Sunday, February 28, 2016

Answers to questions: schedule, consistency, and PMS

Hello there, readers! We made it to our vacation destination and are having a truly lovely time. Since my body is still wired to get up several hours before the rest of my family, I'm still working on writing and blogging and other “work-related” endeavors (though I can hardly call it work because I enjoy it so much!) when everyone is sleeping.

In the past few weeks, I've had several questions come my way that I've answered in turn, but since these particular questions have been asked by so many of you over time, I thought it might be beneficial for me to answer at length in a post that may reach more of you. I was going to do separate posts but thought it might be easier to answer in one post.

Thanks to those who took time to write to me and ask these questions. Not only does it help others who are learning to grow into their dynamic realize they're not alone, it helps me process through when I respond. So, thank you. 

Without further adieu, here goes. 

When my husband tells me he's going to punish me, then he doesn't follow through, I'm left feeling disappointed. I don't understand why I'm disappointed, and I don't know what to do about this situation. 

This is an extremely common problem, especially early on when couples are still learning how this whole dynamic works for them, and those within the community usually categorize this issue as one of “consistency.” I wrote a little bit about this in a post above that you may find helpful: “Why do I want to be punished?” and I'll explain my own opinion in more detail here. 

Most of us who desire a D/s dynamic find we are erotically attracted to either the dominance, discipline, control, or all of the above. Not everyone is, but in my observation, the vast majority find the exchange of power and discipline to be deeply erotic. It's a turn-on to know our man is strong and capable. The fact that Jason won't put up with my nonsense is actually very erotic to me. He is stern, and as Jason said in his recent post, I like knowing my man is strong. Intuitively, those of us who crave this dynamic find that we feel safer and protected when we are in the presence of a man who is loving and kind, but no-nonsense. It's hot. He's the alpha male, leader of the pack, willing and able to defend our honor and slay our dragons. 


But it can be confusing at first, because punishment isn't really something most people desire. Punishment is meant to be avoided. It wouldn't make sense for me to drive down the street at a breakneck speed in the hopes of getting a speeding ticket (and the spanking of my life lol). We don't really want to be punished. If we did, then this dynamic wouldn't work. We'd be constantly disobeying and acting up to incur punishment. 

That said, it doesn't mean that we don't desire the expectation of obedience and the comfort of knowing if we disobey, he will follow through. Take my speeding analogy. How would it feel if tomorrow, your city lifted the speed limit, and you could drive as fast as you wanted to with no fear of punishment? I think it would feel unsettling and scary to not have those boundaries we've come to appreciate and respect. Desiring discipline isn't the same as wanting to be punished. I love knowing that Jason is stern and uncompromising, even if at times I want to rail against him and fight back against my restrictions (and even if, at times, I do). I love that he cares enough about me to guide me, lead me, and discipline me when I need it. It makes me respect him. And because I'm erotically attracted to his dominance, it makes me more attracted to him. 

How, then, do we deal with this? Well, it's not uncommon when a submissive is told she will be punished and then isn't, for her to throw an absolute fit (Been there, done that, don't recommend it). We feel we've worked so hard at submitting, and all we ask is for consistency. Why don't they give us what we need? Well, there are many reasons. In some cases, the dominant partner feels mercy is needed. He may think he reacted too harshly at first. Maybe he's tired and not up for following through with discipline. Maybe he still hasn't reconciled his own questions with how this dynamic works. In any event, I'll address both the submissive and the dominant here. 

Submissives: if your dominant partner doesn't follow through with discipline, take heart. All is not lost. Try not to act out on this because you feel hurt or let down. It's normal to feel let down after you've experienced the excitement building up to what you've worked at – the elusive D/s dynamic – only to find out he wasn't going to follow through. We feel intuitively that if he doesn't follow through, we aren't important to him, and that he doesn't really mean what he says. We may feel less respect for him, because we want him to be that strong, stern leader that makes us feel safe and protected. Simply re-focus yourself on submitting. Obey what he says. Apologize for what you've done wrong, and accept his not disciplining you as an extension of mercy. Do communicate how you feel in a submissive manner, and by this I mean don't try to manipulate him or act passive aggressively. Simply tell him, “I feel off when I expected to be punished and wasn't,” or “I feel unsettled about what happened. Can you help me?” Your job in this is to both communicate effectively and accept his decision. His lack of follow through is not an excuse to be disrespectful or disobedient in turn. Re-commit yourself to obeying and acting respectfully. That's a choice you make, not contingent on his actions. And don't be discouraged. This is a very common growing pain nearly every couple must experience. 

