Sunday, December 18, 2016

To Whom Should You Submit?

I originally wrote this post about a year and a half ago because several readers approached me, asking me things that I found a bit troubling. First, one reader asked if I assumed the man in the relationship is always right, and she pointed out that a marriage should not be based on domineering behavior (I don't think men are always right and agree that dominance and domineering are two different things). Another told me that my posts could be used to justify abusive behavior.

So I drafted (and have since rewritten) the post below, in the hopes of encouraging safe, happy, healthy dynamics: 

I've been blogging now for a few years now, which means that I get quite a few readers. Of the many readers who visit daily, a very, very small portion comment and an even smaller portion write to me. We're talking a fraction of one percent who are in contact with me. Of the people who comment and write, the vast majority are either in a DD or DS dynamic, or want to be. Most are married couples, most in a traditional male-led dynamic. Some are just interested in DD, yes, but most who communicate with me are in a healthy relationship. So I assume, when writing, that the average readers is in, or wants to be in, a healthy relationship.

I apologize for having made this assumption. It pains me to think that something I have posted could be used to defend an unhealthy, harmful relationship. So please, allow me a minute to assert a few important facts. 

Not all men are worthy of submission. 

I've said it before, but it needs to be said again. Leadership and domination are not the same as abuse. You should always feel safe and cared for; if you don't, then please ask yourself if your relationship is healthy. Please do not consent to submit to a man who is abusive, an addict, or mentally ill. When you submit yourself to someone, you put yourself at great risk. You are extremely vulnerable. You can be hurt both physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Ask yourself: do I feel safe? Do I trust this person? Can he be depended on to make mature, responsible decisions? Can he handle the responsibility of being in authority? Is he motivated for selfish reasons, or does he love me? Is he mature enough to meet my needs? 

You are worthy of love. Please don't let your desire to loved, taken care of, and protected, cloud your judgment. 

There are many who read this blog because they are interested in submission, and are testing the waters by going online trying to meet a Dom. Please, dear readers, be careful. Please do not submit to anyone unless he has demonstrated the maturity necessary to handle the responsibility of a Dom.

Though Jason and I know a variety of couples and support all walks of life and all levels of D/s on the power exchange spectrum, we can only, in good conscience, support dynamics that are safe, sane, and consensual. 

Is the behavior you engage in safe? Is the submissive physically able to withstand discipline or erotic spanking? Is the dominant able of controlling his own emotions so that they do not cloud his judgment? Are safe guards (such as sit-downs, check-in's, safe words, and code words) in place in the dynamic to allow both the Submissive and Dominant partners to communicate even during emotionally-charged situations? Even healthy D/s relationships need to keep guidelines in place. Just yesterday, Jason gave me a swat that landed right around my lower back and I had to remind him not to swat me there, because the kidneys or my spine can be injured. It was accidental, and we take precautions, but accidents can happen. Does the dominant partner test each implement about before use? 

Is the behavior you engage in sane? Now, what Jason and I deem sane someone else may define as insanity and vice versa. Surely there really is gray area here. For us, this means that punishment be reasonable. For us, the rule of thumb is that erotic spankings are below my tolerance, stress relief or role affirmation just at tolerance, and punishment just above. Jason does spank hard, but he knows me really, really well. Sometimes even play spankings are long and hard, but we communicate throughout, and have communicated effectively enough, that he knows where he can take me. Some couples believe in safe words and agree on that ahead of time. Some find that spanking can only happen for punishment after both parties are prepared, and emotionally stable. What is sane in your dynamic depends heavily on the individual but must be discussed. 

Is your dynamic consensual? Now, I don't mean that I go to Jason every single time and say, "yes, I deserve this, please punish me." Heck, some of the time I'm trying to talk him out of it, and sometimes I am resisting with everything in me, but I do trust him, so even then, I've consented for him to discipline me when he deems it necessary. Just because I want to be disciplined doesn't mean I like when I am. Some consider this "consensual non-consent." But please do ask yourself if your dynamic is consensual. And may I gently suggest in my humble opinion, that if one believes he or she is ordained by God, or mandated by God to discipline his wife, in certain circumstances this very well may negate consent because the submissive partner feels obligated. Please, if you are in a non-consensual relationship, consider discussing this with your partner. Non-consent will rarely lead to the intimacy and peace sought after by most D/s couples. For those interested in further reading, I discussed my personal opinion on equality and respect in this thread.

Thank you for listening. Have a safe, happy, healthy holiday season! 

With love,

Jane (Jason's Girl)

Sunday, December 11, 2016

His Belt

He comes in the room, and locks the door, his eyes fixed on mine. I'm not in trouble. I've been a very good girl, with very little reason to take a punishment trip over Daddy's knee, thank you. But he knows I'm pent-up, and we have a blissful morning of unexpected privacy, so we don't need the wicked silent implements. His eyes fixed on mine, his hands go to his waist and he unbuckles his belt.
He knows I love his belt. It's the symbolism, the iconic implement of discipline, and when he rolls up his sleeves, prepared to strap me, my mouth goes dry and my thighs clench together.

