Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Time for a break

Hello, readers.

From time to time, I need to take a break. I usually spend that time thinking about why I blog, whether or not it still serves a purpose, and if it's worth continuing. I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

Why do I blog? Well, I started because I enjoyed processing my relationship with Jason this way. Though that's still true, over the years, that's changed a bit. I've continued to blog so those who are attracted to this lifestyle have a place to go where they know they're not alone. My blog draws a lot more people who are experienced in the lifestyle than it did before, and those people have been writing to me. They've explained how they enjoy hearing about the struggles in the lifestyle, and knowing they're not alone.

So I decided I would write in a raw state, and focus a bit more not so much on the “how do we do this” aspect or even the romantic aspect of our relationship, but rather “how I deal with the challenges of the lifestyle.” It's a risk, blogging, and I knew that going in. But I'm going to be honest here. The past week has been very difficult. I've been accused of being a poser in the lifestyle and making all this up (I'm not, but believe what you will.) And a long-time reader of my blog said that my latest posts sounded abusive, like Jason was beating me, and that it sounded like he wanted a Stepford wife.

You guys...I'm not a robot here. Unfortunately, my personality type (INFJ, for those familiar with Myers Briggs) means that I struggle with deflecting emotion. Rather, I absorb it. Maybe blogging isn't for the likes of people like me. You see, this type of thing hurts, and I have a hard time disconnecting. And because my blog is largely read by people who don't interact with me, I worry that the few who do speak up with such feelings represent a large portion of the readership. With that in mind, I'm not sure I'm going to continue blogging.

I'm not sure how else to say that I am blissfully content, extremely happy, and Jason is my hero. I'm also not sure I need to.

I actually intentionally edit my posts and try to tone all that down, because I'm so very happy I don't want to make it harder for people who want to live this lifestyle but can't. I don't want to sound obnoxious or gush too much. But honestly, I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be more content. I'm the focus of the Dom of my dreams, who helps me be the best I can be, who meets my needs in spades, who is thoroughly devoted to taking care of my physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Last week, I had an anxiety attack after a few things happened. I kept getting dizzy, and finally realized that it was anxiety. So I did what I do...immediately went to Jason. He was at work so I texted him and told him I was having anxiety attacks. His reply was instantaneous. “Baby. What can Daddy do to help?” I melted. It made me cry. Because that's who he is and I'm special to him. I can't even get a papercut without the man holding me on his lap and kissing away the pain. I'm precious to him. His little one. I can't even describe the way he looks at me, holds me, talks to me. 

I saw this recently, and immediately thought of Jason. I am his queen.

I never feel afraid or belittled. Yes, he's strict but I love that. It's attractive to me. I crave his control and dominance.


Last night, I waited for him to have some time to listen to me. He finally did, and I crawled up on to his chest and told him all this that troubled me. He listened and held me, and kissed me when I started to cry. He agreed it was time to take a break. He says it's time to step back. I have some writing projects I'm working on, and I'll be focusing on those but at a fairly slow pace. 

I know the time will come when I will fold up this blog, but I would prefer it not be on a sad note. So I won't make this farewell, but just good-bye for now. Jason and I are planning a vacation together alone in a few weeks (yay!). I'll use this time to focus on writing, focus on my family, focus on Jason, and focus on some much-needed rest. Thank you. Be well.

49 comments:

  1. I've never commented before although I have read your blog for a very long time. I felt I had to speak up today. I'm so sorry you have received hurtful comments. I don't know how anyone who has read this blog for any length of time could doubt your happiness. Your love for each other shines through every post you write. I love your blog and hope you don't give it up, but I understand your emotional well-being comes before Internet strangers. :) Thank you for writing with honesty and vulnerability.

