So, it seems I took an unintentional hiatus from blogging. For some reason, gmail no longer shows me any comments, so I apologize, as when I logged in this morning there were about a dozen comments waiting for approval that have been for a while! I actually am working on a series of posts that are drafted that I'll begin posting next week, on the needs of a submissive and how to make this dynamic work. :)
There was some major stress for us in June. Things are better now, so I won't share details, but they were all outside circumstances involving friends, family, work (his and mine), that depleted us both of time and energy. We missed our daily check-in's (our ritual going over my rules, my daily plan, and my maintenance session) for days on end, and it was not good.
This past week, Jason and I had it all out. We hadn't had time to connect. We hadn't had time to talk. I was way stressed and so was he. I was snippy, he was snippy, I needed to be spanked, he needed a drink (or something lol!), and we were at odds sorta. We got into an argument, and finally realized how far gone we were. We set about fixing things, and in a very short time, had come back together into our roles, and it felt really nice.
Yesterday, I was dying for a spanking. A really thorough, firm spanking with impact and pain and lingering soreness. I have to admit, I haven't craved something like that in a really long time. I'm usually pretty stable with the maintenance he gives me, and he's super consistent with domming and necessary discipline, so I think I just don't get to the point where I did yesterday, or I haven't in a really long time. I was fantasizing about a super long hand spanking, his belt, our paddle. Something that I could feel for a good long time.
I didn't want the little tilt wand (blind rod) as that's what I get for maintenance. It's whippy and stings, but I needed deeper. Harder. Maybe because our month was stressful and we'd had some time when we weren't in a good place? I don't know. But I was dying for a really sound spanking. So, I told him. I don't ever hold back from telling him. In fact, it's a rule here. If I don't tell him, he'll punish me (and no matter how badly I need a spanking, I hate being punished).
He put on the air conditioning, laid me on the bed, and spanked me with the hairbrush. It hurt. But it was brief and definitely not sexy. So, I was still feeling I needed more. I mentioned it to him as submissively as possible (he does not allow me to get bratty about it. It's like his pet peeve), and he said he'd do what he could.
We went out and were out a while, got home late and our kids went to bed. It's so much harder getting your kink on when you have teens than it is when you have little kids. They go to bed late, miss nothing, and are nosy as hell. So last night, everyone went to bed.
"Please, daddy. Remember what we talked about earlier?" I asked him.
He nodded, smiled like he was looking forward to this (uh oh), and picked up his belt, then went and locked our bedroom door. I felt nervous at this point, a little shaky. I mean, spankings hurt. He came back and patted his knee for me to get over. I did. He doubled over his belt. "I'm going to give you a good, long spanking, but I don't want to hurt you so let's go slow," he said, then he let the lash fly. It stung, but when I'm over his knee, he has less room to swing. So it hurt, but it wasn't terrible. He rubbed out the sting between several swats and it helped, but when he was done I still needed more.
"May I present?" I asked him. When I'm chest-down, ass up in the bed, his range of motion is better, and it puts me in a really great submissive head space.
"Why?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said. "I think it's partly just because I want to feel it harder, but also because it's just a fantasy of mine." And it is, presenting for a spanking with his belt.
So he agreed, I presented on the bed, and he began. He reared back, and snapped that belt hard and fast. I could hardly breathe, but he'd just wait for me to get back into position between strokes of his belt. What sucks about the belt is that it often lands in the same place more than once, so I tend to wiggle my ass to help him have a better target. It worked. He spanked me until I felt the tension leave my body, then instructed me to count out the last ten.
It was perfect. The swish and smack of his belt, the burn and sting. When he was done, he finished me off with a good hand spanking.
I was jello. Boneless. I slumped into bed and thanked him in a slurred whisper, and he told me it was his pleasure. I fell asleep shortly after, like I was in a spanking-induced coma. I wonder sometimes if I'll ever move past my need for this, as my needs have evolved. As of right now, I definitely don't see that happening any time soon. I'm a spanko, he loves spanking me, and this is how we roll.
Thoroughly satisfying. Totally perfect.
Next week, I'm going to blog about the needs of a submissive (and it's a lot more involved than a spanking.) I'm so looking forward to getting back into blogging!