Sunday, August 13, 2017

"Don't You Love Me Anymore?"

Good morning, readers! Happy Sunday. 

Jason and I had one helluva week, and I will confess I had a bit of a Babygirl Meltdown. Last week, my kids were in camp, which was fantastic, but I was exhausted because of all the driving (it was day camp). And I was so exhausted that I didn’t make time for
 Jason. He was stressed at work, and when he came home he was in his cave and he didn’t make time for me. I didn’t really notice or care, because I was that tired. Saturday, I went away for the weekend on a planned writing retreat with Maisy and got a ton of work done. Monday, it was off to the races again with a road trip, my kids visited their cousins, and we had visitors here. 

By Monday night, I was a mess. It is to be noted that, as per the usual, my hormones were also wreaking havoc. I was borderline insane, and walked myself right off the Lunatic Babygirl Cliff. 

Don’t you love me anymore? 

Don’t you care about me? 

Are you still my daddy? 

Does this lifestyle even mean anything to you? 


Ha. I can laugh about it now. I’m sitting here, giggling to myself. Jason listened, got the stern look on his face while I went on and on, said a few logical things (“honey, we haven’t even seen each other") and then he’d had enough of my Lunatic Babygirl Meltdown and finally stood, grabbed my chin between his thumb and forefinger and said, “Tonight? It’s time I get us back on track. Don’t tell me you’re too tired. Don’t tell me you’re fine. You’re not, and we need to make things right.” 

Yeah, I needed that. 

And he got me back on track. He made me go over his lap for a good, hard spanking which I did not want. I fought him and squirmed and kicked my feet, because this girl doesn’t take a spanking like a champ, y’all. Spankings hurt. I’m a wimp. But we’ve been doing this long enough to know I needed to be taken beyond my comfort zone. 

I need to know that he will hold me down and spank me until the fight is gone. I need to know that he’ll put me back in my happy submissive place. 

Now, I want to be clear, it’s not like he’s giving me the spanking of my life and I’m kicking and screaming and hollering. This is what happened. 

“Come here, please.” The kids were asleep, and I was exhausted, but I knew I needed this. I walked over to him, starting to feel apprehensive because I knew I was going to get spanked, and I knew it would hurt. He patted his lap and told me to strip, so I obeyed. 

When I laid myself over his lap, I started to feel a bit of the tension go away. Just the act of submitting starts the whole cleansing process. Then he began. I don’t remember what he said but it was strict, and he corrected a few things I’d done, and he let me know he wouldn’t tolerate anything less than me taking care of myself, obeying him, and being a good girl. He spanked me and I squirmed, and he held my waist and told me to stop fighting. I did my best, but it hurt, and when I wiggled, he smacked my thighs and made me get back over his lap and lay still. He spanked me until there was no fight left in me. And when I reached the point of submitting to him, he talked to me, while I was still bared and over his knee, but he was not done. After he got the response he was looking for (“Yes, daddy, I’m sorry daddy, I will do better,”) he gave me a few more hard smacks, just to seal the deal and show me who was boss.

Then he ordered me up off his lap and into bed. I climbed under the covers feeling repentant and a bit sorrowful, but he hugged me and tucked me in and I fell asleep. 

But we weren’t done. 

The next morning, he repeated this. 

One time was not enough, you guys. Getting myself to the point where we’d gotten indicated we were pretty far gone – we had been, and we’d ignored the warning signs. The next morning, before he left for work, he made me show him my to-do list, and spanked my ass good and hard all over again. Yes, it hurt like hell. No, he did not hurt me. I don’t mark often and he knows how far he can take me. He knows how far he needs to take me. He reads my signs. He knows when I’m softened and submissive, and in a good head space. He knows if I’m withdrawn or sad, or still in a dominant or defiant head space that something needs to be done – either we need to talk, or I need a spanking, or something has to give. 

But the reality was, we got to this point because we were too busy. 

This lifestyle needs to be regularly watered and pruned, and it cannot flourish without proper care and attention. 