Dominants: She needs this from you. Maybe you are tired, or don't understand what she wants from you, but I urge you to take some time to understand her (maybe this will help). She wants you to desire her obedience and submission. If she's broken a rule, far better to be firm and unyielding than grant her mercy. She usually doesn't need mercy when you're just beginning. Better to be stern than lenient, because it's when you discipline her that she feels she's important to you. 



Question two: When I'm hormonal (have PMS) we struggle. I get irritable and that makes him angry. He withdraws. Everything sets me off. I think we've come to the end of all of this, and that he no longer wants to be my Dominant. I get in more trouble. It seems cyclical; every single month we go through these challenges. Do you struggle with this? How do you and Jason deal with it? 


Oh, boy, do I struggle with this. Yes. In the D/s community, it's very common that couples begin this when they are older, empty-nesters and the like, and it's not uncommon that the hormone issues are no longer pressing. But for the rest of us? Oh yeah, this is a seriously big issue. 

I remember chatting with a very good friend of mine, a long-term submissive, and I said to her, “I don't know why but I feel so off.” She simply replied, “Are you hormonal?” I told her yes, and she said, “Say no more.” Bingo. In thirty seconds, she diagnosed my issue. 

I cannot even tell you how many submissives have written to me about this struggle. Things are going well. We've made headway! Things are going the way they're supposed to, all is right with the world and then bam! We're off kilter again. I'm crying over everything, he's angry, I haven't been spanked in ages, and this is a wash! 

Nah. Not really. We've all been there. 

A few years ago, Jason refused maintenance for me, because he didn't see it as necessary. This was before our morning check-in's. I really wished he would give me maintenance or stress relief but he didn't think so. Then, enter my raging hormones. Finally, and I remember this vividly, we were circling the parking lot in a shopping plaza and he said, “You know, there's a doctor who found a cure for the PMS blues. His name is Dr. Ben Dover.” (Get it? Very punny). He went into the store and bought our (atrocious, awful, don't ever buy this damn thing) bamboo back scratcher and announced he had the cure for pms. And thus began the institution of what Jason called “Pms Maintenance.” For many months, that was the only maintenance I would get, a good, hard spanking a few days before my cycle started. 

Now, things are different and I get daily maintenance (check in spanking, we call it) but when my hormones start raging, instead of withdrawing as he used to, Jason does the opposite. He takes full control. 

I'm sent to bed earlier. He insists I watch my water and food intake (especially refined carbs) and spanks me hard if I don't. I've learned. I do what I'm supposed to. He makes me get regular cardio exercise in. He's very strict with me when I'm hormonal. Interactions with the “crazy makers” (people who make me crazy) is extremely limited. I'm much more apt to be silly and take things personally, so I'm restricted from social media. He gives me hard maintenance at least once a day (often twice, before he leaves for work and before I get to bed). He doesn't give an inch. In short, when I'm hormonal he keeps me on a very short leash, and you know what? It works. It really does. 


Question three: I don't know how you have time to do everything that you do, with raising kids and writing books, blogging and your time with Jason. What does your schedule look like? Can you share it with us? 


I've had so many people write to me lately and ask for my schedule, that I've promised I would share it. Before I do, a bit of a disclaimer. 

Jason and I have a large family. I write professionally, and I am also home with my children during the day. I  have a strict exercise regimen. In order for me to achieve everything I want and need to do on a regular basis, from writing and getting my books published, to blogging regularly, to spending ample time with my children, to making sure my house is tidy, and also spending time with Jason, it became almost essential for me to have a schedule. 

This will not work for everyone.

Jason asked me to sit down and write down every single thing I wanted to do on a weekly basis. Then, he asked me to write down how much time I would need for each goal or activity. I was asked to come up with my schedule because it made more sense than Jason coming up with one, not knowing how much time I would need for things like, writing, or doing laundry, etc. After I drafted my schedule, he went over it with me and we trialed it, then tweaked it, and now he holds me accountable to it. 

He is not a drill sergeant with it but he does hold me accountable. For example, recently my very best friend suffered the loss of a family member. She is Jason's good friend, too. I was available for her at times I'm normally not allowed to chat or talk, because she needed me. Jason understood that and I knew he would. I did not get in trouble for changing up my schedule. We call this “making an executive decision.” If I need to make a decision in the moment to veer from my plan, then I simply tell him why. He completely understood and agreed that I did the right thing. 

So what would not be allowed? Taking an impromptu trip to do errands when I'm supposed to be doing chores. Chatting with a friend during my scheduled writing time. Deciding to skip my morning run in favor of surfing the web. Going to bed late because I was writing a blog post. All of those things would get me in trouble and have. I've been removed from online activity, grounded from my phone, sent to bed early, or spanked. This is how he holds me to my schedule, and this is how I'm able to fit in everything that's important to me. 

