admit to being surprised by this post. I've followed your blog for a few years and have recently read your books. I too connect the word "Daddy" with feeling loved and safe, but can't separate it from my childhood and my own father. However, any phrase from my husband like "good girl" "my baby" makes me melt.
    I admire the closeness in your relationship that you always describe: starting the day going over your plans (even though my husband does not want to start the day with spanking me) and taking time to talk when you reunite after work and at bedtime. I think if you are both comfortable with it, find that it reassures you AND you think it is hot, it can only enhance your relationship.

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    1. Hi, Kate, I wondered if anyone would be surprised. Seems a little bit of a different way to connect, I suppose, but you're right -- as long as it is something we both glean something from, it only enhances our relationship. Thanks!

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  5. The only times my wife has called me "Daddy" was when talking to the children and, privately, while getting her bottom paddled. In the latter case, especially after we were married, she would occasionally involuntarily grunt, "Yes, Daddy," or "Ple-e-e-e-ase, Daddy," as the paddling overwhelmed her resistance.

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    1. Yes, it is in private here! But it is for sure used when I'm overwhelmed getting a spanking.

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  6. FWIW, I figured I would weigh in here as someone who does not care for the Daddy/little girl terminology and finds it a little off putting. I had not been on here in a little while, and noticed the change, and knew it would be unlike you not to articulately discuss it somewhere.

    I think that this terminology creates a negative impression in many people who are somewhat familiar with dd or ds because they automatically associate it with the whole "littles" thing. Lots of people are quite a bit bothered by that. Having communicated with various perfectly nice people on dd boards who are in that dynamic, it does not bother me much anymore, but it did quite a bit when I first came across it.

    I doubt you will lose any regular readers over this. You explain where you two are on all this well, and you always exhibit such honesty and good will that your readers see you as a real friend. But I do hope that people who come across this read what you actually say, rather than what they think you are saying. That seems to be a common problem, unfortunately, both in blog land, and elsewhere.

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    1. Artlover, thank you for your honest, kind reply.

      I agree with you that the "daddy" (or even "little girl") terminlogy often brings about connotations of littles and younger age play dynamics that many are uncomfortable with. I'm fairly uncomfortable with it myself, but, like you, have come to accept that it works for some people. To be honest, the majority of people I've encountered who disliked (and in some cases had a strong aversion) to "daddy" are those who have either had extremely negative childhood connoations with the word, or specifically were men who didn't like even the slightest insinutation that any of this was parental, and simply couldn't disassociate the two.

      I am not sure if I've lost readers or not, and if I have that's certainly their choice (I'd hate for anyone to feel they had to read something that made them uncomfortable), but to date, no one has said anything mean or derogatory. That's encouraging and makes me hopeful that, like you said, people are listening to what I'm saying rather than what they think I've said.

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  7. "or specifically were men who didn't like even the slightest insinutation that any of this was parental, and simply couldn't disassociate the two."

    Perhaps it might help with the parental disassociation issue to think in terms of "patriarchal" rather than "parental." Patriarchal kind of ties together all the "traditional" functions of husband and father.

    Feminism has caused the negative connotations to "patriarchal" to stand out, with positive connotations ignored or suppressed (as they supposedly arise from false consciousness and harmful socialization). But there is no reason for the rest of us to go along with this.

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    1. Hmmm. Thank you for that. I've given it some thought and mulled it over, and I do think you have a very good point. It's the authority and imbalance of power so many of us submissives crave, and even I have a strong dislike for any "parental" associations (after all, I am raising children with Jason and very much prefer to keep those roles distinct!). Patriarchy, then, is much more appealing.

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