Everyone has a different approach. Everyone has different needs. Some will prefer to keep the dynamic in the bedroom and others prefer a full, 24-hour power exchange. Some, like me and Jason, will prefer a roles-based dynamic with a milder DD flavor, whereas some will prefer a stronger BDSM-flavor, or rules-based, or more kink. 

Everyone’s needs differ. Everyone’s approach differs. We are individuals with pasts, hurts, experiences, hopes, dreams, likes and dislikes. We are far too individual to have hard and fast rules about lifestyle dynamics. 

But there is one constant in all dynamics. This cannot work without time and attention. 

So Jason and I needed to sit down and look at where we went off the rails. We knew how to get back on track. It meant going over our rules and goals, and a few hard sessions over his knee. It meant I submitted and he paid attention. It meant we locked our door and spent some time focused on other needs, cultivating our need for intimacy. It meant we planned a date night, got babysitting in place, unplugged our phones and devices, and did nothing but focus on each other. It meant we had a morning check-in and nightly check-in every single day. It meant when I began to slip in my submission to him, he gave me a good, hard lecture. It meant that I stopped the “urgency of the moment” so that I brought him his coffee, knelt before him, and presented myself in submission to him. 

But we also needed to look at what had gotten us off the rails to begin with. 

It takes incredible emotional strength and energy to fulfill one’s role. 

When I am depleted in any way – illness, hormones, exhaustion, or outside circumstances that suck up my emotional energy – I do not submit as easily. 

Emotional energy is finite. We only have so much. Submission does not come naturally to me, so when I find there are outside circumstances that deplete my emotional energy, I have to remove whatever I can so that my focus is back on Jason. 

Why? Because this matters to us. Because our entire family is better off when our dynamic is in good working order. Because when there is harmony and peace in our dynamic, we extend that harmony and peace to others. 

When Jason is depleted in any way, he has a harder time being my dominant. For him, this means if work is exceptionally demanding, he’s lacked sleep because of our children or illness, or outside circumstances deplete him, he’s left with less to give me. We recognize that this is the case, so we both do what we need to. There are times when I need to ask less of him and focus more heavily on my own self-care. There are times when he declines obligations or invitations because he feels he is needed here at home. 

We live in a demanding world, in a techno-driven society that values constant availability. Giving of myself means that I need to say no to constant availability and the incessant demands on my time and energy, and make my time with Jason a priority. 

We recognized that we’d let “busy” detract from what works for us, so we made plans to be less busy and more focused. As our schedules change this fall (we have some big changes happening with our family), it’s more important than ever to remind ourselves that we are busy people, but we need to be sure we aren’t “too” busy.

We need to remind ourselves that our energy is finite, and if our relationship is important to us, it needs to be nourished in order to flourish.  

We have another busy week ahead, as we are visiting with family and going on vacation. We’re going into this with eyes wide open, planning on time with one another as a top priority. 

I promise I won't pull a Tinker Bell again. 

Happy Sunday. Make the best of it! 

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Respect Challenge Wrap-Up


Dear readers, I stated that I was going to do this 30 day respect challenge, and I blogged the first week here, and the second here. By the third week, I was starting to feel that things weren’t really what I needed right now, so after I read through the daily challenges for every single day (you can do that here if you’re interested), I decided one more week would do it for me. I was going to pick the seven that I found most applicable/needed in my dynamic with Jason. I didn’t really see the point in pushing myself through something that wasn’t terribly beneficial (I already dress to please him, I already keep our home tidy, etc). I definitely *do * need to improve in some areas, and I’m not perfect. I just found that some of the challenge focuses fit better than others.

 These are the challenges I chose for my final week of focus.