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    1. Molly, thank you for your encouragement and for taking the time to write! I appreciate the affirmation that my blog posts show how happy we are -- I hate the accusation of abuse when Jason is so very good to me. I appreciate it. :)

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  2. Hey J. Girl. I'm sorry that the commenters and trolls have gotten to you. I have to admit that I have let them get to me too, a lot more than I should. I tell myself that is it more than a little irrational to care what some total stranger on the internet thinks about anything, let alone to let their opinion influence anything I feel about myself or my life. Yet, it happens. I kind of went in the opposite direction and just started calling them out more and taking a firmer stance on saying what I want, when I want and deleting any comments that didn't fit what I am going for. But, I have seriously considered from time to time either shutting down the blog or taking it in some very different direction. But, for whatever reason, I do feel the need to keep up some kind of communication about this stuff. I have also considered starting a very scaled down, semi-private blog to which I would invite only a few longer-term commenters.

    You obviously have to do what you have to do. I hope you do ultimately take up the blog again, and on your own terms.

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    1. Dan, I really appreciate your perspective. In so many other areas of my life, (writing, etc.) I have done exactly what you said. When this criticism hit, It hit me so hard emotionally that it was a really good idea for me to take a step back. I feel like if I'm this sensitive to it, then it's not the time to blog! But I've read over your advice, and I definitely think that will be my approach going forward. Thanks for your reply! I'm feeling ready to hit it again. :)

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  3. As an INFJ myself, I know how hurtful negative comments can be. But I truly think you're right, that there are so very many of us silently cheering you on - the haters are the tip of the iceberg and you can't see the thousands of us below the surface. Maybe it's time for a random Lurkers' Day for you 😊. Selfishly, I hope you never stop blogging because your honesty touches me deeply. Also, your spanking descriptions are utterly delightful. Be well, have a break, but please oh please come back!

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    1. I love how many submissives identify as INFJs. It's fascinating to me. And I really appreciate the sympathy/empathy!It seems I did indeed have my very own random lurker's day! What a blessing. I will continue blogging and feel so much better after a break. :)

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  4. Say it ain't so. We need you. I feel a kindred spirit with you, but am also an INFJ so I completely understand. Take time off; just don't stop anytime soon.

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    1. Thank you so much. I will definitely continue blogging, and I'm happy you have found a kindred spirit in me! :)

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  5. So Sorry you have had negative responses! I have been a silent lurker for some time and enjoy your intelligent thoughtful blog! Should have responded more.I understand taking a break and hope you will be able to continue in some form later on. I am sure there are many readers like me who appreciate your thoughts and openness in sharing! Take care.

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    1. Thank you! No worries on lurking. It's a really private lifestyle and not everyone wants to talk about it. Feel free to lurk. But thank you for taking the time to write! I'm glad you enjoy the blog!

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  6. As a fellow blogger in this lifestyle and as a fellow INFJ, I understand your need for a break. I've taken plenty of them myself over the years.

    I'm sorry that some of the feedback you've received has been hurtful. Sometimes I think that's due to people who just don't understand. Other times it's probably because hurting people tend to hurt others. And sometimes perhaps it's because of their own insecurities and their desire to see themselves in others and when they don't see that, they try to make the other person conform more to what they want to see.

    I don't think that negative feedback is representative of the majority who read your blog. I would say that it's the minority.

    I've very much enjoyed reading about yours and Jason's journey. Yes, it's different from ours in some ways, but also very similar in others. And that's good because though we may have similarities, we are all different.

    Enjoy your break, enjoy your vacation and I hope you can come back refreshed, having been able to release those negative emotions you've absorbed from others.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. Lilli, I've always enjoyed your posts, and I think the fact that you are also a baby girl and INFJ is partly why. I think in this particular case, the criticism came out of concern for me but I was heading toward burn out and it just did me in...hit way harder than it should have. I hoped it was the minority opinion, but it was hard to tell when so few respond to my posts or write. But I'm feeling better about everything now. So many were kind enough to write, and the break has rejuvenated me!

