Why Do I Want to be Punished?

MrBBSpanker was kind enough to post this as a guest post on his blog a few weeks ago over at A Domestic Discipline Society.

I thought I'd post it here as well, since I've since been told by other women who desire DD that it helped them explain to their husbands why they wanted a DD relationship.

Thoughts on the Draw to Domestic Discipline: Why Do I Want to be Punished?


I think the questions "Why would I want this?” and “What is wrong with me?" are very common among those of us who desire domestic discipline.
“Why would I want my husband to spank me?”

“Why would I want to spank my wife?”


Often, we women read about men who are "man enough" to stand up to their Subs, and care about them enough to make them behave, to protect their relationship, and to lead. We read about being dominated and many of us think, "Wow, that sounds kind of hot!" We read about men who have no problem taking their girls over their knees and showing them who's boss. And we think..."I want that." 


We know that Domestic Discipline goes beyond the bedroom. Although many will admit there is an erotic element to DD, we know that it goes deeper than that. And sometimes, we are unsure as to why we would desire such a dynamic to begin with. 


There is peace in submitting to the man you love. Knowing he is in charge and won't let things go astray makes us feel loved. Being spanked is a major display of dominance and submission. Being taken in hand is hot, though being punished still hurts. It's all wrapped up together.


But it's all rooted in our desire to be loved. 


Let's take a look at a typical interaction with the average couple, and the same interaction from the Domestic Discipline perspective.


A woman gets into an argument with her husband. She's tired, she's cranky, and she's had a long day. She stomps her foot and slams something on the counter. His temper flares. He says some things he may or may not mean. He tells her he's had it, and he storms out of the house. She feels guilty. She feels abandoned. How could someone who loves her just leave like that? He doesn't have to leave the house to have the same effect. Maybe he's cold to her, or won't talk to her. She still has that feeling of being disconnected, abandoned, even unloved. As time goes on...and it could be hours, or longer...she realizes she's behaved terribly, and she feels guilty. She also feels hurt. What an awful end to an awful day. He comes home and they may or may not make up, but there's a bridge between the two of them. She still feels guilty.


Now, let's take a look at the same scenario with Domestic Discipline. A woman gets into an argument with her husband. She's tired, she's cranky, and she's had an awful day. She finally says something nasty and maybe in a fit of anger she stomps her foot, or slams something on the counter. He calmly and deliberately takes her by the arm, hauls her over his lap, and spanks her soundly. She feels the fight go out of her and has no choice but to submit. She feels humbled. When the fight is no longer in her anymore, he holds her. He tells her he forgives her and loves her. Maybe she feels something in her give way, and she cries. She feels forgiven. She knows he loves her enough to stop the fit, and to restore the peace in their relationship. Later, she thinks about how strong and masculine her husband was, and she realizes not only does she have a new-found respect, but she also finds his manliness more attractive.  


Does she actually like to be spanked? Yes and no. Being punished hurts, and the knowledge that she's done something wrong is uncomfortable. We're not talking about “spanking for fun” here, and this is where many who desire Domestic Discipline become confused. Why would someone choose to be punished?


We desire being taken in hand because we want to feel loved, not because we want to be punished. Those who dominate seek to protect and care for their submissive partner, even when that protection means to protect us from ourselves. We want that intimate connection.


Why would someone desire Domestic Discipline? At the heart of it all is the desire to love and be loved.

10 comments:

  1. JG This really puts it well and answers a lot of my questions and think it will also answer questions for my husband ]Jane

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    1. Thank you, Jane. I hope it helps as well.

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  2. I love your blog. thanks for sharing such great and helpful insights!
    ~oxy x

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  3. It's not that we want to be spanked, but it has the power to clear the air in our lives. It's not something for everyone .. but for some of us it works.

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  4. This is perfect! !! Thanks for sharing.
    You totally took the words right out of my mouth.
    Now to put them where my Hubs can hear them.

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  5. How many times have we read a complaint about not hard enough and it not being taken seriously enough?

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