Day 14—Cherish Togetherness
This was a challenge that landed on a Sunday, and it was exactly what I needed. I like to work my way toward having systems and habits that help me meet my goals and focus on what is important to me without having to overthink too much. That’s why on Sunday, I don’t work, but I do blog (except when things come up, as they did the past few weeks), and I like to focus on spending time with my family.
With a large family like ours, though, it can sometimes be hard to find time with Jason. This day, I focused on it very well. To be honest, I did not focus on this well the following days, as the urgency of the moment and our calendar was filled to bursting, so it’s a good reminder that I’ll need over and over. J

Day 16—Resist the Urge to Correct
Jason hates when I correct him, and it’s hard for me to find that balance between honesty and nagging. We hit a patch at this point where I did need to tell him something that was bothering me. I honestly didn’t know how to do it in a way that he’d find acceptable, but I also felt clamming up wasn’t the right thing to do. I think it’s a challenge for me as a submissive sometimes. When is it best to let things go, and when is it best to tell him how I feel? I’m not allowed to hold my feelings back, but at the same time, does every little thought that flits through my mind, especially one that’s negative or critical, need to be shared?

This is why I think frequent communication is every bit as important as open communication.  

Day 20—Take His Advice
I call Jason my business manager, and it’s absolutely true. It’s tricky, because he’s not a romance writer. He doesn’t read my books. He doesn’t know the market. I, on the other hand, live and breathe romance. I interact daily with my romance writing friends, work on a book in some capacity every single level, and read constantly. I also do market and business research study on a regular basis. So Jason and I relate on the business level, but not always on the romance level. That said, the man is brilliant. He’s observed. He knows which of my books has sold like hot cakes, and which hasn’t. He’s watched how I’ve launched, and he has quite a bit of opinions on the matter. It’s hard for me to take his advice on this sometimes, because I want to tell him “I know a lot more about romance than you do!” However, I respect him. I love him. He’s brilliant, and he’s in this to help me succeed. So I will, of course, take everything he says to heart.
On this day of the challenge, I got a draft of a cover for my upcoming fall release. He took one look at it and said, “No way. Uh uh. You have to change x, y, and z.” I was a bit taken aback as I thought it was a good cover, but when I took his opinion into account, I realized he had a very good one. And honestly? I made those changes and I was much happier with the result.
So I was sorta proud of myself on this one!

Day 22—Guard His Reputation
This is a non-issue on the blog, for the most part, as I feel I maybe sing his praises to a fault! In real life, though, I sometimes get upset and have the tendency to want to complain to someone – my friend, my sister, his mom, whatever. Sometimes I do this. I never, ever am happy I did. Sure, I need to chat with a friend for advice sometimes, and I do that without regret. But bashing him to anyone always makes me feel sick inside. I like this challenge focus, and have to admit, I failed this one. I got super mad at him over something and ranted. I could have handled it far better. I decided it was best to fess up to him, though, so I did. Going forward, I like this challenge and will keep it at the forefront of my mind.

Day 23—Forgive His Shortcomings

Okay, you guys. Jason is a gamer. I have no understanding of the appeal of spending hours in virtual worlds. I just don’t. And for years, I nagged and ranted and hated that he would spend what I thought was a crazy amount of time on a totally useless endeavor. I felt neglected and hurt that he’d choose gaming over spending time with me. I got spanked because I’d have a fit if he spent “too much time” on his gaming.
I had to change that. He did, too. After years of working on this, I finally accepted the fact that my husband is a hardworking man, father of many, dedicated manager at work, and my Dom! Maybe he needed something mindless, or something he could lose himself in, like I lose myself in my books. I let that go. But I had communicated to him that I sometimes resented his gaming. He, in turn, cut back on it, and would tell me when he was planning on gaming so I could let it go. This helped a way lot.
I still struggle, though. The amount of his stress directly affects the amount of down time he needs, and I don’t always like that. On this day of the challenge, I was angry with him for (in my opinion) spending too much time on “the damn xbox” (it’s what I call it in my head lol). I took a deep breath, and forgave it. I let it go. He doesn’t expect perfection from me. So why would I expect it from him?  