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  7. I am so sorry that there are horrible ppl out there who are only out to hurt others and put them down. I understand that you have to take care of you and your family, but always remember that those ppl who do that to others only do that b/c they are either afraid of what they don't know and understand or they don't think very highly of themselves to begin with or both. I will miss you both and ya'll's very encouraging words, but I often come back here to your past posts for constant inspiration and encouragement when my hubby and I have any questions about DD or D/s itself and how we live this lifestyle we have chosen for our marriage to the fullest. My husband, Paul and I wish you both and your whole family the very best, and we hope to see you back here when you are ready, but if you so choose to walk away completely, please know that we will understand and respect that decision. Jason knows what's best for his baby girl and I wholeheartedly support that, it's a wonderful feeling to know that we have husbands and Doms who take care of us and know what's best for us:) God Bless!

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    1. Hey Megan, always good to hear from you here, too! :)

      Thank you so much for your support and encouragement! I appreciate your sympathy and understanding, and I'm eager to get back to blogging. Talk soon. xoxox

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  8. I'm sorry to hear that you got such a negative response. I always enjoy reading here (I'm ISFJ BTW) and I think people write more when they have sth to complain about than when they think all is well.
    I hope you'll reconcile with your blog and ignore the hatred.
    I have a question, but it's about the last post, so I'll ask there - maybe you'll still answer.
    Enjoy your break!

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    1. Hey there, it's so cool that so many are INFJ, ISFJ, etc! Thank you for your encouragement! I see you posted a question to the other post, so I will answer it there. :)

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  9. Oh Jane, I really really don't want you to stop blogging. I love your writing, yes Jason is strict but if people actually read what you say then surely they can see how happy you are together. We live a different version of ttwd to you but recently we have found your blog to be so helpful as we have had struggles, I hope you have a lovely break and come back soon.
    much love Jan, xx

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    1. Jan, you've been such an encouragement to me! One of the first blog readers to support me in my writing, and I always appreciate every time you've reached out to me. Thank you. I really appreciate your affirmation that even though we all live TTWD differently, my blog here has shown that Jason (though strict) isn't at all harsh. I hate to think he appears that way. He is so very good to me. Thank you! Hope to "see" you soon.

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  10. Hi J Girl,

    Haters and trouble makers are everywhere. I am a long time reader, and have to say that what you write is inspirational and a window on how the lifestyle is in your reality. You definitely come across as happy and fulfilled. Please know that your writing has been helpful to me. I will miss you while you are on break, but I look forward to your return. Enjoy your time away.
    Mignon

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    1. Mignon, thanks for affirming that my posts come across as happy and fulfilled. It's funny, I often worry that I come across as too "gushy!" lol I am so happy, and can't help but share that. Thank you for writing. I'm feeling ready to blog again!

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  11. Hi J girl

    I am a long time lurker love reading about you and Jason and how strong u are together please do t listen to all the judgemental people out their at the moment and there is a lot of them have a great break and please don't shut your blog down please do come back Amy

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    1. Thank you, Amy! I am looking forward to blogging again and appreicate the support!

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  12. I have been reading your blog for years. Sadly, this is my firt time commenting. (I'm peaceful as a lurker.) From the way you were influenced by parents and your early days of marriage I too feel a kindred spirit in you. ttwd over here is for the same reasons: for sanity- peace and til death do us part with me reaching my full potential as a strong willed woman, with a loving and strong willed man taking the lead while cherishing me. "Haters gonna hate." The ones you resonate with are encouraged when we come here. Hope you have a happy break and come back doing what you always do- encourage those of us on this life path. <3

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    1. Hey there, thank you for writing. I love that you feel you also have a kindred spirit in me. It's a blessing to hear from so many of you who have been lurking for a while! I really needed that break and it's good to be back!

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  13. Please don't stop blogging! Babyitalygirl.tumblr.com mentioned your blog to me so please don't stop I love it! Maybe if you start a tumblr blog more people will interact. It's easier to use tumblr and easier to communicate with people. Please don't go!

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    1. I should look into tumblr. I do Instagram and Facebook for my author page, and I have heard tumblr is a fun place to be. I'll check it out. Thank you so much. It is good to be wanted! :)

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  14. Hey J Girl,

    I just wanted to say that your blog has been so insightful and helpful in navigating my way through my relationship with my boyfriend. We are both in our early 20s and he has a dominant personality but over the last few months we have been trialing a D/s relationship with discipline when necessary, and it has been working for us so well. Reading your blog has really helped me to communicate my feelings and needs to my boyfriend, and as a result we are closer and more solid than ever.

