Last week, I shared about how things are really challengingright now. Those of you who wrote to me and encouraged me to stick it through, I just want to say thank you.
I think I needed to get it out. After I blogged, I cried, and I said to Jason, “will you read this?”
Jason had been so heavily in the “recharge” zone that he’d withdrawn from me, and I was so emotionally overwhelmed myself, I couldn’t do what I normally do in these times – hit the gym, get some extra rest, go out with friends, focus on being grateful, and give him space to come around. It was completely overwhelming me.
Jason read the post and sat on the bed, pretty thoughtful. The first thing he said was, “You did the right thing blogging this.” I had been talking to him about what was going on, and he was aware that things were different, but both of us had pulled back into our own selves, I think.
I think sometimes I take him for granted, that he will meet my needs and be my dominant no matter what, and sometimes he takes me for granted, that I will easily submit and respect his authority over me no matter what. But taking each other for granted doesn’t work.
I’d done my part, honestly. I’d told him how I felt, worked hard at obeying the rules despite the lack of connection with him, and asked him to help. He was quiet about it. I asked him what he thought, and he said that I was right. That things had shifted, that we both knew why, and it was time to do something about it.
So we talked… and then, because we're parents, we went about our day. I cooked him his favorite dinner (he loved it), and we took the kids to the park. We held hands, and talked a bit more, then later we came home and made sure everyone did what they were supposed to before bed. We prepared for the following day and tucked our littlest ones into bed, and when the house was quiet, we talked, alone, again. And talked...
And you might laugh at this – but after much digging and more talking I said something that was really quite obvious. “I think…what I really need is a really good spanking.”
He laughed and said, “Oh, there isn’t a doubt in my mind.” Eep! That's when my heart starts kicking up a bit, because he might look all sweet and loving but that man swings a mean paddle.
Groan. Spankings hurt, and I might find them sexy, but I don’t find them very easy to take. He took charge, though, something else I needed, and while I gritted my teeth and screwed myself up to get the courage I needed, he locked our door, took off his belt, and came over to me. I'm sure I had a bit of the deer-in-the-headlights look going but it didn't matter... within seconds, he pinned me over his knee.
Yes, it’s sexy remembering. At the time, I really just wanted to run and hide. But I knew I had to face it, that nothing gets me into a good headspace more effectively than a serious spanking, and since I hadn’t done anything to get me in trouble…well, it had to be done. We both knew it.
I didn’t take it easily. Fortunately, he doesn’t much care. It doesn’t matter to him if I squirm and protest and yelp. He just held me tighter, grabbed my hand that flailed back in fruitless self-protection, pinned it down, and gave me one helluva spanking. I cried again, and he held me, and when we were done, I went to bed feeling way better. He gave me some strict rules the next morning, told me he’d be checking in on me, and he has. All week.
We weren’t as busy this week. We’re already falling into a good “new” routine…you know, for now. Until the next bump happens. But hopefully, we’ll be a bit wiser next time.