Hello, readers! Tonight, I am posting in a very tired, but very content sort of place and thought it was time for a casual sort of post. I don't have anything earth-shattering or riveting, just a "day in the life of Jane and Jason" sorta post. Also, many of you kindly expressed your concerns over my family being sick, and hoped we were on the mend. I'm happy to report that while we aren't 100%, we are definitely on the mend, and it's been a fantastic weekend.
Maisy and I launched the next book in our Boston Doms series, which soared on up to bestseller in contemporary romance (squeeee! Details on my writing blog, which you can find in the sidebar or at janeandmaisy.com). Then Jason and I had an amazing time at a party last night with some dear friends of ours. It sure is nice to be at that stage where our older kids can babysit the younger ones and we can head on out from time to time. We enjoy each other's company so very much, and with all our responsibilities, we don't always get as much time each other as we'd like.
But boy did I ever get spanked this week. So. Much. Spanking. Eep! Why? Well, it was a whole bunch of things. First, I was sick, and I don't handle being sidelined very well. It makes me grumpy. And as I was saying to a friend of mine, submission takes so much mental energy and focus, that when my energy is drained by something else (like illness or stress), submitting is so much harder. So, I was sick enough to not be myself but well enough to take a spanking, so did I ever. I honestly don't even remember what I did.
Ohhh, no wait. I do remember one night. Yikes. I was so exhausted I could hardly keep my eyes open, and Jason made me mad, and did I ever bite his head off. He was not happy at all and he just glared and said "five," which means we bypass right on over the warnings and go straight to "you're getting spanked." He was furious and I was beyond exhausted and frustrated and said something like, "I know, I know." By the time we were alone, he actually smiled and looked at me with this look of absolute bewilderment, like, "who are you and what have you done with my wife?" I just shook my head and told him I'd just sort of lost it. Shaking his head, he gestured for me to come over to him (he was not smiling at this point). He had not only the acrylic rod out but the wooden spoon. Yiiiiikes. Over the knee I went, and he spanked me pretty damn good. It wasn't the worst I've ever had by a long shot, but it was enough that I was sniffling out "I'm sorry, daddy," in short time. I climbed under the covers and cried a little, and he tucked me in. I was out seconds later.
The next day, I gave Maisy a run-down of how my night had gone, and ended with, "And then he spanked me and I cried and he tucked me in and I went to sleep." She said my text made her laugh, and then she said, "I'm sorry to laugh, but look at what you just said. He spanked you, then tucked you in. You're living the dream, you know that?"
Living the dream. I've been thinking of that ever since. Funny, isn't it, how the fact that my husband spanked me then tucked me in really is "living the dream?" But there's truth to it. I cried because being disciplined released repentance and the emotions that were frustrating me. But then he soothed me and held me. It's really exactly what I need -- the sternness, the consistency, not allowing me to behave badly, and the sweetness that comes from being comforted and forgiven.
There were other spankings this week, too. Oh so many spankings, mostly because I've been off my game and a bit overwhelmed. "I need to catch up," I said to Jason.
"No," he said. "You do not. There's no catching up. You pick up where you left off." I needed to hear that, and he was right. I put so much pressure on myself sometimes, that I need his levelheaded guidance. A reminder that I don't have to do all the things. That it's okay to slow down and let some things go. He keeps me grounded.
So every day, at least once and sometimes more (especially on those days I earned myself a discipline spanking), over his knee I went, but I needed it so much. As soon as my belly hits his knee, I feel a bit of the tension go right out of me and he just knows how to handle my crazy.
A few months ago, I was upset about something. I'd gone out of my way to make a special purchase, and could not find it anywhere. I was near frazzled. He brought me upstairs, sat on the edge of the bed, grasped my wrist and drew me over his lap. I protested, because even though I was frazzled, I'd done my very best not to lose my temper or act out. I'd kept my composure. I told him I didn't know why he was spanking me, as I didn't think I deserved to be spanked. But he said, "I'm not spanking you. Just stay here." And I did, in the position I'm so very familiar with, over his knee, with my head on the bed and one of his hands anchored on my waist while the other rested on my very vulnerable bottom. As he spoke quietly to me, calm settled over me. The submissive position, and knowing he was in control, helped me relax and focus.
So this week, that's what he did...brought me back into focus. It was fairly painful at times (spanking hurts, y'all), but I'm ready to take on the week ahead with a clear frame of mind. Today, I'm so grateful Jason is my Dom, and that he gleans as much from all this as I do. I know that before he goes to work in the morning, I'll go over his lap again. Focused, Submitted, and ready to take whatever comes my way.