Good morning, readers! Happy Sunday.
Jason and I had one helluva week, and I will confess I had a bit of a Babygirl Meltdown. Last week, my kids were in camp, which was fantastic, but I was exhausted because of all the driving (it was day camp). And I was so exhausted that I didn’t make time for
Jason. He was stressed at work, and when he came home he was in his cave and he didn’t make time for me. I didn’t really notice or care, because I was that tired. Saturday, I went away for the weekend on a planned writing retreat with Maisy and got a ton of work done. Monday, it was off to the races again with a road trip, my kids visited their cousins, and we had visitors here.
By Monday night, I was a mess. It is to be noted that, as per the usual, my hormones were also wreaking havoc. I was borderline insane, and walked myself right off the Lunatic Babygirl Cliff.
Don’t you care about me?
Are you still my daddy?
Does this lifestyle even mean anything to you?
WHO ARE WE?
Ha. I can laugh about it now. I’m sitting here, giggling to myself. Jason listened, got the stern look on his face while I went on and on, said a few logical things (“honey, we haven’t even seen each other") and then he’d had enough of my Lunatic Babygirl Meltdown and finally stood, grabbed my chin between his thumb and forefinger and said, “Tonight? It’s time I get us back on track. Don’t tell me you’re too tired. Don’t tell me you’re fine. You’re not, and we need to make things right.”
And he got me back on track. He made me go over his lap for a good, hard spanking which I did not want. I fought him and squirmed and kicked my feet, because this girl doesn’t take a spanking like a champ, y’all. Spankings hurt. I’m a wimp. But we’ve been doing this long enough to know I needed to be taken beyond my comfort zone.
I need to know that he will hold me down and spank me until the fight is gone. I need to know that he’ll put me back in my happy submissive place.
Now, I want to be clear, it’s not like he’s giving me the spanking of my life and I’m kicking and screaming and hollering. This is what happened.
“Come here, please.” The kids were asleep, and I was exhausted, but I knew I needed this. I walked over to him, starting to feel apprehensive because I knew I was going to get spanked, and I knew it would hurt. He patted his lap and told me to strip, so I obeyed.
When I laid myself over his lap, I started to feel a bit of the tension go away. Just the act of submitting starts the whole cleansing process. Then he began. I don’t remember what he said but it was strict, and he corrected a few things I’d done, and he let me know he wouldn’t tolerate anything less than me taking care of myself, obeying him, and being a good girl. He spanked me and I squirmed, and he held my waist and told me to stop fighting. I did my best, but it hurt, and when I wiggled, he smacked my thighs and made me get back over his lap and lay still. He spanked me until there was no fight left in me. And when I reached the point of submitting to him, he talked to me, while I was still bared and over his knee, but he was not done. After he got the response he was looking for (“Yes, daddy, I’m sorry daddy, I will do better,”) he gave me a few more hard smacks, just to seal the deal and show me who was boss.
Then he ordered me up off his lap and into bed. I climbed under the covers feeling repentant and a bit sorrowful, but he hugged me and tucked me in and I fell asleep.
But we weren’t done.
The next morning, he repeated this.
One time was not enough, you guys. Getting myself to the point where we’d gotten indicated we were pretty far gone – we had been, and we’d ignored the warning signs. The next morning, before he left for work, he made me show him my to-do list, and spanked my ass good and hard all over again. Yes, it hurt like hell. No, he did not hurt me. I don’t mark often and he knows how far he can take me. He knows how far he needs to take me. He reads my signs. He knows when I’m softened and submissive, and in a good head space. He knows if I’m withdrawn or sad, or still in a dominant or defiant head space that something needs to be done – either we need to talk, or I need a spanking, or something has to give.
But the reality was, we got to this point because we were too busy.
This lifestyle needs to be regularly watered and pruned, and it cannot flourish without proper care and attention.
Everyone has a different approach. Everyone has different needs. Some will prefer to keep the dynamic in the bedroom and others prefer a full, 24-hour power exchange. Some, like me and Jason, will prefer a roles-based dynamic with a milder DD flavor, whereas some will prefer a stronger BDSM-flavor, or rules-based, or more kink.
Everyone’s needs differ. Everyone’s approach differs. We are individuals with pasts, hurts, experiences, hopes, dreams, likes and dislikes. We are far too individual to have hard and fast rules about lifestyle dynamics.
But there is one constant in all dynamics. This cannot work without time and attention.
So Jason and I needed to sit down and look at where we went off the rails. We knew how to get back on track. It meant going over our rules and goals, and a few hard sessions over his knee. It meant I submitted and he paid attention. It meant we locked our door and spent some time focused on other needs, cultivating our need for intimacy. It meant we planned a date night, got babysitting in place, unplugged our phones and devices, and did nothing but focus on each other. It meant we had a morning check-in and nightly check-in every single day. It meant when I began to slip in my submission to him, he gave me a good, hard lecture. It meant that I stopped the “urgency of the moment” so that I brought him his coffee, knelt before him, and presented myself in submission to him.
But we also needed to look at what had gotten us off the rails to begin with.
It takes incredible emotional strength and energy to fulfill one’s role.
When I am depleted in any way – illness, hormones, exhaustion, or outside circumstances that suck up my emotional energy – I do not submit as easily.
Emotional energy is finite. We only have so much. Submission does not come naturally to me, so when I find there are outside circumstances that deplete my emotional energy, I have to remove whatever I can so that my focus is back on Jason.
Why? Because this matters to us. Because our entire family is better off when our dynamic is in good working order. Because when there is harmony and peace in our dynamic, we extend that harmony and peace to others.
When Jason is depleted in any way, he has a harder time being my dominant. For him, this means if work is exceptionally demanding, he’s lacked sleep because of our children or illness, or outside circumstances deplete him, he’s left with less to give me. We recognize that this is the case, so we both do what we need to. There are times when I need to ask less of him and focus more heavily on my own self-care. There are times when he declines obligations or invitations because he feels he is needed here at home.
We live in a demanding world, in a techno-driven society that values constant availability. Giving of myself means that I need to say no to constant availability and the incessant demands on my time and energy, and make my time with Jason a priority.
We recognized that we’d let “busy” detract from what works for us, so we made plans to be less busy and more focused. As our schedules change this fall (we have some big changes happening with our family), it’s more important than ever to remind ourselves that we are busy people, but we need to be sure we aren’t “too” busy.
We need to remind ourselves that our energy is finite, and if our relationship is important to us, it needs to be nourished in order to flourish.
We have another busy week ahead, as we are visiting with family and going on vacation. We’re going into this with eyes wide open, planning on time with one another as a top priority.
I promise I won't pull a Tinker Bell again.
Happy Sunday. Make the best of it!