Day 26—Foster Respect in Your Children
This one was pretty easy. Jason likes me to back him up. I think one of the biggest challenges we face as a Dom/sub couple is that Jason likes to be the one to have the final say when it comes to our children. At first, I struggled with this, but I finally came to the realization that I wouldn’t have married the man with the intent of raising a family together if I didn’t trust him, and we didn’t have the same values. We’d never raised toddlers, or dealt with angsty pre-teens, or raised teens. We have now. Much of this was trial and error, and we had to talk a lot of things out. He always listens to me, but I give him the final say.
So for us, fostering respect means that our kids know Jason is the leader of the house and that I obey him, but they need to respect him to. Yes, I know that doesn’t work for everyone, but it does here. So I back him up when it comes to matters of respect or discipline. It isn’t always easy, as sometimes my mama bear comes rearing its ugly head! And he isn’t always right. But again, we aren’t striving for perfection here. I’d much rather my kids love and respect their daddy than not, so I work hard at building that respect.
This particular challenge day, we had an issue at the dinner table, and I was able to focus myself on teaching the kids to respect Jason with a reminder to do what daddy says. ;)

Day 28—Bite Your Tongue

I honest to God could have holes in my tongue sometimes. It helps that he expects me to be obedient to him! So I’ve learned not to snap at him or to sass him. On this particular challenge day, I wanted to snap at him about something so badly. We were both exhausted and both at the end of our ropes. He said something ridiculous and I wanted to really let him know what I felt. But I recognized that we were both exhausted and overwrought, and I clearly said to him, “We are both tired. We are both barely functional. Why don’t we get some sleep and deal more rationally in the morning?” He agreed, and the next day, we both actually laughed about this. Biting the tongue for the win! Haha

I believe in honest and open communication, but I also believe that sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all.

So that wraps up this respect challenge, folks. As you can tell from my posts lately, Jason and I are sooo busy, far busier than we prefer being. This morning, in precisely seven minutes, we are going to talk about our schedules, come up with a plan, and get a good ol’ reset. It’s  very hard to focus on our roles when we are both emotionally tapped out, and it’s been a struggle here lately because of that. More on that this Sunday, in this Sunday’s upcoming blog post. See you then!  

(P.S. please forgive the weird layout to this -- I have a new laptop and I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. I'll try to figure it out by next week!)

Monday, August 7, 2017

An update, where I've been, and hello!

Hello, there, readers!

This is just a quick post, because it appears I may have fallen off the face of the earth.

I did not forget about the respect challenge, promise! I decided to truncate it because toward the end of the challenge, I found some of the specifics really just did not apply, and I didn't find them very useful. So I picked seven of the ones I thought most pertinent, and focused on those instead, and will update you all this week on how that went.

Two Sundays ago we had guests and I could not post, and then this past Sunday I was traveling and came down with a cold. ::sniff::

But I am better now, and eager to get back to blogging. Things are...interesting here, lately. And it would be nice to process it all with a good ol' blog post.

In the meantime, how about some pictures to whet your whistle? I totally forgot I have a Pinterest account. 😛 And some of you may find what I've posted there inspirational. I've only just begun, but I'll eventually pin my favorite pictures from here, as well.

I hope you're all doing well, and I look forward to blogging again soon! 

Hugs!! Jane (JG)

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Respect Challenge Week two

Good morning, readers! 

So for thirty days, I'm focusing on this thirty day respect challenge, because I like having a focus, and I thought it would be nice to enhance things by kicking up my own level of submission, and focusing on Jason. 

I started out with a really great first week that I blogged about here

Week two? Definitely harder. This week, we had several kids in summer day camp, and several kids not in camp. This made for one helluva week. I ended up driving kids to and from camp (this added up to a good deal of daily driving), then I had kids at home that needed me who weren't hanging out with their siblings (you know, they fight sometimes but they're really best friends!) so I felt pulled in many directions. Every night I was washing towels and swim suits and packing lunches, when I just wanted to go to bed. I enjoyed my time with the kids and took a few days off from my work so we could soak up the summer sun. But man, did it affect everything else. Toss in a birthday, guests, a book that launched, and I was exhausted. 