I love Daddy's belt.

I suppose one can call it a love-hate relationship, but – well, no. I don't hate his belt. I love his belt. Even the handful of times he's whipped it off to punish me are ingrained in my memory, because it's so deeply erotic, moments I will never forget that were sobering, but sexy as hell in retrospect. And the belt is his. He wears it about his waist. I remember one time being on an elevator with him, just the two of us, and he hugged me close. My fingers
latched around his belt, and I closed my eyes. This is daddy's belt.

In my deepest, darkest fantasies, I never think about him spanking me with a paddle, or the brush, or any of our other implements. Those are not the stuff fantasies are made of, for me. No. I always fantasize about his belt, as he stands in front of me and unbuckles it, wraps it around his hand or doubles up, gestures for me to kneel on the bed, or lean over the edge, or my favorite, get over his knee. I love the sound of it, the feel of it, and sometimes when he undresses at night, I sneak a look at him as he removes it because I love it.

I watch him as he unfastens the belt, the clink of it making my heart start to stutter, the soft, familiar whoosh as he removes it making me gasp. He folds it over in his hand and sits on the bed. “Over my lap,” he says.

“Someone will hear!” I begin to protest. I hate the idea of being overheard.

“They won't,” he says, assuring me that we do indeed have privacy, and no one will hear. Reluctant but eager, scared but excited, I drape myself over his knee. He wraps the belt around his hand and fashions a strap, holding me over his knee, then zing it whizzes through the air and thwap smacks against my naked skin. It's such a unique feel, his belt while over his knee. It's not as hard as a punishment spanking, or when he's doubled it over and bent me on the bed (ouch). But it hurts. It really, really hurts, as it stings and burns, and lands in the same place twice, three times, and then again, wrapping around my thighs for a few wicked lashes. I squirm, trying hard to hold position, and he holds me tight, one of his hands tight around my waist, anchoring me to him.

“Take your spanking, babygirl,” he says, lifting the belt and bringing it down again, each swoosh and thwap making my skin burn, my hands fisted on the bed. It hurts so good. He spanks me until I want him to stop, my bottom on fire, the deep burn of leather laced along my backside and thighs, striped with daddy's belt. And when he's done, he threads the leather back through the loops on his pants while I fall to my knees. I'm heady with submission, nothing on my mind now but the licks across my skin and the delightful release of being overpowered. I could float away. 

I feel it for days, the burn and sting, the lasting reminder that I am daddy's girl. 

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

'Tis the Season to Get Spanked

Mid-week, quick check-in here! I'm sure you all can relate to how busy this time of year is. I couldn't seem to make my way over here this past weekend. It was super busy, because Maisy and I launched another book and there's so much work that goes into that, and I have another book coming (last of the year) this Friday. Phew! (P.S. If you are looking to jump into the Boston Doms series, the first book is on sale for only $1 through the end of today!). 

On top of that, I have a commitment here this week and last that has me out of the house for hours at a time, with no help for it. Crazy, crazy. Jason is on top of things, has been helping me out, and I've taken some steps to make everything easier. Thank you, online shopping, for helping me check shopping off my list! My oldest daughter loves gift wrapping (I do not) so she's been happily wrapping away for me and it's starting to look like Santa's workshop here. Time to get baking this weekend! It's been a really nice holiday season thus far. 

It seems like this time of year I always get spanked, and I don't mean in the good way. Jason and I used to always fight before a big holiday, but now we have systems in place to help prevent me from going off the rails. It really helps. But last week, I was seriously on edge and exhausted. I snapped at my family, snapped at Jason, and finally, being the good Daddy that he is, Jason hauled me over his knee and spanked the brat out of me. I needed it. I was practically begging for it (but too far gone to actually be mature enough to ask for it!)

I was a little down on myself about it, because while over his knee, I kicked my feet and screamed, "I hate that stupid thing!" about the rod he uses to spank me. I really really do hate it, and I was in total brat mode, but he didn't yell or get angry. I was not exactly in "Sub accepts spanking mode." I was pretty pissy and irritable. He just very calmly, very deliberately, without getting upset, continued to spank me until the brat in me was completely tamed, and I've been able to keep myself under control ever since. It happens. It just does. I was upset because I hate when I act that way, but when chatting with a D/s friend of mine, she said something like, "You know, it's really great that you feel free to be that way," and she pointed out that it's a testament to the honesty in a dynamic. That made me feel so much better. She's right. Being able to kick my legs and tell him I hate an implement is because I feel free to be honest, and not try to be perfect. I do try, so hard, but he knows I don't always meet the mark. 

This week has been so much better than last week, though it's still busy. I'm checking in with Jason twice a day, getting daily maintenace and even sometimes nightly maintenance, and though it's crazy busy, I haven't been in trouble. It helps knowing he's there to help me to keep the edge off. 

When I was talking to Jason the other day about what was on my wishlist, I asked him to pass the message onto Santa. He said, "Honey, I am Santa." For some reason, that tickled me and I keep giggling about it ever since. Let's hope I can stay on the nice list and avoid being taken across Santa's knee. ;)