Now, I'm a type-A kinda girl. I like structure, and routine. I crave it. So this works well for me. A strict schedule like mine would not work for everyone, nor would everyone need it. But there are many who would do well with structure and routine, and this is why I'll share with you a snippet of my typical schedule.

Typical Monday schedule: 

5 a.m. Wake. Coffee. Writing time. 
6:30-7:30 Running (clothes laid out the night before)
7:30 Bring Jason his coffee. 
8:00 Check in (required to have my food plan and to-do list ready for the day)
9:00 Jason goes to work. 

Now here my daily routine varies, based on the day of the week but it's scheduled. During the day I have slots for: work, ample time with my kiddos, assigned chores he expects me to manage on certain days of the week, slotted breaks for me (when kids get their media time), work time for me (when I do social media, editing, and correspondence) and activities we do with the kids. I'm only allowed on my phone or computer during scheduled times. No veering from my daily schedule without permission. 

5:00 Jason home. Check in. He goes over my day with me while the kids have some independent time. This works for us because we have older kids who watch the younger ones, and they know this is our private time to check in. 

6:00 Jason likes dinner ready by six. 
7:00 clean up, prepare for the next day, read to kids, etc. I'm usually toast by now and Jason takes over. 
8:00 sit with younger kids as they go to sleep and I'm allowed to chat or read and I often spend time with Jason.
10:00 bedtime, unless I'm exhausted and he tells me early bed. Lights out, phone and book down for the night.

This varies on other days. On Thursdays my kids have extracurriculars so I get several hours of writing time in the morning and hit the gym in the afternoon. Thursday evenings I'm sometimes (but not always) allowed to stay up later for work-related chats. On Saturdays after my gym class, Jason takes the kids for several hours so I can have dedicated writing time. Saturday nights are almost always date nights (either in house or we go out). Sundays we have family brunch. 

We also have a few systems in place that really work. I only have so much mental energy, so we have routines that help. I have schedule gym activities (weight lifting on certain days, cardio on others) a monthly meal plan (soup on Thursday, pizza on Friday, etc., and I get two nights off per week from cooking (take out or Jason cooks). I have a monthly cleaning plan we all follow, and that way we all stay on top of the house being cleaned, laundry, etc. 

We are committed to raising our family and spending ample time with each other, so as highly introverted people, we do not commit to a lot outside our home. My interaction socially is limited. I don't run around doing errands but plan and streamline them. The kids do have their activities, and we are blessed with very good friends. But I only go out in the evenings with friends about once a month, and I don't commit to other activities. Our commitment to raising a family and a D/s dynamic takes ample time and so does my writing, so this is the type of schedule that works for us. Jason likes knowing I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing, and he loves seeing me achieve my goals. I am so much more productive now that we have this schedule and he helps me with it. I feel well rested, in good health, and I feel I have time in my life for all that's important to me. 



I hope my answers to these questions you've all asked have been helpful. Please let me know if I can elaborate on any of the answers above and I'll be happy to (when my schedule says I can lol). 

Sunday, February 21, 2016

How Gentle His Touch...

A few weeks ago, Jason gave me a task before he left for work. He wanted an essay. He told me when he came home from work he expected me to present him a handwritten essay on the ways I've improved in my obedience to him since we began. 

“I want you to reflect on your achievements and the way you've grown,” he said. “Today, you will focus on your accomplishments. I want you to see how far you've come.” 

I was pleased with this request, and I spent some time handwriting a reflection as I was instructed to do. He came home for our evening check-in, and as I knelt before him and handed him my essay, he read it, nodding and smiling (as I was cheeky enough to put in some very naughty things I've improved upon as well. Ha!). 

“Very good,” he said with a smile. Then he got “that gleam” in his eye – part-stern, part-flirting, and said, “Now tomorrow, you'll write the opposite. I want an essay on the areas you still need to improve.” 

Oof! Should've seen that one coming, eh? 

So, I did as I was asked, and it was a nice reflection. I was happy to see that really, there weren't that many areas in which my obedience to him needs to be improved. I don't say that to brag. We've been at this for years now, and he's very firm and consistent with his expectations and gradually increasing those expectations. But my first instinct is to obey him. As I wrote my essay, I realized there was a common theme. 

Focus. 

I need to improve my focus. When I allow my mind to wander and my focus to waver, that's when I get myself in trouble. And sure enough, that's exactly what happened this week. 

I had much on my mind. I was in full-swing vacation prep mode. We are going away for two full weeks, our whole family, and we do have quite a little brood of ankle biters here. We're going on a plane, and the whole shebang. It's major prep work. And Jason told me a few weeks ago it would be best if we could get the house de-cluttered before we left. He was right. It's been much easier packing and cleaning in preparation for leaving now that we've organized and cleaned everything. But phew, what a lot of work that was. 