    I'm sorry people have said such awful things to you. It is clear from your blog that you and Jason are very much in love and have a strong, healthy and happy relationship. Remember that when people say nasty and hurtful things it only reflects badly on them, not you.

    I do hope that one day you are able to continue blogging, because your words are a source of comfort and strength to so many.

    Have a wonderful vaccation with your man :)

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    1. I'm so glad you've found the blog helpful, and that incorporating D/s into your relationship has been so fulfilling. Thanks for your sweet post, and for encouraging me! I'm looking forward to blogging again!

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  15. Dear Jason's girl
    As a long term follower of your blog - sorry I haven't commented before - but I only ever, ever pipe up in exceptional circs - I guess your thoughts about leaving make it so.
    Just wanted to say I have always looked forward to reading your blog, your missives have been exceptionally well written ( no wonder you are a teacher lol ) with so much education and advice for anyone wanting guidance and support on a Taken in Hand lifestyle.
    Yes - as you've always attested to - this type of partnership is not for everyone, but to those of us for whom a more traditional marriage, where the husband wears the pants and the wife appreciates a man that can step up to the plate and do what needs to be done for the sake of harmony and better loving you have been a marvelous resource.
    I hope that you will still leave your blog with all its old posts up for the rest of us to dip into from time to time.
    Rest assured anyone that has paid attention to what you have written these past years would know how deeply you and Jason are attuned to each other's needs. Your marriage sounds exciting and fulfilling for the pair of you. Not everyone is lucky enough to get that in life - Trolls are ignorant members of the community who can't differentiate between their own script for life - probably full of misery and envy and the fact that
    other people might have different wants and needs to theirs. Don't let them upset your bliss Jason's Girl.
    Thank you for all the time thought and effort you have put into creating and writing this blog. Wishing you and Jason all the very best xx

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    1. Hello, and thank you so much for your response as well. I am honored, and humbled by what you've said, so thank you. When the time comes for me to leave blog land, I've planned on keeping this up. but for now, I'm going to keep on blogging.

      Thank you for affirming that the posts here have come across the way I'd hoped...that we are just two people who are very fulfilled by this dynamic! I can't imagine being happier in all this, truly.

      Your post was kind and thoughtful. Thank you!

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  16. I was a lurker for a long time. I find what you write not only inspiring but so helpful and I have learned a great deal from reading here. There will always be trolls and haters dont pay them any mind. I understand your need for a break but I truly hope you dont stop blogging because a great many of us would miss you and the help your blog provides.

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    1. Seaside Dreams, hello. Thank you for coming out of lurkdom to support me. I really appreciate it. I am going to continue blogging, and I'm looking forward to it. :)

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  18. Dear Jgirl,
    My dear friend, you mean SO much to me! I've learned so much from you! There is absolutely NO doubt in my mind that you are happy, safe and cared for in Jason's hands! The love you share for each other and your kids is clearly visible in your blog. Enjoy your break, my it be a blessing of peace and clarity beyond your expectations. You deserve it. Just know that you mean a great to a lot of us!!!
    Love,
    Joli

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    1. Joli, my friend, I am blessed that you are such a good friend to me! I did indeed enjoy my break, and I am feeling refreshed. Looking forward to blogging again (and catching up with you!).

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  19. Hello,

    I'm a long time lurker of your blog and have always enjoyed it. I have never comment but do not agree with those hateful comments. I believe the majority of the people probably feel like that but it's always the most critical who speak the loudest.
    Your blog is wonderful and I hope you don't leave
    -N

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    1. Hey there, thank you for your commment and support! I truly appreciate this. Comments from people like you, and the others here, have convinced me that continuing to blog is the right choice. Thank you.

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  20. You've been an encouragement to me and I selfishly hope you'll continue to blog. I understand there's only so much pushback we can take though! Enjoy your break!