You know how I've freely admitted that I don't get disciplined all that much anymore? Ha. I think I landed myself over his knee at least three times this week, and none of it was for fun. It might've been more times than three. I lost count. 
found on Pinterest
I simply put too much on my plate, and let the overwhelm affect my self control. It happens. I didn't even have hormones to blame this time. 

So not only did I get myself in trouble, but the challenge slipped out of focus a bit.

Last night, Jason came to bed and made a very good conclusion. "You did way too much last week. You got snippy with me, ended up spanked, and I won't allow it this week. Tomorrow, you'll rest. No taking the kids all over the place, or booking up your time, or making plans. I won't allow it." 

In my mind, initially I rejected this, because I feel like summer is slipping away. Though I'm a homebody and do enjoy being home, my kids are growing up. I enjoy going to the beach, and swimming, and making memories. But he was right. It's time to pull back a bit, and relax. 

So when he tucked me in and said, "Do not argue with me. You'll do as I say," I accepted it and simply said, "Yes, daddy." I knew he was right. This week is a light week schedule-wise, and the kids have some summer school to do before they visit their cousins, so I'll do my best to keep things at an even keel and I'm focusing myself back on this challenge.

Here's how things went this week

Day 8—Be Thankful

I found this pretty easy. It was Sunday, and we had a lovely day as a family together. I practice thankfulness intentionally on a regular basis, so it was easy to slip into a grateful attitude. There's always something to be thankful for, and I found when I focused on the many things that I was thankful for, it was easier to be calm with Jason, to submit to his authority, and I didn't get in trouble. 

Because I'm working on this challenge as a submissive challenge, I also focused on what aspects of our dynamic I'm thankful for. Sure, things can always be a bit different. It would be great if we had more time together, more privacy, and (ahem) more sex. But this is a busy time of our lives, raising children and teens and caring for aging parents, both of us working. Seasons shift, and this season is a busy one. So instead of getting down about things I want, I really try hard to focus on what I'm grateful for. 

Day 9—Smile at Him

Isn't it funny how we need a reminder to smile? I do, though. Sometimes I get so focused on getting things done that I focus too pragmatically on my day. I smiled at him a lot this day, and it made me feel happier. I'm sure it made him feel happier, too.

Day 10—Respond Physically

This didn't happen the day it was supposed to. Jason and I didn't even see each other all day. We were like the proverbial two ships passing in the night. No beuno. The next day was even busier, but I decided I'd do the day ten challenge anyway. 

So day 10 happened on day 11.

Now honestly, I don't really have an issue with saying yes to sex. Ahem. There are times when I'd be happy with even more, but time and energy prevent us from being intimate. Y'all know how it goes. 
By the time this challenge day rolled around, I was bitchy and irritable, tired and hot, and I snapped at him. I don't remember what I said, but he was working from home. He simply turned around on his swivel desk chair, raised his brows, and pointed to the door. "Lock it." Yeah, I knew what was coming. Soon enough I found myself belly down, kicking my feet and squirming, as he let me have it. He said, "I'm not going to let you snap at everyone in the house and ruin this day." He spanked me to tears, but when he was done, I was his very good little submissive girl. Contrite and humbled. He promised me that if I behaved myself for the rest of the day, he'd reward me that night with some...very nice things, that I enjoy immensely. 😍 Sounds great, right? But this is when the challenge really helped. 

One of our kids, who has some phobias, was having a really rough night. Jason stayed with him until he fell asleep, and in the interim, I fell asleep. 

Now I'm not one of those girls that doesn't like sex. I'm an erotic romance writer. I love sex. I don't turn him away. So when I first read this challenge day I thought, eh, easy peasy. But after a long day, when I've just fallen asleep, it's super hard to be open to him coming into bed and waking me up for sex. I totally passed out. And when he came upstairs, he woke me up with clearly only one thing on his mind. I had to work hard at not resisting him, and this challenge was very much at the forefront of my mind. I didn't resist. I responded to him, and it was lovely.