As I've shared, my new book came out, and that was both exciting and nerve-wracking. And there's a lot of work that goes into all of that, too. 

I had my normal day-to-day, and my fairly intense exercise regimen, I'm working on three current novels in various stages, and I had several medical-related things to take care of with my children. 

Yeah. My head was spinning. He did his very best to focus me, every single day putting me over his knee and spanking me good before he left, checking in with me several times throughout the day, going through my daily to-do list thoroughly, removing whatever stresses were possible, and in short, helping me manage the heavy load on my plate. And it mostly worked. Until one night this week I had a bit of a meltdown. In short, I acted like a total brat. 

Now, normal brat behavior would get me spanked. But this was very different. Jason was as stressed as I was and he'd had it. Normally, he'd take me right across his knee and spank me until I was calmer and more reasonable. But this night? He did not. 

He came to bed where I was sort of feeling sorry for myself and out or sorts and irritable, and he took my phone from me. 

“You, young lady, are not behaving the way I expect. Not at all. Your focus is on yourself. There are other people in this house with needs as well, and I won't put up with this behavior.” I was defensive, and irritated that he dared call me selfish. I'd been focusing on meeting the needs of everyone else, hadn't I? Didn't he know how hard I'd been working? Didn't he care?

Now, the right thing to do would've been to accept the admonition and behave myself, but I did not. I simmered and fumed and defended myself. He heard none of it. My phone in his hand, he pulled up my to-do list. He made a few notes, and handed it to me. 

“That's what you are doing tomorrow. Nothing else. Not one damn thing. You will not text, or go online, or respond to emails. No chatting. No errands. You'll go to the early morning gym class, and I want a full report at noon. If I don't hear from you, I will paddle you when I come home. You are going to bed for the night. No reading, and no more talking. Good night.” 

Oooouch. I kinda blinked and stared at him. He'd called me selfish, told me he was done for the night, and sent me to bed grounded. I sniffled into my pillow, feeling woefully sorry for myself, being married to such a bear of a Dom! No goodnight kiss. No spanking the brat out of me. No cuddles or sympathy. 

I fussed a bit. I was hurt and angry. He merely raised a stern brow to me and said, “Do you obey me, or do you not?” 

Meekly, I whispered that I did. 

“Not one more word out of you. Good night.” 

And I sat there and fumed and cried. But as I continued to lie there, I thought about all he'd lectured me on. And you know what? I realized he was right. Gosh, every bit of it. My focus had been off. I hadn't done my to-do list he'd given me. I hadn't done what he wanted me to do. I'd snapped at my kids and forgotten to drink my water and been irritable with Jason. In my mind, I'd have much preferred to be taken across his knee and spanked, forgiven, then sent to bed with all right with the world. 

But it doesn't work that way. 

If I'm submissive to him, then I do what he says whether I like it or not. We're not talking about a guy I hardly know taking advantage of me. We're talking about someone who knows me better than I know myself, who has my best interest in mind at all times, even when I don't want to admit it. 

I finally settled in, and went to sleep. 

The next morning, I woke before him and went to the early morning gym class as he'd instructed. I prepared myself for the day and did all I was supposed to do before bringing him his morning coffee. I felt humbled and chastened as I brought his coffee to him. I was still hurt. I longed for peace between us again. I ached to hear him praise me and tell me he loved me. I knew he did. This was not a deep breach, but rather a painful and necessary correction. 

I knelt before him and he held my chin. 

“You know exactly what I expect from you today and you know exactly where you will end up if my expectations are not met. Do you understand?” 

I nodded, humble and repentant. 

A stern glare as he held the rod in his hand. 

“Over my knee, young lady.” I obeyed him, knowing I was going to get a good, hard spanking, and knowing I deserved every damn stroke. 

A few firm swats in and the dam broke loose. I sniffled and wept, sorry for not having done what I was supposed to, grateful for his leadership and commitment to unwavering discipline, relief I was being put in my place and forgiven, eager to obey and earn the coveted “Good Girl.” 

“Why are you crying, baby?” he asked, and I told him everything. Finally, sniffling, I sank to my knees when he was done spanking me, and he assured me he knew everything would go well today, that he believed in me, that it was only a temporary slip-up. 

And lemme tell you, my focus all day was sharper than it's been in a good long while. When he came home from work I was still quiet and meek and told him I didn't quite feel myself yet. I was still chastened and humbled. 

“You were disciplined, honey,” he said. “And I'm not surprised you feel that way.” 



I did everything he said. And he was ever so sweet and has been ever since. He bought me chocolate, and praised me. He made love to me, several times over the past few days, and I was putty in his hands. He didn't hold back in lauding my efforts to do all that he asked of me and then some. At every opportunity – in the middle of the night, when I woke, when he passed me in the kitchen – he put his strong, possessive hands on me, reminding me without words that I belong to him. 

