Hello, and happy Sunday, readers! I hope this finds all of you well.
This week has been a good one here. Jason has been very strict with me, but I haven't gotten into trouble. Well, not real trouble. I did get spanked over the damn election, but it was a preemptive spanking. I'm sure many of you feel the way I did, that no matter what the results of this past election, emotions were running high. It was a very difficult week here in America, I think. I knew a lot of people who were hurt. Several reached out to me. Many I knew were angry with one another (and still are). I stayed out of the fray myself, but by Wednesday night, I was pretty wound up. Jason came home and I muttered under my breath something like, “why don't these kids throw the damn trash in the barrel instead of beside the barrel?” I was getting snappy and irritable. He merely did the one-eyebrow raise thing, crooked a finger, and took me in the bedroom. I went a bit reluctantly, because I knew what was coming. Jason and I know each other really well. He knew I was wound up, I know what he does when I'm getting close to the edge, and he was pretty stern-looking. He shut and locked the door, wasted no time in sitting on the edge of the bed, and drew me straight across his knee. Then off came the belt.
The belt is so sexy-scary for me. The jingle, the whoosh, it's wrapped around his waist and such an icon of discipline... well, off it came. He doubled it over, bared me, and gave me a few really good smacks. Naturally, I protested. It went something like this.
“What did I do? I didn't break any rules! Oooow!”
“Nope. You didn't break any rules. And I'm not punishing you. What I am doing is reminding you what happens if you do break a rule, and you're getting awfully close there.”
A few swats later, and I was subdued and in my submissive place. He released me, I fell to my knees, and told him all that troubled me. It helped.
I have lot on my plate right now, but thankfully things are at an even keel. Things are great with the kids, everything is falling into place with my work. I'm even entering this winter at the lowest weight I've been in eight years. We went on a date last night and enjoyed the heck out of it. I feel very blessed, and happy with where things are. There are challenges – aren't there always?-- and nothing is perfect. But part of the reason I am happy is that he is so strict with me. Because he is, I know I am important to him. And as my Daddy, he's attentive to my needs to be nurtured, as well. Today, I got caught up in a few things and delayed our check-in. As I kissed him good-bye, on my wait out the door, he beckoned a finger to me. I came over, bent down to kiss him while he sat in his chair, and he pulled my hair back, kissing me back. Then he waved a finger at me. “You behave yourself today, young lady. Come home safe to me.” I smiled. It makes me happy.
As I sit here and type, my kids are busy occupying themselves with various things, I've got Sunday dinner simmering on the stove, and I'm still glowing from a very delicious check-in. Life is good.
But are things always smooth? Well, no. I mentioned in my last blog post that I wanted to write about arguing with Jason, and how we handled it. Now, it is true that we don't really fight. Voices very rarely get raised. A few terse words are about as far as we get. Is it because we always see eye to eye? No. Part of the reason fights are rare is because we communicate so frequently, and are pretty good at telling the other if something is bothering us. Part of the reason is that we don't have a power struggle here – he calls the shots, and I obey. But part of the reason is that because of TTWD, we are able to ward things off before they escalate.
A few months ago, Jason and I got into a disagreement. We were out with family, and he was recounting a story about something that had happened with our children. I knew he was going to refer to something that I wanted to keep to myself, and I had good reason to. So I discreetly whispered, “Please stop this story here.” He continued, so I whispered again, “I don't want to discuss this. Please, don't.”
He laughed and said something like, “Oh, you're overreacting,” and proceeded to tell the story anyway. I was mortified. It was not funny. And because he didn't listen, when I very quietly and submissively requested he not continue the story, I was hurt. But I waited to talk to him, because we didn't have the privacy we needed.
On the way home, I whispered to him, “I have something I need to talk to you about.” He nodded, so I told him why I hadn't wanted him to tell the story, and that I was hurt that he didn't respect my wishes. In my opinion, looking back at this, Jason was wrong. Doms aren't perfect. Neither are submissives. Imperfect people make mistakes.
He apologized, but I was still hurt. He hadn't really understood my point, but after I explained it to him, he understood better. He reached for my hand and squeezed (we were driving, our kids in the back, as we talked quietly to ourselves). So I said to him, “I appreciate you apologizing. But I need a little time to cool off. I'm still pretty hurt.”
He nodded, and said, “That's understandable.” He paused, then said, low enough that the kids wouldn't hear, “But you know if you hold onto this and act out on it, what will happen.” I did. I knew that holding onto a grudge and snapping at him, or something similar, would get me spanked. I didn't want to do that, but I did need a little space. He nodded, and squeezed my hand again. A moment later, low enough so they wouldn't hear again, he said, “Are you still my babygirl?”
And that was all it took. He heard me. He understood. He apologized. I didn't act disrespectfully. Nor did I hold it all in and let it fester. He wants me to bring all my emotions to him. He wants to know where I am. Being understood like that made it much easier to move past my hurt feelings and forgive him.
Now what if I had been the one to continue the story after he asked me not to? I would've gotten spanked, no doubt, because as a submissive, I'm obedient to him and required to be respectful.
Isn't that a double standard? Well, yeah. But it is this way because we aren't equals. We are equals in worth. Both of our opinions carry equal weight. We are not equals in authority. Since I defer to him as the authority here, I am the one who is disciplined if necessary. I don't want an equal marriage. I much prefer being taken care of and protected. I am far happier with him in charge. It turns me on that he's authoritative. The other day I overheard him speaking a bit sternly to one of his employees. He said, in that steady, serious way of his, “I'll let it go this time, but you know I don't want this to happen again.” It set my heart to pitter-pattering! It's how I'm wired. And I have less than zero interest in spanking him (with all due respect to those who swing both ways, it's just not my thing). So this is how we handle conflicts or arguments, most of the time. Sure, tempers flare from time to time. But most disagreements come from miscommunication or misunderstanding, and having a working D/s dynamic in place helps us navigate through the challenges we face when both of those things happen.
There was a time when he wasn't so steady, though. In recent weeks, a number of you have written to me asking about anger and dominance. Jason has said on this blog that when we began, he found he was a lot more angry than he was before we began. I asked him if he'd offer a little perspective on anger and dominance, so this is Jason's contribution:
“Frequently, anger is a result of false expectations. If I expect something to be some way and it isn't, I end up feeling angry and frustrated that things aren't what they should be. Sometimes I'm even frustrated with myself. So when we first began this, I would sometimes get angry when things weren't working out the way I expected. It took time, patience from Jgirl, talking through things, and more experience before I was able to adjust my expectations.
I also found that because I was now the leader, I was having to tap into my inner dominance on a regular basis. It's a lot of responsibility, and sometimes I wasn't able to rein in my dominance the way I am now. I wasn't able to keep my anger in check as easily. Having to always be “on,” and in charge made me resentful at times. I missed not having that responsibility. Over time, I have found it much easier to not get angry, and I rarely feel that anger like I used to.”
I hope that helps a bit, to those who asked the question.
And that's about it here for now, folks. I have some writing to do, and some preparation for the week ahead. Going to stay on track, and ride this check-in and warmed bottom all day long. I hope you all have a restful weekend, and enjoy this lovely transitional time of year. Happy spanking.