Day 11—Eyes Only for Him

This was another busy day, so much so that I didn't even look at the challenge until late. But instead of postponing it to the next day, I decided to skip this one. I didn't really need this challenge. I adore my husband, have zero interest in any other guys, and can't imagine anyone else I'd rather be with than him. Sounds Polly Perfect maybe, but I don't really care. It's the total truth. We've been doing this for nearly five years, and for at least the past four and a half, I've worked my ass off not comparing him to others. The thought of him comparing me to other wives or submissives is devastating, and I believe I should treat him the way I should be treated, so I've made this a high priority for a pretty long time.

Day 12—Kiss Him Goodbye

Isn't it funny we need to be reminded to kiss each other? I did need this reminder. Jason and I made a New Year's Resolution to kiss each other every single day. I realized once that I sometimes go over his knee more often than kiss him (true story!) and when I mentioned this to him, he laughed. He
agreed to focus on kissing each other more this year, but some days, especially on those days when we barely meet each other at the door,we need to remind each other to kiss, and not just a peck on the cheek. But sometimes I climb on his lap and we really...focus. 😘 So this was a nice reminder.

Day 13—Feed Him His Favorites

Yes! Why not focus on pleasing him? Often, when a submissive writes to me and asks how they can make this work a bit better, I suggest focusing on submission, rather than his dominance (or lack thereof). It's easy to submit to a direct command or rule, but there are other, more subtle ways. In our private group, I mentioned that years ago, someone gave me the advice to ask my husband what were the three most important things to come home to. What did he like to have done? I want my Jason to end the day happy to come home to me, to a peaceful house, and a wife that welcomes him. One of the little things that can really bless him is to make his favorite food. 

Now, I'm not someone who enjoys being in the kitchen. I really, really don't. Because I'm a stay-at-home mom of many, and until recently we were on one income, I had to learn to cook. I learned how to make as much as possible from scratch. I didn't like it, though! There are hundreds of things I'd rather do than be in the kitchen. But I know it blesses my family when I cook or bake for them. And yes, as a busy working mom, I do pick up convenience foods and order takeout. But I feel it blesses my family when I cook or bake, so I try to see it as an act of love. 

Yesterday, I didn't want to cook. I was tired, and I haven't done my grocery shopping yet. But I put together a plan and made some of Jason's most favorite things to eat. He raved about it, and it was worth the effort. I really could do this more often, so I'm glad of the reminder. 

Going into the week ahead, I'm going to try to prepare a bit more rather than wing it. I've got days 14-20 to focus on. We have a pretty low-key week ahead until the weekend, and my whole house is still asleep. So I'm going to plan my week and maybe, just maybe, I can save myself from getting in trouble. Have a great week, everyone.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Respect Challenge -- week one update

Good morning, readers! Wow, what a week this was. Jason and I have been under a good deal of stress (things we have no control over, all involving extended family) but you know what, there’s always something to be thankful for, right? And this week I’m thankful that we’ve been able to talk our way through challenges, support each other when we’re depleted, and meet each other’s needs. And isn’t that what it’s all about? Learning how to meet each other’s needs, cultivating peace, and enhancing intimacy? I have to say that I really enjoyed having a daily focus on my behavior toward Jason. It made me think hard about how I could work on my own role. (For those of you who missed last week's post, I'm doing a thirty-day respect challenge and blogging about it). 

So yes, it’s been stressful here, but today the sun is shining. It’s been a lovely summer. We took our kids to the beach last night for dinner, and it was so fun. This week, I have a few kids in camp and a few staying home with me. I have a new book coming out (the last and final Boston Dom, y’all!), and Jason and I are planning our yearly family getaway where we trek up to the mountains and unplug. So yes, things are stressful here, but I’m a happy girl. 