It was hard being disciplined that way. But I thanked him for it in the end. 

For in the end, even though I don't like the discipline in the moment, it's what I need and crave. He provides that stern, unyielding correction even though he'd much prefer not to discipline me. I thanked him because it's leadership like this that helps me grow, and moments like this that draw us closer together. 


Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Helllooo

Ahhh. I am so ready to blog about Dominance and Submission and all that again! ;) Really, I've missed the whole process of writing all of this, and though the past few weeks have been a whirlwind, I'm eager to return to a sense of normalcy. 

I thought I'd put up a bit of a check-in post here and ease back into weekly blogging this coming Sunday. 

Things are going fantastic with me and Jason. As I'm typing, the floor beneath my feet is shaking because he's jamming hard on his guitar. We are preparing to go away soon, and he's flat out busy at work. That means that tonight, he came straight home and we skipped the evening check-in (it was very late) and after dinner he went to play his guitar. But check-in is on the horizon and boy do I need it. I'm thankful he knows it, too. He says tonight, but I'm hoping I can stay awake. 

Because that's reality. I check in with him daily, twice a day, but we are raising an energetic, rambunctious crew of kiddos here. At this very moment, they are all playing Wii on the other side of the house and I can hear the shrieks and laughter. If the shrieks get to be not-nice shrieks, I'll have to put this down and go see to them! But, so far so good. 

I've had four or five people ask me in the past few weeks how everything gets done. How can we raise a family, and spend as much time with one another as we do, and still find time for everything else? The simple answer is, Jason holds me accountable to a schedule, and my schedule really helps. The vast majority of the way we interact with one another isn't secret at all – he's the one who calls the shots and I obey him. But other parts – check in's, my kneeling, the frequent spanking and occasional discipline – that's all discreet. I've been asked to blog more about my schedule, so, I'll share more on that for those who are interested soon. 

The books coming out are fun, and Jason told me he's proud of me. It's been a long time coming, so I do appreciate all of your patience while this is all falling into place. I've got many more books I'm working on, steadily, and it's a lot of work but he's happily spanking me toward my goal! But, I'm eager to turn the focus of this blog back to Dominance and Submission, the romantic side, the struggles we face and how we overcome them, and all that jazz. 

This morning I was getting ready for the day and boy did I need a check-in. Badly. He called me to him and on my knees I went, and I wrapped my arms around his waist and he held me. I needed it. There's much on my mind lately, a great deal that I find revving me up, and I really needed that physical connection. 

“Let's hear your rules, baby,” he said, and I told him, one by one, repeated what he expects me to, and on the last rule, he kissed me – hard and forceful and gosh, I love that. The physical connection is something I find so fulfilling – his hand on me in the middle of the night, or while we're in the car, a touch on the small of my back or the wrap-around hug from behind while I'm cooking dinner, even the inevitable swat I get every flippin' time I come in the house and he's behind me. 

We talked about a few things this morning, and I forget what we talked about but I do remember he grinned. I love his grin. His eyes get all crinkly around the edges and he looks almost boyish when he grins. Then before you know it, he was patting his lap. He had his trusty “magic wand” as he calls it. I stood, and he gestured for me to unbutton my jeans. Down they came and over I went. 

Whoosh. 

It's like taking a deep breath, or a meditative exhaling. When I place myself over his lap, tension leaves my body. 

“You've got a lot on your mind,” he said. 

Swish. Thud. 

I flinched a bit as his wand connected with bare skin. It stings, quite intensely, and it's sobering as he continues with the reminder of my rules obedience, the rhythmic swish and thud landing one after another. 

“But you'll stay on track and do what I ask you. You'll watch your attitude, and focus on your plan. And if you need me, you come to me.” 

Now, he's not always available when I need him, but I'm supposed to message or call him and it does help. 

Swish. Thud. 

It's more like a switching or caning than anything, but delivered firmly and slowly, it takes me just over what I can take, and that's where I need to be. Soon, he placed the rod down and landed a few hard, sound wallops of his hand on my bare skin. The breath hissed out of me but I love that physical connection at the end of a spanking. 

He continued to talk about my day as he rubbed my bare bottom, then lifted me to my feet and righted me. There's a chore I thought I did sufficiently but it hadn't met his approval, so before we were done, he sternly reminded me he expected it done when he came home. 

I told him I'd have it done. He fixed me with one of those formidable looks and simply said, “See to it that you do.” 

And, I did. 

