Hello, readers. Phew, what a busy weekend this was. It's always busy when a new book comes out, and add to that Jason feeling under the weather (he's much better now), babysitting a teeny tiny baby all day Saturday, shopping for some Easter items with my girls,and a whole bunch of lesson planning prep work I had to do, by Sunday afternoon I was completely exhausted.
Shortly after I finished lesson planning, Jason called me upstairs. I scooted upstairs to see him, and he said he needed something. I misunderstood, and thought he was asking me to do something. The request came on the tail-end of me having finished several hours' worth of lesson plans, knowing I had dinner to cook and some weekly planning left to do. To my surprise, I got a bit choked up from sheer overwhelm.
Jason got up from his chair to where I was lying on my back in bed, straddled me, and took both my wrists and pinned them by my side. Now, you have to keep in mind that when he's under the weather, I find this really challenging. I can handle things on my own, and I do, but I miss him so much. Our check-in's had been minimal, and I shoulder more responsibility with our fairly large family when he's not feeling well. I'd missed his frequent affirmations of dominance. I've grown so used to them, that when I don't feel them -- the hand on the back of my neck of small of my back, the hair tug, the quirked eyebrow or teasing spank -- I miss them so much, and when I feel that reminder of his dominance again, it's sometimes a bit emotional. That's what happened today. He pinned my wrists, and my eyes filled with tears.
He had been flirting, but he grew serious."Baby, what is it?" he asked.
I squeezed my eyes shut and said, "I'm overwhelmed, Daddy. I've had so much to do this weekend, and I've been working non-stop. I haven't had a break or any down time, and in an hour, I have to start dinner."
"Stop." Just one word.
"You're done working for today. No more work. School is planned?" I nodded."Good. I'm taking you out to dinner. No more work for now. You need to rest."
I just sighed. I felt like a weight had been lifted. I really needed the downtime, and I love that he sweeps in like this when necessary and lets me just be. I know this isn't a uniquely Jason thing. It's what a Dom does.
We had a lovely dinner, and a relaxing evening, and I'm sitting down to write. I'm sitting in a chair by my littlest one, who's quietly snoring away in her bed. My youngest son just came up to give me a hug goodnight. The house is winding down for the night, peace and quiet settling. But I'm not quite ready yet because honestly, I need my daddy.
When the world is busy and stressful, and the needs of the day intense, when I have much to manage and children to mind, there's nothing I'd rather do than come home and crawl in daddy's lap, wrap my arms around his neck, and rest my head on him. It's the most soothing place in the world to be. When I need my daddy and he knows it, his voice grows softer, and he becomes very gentle and quiet with me. He is very tender and sweet.Though we aren't into little play, there are some things we love to do, and the more I embrace this part of my submission, the happier I feel, not just when I'm with Jason, but in so many other things.
I feel like I don't always have to be so grown up. I try not to act childishly, of course, but I love embracing simple things. I can pout a bit if I'm not happy (not real pouting, because that will get me spanked), and simply tell him when it's all too much to handle. A few weeks ago, I had to take the medicine I was on, and I didn't want to because I was so tired. "I don't want to," I said to Jason, not in a bratty way, just honest.
"I know," he said. "And you know that if you don't, I'll spank you." I do know! But I appreciate being able to not always have to be brave, and "adult." I can tell him if I'm afraid, or worried, or sad, and he helps me with that.
Last weekend, I was so excited that Beauty and the Beast came out. It's my absolute favorite, and I'd been counting the days. Jason was going to take me, but he ended up taking our boys to see something else, so I took our girls. I loved it. Just loved it. It got me all choked up, actually, it was so moving. I'm a hopeless romantic and can't help it. It's such a lovely love story. So when we met up with the boys after the movie, I couldn't wait to see Jason, and gushed to him like a little girl about the film. He chuckled and took my hand, and we walked to the car together. I was on cloud nine all day. By bed, he was looking at me the way he does...with a sort of gentle tenderness that makes me feel very special to him. He said, "You are absolutely adorable, how excited you get about the movie." I really did try to contain my excitement and act all grown up, but apparently he saw right through me.
As I grow into a natural role with him, as each day draws us deeper in and further up, I find myself more and more in touch with the little things that delight. I wonder if it's the freedom I glean from being his submissive. I'm not sure. But I know I've spent the last three days singing to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack, and my girls have been laughing. I know when I get excited about something, Jason's eyes light up. It's like he enjoys that being with him allows me to let my hair down, and be who I really am.
And I know that this girl needs to climb into Daddy's lap before bed, and it's almost my bedtime, so I need to log off. Thanks for sticking around for the ride, readers. It's a crazy one.