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    1. Lani, thank you! I am glad my blog has encouraged you, and I am definitely going to keep blogging. it's always nice to "hear" from you! <3

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  21. Like so many of the commenters (is that spelled right) I am saddened by your pain, I am saddened that you do not realize how very important your blog is to others. For me, who is a little over a year in this lifestyle you were a mentor and role model. When I saw our relationship get better and better I knew I wasn't crazy in knowing how we were building this better life. Everything is felt you addressed. Every question I had, you answered. I will miss you terribly and will check often to see if you are back. Finally, I want to thank you and Jason for sharing a part of your life with all of us. You are an amazing couple and YOU are a rock star! Enjoy your break, and know there are those of us out here hoping it's only temporary. Chrissy

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    1. Chrissy, gosh, what a comment. It moved me to hear your brief story here, how you've flourished as your relationship has grown. My blog here is only a bit of a taste of my own experience; kudos to you for persevering and putting forth the very real effort necessary to glean the results of a TTWD dynamic. Thank you for writing, and I wish you the best!

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  22. JGirl,

    I love your blog and have been reading it for almost 6 months now. You have helped me describe what I'm feeling and I love your "raw state" of writing and how you process this life. What you and Jason have is a beautiful thing and anyone criticizing it must be insanely jealous! You are a voice and a huge help to those getting starting and those processing this life. You have helped us in our marriage more than you know. We are thankful for how you have shared your heart. Please take care of yourself and please come back to continue helping us. Your writing is so valuable, please don't let anyone convince you differently. I hope you have a wonderful vacation.

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    1. I am so glad to hear that you've found our blog helpful to your own relationship. And your encouraging words mean a lot to me. We did indeed have an amazing vacation together. It was just what we needed, a real blessing. Thank you!!

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  23. I recently emailed you to tell you how much your blog meant to me and I want to reiterate that. You speak in a way the is inspiring, helpful and funny all at the same time. I garuntee for every 1 Nay sayer there are 30 people who are positively impacted by your writing. In the ttwd world I often feel isolated and alone living it out in real time with no one around that understands even being kind to your husband long side of submitting to them fully; when I read your blog I felt a little less alone and a little like I had a friend who is right there with me in this journey. I hope you continue to blog, but regardless, thank you for all you have written thus far helping us on our journey.

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    1. Gosh, what an awesome comment. If I have made any readers feel they had a fellow friend and submissive along with them in my journey, that is a huge compliment. This is such a challenging lifestyle choice, so private, so confusing at times. To know there are others with us in the journey can be so helpful. Thank you for your encouragement. :)

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  24. I actually stopped reading this post! It really pissed me off! Fucken Trolls love upsetting people!!! Hello my name is.... and I'm a new lurker here lol! Never knew what that was until I read it here. Any who... Fuck all the trolls talking shit. They only come here to get you riled up so take none of it to heart. They want to upset you and they want you to quit this blog! I'm new to this blog, ah hell I'm new to Blog period! I just found this blog about 2 weeks ago, l have retained alot of what you've said! You and your husbands relationship is awesome! Fuck what others say! Keep doin you guys! And keep bloggin and helping others! J girl doin what you do with blogging is a really hard job to do on top of living life with your family! I was so happy to read your taking a break! It's fall!! Enjoy the break...Enjoy the simple things in life!!.. enjoy the crisp air.. go apple picking... bon fires.. pumpkin patches... apple fritters..everything fall brings! Snow will come soon enough! Live, love, and laugh lots!! I don't usually write because I hate it but felt the need! FUCK TROLLS AND PEOPLE WHO LOVE TO BRING OTHERS DOWN!! J and j girl you guys rock!

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    1. Ruh roh! your comment made me laugh. Tell me how you really feel! LOL Seriously, thanks so much for your defense of me and Jason. It is really sweet of you! Jason and I had an awesome time together on vacation and have enjoyed the time with our family as well! I am very blessed, and thankful!

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  25. Thank you for your blog. I learned
    So much from reading it. You have defined and clarified many aspects of this lifestyle for me.

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    1. I am glad to hear that. Thank you. <3

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