I do, however, really, really, really need a good spanking. The stress of this week has made for very little time with Jason, and we’re both feeling it. I need more than a spanking (ahem) so I think this busy couple needs to make a game plan. 😉

I promised you I would keep a record of how this challenge went! So here goes.

Day one
Choose joy 

I struggled with this. Female readers and the moms out there will understand why on this particular day I struggled with choosing joy. Here is the summary: PMS + swimsuit. Our plan was to take our rascals swimming for the day. My standard swimsuit was in the wash and I had to wear a back up that I didn’t love, and I had to work hard at not having a little meltdown fit (true story). I took a few deep breaths, focused on what I was grateful for (I had a backup suit and could still swim. It was lovely and sunny! Jason didn’t have to work, and our entire family could hang out together. Jason still thought I looked hot lol!), and with a good deal of self talk, I did it. I chose joy. We had a lovely time, and came home and cooked a yummy Sunday dinner. 

I like choosing joy. I work on it all the time and sometimes I don’t do so well. Jason isn’t always everything I need (how could he be?) and I’m not always perfect (only human, after all), but at the end of the day, there are always things to be grateful for, and I loved the reminder that happiness is a choice.

Day two
Honor his wishes

Day two, and I got spanked. Ha! I needed it, though. Isn’t that often the way? 

So it was a crazy busy day. I didn’t get to check in with Jason, hadn’t had my morning spanking, and was flat out busy with my kids and extended family. My little ones were grumpy I dragged them around driving their older sister to summer camp (she usually watches them when I have to go out!), and the day was busy. It was mid-morning when I finally sat down and said “okay, I need to focus on today’s challenge. How do I honor his wishes?” 

Since I’m submissive to Jason and we have our daily check-in, this was pretty straight-forward at first. He likes me to take care of myself and not overextend. He likes me to stick to my schedule and my plans. He likes me stay calm and focused, to rest when I need it, and to keep my priorities in check the way he and I agree. 

He doesn’t like me to swear at all. He doesn’t like me to snap at other people, to speak rudely, or to be mean in any way. Years ago, I had a temper. I had a hard time keeping in check. I’m better about that now, but I still get irritated. I never swear in front of Jason (well, not without getting spanked) buuut…I do swear sometimes. I guess if I’m honest, I don’t really find it something I agree with. I’m an erotic romance writer and, er, erotic romance writers swear.
By the end of day two, I was feeling like I needed my daddy a lot. Boy did I. He came up to bed, and he asked if I needed him (he can sense it, I’m sure of it!). I said yes. And then I fessed up about a few things where I’d gone astray. I hadn’t really broken a rule (I’m not allowed to swear at people, that’s the rule, and I don’t), but I hadn’t met his expectations. So I simply said, “I feel like I probably need to be spanked.” I didn’t tell him to spank me. I simply
 admitted guilt. If he’d said no, I didn’t need a spanking, I’d have accepted that. It’s happened. But he listened, asked a few questions while he held me, and then he said, “I’m going to get ready for bed. When I come back, I’m going to spank you. And while I’m gone, you think about what you could’ve done better.” 
Oh, daddy. OUCH! So, I was teary-eyed and ready to go over his lap by the time he came back. He gave me a very slow, very deliberate spanking, with a firm “daddy” lecture, and by the end, I was crying my eyes out. He held me, and things moved on to better things, as they have a tendency to do. Phew. 
For the rest of the week, I met his expectations.

Day three
Pay Attention
This was a good reminder to put down my phone, my laptop, stop folding laundry, and to give him my undivided attention. I needed the reminder, and this worked well! I’m a little nerdy in the goal-setting department, so every day when I put together my to-do list I have daily goals I strive for. One of them is to be attentive and present to my children and husband. Putting down my phone is something I need to focus on!

Day four
Don’t Interrupt

This I found really easy. Jason has me well-trained lol. I get spanked if I interrupt him, so if I even veer in that direction, a sharp look gets me in line. I don’t struggle with this, so I found it easy to do. I still kept it at the forefront of my mind.