And that was my day. He finished at work late, and we had a simple dinner, I cleaned up the dishes, he's playing guitar and the kids are playing Wii. Soon, he'll take our youngest two upstairs. He does the bedtime ritual and will get them ready for bed. He'll read them stories and I love that. I often sit nearby or lie down with them as he reads. He does the voices and all. Then off to bed with them, and we'll each sit with a little one while they go to sleep. Our older children will follow, and I'll try my best to stay up so he and I can connect again. 

But maybe I'll fall asleep, and that's okay. Because today, I did my very best. Today, it wasn't all perfect or picturesque, but there's beauty in the day to day. There's joy in the grin he gives me because he loves me, the laughter of my children and even the messes and struggles. Things don't always fall into place, and it's not a fantasy that we live. Struggles are hard, but there's always something to be thankful for.

Today I am thankful for my crazy children and bossy husband, the support and love of friends, and sunny days ahead. Today, I'm thankful he calls me his rascal and grins at me, and I'm thankful that he tells me to “see to it” that I obey him and will haul me over his lap when I fail. Today, I'm thankful for all of your support, and that I'm back to blogging. And I sincerely hope this post finds you all well. 

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

It's heeeeere!

I'm so excited that the first book in my "Bound to You" trilogy is now live, and available on Amazon and Blushing Books! 



Will Meredith's journey of self-discovery destroy her marriage, or will she and Paolo somehow find a way to begin again?




So, what is the first book about? 

Things are going well for Meredith and her husband, Paolo—until a terrible car accident leaves him disabled. As he distances himself from her emotionally, Meredith finds herself increasingly seeking consolation in her fantasy world. Escaping into her erotic romance books helps keep the loneliness at bay, and awakens in her a curiosity about the Dominant/submissive lifestyle.

The day she stumbles across a website forum for real-life submissives and Dominants, her life is forever changed. These are not characters created by authors. They are real people, who are both familiar with and willing to discuss the D/s lifestyle with her. As Meredith's knowledge and understanding increase, she realizes that there is one question only she can answer—is she truly submissive, or is the fantasy better left in the pages of books?
 
In a last ditch attempt to discover who she really is, she agrees to pledge her obedience to an anonymous, online Dom. After all, it can't really be considered cheating if he is just a faceless entity in cyberspace, surely? The first time she's given an order, however, the scenario becomes all too real, leaving her with some serious thinking to do. Will her devotion to her online Dominant take precedence over her real, flesh and blood husband?

 




How about an excerpt?


~
Heart pounding, she typed quickly, not wanting the moment to escape, but so afraid if she didn't act now, her conscience would get the better of her.
Bonita: What's that, Mr. Brookstone?
Mr. Brookstone: I'd like to propose a temporary arrangement between the two of us. A trial period. Purely for the intention of determining whether or not this lifestyle choice would work. We could ease into it, and both test the waters.
Holy shit. She sat back, mulling it over.
What harm would it do? She could feel it out, as he said, test the waters. Get an idea of this whole submission thing was better in fiction than it was in real life. He was always an honorable guy, such a gentleman in the short time she'd known him. What could possibly be wrong with this? A friendly agreement between two people, a short trial period. And when the trial period was over, she would know.
Was she truly a submissive?
She wasn't going to sleep with him. Smiling, she typed her response.
Bonita: First I need to know what you look like.
Mr. Brookstone: Ha! I'll not brag, but people consider me a handsome man. I've heard the ol' “Tall, Dark, and Handsome.”
She felt her cheeks grow warm. Her dark-eyed lover.
Mr. Brookstone: And you?
Bonita: I'm also told I'm attractive lol.
Mr. Brookstone: I have no doubt. So let's hear your answer, woman. I'm eager to hear it.
Bonita: I'd love to try this out. Yes. What exactly do you have in mind?
Mr. Brookstone: I propose a two-week trial period, where we both fulfill our roles. I give you rules, and you agree to be obedient to me. You will grant me authority over you. During that trial period, I'll lay out my expectations for you, and do my best to meet your needs. But I'll have the power to enforce those rules, and I will mete out punishment if you disobey me. I can't spank you, of course, but I can still devise methods of ensuring your obedience.
Her heart pounded. This shit was getting real.
Bonita: Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Okay, Mr. B.
Mr. Brookstone: For the purposes of our agreement, you can still call me Mr. Brookstone, but when I require a response, I want the response to be “Yes, Sir.” Understood?
She swallowed, her hands trembling over the keys at her response.
Bonita: Yes, sir.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Available at Blushing and Amazon

The first chapter is available for free at Blushing Books! 


Thanks so much for all the support and encouragement! I've been busy getting ready for the release and a vacation we have coming up, but very shortly we will get back to our regularly scheduled programming, promise. ;)

Dear HOH/Dom/Guy With the Paddle (for those beginning)

 Bumping this post I wrote a year ago, because I think some new blog readers may find useful. :) 

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This post is for those just starting out. I promised I'd write something like this, so here goes. The title is a bit tongue-in-cheek...I never know what the right phrase is. 

