We've had a few pretty intense posts lately! I hope this post is lighthearted yet thought-provoking. Thank you to my friend who suggested it! Please do keep in mind that this post is tongue-in-cheek and not picking on any of YOU but drawing from *my* personal experience. Happy Sunday. :)
TEN WAYS TO REALLY COMPLICATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
- Compare yourself to others.
One really easy way to complicate your relationship, perhaps the most common, and one I certainly fell victim to myself (and still do sometimes!) is to compare your relationship to others. Not satisfied with your man's level of dominance? Not happy with how your submissive needs to learn to behave herself a bit better? Well, if you want to really make things difficult, I strongly recommend playing The Comparison Game, in which you look at others, and assume that you should be just like they are. Bonus points: bring up other couples in heated discussions with your spouse.
- Demand it all, now.
Sure, Rome wasn't built in a day, but relationships should be, right? Why not? If people can believe in love-at-first-sight, why not dom-at-first-wish or sub-at-first-frown? Yes, I know that experienced D/s or DD couples say that it takes a lot of time to do things like work out the kinks (see what I did there? Heh heh), and it takes a lot of communication and that you're going to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them, but who has time for that? A nice way of making things a bit more challenging is by demanding it all now. And while you're at it, go ahead and try to run a 5k (most especially if you've never run one before) or attempt to climb Mount Washington (strong recommendation that you come at this cold). Let's be efficient and cross off all them things on your bucket list, eh?
- Do not tell your partner what your needs are.
In an effort to make this much harder than it needs to, it's imperative that you never communicate clearly. Subs, assume he knows that you want to feel his dominance, or that you need a good ol' stress relief spanking. Hey, isn't telling him what you need topping from the bottom anyway? While you're at it, maybe ask him to scratch your back but don't tell him where you're itchy, or sit down in front of him and tell him you're starving and ask him to figure out what you're craving. The Guessing Game is part of the fun, right? Doms, assume she knows you need space to process, or time alone, or time to adjust to something she's asked. Never ask her if her needs are met, and assume if she hasn't told you she's troubled or needy, that she isn't. Bonus points: Experienced couples, never discuss the changing needs of your dynamic, and assume things will remain stagnant.
- Tell your partner how to do things.
Another very efficient way of complicating your dynamic is to tell your partner how to do things. Submissives, be sure that you tell him exactly how he should be doing things. Tell him what implements to use, how long to spank you, what kind of rules must be part of your dynamic, and how he should perform aftercare. Doms, assume she knows already exactly what your expectations are for her and don't try to explain, or break her in easily. (Refer back to #2).
- Spend more time in fantasyland than reality.
Another great way to complicate things is by dwelling in fantasyland. I used to be so good at this,a nd heartily recommend it as one of the best ways to make yourself dissatisfied with what you have. Here are some ways to do it – immerse yourself in blogs, fiction, or discussion with other lifestylers, but be sure the time you spend in fantasyland far outweighs the time you actually spend communicating, being intimate with, and meeting the needs of your partner. Bonus points: Extra points if you can do this while denying your own needs to get good sleep, eat a balanced diet, get to the gym, or spending time with loved ones.
- Put your needs above your partner's.
This is actually a fantastic way of complicating most relationships, not just a D/s dynamic. Stop thinking of the needs of others, and put your needs above all else. Your Dominant is working over time this week, isn't feeling well, or needs some down time? Well, for goodness sakes, that doesn't matter. Demand attention, and demand it now. I used to be so good at this and still do it quite well from time to time!Your need to feel his dominance is far more important than any need he has, right? Dominants: demand she obey but be sure you neglect to hold her, listen to her, and tell her she's special to you. Assume that making her obey will get her in tip top shape. After all, the other stuff is for guys trying to land a girl, right? You've already got her. Who has time to put down the video game/remote/phone and give her a little cuddle? Bonus points: make sex about you, too.
- Don't talk to each other
This one is quite easy to do. Don't discuss plans. Don't discuss your relationship. Don't discuss rules, or expectations, or needs. Assume your partner can read your mind, and if they can't, then go on back to suggestion number one.
- Talk to others instead of your partner.
When things go wrong, don't talk to your partner. Talk to someone else. I mean, this makes sense, right? The submissive you met in a chat room you've never met in real life knows you far better than the man who met you out of high school, held your hand while you delivered his baby, and helped you struggle with tragic loss and gains...right? Dominants, when your submissive misbehaves, tell another Dom! Validate your feelings of anger. Bonus points: extra super duper bonus points if, during times of struggle, you actually have the guts to pour your heart and soul to a member of the opposite sex.
- Assume your partner can read your mind
Gosh, this is pretty much a specialty of mine, and yet another strong recommendation I'd like to make for those interested in complicating their dynamic. It goes hand in hand with #3. Submissives: if it was really important to him, he would know, wouldn't he? So clearly, if he doesn't, somehow he failed miserably in Dom School (wait...you mean your husband didn't go to Dom School either? Didn't all of them??). Dominants: Never explain your reasoning behind a rule, expectation, or how you'd like your dynamic to play out. Your word is law, so why do you have to explain yourself? Isn't that what being a Dom is...laying down the law, and busting her ass if she fails to comply? Bonus points if you can send a text and assume they can read the tone, or between the lines.
- Fill your days so you have no time for each other.
And finally, my number one recommendation for complicating your dynamic: be sure you don't have any time for each other. Don't eat family meals together. Never go on dates. Don't talk or text during the day, or have sit-downs or check-in's where you go over shared goals, dreams, or responsibilities. Make everyone else far more important than the very person you pledged yourself to. Make volunteering, socializing, or work way more important than your spouse. Never vacation together. Don't make out, make love, or snuggle. Bonus points: go great lengths of time without fueling your intimacy.
And there you have it folks. I sincerely hope you don't take any of my advice! ;)