Day five
Emphasize his good points
This was a super busy day. I didn’t see much of Jason. So instead, I focused on reminding myself of his good points. 
He’s a fantastic provider. He’s funny. He’s an awesome father to my kids. He's an awesome daddy to me. 😉 He’s hot. He’s supportive and gives me tons of attention. Yeah, I’m smitten, and by the end of the day with all of this on the forefront of my mind, I was flirting shamelessly and giggling like a little girl. So when I did get to see him, I praised him. This doesn’t come naturally to me. Out of the fivelove languages, words of praise are just about the lowest of my needs, so this doesn’t tend to be one of my strengths. I do believe that building him up is my job as a submissive, so a good reminder always helps.

Day six
Pray for him 
I do pray, but I also believe in positive and negative energy and good vibes and all that. I’m a Christian, but a not very conservative one, so I try not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. In short, I adapted this one. I prayed for Jason, but I also sent good thoughts. I envisioned myself as his number one fan, and focused my day with that in mind. 😉

Day seven
Don’t nag. 
And here, folks, was where I faced my biggest challenge of the week. 
How exactly does one define nagging? Is it a motive? A behavior? Is it okay to remind him of things, or to ask him, but not to constantly do so? Jason has very little tolerance for nagging. Ask him once, and a second time veers off into nagging. It’s taken fifteen years of marriage and umpteen spankings to get me to learn to communicate in a way that he appreciates, where I feel heard. I’m not a natural submissive at all. I tend to be forthright and outspoken at times. I have high expectations for myself and tend to hold others to those standards, which isn’t always a good thing. 
Jason likes his downtime. He’s also a man, and as a very typical male, somehow does not have the ability to multi-task very well. If he’s cutting the lawn, he is not watching the kids. If he’s relaxing, he’s not doing anything else but relaxing. That’s what I think a lot of guys do, and I used to get oh so mad at him for doing that. In fact, when we first started this lifestyle, I used to get spanked every.single.Saturday! I’d start tackling my to-do list, and he’d drink his coffee and watch tv or play Xbox. This made me  so mad. It felt like I was getting no downtime. He used to say “then take some!” and I’d say “But if I do, who’s going to cook dinner and clean this house and do the laundry?” 
And I’d snap and get spanked. 
We finally learned! We needed to communicate better. It’s okay to relax. Working all the time makes for grumpy people. And with enough focus and planning, we can do what needs to be done and still have plenty of time to chill. 
So yesterday, I had plans to visit an old friend of mine, and what a lovely time we had. It was three hours round-trip of driving time for me, though, so I was gone for most of the day. When I came home, touting a gazillion groceries that needed to be put away, the clean house I left was a mess, and Jason had not done what he said he would. I was fuming. 
In the back of my mind, I was thinking, “don’t nag, don’t nag, don’t nag.” Plus, losing my temper would get me spanked. I instructed the kids to help me. Tossed the laundry in the wash. Then I went upstairs and laid down on my bed, focusing myself for a few minutes. Jason came in. This is how the conversation went. 
“I’m struggling because today’s challenge is not to nag, and I’m a little angry, and having a hard time communicating without snapping, nagging, or getting myself spanked.” 
He smiled, sat down on the bed, and said, “Okay, good. You’re doing a good job. Why are you angry?”

I told him. I didn’t raise my voice or scold or nag. I just told him. He listened and nodded and said, “Okay. I’m sorry I didn’t do that. I’ll make sure those things get done. Anything else?” 

There wasn’t. I’d had a lovely day, and told him as much. Then I suggested we take the kids and do one of our “summer fun bucket list item.” We did, and it was so much fun! 
I was glad I had the challenge, because it helped me focus on the day when I really needed it. The fun part about this is that I can focus daily on actively submitting and fostering respect. 
Looking over the week ahead, I’m really looking forward to it. 

Next Sunday, I’ll update with how things went. Happy Sunday, everyone.