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So maybe she's come to you with this desire. Maybe you had mixed feelings at first. Maybe you were baffled. 

“You want me to what?”

Maybe you were even a little irritated or angry. 

“Why would you want to be spanked like a child? I don't want to parent you. I like you the way you are.” 

Maybe the desire to discipline her seemed preposterous. She's an adult! Shouldn't adults take responsibility for their own actions? Who does this anyway?

You two have your own relationship, that is unlike any others, so I can't presume to know how you felt when she came to you with this. But please, allow me to explain. 

I've spent several years now listening to people just like her. And today, I'd like to write to you. I'd like to explain why she may feel the way she does. I don't know for sure, of course, because I likely have never met her. But she may have written to me. And after having been in contact with hundreds of girls with similar desires, I've started to realize that her desires are so very much like my own, that I understand where she's coming from, at least a little. 

So please, grant me just a bit of your time. I promise I'm not going to tell you what to do. That would be ironic, wouldn't it? A submissive like me, trying to tell you what to do. No one should tell you what to do. If this is going to work for you, the only way it works is if you do things your own way -- the hell with the way other people do things. 

I'm just going to tell you why Jason and I feel that incorporating a deeper dominant/submissive dynamic into our own relationship has been one of the best decisions we've ever made. And I'm going to explain to you how it makes me feel. That's about it. 

I'm going to be perfectly honest, maybe even blunt here. At first, the whole thing just sounded really really sexy. We had a pretty good love life before all this went down. It was...okay. But I was...pretty reserved. We were always faithful to one another, and sex was good. But then one day after the whole fifty shades thing came out, out of curiosity, I was trolling the internet. And I read about girls who got spanked. Full grown women who got spanked by their husbands. I couldn't deny that it sounded...so freaking sexy. I wanted to try it. So I approached my husband in bed. Snuggled up to him and whispered a suggested game. I suggested we play “swap that fantasy. You tell me, I'll tell you.” 

He told me his. Then my turn came up, and I whispered, “I want a real spanking.” We were pretty hot and bothered at this point, having whispered our deepest fantasies to one another. He was game. He stripped me, put me over his lap, and gave me a real spanking with his hand. (The whole story about this is here.) 

Let's just say, it was about the hottest thing he'd ever done to me, and we had quite the night after that. 

So he continued to spank me. It wasn't disciplinary at first. No, it was really just the fun bedroom stuff. I didn't even know people did this! I had a vague idea there were things like handcuffs and blindfolds, but I'd never used them, and really didn't have any interest. It just seemed all weird and silly (I think, um, very differently now.)

So, in the interest of being honest, let me tell you something. This whole spanking thing? Yeah, it was like adding a shot of adrenaline to our sex life. No, not even like that. We took off the blinders. Amped it up. Things in bed became...amazing (and they still are). 

If you spank her? She's probably going to think you're sexier. Truth.

All of a sudden, Jason was...hotter. He made my heart pound all over again. A swat to my ass would set me on fire. 

So, yeah...if you do this? I can almost guarantee you that your sex life is going to improve. I'll tell you this. We went from a few occasional days of mediocre sex to desiring each other constantly. Sex went from satisfactory to un-freaking-believable. I can't get enough of him, and the feeling is mutual. I lay down next to him and my heart starts to pound. He rests his hand on my lower back, and I melt. I kneel before him and he's ready. He whispers in my ear, and I feel like I used to when I first met him and I was infatuated with him. I beg to get on my knees to please him (whereas before, you wouldn't catch me doing that for anything). 

And you know what happens? When sex is better, lots of other things get better, too.

You don't argue as much. 

You get along better.

You enjoy each other more. 

Driving up the eroticism in our relationship was really only the beginning. 

I explained to Jason that when he's in charge, I feel safe. I feel protected. I feel important to him. 

At first, he wasn't too keen on the idea of disciplining me. He did it for a few small rules, but I wanted more. It was pretty stressful here for a time. He liked me the way I was. He didn't want to treat me like a child. He had a hard time getting past the idea that it's wrong to spank a woman. And me? I was so irritated he didn't automatically understand what I wanted. Why couldn't he do it like the other guys did it? I wanted him to do things my way!

It wasn't a good place to be. So finally...because we love each other...we both decided we'd try to see where the other person was coming from. 

He decided he would give me a few rules, and discipline me if I disobeyed. He's a man of his word. So he followed through. 

I had the realization that trying to control him was completely counter-productive, and what I needed to do was honor his lead, even if that meant he never spanked me again. So I worked on obeying him, submitting to him, following his lead, and trying to please him. 

And a funny thing happened. He saw how beneficial the discipline was for me. He saw me flourish under his guidance and discipline. He told me, and I'll never forget this, "before, you were like a flower that was closed, like a bud." He opened his hands, fingers opening like a flower, "But now you've blossomed." 

I learned more self control. We fought less. And even though he still had some hang-ups about spanking me “for real,” he decided, and I quote, “you need this from me, so the most loving thing for me to do is give you what you need.” 

And I realized something as well. When I let go of control? When I stopped trying to tell him what to do? I gave him room to do things his way. And his way was beautiful. 

He is patient, and kind, but firm. He guided us into all of this slowly, but he talked to me. He asked me questions, about how I felt and what I was thinking. And I gave him everything. All of my thoughts and feelings. I told him my fears and my insecurities. And together, we worked through those things. 

I respected him more. 

If you do this for her? You may find that she respects you more, too. You see, disciplining her shows her that you care about her. 

Let's say she does something foolish and dangerous, like texting in her car while she's driving. She could get herself, or someone else killed! People who do this do get killed, all the time! If you put her over your knee and give her a spanking for it, she'll think twice before she does that again. She loves you, so she really doesn't want to do anything you don't want her to. But she'll also know...that you love her so much, you don't want her to hurt herself. That her safety and well-being are important to you, so SHE is important to you. Maybe you already tell her that, that she's important to you. But aren't actions louder than words? When Jason spanks me for doing something dangerous, he shows me that my safety is important to him so I am important to him.

At first, Jason was afraid of hurting me. But let me tell you something. You know that sex life thing I mentioned earlier? We've had some really hot and heavy nights together...and I could handle a hell of a lot more than he thought I could. So we worked through it, together. 

I wanted him to discipline me, because I wanted to change myself. There were things about me I didn't like, and I had a hard time changing them on my own. 

Maybe she wants you to help her, too.

I appreciated him so much more. It meant so much to me,  that he would do this for me. I was so grateful, I was eager to please him. I still feel that way. She may, too. 

I wanted him to spank me, because I liked how I felt calmed, and centered, and at peace after he did. 

Maybe she wants to feel that release of tension, fears, and anxiety. 

When he takes the lead, it brings quiet to my mind. When he's in charge, I feel protected and safe. When he spanks me, I feel attracted to him. When he disciplines me, I feel loved. 

When he takes the lead, he no longer has to worry about a nagging, cantankerous wife. He's got someone who is so eager to please him, she'd do anything for him (and I do mean anything). When he's in charge, there are no arguments or unsettled issues. He feels I respect and trust him. When he spanks me, it turns him on. He says nothing is sexier than my desire to please him, and taking me over his lap is an instant turn-on. When he disciplines me, he knows he's fulfilling my needs and helping me grow. 

Maybe you'll find this is the case for you. There's no need to do it anyone else's way but yours. When I tried to tell Jason what to do, he told me, “We do this my way or we don't do it.” And his way was different from what I'd read about, but that had to happen. I didn't know it at the time, but I know it now. We had to find our way. 

I promise that there are struggles, and trial and error. It's a necessary part of growth. But, we found it was absolutely worth the effort. 

I bet you will, too.

Thank you for reading. 

I wish you the best as you two find your way.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Exciting News

Dear Readers, 

I have some exciting news to share. 

I've mentioned a few times now that I've been working on some writing projects. For several years I've been writing, and I write in a variety of genres. However, more recently, I've found that I truly enjoy writing in the D/s genre best (go figure, eh?).

I dabbled a bit in self publishing, and decided what I really wanted to do was seek traditional publication. So, I did. Several of my books have been accepted, and next month, I'm pleased to share with you my first novel published as Jane Henry. 

After much discussion, Jason and I decided to share this news with all of you. My reasoning is that if you enjoy reading what I write here, then perhaps those of you who enjoy fiction will enjoy my novels, in which I explore, from a variety of different angles, the many facets of Dominance and Submission. All have a romantic thread; some are fun and lighthearted, some far more serious. That said, after I post a few times to give you all the head's up about my books, I will not be using this blog as a platform for my literary pursuits. So if you'd like to be notified of my new releases, you can sign up for the Blushing Books newsletter at the bottom of the page here, or this link will take you directly to newsletter sign-ups: The Blushing Books newsletter.

You are also welcome to check out my writer's blog here: Jane Henry. Maybe you'll enjoy the serial novella I'm in the process of releasing now. On my writer's blog are details regarding how to follow me on social media as well. 

Thank you SO much to those who have supported me, and wished me well in my new pursuit. Also, Jason and I have revamped my weekly schedule, and I will continue to post weekly to this blog. 

Thank you! 

Jason's Girl (Jane Henry)